A Little Too Much Too Late?
by MrsK81
Summary: Having spent years waiting for her Mr. Right, Bella is finally getting the wedding of her dreams & a job opportunity of a lifetime. But life is never that simple & soon she is in way over her head.
1. Prologue

**Hi all! This is a little different to the last two fics I've done so I hope you like it! Thanks for reading :)**

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**Prologue****  
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_**Diary of a Bride**_**  
**_**March 2012**_**  
**_**Entry Title – The day is here**_

_My name is Isabella Swan, and for those of you who have not been following my diary until now, you probably aren't aware that in a few short hours I will be standing before my family, friends, and colleagues as I marry my fiancée. I have dreamed about, planned, rehearsed, and pictured this very day for most of my life, as I'm sure most of us girls do._

_I am, and always have been a hopeless romantic. I honestly believed that there was one person out there meant for me, and it was only a matter of time before he walked into my life. Every time I met someone, I would wait for those "sparks" that romance novels tells us we feel the second our eyes connect and pray that this time, I'd found him._

_Whenever I went out on dates, I couldn't help but let my imagination fast-forward to the day I was presented with an engagement ring, or the day we would be married, or my husband and I were accompanying our child to his first day at school. Unfortunately, while I was busy planning our future, the guy I was with, was usually busy planning how to make a quick escape._

_I clung to the hope for another seven years that Mr. Right would find me, that we were destined to meet at some point. I dated of course, but none of the guys made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end, never made me feel the aforementioned "sparks" so I remained single. This suited me fine because I wasn't settling for second-best and I most definitely wasn't prepared to sacrifice true-love._

_Now, as I stand in the lavish suite at the Plaza Hotel, in my custom-designed wedding dress, with not a hair out of place, and flawless make-up, I should be ecstatic. I am finally here—finally about to become a bride. _

_I am in love, hopelessly, and crazy in love with the most amazing man I've ever met. He is the only man to give me goose-bumps, the only man who has ever made me feel like I was flying after we shared our first kiss. I simply can't imagine my life without him. Period._

_So, what's the problem I hear you ask? _

_There is just one tiny flaw in my otherwise perfect day. The man who I love with every ounce of my soul, has no idea that I feel this way. He has no idea that I have fallen so pathetically hard for him, and he has absolutely no idea that when I'm around him I can barely breathe. The man I've been waiting all my life to meet, is not the man I am about to marry, and I don't know what the hell to do to fix this mess._

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**Thanks, to Twifanmom & Prettyflour for agreeing to take on another one of my stories and beta / preread :D Love those two so much! **_  
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**I do have a few chapters prewritten, but I can't commit to a weekly posting schedule like I did with ALWTRS... I will update as often as I can and I hope you can bear with me! **

**The title of the fic has been a pain in my ass, so it may be subject to change... just saying ;)**

**Thanks for reading & I will post Chapter 1 later this evening!**

**Feel free to hit the review button, I'd love to know what you think.**

**Thank you for reading,**

**Katy**

**xxxx**


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N Wow, you guys are really incredible! Thanks for the response so far :D**

**Chapter 1 – You're really old, huh Aunt B?**

**September 2011.**

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday, Aunt Bella, happy birthday to you."

I forced a smile as my adorable niece and nephew followed their mother into the lounge. Their eyes twinkled with excitement at the cake that was lit up in her hands.

"Thanks, guys, that looks great," I said, blowing out the candles, and then frowned. "Um... what's the picture?"

"Well, Mommy had the cake lady put a photo of you on it," Alice squeaked. "But, we had to put so many candles on the cake they all started melting and the wax has made the picture go all funny."

"You're really old huh, Aunt B," Alex said matter-of-factly, and his sister nodded vigorously.

"I can't even count on my fingers and toes how hold you are, Aunt Bella," Alice added, and her mother hushed her.

"Alice, Alex—what did I tell you?" My sister Leah smiled apologetically at me. "Sorry, Bella, they just don't think before they open their mouths—Kids, eh?"

"Yeah, kids." I sighed. _I wouldn't know._

My sister was just another reminder of just how empty my life was. Leah was five years younger than me, yet she had still managed to meet and marry her childhood sweetheart, Sam. They had two wonderful children; Alex who was five, and Alice just a year younger.

During high school, I was popular enough, but the guys just tended to see me more as a buddy, rather than anyone they wanted to hook-up with. During college, I fared a little better, but while I was dreaming of marriage proposals and huge white wedding dresses, the guys I met dreamed of blow jobs and threesomes.

I graduated from college _still_single but excited. I was offered an intern position at a fast-growing fashion publication. A humble start as an office junior, but with my degree in journalism I wanted more; after working hard to be noticed, I had an opportunity to cover one of the monthly columns for a colleague and I never looked back.

Now, in addition to writing my monthly column about more-or-less any topic I chose, I was also chosen to cover other stories each month. In the seven years I'd worked at Eclipse, I'd become one of the senior reporters, and I could wholeheartedly say I loved my job.

"So, Bells, twenty-nine? The last birthday before the big 3-0. You'd better make the most of your twenties—time's almost up before you're officially O-L-D!" my brother Seth quipped.

"Thanks, Seth, that's just what I needed to hear," I said through gritted teeth.

"You're welcome, Sis. Thank God I've got another nine years before I have to worry about turning thirty," he said laughing and added, "How's your love life anyway? Any guys lined up? Being single is fine in your twenties but after that you're screwed."

_Again? Do we really need to talk about this every single time...?_

"Bella's a career woman, aren't you, honey?" my dad argued proudly. "She doesn't have time for men and babies—my girl's gonna change the world."

"Wow, Dad, those are some strong rose-tinted glasses you have. Bella works for Eclipse you know, the only world she can change is the fashion world," Seth joked. "Just kidding, Bells, you know I think you're awesome."

"Well, whatever she does, we'll always be proud of her," Leah said. "She's the only one of us to get out of Forks that's for sure."

I shrugged and tried to drown out the debate about my life. I loved my family, don't get me wrong, but I was so used to life on my own, coming back here gave me a headache. My phone buzzed and I picked it up immediately.

_How are you holding up? Ready to escape to New York yet? - K x_

My colleague and best-friend, Kate knew me only too well.

_My flight leaves at noon tomorrow; I'm contemplating spending the night at the airport ;) B x_

_I'll pick you up at JFK with a coffee and muffin. K x_

_Did I ever tell you I love you? What would I do without you? B x_

_You'd be fucked, B. Fucked. :)_

_Wish I was fucked... LOL B x_

_So, as soon as you're back, call the dog. He's always happy to oblige. K x_

I'd been seeing the "dog" as Kate so eloquently put it for about six months now. It wasn't serious, not at all, but a girl has needs right?

_Leave the poor guy alone, Kate. JACOB is a sweet guy & great between the sheets... trust me B x_

_Shame there's not much going on between his ears. You really struck gold there, B. K x_

I couldn't really argue, as sweet as Jacob was, he certainly wasn't finding a cure for cancer any time soon. We'd met at a photo shoot for the magazine, he was a model and at twenty-five, he was now four years younger than me. Super cute, tanned, and with a body to die for—Jacob had his benefits. Although he lived in New York, he travelled all over and our casual arrangement worked for the both of us.

Kate, however, failed to see the attraction and couldn't understand why I kept him around.

_Let's not go down this road again, please? I'm going to stuff my face with cake now, see you tomorrow. B x_

I put my phone down and gave my family my attention again. My so-called "party" succeeded in making me feel even more depressed than I had been before the cake incident. Alice sang along to _Hopelessly Devoted To You_in front of everyone, and Alex gave me a picture he had made of me.

"Hey, Alex, why do I have grey hair?" I asked.

"I didn't have a brown crayon, and Seth said your hair was really grey anyway, 'cos you're so old," Alex answered innocently and I shot a dirty look my brother's way. "He told me to draw the walking stick too... do you really use a walking stick Aunt B?"

"No, Alex. Pay no attention to your asshole uncle," I growled.

Seth laughed. "Lighten up, B. I was only joking."

"Mommy, Aunt Bella said a bad word," Alice said. "Does she need to go in the naughty corner like Alex did last week when he said I was an annoying S-H-I-T?" She spelled out the word and looked at her mother.

"What do you mean S-H-I-T?" Seth taunted, knowing the reaction he would get from Alex.

"It means shit, shit, shit!" Alex giggled and started racing around the room like a lunatic.

"Great, now he's all hyper." Leah sighed and then shouted, "SETH! I TOLD YOU TO QUIT WINDING HIM UP! HE'LL BE GOING NUTS FOR AGES NOW!"

Alex barged into Alice and knocked her to the floor in tears. Leah and Sam tried to comfort her and calm down Alex at the same time, but they were hampered by Seth who was laughing uncontrollably. The noise was too much for me and I walked out of the room and into the kitchen.

_Why the hell am I so desperate for a piece of that kind of life._

"Are they at it again?" my stepmother, Sue, asked.

"Yeah," I said. "They're certainly a handful."

I stayed in the kitchen with Sue and my dad, being force-fed an inordinate amount of chocolate cake and wine. She insisted I needed to fatten up, and that being too skinny could interfere with my chances of getting pregnant in the future.

_No chance of that, I'm destined to be the woman in Alex's picture. Old, grey, unable to walk without the use of a stick... and more depressing... alone._

I spent the night in my old bedroom. Nothing had changed in the eleven years since I moved out. There was no noise outside, nothing except for the rain drumming against the roof, and I found myself missing the car horns, music, and loud voices in the street that went on for most of the night in New York. The quiet and serenity of Forks made the loneliness I felt seem all the more over bearing.

I'd had a good life here, but it was a constant reminder of how little materialistic things mattered. No one lived in fancy homes; no one drove fancy cars, or ate out every single night. Forks and New York were worlds apart, and in reality my life was worlds apart from the rest of my family.

My biological mom, Renee, had left in the middle of the night when I was seven months old. She left a note for my dad saying she was sorry, but she didn't want to be stuck in Forks with a baby. Besides the occasional birthday and Christmas card, I'd never heard from her again.

Sue came into our lives just a few months later. She took care of me while Dad was at work; his job as a police officer meant he had to cover all different shifts. Proving more than just a babysitter, Sue and Dad married when I was three and Leah came along a year later, followed by my annoying brother when I was eight.

I had never been treated any differently than my siblings, but no matter how hard I tried not to think about it, I always felt like the black sheep of the family. Perhaps, that was why I chose to attend school on the east coast, trying to find a niche for myself to fit in somewhere new.

"Why can't you stay, Aunt Bella?" Alice cried as Dad loaded my bags into the trunk of my rental early the next morning. "I miss you."

"Bella has to work, Alice," Leah said and gave her daughter a cuddle. "Why don't you go inside? I bet Grandma has candy." Forgetting instantly about missing me, Alice and Alex were gone in a puff of smoke.

"You need to come back more," Leah told me. "Every time I see you, you're less Bella, and more Isabella Swan—career woman."

"That's crap, Leah," I huffed. "I'm just me."

"Maybe," she shrugged, "But we can see there are two different 'you's'. Just make sure you don't forget who the real B is."

"Have you been smoking some of Seth's wacky-baccy? You're making no sense at all." I teased as we hugged goodbye. "I love you, sis."

"Love you too, B, we all do."

~x~

As the plane touched down at JFK, I felt like I was finally home, and as promised, Kate was waiting for me with a coffee and a muffin and a huge grin on her face. We both started at Eclipse straight out of college. Kate was always up for a laugh and so calm under pressure. Her personality complimented mine wonderfully, and whenever my more serious side threatened to take over, she was one of the only people who could make me relax.

We were also total opposites in the looks department. Kate was tall with short blonde hair and icy-blue eyes. I was much shorter with long brown hair and brown eyes. She seemed to ooze glamour without even trying and I... well I needed all the help I could get.

"Happy to be back?" she asked and I nodded. "We went to print on Friday, so Esme has called a meeting tomorrow afternoon to discuss ideas for November's issue."

"Wanna brainstorm over a glass of wine?" I suggested.

"I can do a quick drink, but I can't have much. Garrett and I are having dinner with his parents. They're flying in for the weekend to talk about the wedding." Kate grinned. "Garrett's mom is super excited."

Kate and her fiancé Garrett were marrying in January, and I was Kate's maid of honor. Garrett managed an art gallery in Queens and he had met Kate at an exhibition he hosted; she had been covering the event for the magazine and they'd never looked back. He'd proposed six months later, and Kate had started planning their wedding immediately.

"Oh, and don't make any plans for Friday," she added. "You have to come with me to the gallery, there's another new artist displaying his work."

"Aw, Kate, come on. I hate that kind of thing... I don't get art... it's so fucking boring," I grumbled. "Why do I even need to come?"

Kate rolled her eyes. "Because I want you to meet Garrett's best-man—Edward. The two of you need to get your heads together to plan our bachelor parties. I've wanted to introduce you to him for ages, but you keep cancelling."

"Fine," I agreed.

"Good, I'll confirm the details later in the week."

One quick drink with Kate never happened. Just an hour before her supposed dinner with Garrett's parents, we stumbled out of the bar and into a taxi.

"Sorry, Kate, tell Garrett I made you come with me," I slurred and she shrugged.

"Nah, he loves it when I go out drinking with you—I always come back willing and horny," she said with a giggle.

After the cab dropped Kate off at her apartment, I called Jake. He was in the city and invited me straight over to his place. I gave the driver his address and tried tidying myself up a little on the drive over. He was waiting by the door when the cab pulled up, and he laughed as I wobbled over to him.

"Hi." He winked.

"Hey yourself," I said.

"Want to grab dinner?" he asked but I shook my head.

"Nope, let's just go to bed."

"I was hoping you'd say that babe," he replied.

~x~

After another night of the usual great sex, Jake was sleeping beside me, and I was lying awake looking at the ceiling. My still slightly drunken mind was punishing me, pointing out that Dad had Sue, Leah had Sam, and Kate had Garrett. Who did I have? All my friends from school were married, engaged or at least living with their significant others. Was I destined to be the ever-single one?

Time was passing by at an increasingly frightening pace, and I needed to stop messing around. I could join dating websites, go to well-known single bars and take charge of my search for someone to spend my life with. Jake was a great guy, but I knew he wasn't in it for the long-haul, and I needed to find a man who was.

"Jake," I whispered, expecting no response.

"Yeah?" he replied and rolled over to face me.

"What's going on with us? I mean, what are we doing?" I sat up and brought my knees to my chest.

"Having fun, Iz," he said and ran his hand up my back. "Is something wrong, babe?"

I sighed. "No... yes." Looking at him, I said, "I'm twenty-nine, Jake—I need more than fun."

"And by more, you mean...?"

"I want to get married, start a life with someone and quit fooling around," I told him. "I like you, Jake, I really do, but this just isn't enough for me anymore."

Jake sat up and sighed. "Iz, why are you doing this now? We're good together, you know that. Why end a good thing?"

"Because I don't want to be like this in another few years. This isn't about you, Jake, I promise. I need more and I would never ask you for that. I know how much you love your life as it is." I leaned forward and kissed him, before standing up. "I'm going to take off."

"Iz, come on. It's almost one in the morning. At least spend the night?" Jake argued but I shook my head.

"I can't, I'm sorry." I shimmied into my dress and grabbed my purse. "I have to go. Bye Jake."

Just as I pulled open the door, Jake came up behind me and slammed it shut. I felt his hands on my hips and his lips on my neck. He was very distracting...

"Jake, please. I can't stay... I really should go," I stammered.

"Marry me?" he murmured and I stiffened.

"What?"

"You heard me," he said. "Marry me. We're so fucking perfect for each other, babe. Let's do it."

I turned around to face him and he grinned. "Jake... you aren't serious? You don't even like calling me your girlfriend. Now you want to call me your wife?" I asked doubtfully.

Jake shrugged. "Iz, in the few months we've been seeing each other, you've never once mentioned being my girlfriend. We've never talked about the serious shit—I assumed you were cool with casual. Now you tell me I want more and you know what? I think I do too. Marry me?"

"Wow," I breathed. It wasn't the romantic carriage ride or picnic in Central Park that I'd always imagined, but it was a proposal... wasn't it?

Could this Mr. Right-now turn out to be the man I spent the rest of my life with? Honestly, I'd never even though about Jake being husband material... but he was a good guy and he was right—we were perfect for each other. Surely I could make it work? Besides, I had little in the way of alternatives, didn't I? A life with Jake or a life alone?

"Okay... let's do it," I answered nervously. "I'll marry you."

I let him pull me back to bed, discarding my dress as he did. As he kissed me, I tried to push the nagging doubts I had to the back of my mind.

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**A/N I hope you like it so far! Don't worry, E makes his appearance in the next chapter!**

**Again, I have to thank Prettyflour and Twifanmom for all their help and of course you guys for your amazing response!**

**Like I mentioned before, I can't commit to weekly posting, but as long as I have the chapters ready I will post as often as I can.**

**Thanks for reading, and feel free to hit that review button. I'm unbelievably nervous about this & would love to know what you think so far!**

**Enjoy the rest of your week,**

**Katy**

**xxx**


	3. Chapter 2

**Thank you so so much for the amazing response to the first chapter! Also thank you to Prettyflour & Twifanmom for their help, especially after I seemed to have developed a very disturbing addiction to ellipses!**

**Bella's about to get in even deeper!**

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Chapter 2 – Sparks... everywhere!

I arrived at work early the next morning, Kate wouldn't be in for another hour and I needed to get my head in order. I was still pacing up and down the office when I heard her voice behind me.

"Wow, B, it looks like coffee was a bad idea."

I turned around and saw the Starbucks cup in her hand. "No, coffee is just what I need."

She walked over and handed it to me. "So, care to tell me why you're walking a hole in the floor?" Kate sat at my desk. "You look seriously strung out. Did the dog not put out last night? Is this just sexual frustration?"

I narrowed my eyes and muttered, "_Jake _did put out last night, Kate. You really need to stop calling him that."

"Why?" Kate laughed and then frowned. "Seriously, what's wrong, B? You can tell me."

I sat down opposite her and sighed. "I tried to break it off last night—the thing with Jake," I began and saw Kate look hopeful. "I told him that I'd had fun with him, but I needed to stop fooling around. I needed more, you know?"

"Okay." Kate watched me carefully. "I sense a 'but' here."

"I told him, that I wanted to get married and settle down. I figured he'd all but kick me out after I said that; Jake is the ultimate bachelor after all."

"I knew there was a but." She sighed. "And?"

"The_ 'and' _would be that he asked me to marry him, Kate," I answered nervously and she gaped at me.

"The_ dog _asked you to marry him? Shit." She groaned and said, "Never saw that coming."

"You're not the only one," I said.

"What did you tell him?" Her face softened and she asked, "You said yes, didn't you?"

I nodded and looked down at my hands. "Hit me with the abuse now."

"Awe, B. If that's what you want, then great," she said softly. "Is it?"

I couldn't help but laugh once. "He's a good guy, and I don't exactly have guys lining up outside my door do I?"

"Do you love him?" she asked, and my heart sank.

_I wish I could say yes and mean it._

"I guess so, yeah," I lied. "Please don't give me grief, Kate. I know you hate him."

Kate stood up and walked around to crouch in front of me. "I love you, B, and I want you to be happy, that's all. If the dog—sorry—Jake, makes you happy then that's good enough for me."

"I am happy," I said. "Really, I am."

_Maybe not happy like Kate is with Garrett—that's why she won't understand. But Jake can make me happier than I am right now, surely that's enough?_

"Then...great. We'll have as much fun planning your wedding as we did planning mine." She hugged me tightly, and I fought back the tears. _Was I really happy? Was I?_

I was more astonished than anyone when Jake arrived at the office at lunch with a huge bunch of flowers in his hand. He strolled to my desk, ignoring all the stares from my colleagues, and kissed me.

"Hey, babe," he said. "So, I figured if we were engaged, then I needed to buy you a ring and make this official. We've not exactly discussed what you'd prefer, I hope you like it?" He produced a ring from his pocket and took my hand so he could slide it onto my finger.

I looked down at my hand and gaped at the sight. The diamond twinkled and looked remarkably pretty on my finger. I was engaged! I was getting married! I was not destined for a lifetime of being single. I would not be that sad woman in the picture my nephew drew.

"It's beautiful, Jake, thank you," I whispered and threw my arms around his neck.

Of course, by the time our afternoon meeting with Esme Platt came around, the entire building was aware that Jacob and I were engaged; I was inundated with congratulations from my colleagues.

"He's so fucking dreamy," Jessica Stanley, one of the junior reporters, said to me as we took our seats in Esme's huge office.

"Yeah, he's great," I replied.

She was still gushing about my fiancé when Esme entered the room. Her presence alone silenced the room, and she took a seat at the table with a smirk.

"Well, Isabella, I hear congratulations are in order. So, when is the big day?" she asked.

Esme Platt was the Editor-in-chief of Eclipse and insisted on attending this meeting every month. She was involved with every photo-shoot, every article, and every advertisement that featured in the magazine. Eclipse was her life and it was because of her that we had worked our way up to becoming one of the biggest selling magazines in the US. She was a hard-ass, make no mistake, but she commanded the respect of everyone with whom she worked. I loved her to death, but, admittedly she scared the ever-loving shit out of me too.

"Thank you, Esme. We haven't set a date yet, he only asked me last night and it was a little sudden." I blushed and Esme smiled.

"I was hoping I could talk to you about the wedding actually. I had a fabulous idea when I was having lunch." She tapped her pen against her pad and added, "Let's do a quick run-through of our features for the month and then we'll discuss it."

One by one the other reporters gave Esme their suggestions for articles. She either gave them a curt nod to indicate she was happy and they could proceed, or she pursed her lips which meant there was no way that idea was featuring in her magazine.

"I have an interview lined up with Tanya Denali, she's agreed to talk about her new line of clothing. She's used no animal-based materials, kept the production of the entire range in America, and made sure the models are all healthy weight-" I started to explain, but Esme shook her head.

"Do you mind if we let another one of the girls take that?" she asked.

I'd busted my ass trying to secure that interview. Tanya Denali was the most elusive yet sought after designer on the scene. She rarely allowed people behind the scenes and I knew the story would be huge. "I'd rather not, Esme. It's taken months to negotiate-"

"Everyone else, get back to work. Isabella, you stay; I want to talk to you about something." Esme waited until the room cleared and then she walked over to the window in her office. "I know you're abilities as a journalist are second to none, Isabella. You are responsible for some of the best features this magazine has printed, but I have an idea which I think might just prove genius."

I waited for her to continue, completely unaware at what she was about to suggest.

"Our sales are good. Actually no, our sales are great, but we need to keep mixing things up. We've received feedback from our readers; while they do enjoy the more serious articles, they absolutely love the columns we have every month. Yours has been one of the more popular ones for a long time now."

I frowned. My column was just usually me ranting about whatever had pissed me off in that month. I'd talked about some really trivial shit; I was surprised anyone read it religiously.

"What if I said we are going to give you a free rein to spend what you like for the next few months?" she said to me.

"Spend? As in money?" I asked and she nodded. "I'm not following, Esme."

"The magazine will pay for your wedding, Bella. We will cover every expense, and help secure whatever venue, photographer, or designer you want."

I was even more confused. "Why?"

Esme smiled. "I want you to compile a diary; every little detail about your planning needs to be in it. I want to know how you're feeling, how your fiancé is feeling, everything. We'll give you a two page spread every month, and when the day finally arrives we'll print the photographs in the next issue."

I laughed in disbelief. "Esme, I'm sure no one will be interested in reading that."

"Keep it in style with your monthly column, Bella, and I guarantee you they will. Your wit, and blunt approach will keep people reading." She walked back towards me. "What do you say?"

"I have to start right away?" I asked nervously. "Jake and I haven't even discussed dates yet."

"So, talk to him tonight and let me know in the morning. Although, I think you'll find Jacob is as enthusiastic about this idea as I am. He is a model, and his career is dependent on exposure; this will provide him with plenty of that." Esme returned to the table and sat beside me. "There is something else I wanted to talk to you about."

Something else? Had she not given me enough to think about this afternoon?

"Bella, I've been here for fifteen years, and while I love my job and this magazine—I can't keep doing it. I want to take a step back, spend more time at home and less at the office. I have spoken to the powers that be and told them how I feel. They want me to stay on until I can make sure there is a suitable replacement, which I agreed to do. I also told them, I think I might have found that replacement already."

_The powers that be? That would be Aro and Markus the owners, the people responsible for employing Esme in the first place. _My breath caught in my chest, was she suggesting what I think she was suggesting?

"Do this for me, Bella, and I give you my word, it will be the last column you have to do. There will be no more interviewing reclusive fashion designers or obnoxious models. As soon as we go to press with the wedding pictures, I will take you under my wing and teach you everything I know. I trust you to keep the magazine going in the direction I love. Anyone new coming into this position would change things too much, and I don't want that. If you agree to this, Bella, a year from now it will be your name on the door to my office." She gave me a reassuring smile and I just gaped at her.

"Me? I can't...I wouldn't even know where to start..." I stammered and she laughed softly.

"Take the afternoon off and give it some serious thought. I see so much of myself in you, Bella, and I have every confidence in you."

I left Esme's office in a daze, and made my way slowly back to my floor. Kate was at my side in an instant asking for a play by play of the meeting after she'd left. I told her about the offer to pay for the wedding in return for access to every single detail.

"You lucky bitch," Kate said with a smile. "You said yes, right?"

"I said I'd talk to Jake about it, and I have to give her my answer in the morning." I looked at her and whispered, "There's something else I need to talk to you about, Kate—friend to friend. Can we have a drink after work?"

"Of course, are you okay?" she asked.

I shook my head. The idea of having my wedding day plastered all over the pages of Eclipse seemed cheap, but if I did it, I had the chance for the ultimate promotion. Something I'd never even hoped would come my way. Yes, I had always wanted the opportunity to sit at Esme's desk, but no one here even considered she would retire—not ever. I'd always assumed that I'd have to branch out to another publication to get that chance. Esme Platt was _the_ definition of Eclipse and now I could see _my _name above her door. My life had turned completely on its heels in twenty-four hours. I went from single, to engaged; from bog-standard reporter, to possible editor-in-chief.

~x~

I arranged for Jake to come and meet me at the bar after Kate and I had chance to talk. I swore her to secrecy, and watched as her mouth fell open as I replayed the conversation between Esme and I earlier.

"That is awesome, B, you can't turn that opportunity down. No one ever thought Esme Platt would step down... never, and you have the chance to fill her shoes? It's amazing, and no one deserves it more than you do, B." She was more excited than I was, and her enthusiasm spurred me on.

She was still bouncing in her chair when Jake turned up. He sauntered through the bar, attracting the attention of the vast majority of the women in the place. I didn't miss the winks and smirks he gave to some of those women who watched, but instead of feeling jealous or pissed with him, I merely shrugged it off.

My nonplussed reaction brought those nagging doubts back to the forefront of my mind. Surely I should have some sort of reaction? I mean, no woman likes the idea of their fiancé flirting with other women...do they?

"Hey, Iz," he said and kissed my cheek as he sat down beside me. He gave Kate a nod and she returned it equally as cool. Jake knew Kate didn't care much for him, and Kate knew that he knew.

"So, I'm going to take off. Call me later, B," Kate said. "Don't let her get drunk, Jake, she has a lot of stuff to consider, and for that she'll need a clear head."

He nodded and looked to me for an explanation, so I told him about Esme's offer to finance the wedding. She had been right, of course, as soon as I'd finished telling him, Jake immediately agreed.

"Wow, that's a good deal, Iz. Everyone knows how expensive weddings are, so I think it's a win-win situation. You get to spend your work hours planning a wedding and it won't cost us a dime. I said I wanted to marry you, and I meant it—however we choose to do it."

"But it means getting married soon, and when I say _soon_, I mean like within the next few months. Are you sure that's not _too soon_?" I asked.

"It is pretty quick, sure, but I think we should go for it." He nodded his head as he spoke and pulled me into his arms.

I studied his face trying to make sure he meant it. He grinned at me and there wasn't a trace of doubt or uncertainty anywhere to be seen. I guess Esme was right, Jacob saw this as a great opportunity both personally and professionally. But the question was, which came first? Hell, even I wasn't sure I was doing this for the right reasons so I suppose I had no right to question Jake's motives.

So that is exactly what I told Esme the following morning. Immediately she set me to work checking available dates, contacting florists, designers and absolutely anything else wedding-related. Of course, Esme had insisted the venue should be somewhere extravagant, so the first place I contacted was the Plaza, and the woman on the other end of the line actually laughed when I asked her about any availability within the next six months. I had the same trouble with all the major venues within the city, and I reported that fact back to Esme. She told me she would handle it, so I left the issue in her capable hands.

I turned my attention to dresses, and arranged appointments with the most sought after designers we'd featured in Eclipse at one time or another. At first they tried to claim they too, were overwhelmed with work and couldn't take on another job, but as soon as Esme Platt's name was mentioned, they suddenly found the time to meet with me straight away.

By Friday morning I had managed to outline pretty much what I wanted. Kate was my maid of honor and I'd called Leah to ask her and Alice to also be my bridesmaids. I was reveling in the planning and any trepidation I felt about marrying Jake was long since forgotten. I was still struggling to find a venue, but as I was about to discover, Esme Platt gets whatever the hell she wants and I received a call from Gianna, the wedding coordinator at the Plaza, confirming that she had an available room for me on the 14th March 2012.

"That woman has magical powers, I swear to God," Kate said in amazement when I told her about the phone call.

I'd been making notes in my journal, ready to compile them all together before my deadline in a few weeks. I was scribbling away, gushing how excited I was, how happy I was, because at that moment I really was.

"You haven't forgotten about tonight, have you?" Kate asked as we packed up for the day.

"Huh? What about tonight?" I asked and she rolled her eyes.

"Wow, you've got wedding brain already. Tonight is the exhibition I told you about at Garrett's gallery. Please tell me you're still coming, Bella?" Kate said.

I didn't want to go, and I certainly had no interest in meeting Edmund, Edbert, Eddison...or whatever the hell Garrett's friend was called. "Of course I'm still coming, what time do I need to be there?"

"We'll be there from seven, come whenever you like," Kate told me, and I nodded. "Are you bringing Jake?"

"I'll ask him, yeah. He likes any excuse to drink free champagne. " I followed her into the elevator. "What kind of exhibit is it anyway?"

"Trust me, B, it's better if I don't answer that question," Kate said, laughing.

Another benefit to working for a fashion magazine happened to be the amazing clothes that somehow found their way into my closet. I picked out a one shouldered, knee length dress, which hugged me in all the right places.

Garrett's gallery was an old, converted warehouse and he kept it as close to its original state as he could. Usually the paintings and sculptures he displayed added to the character of the place, but not tonight. I looked on in horror at the display, was this really considered Art?

Kate saw us and danced over. "B, so pleased you came."

"What the hell are these things?" I muttered. "Jesus, there's some really weird looking shit here, Kate."

"Garrett told me the artist made these sculptures from things he found," Kate told me and Jake.

"So, basically, his display is crap from the street and he wants to charge people for that?" Jake asked incredulously and I giggled.

"Yeah, I suppose so," Kate said. "Play nice, and make the most of the free champagne. I better mingle with Garrett."

"I'm going to see if there's anything stronger than Champagne at the bar." Jake wandered off leaving me standing in the middle of the room alone.

"Great," I said to myself and moved closer to a weird looking thing which was made up of a metal grill and tin cans. "What the fuck is that supposed to be?"

"A tribute to trash," a man said in my ear. "It is of great sentimental value."

_Great, Bella, offend the artist—nice move._

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to sound rude, I just don't have a good eye when it comes to art," I began to apologize and turned my head to a truly glorious sight. "Um...hi..."

"Hi," the man replied, and smirked.

My mouth was too busy hanging open to string any words together. I wouldn't be the first to admit, Jake was handsome, but the man standing in front of me was beautiful; manly and beautiful. He was far too good-looking to be some weird garbage-rifling fruitcake. A strong defined jaw coated in a slight dusting of stubble and lips that I just wanted to suck. His eyes were a gorgeous shade of green, burning somehow as he looked at me. I was fucking speechless, because right at that very moment I felt it! The sparks, lightning, thunderbolts—whatever the hell it was—I felt it!

"Are you okay?" He cocked his head and frowned.

"Um...yeah...sorry. I'm just embarrassed. I have no right to judge your hard work when I know absolutely nothing about art," I spluttered, and he chuckled.

"Don't worry, I agree," he started to say, "It's the weirdest piece of crap I've ever seen."

"What? How can you hate it if you made it?" I asked, and this time the chuckle became an outright laugh.

"I didn't make it. I'm just a guest." He pointed to a display stand beside the trash and said, "There's a story behind each piece apparently. This one is Tribute to Trash. I'm Edward Cullen, not interested in art in the slightest." He held out his hand.

I smiled and shook his hand. _More sparks. _"Bella Swan, here as a favor to my friend and for the free champagne of course. It's really nice to meet you."

"Likewise," Edward replied. "Who's your friend?"

"Kate Moore, her fiancé Garrett runs the gallery."

"Garrett Riley?" Edward asked and I nodded. "Small world—Garrett's my best friend."

"You're the best man I'm supposed to meet?" I laughed. "Apparently we have some epic parties to plan on their behalf."

"Ha, that we do." Edward still had my hand in his but seemed oblivious to it. "So, you're the hot-shot reporter I've been hearing all about?"

I blushed. "I don't know about that. What do you do?"

Edward looked down and saw our hands still joined and pulled his hand back quickly. "I'm a resident at Lenox Hill Emergency Department," he told me as we started to walk to the next display.

"Dr. Cullen, huh? Impressive."

"In an ER, it's not so impressive. The majority of patients I see are drunks who always manage to vomit all over me and kids with pens stuck up their noses. Maybe if I'm really unlucky, there'll be an occasional junkie trying to con me into giving them their next fix." He smiled wryly.

"Now, I've seen ER on television. You must be forgetting all the knife-wielding psychos that you have to fend off and all the hot nurses you get to date," I teased and he groaned.

"If only that were true. Trust me, no hot nurse wants to date someone who's covered in vomit and other bodily fluids." He laughed, he was about to say something else, when we were interrupted.

"Babe, you need to see that thing down by the bar, I swear it looks like a limp dick," Jake snickered.

I glanced at Edward whose eyes were on Jake's arm as it slid around my waist. "I haven't seen that one. Jake, this is Garrett's best friend and the best-man at his wedding, Dr. Edward Cullen. Edward, this is my fiancé, Jacob Black."

The two men shook each other's hand and then Jake began pulling me away. I couldn't tear my eyes from Edward and sighed sadly as he gave me a quick smile before turning and walking away.

"Now we've made an appearance, can we take off?" Jake asked and I shook my head.

"Not yet, Jake. Let's go and look around."

I tried to concentrate on the display as Jacob showed me piece after piece of so-called artwork, but my mind was awash with thoughts of a certain doctor. I felt incredibly guilty to be so preoccupied with someone I didn't even know, especially when my _fiancé _was here with me.

We found Garrett and Kate at the other end of the gallery. "What do you think to the display, Bella?" Garrett asked. "I didn't expect you to still be here."

"Hey, I'm here to support my friend," I said and Garrett laughed. "As for the artwork, I admit it's certainly different. Whoever designed it has a real unique perspective."

"Unique perspective? That's very diplomatic of you, B." Kate snorted. "Just admit you hate it," she said and laughed.

"I don't hate it," I argued, unable to stop myself laughing.

"But you don't love it either," she added and suddenly we weren't talking about art anymore.

I glared at her as discreetly as I could, but she ignored me. Surely I wasn't _that _transparent?

"I hear you met Edward?" Garrett asked, breaking the silence that had fallen upon us.

"Yes, he seems like a great guy," I tried to say casually, but Kate eyed me studiously and I felt the blush on my cheeks.

"I hope you guys don't mind, but Iz and I are going to take off," Jake announced. "I'm starving and I know Iz hasn't eaten dinner."

"Then definitely go, I know only too well what happens to Bella when she drinks on an empty stomach," Garrett laughed and inclined his head towards Kate. "This one is exactly the same. I would fear for the artwork if you guys were on form tonight."

"Pay no attention to him, you and I would liven up this party right, B?" Kate winked and I giggled. "I'll speak to you tomorrow," she added and gave me a hug. "Thanks for coming, Jake—it was great to see you both."

"Wow, I am impressed," I whispered in her ear. "See, you can be nice to him."

We said goodbye to my friends, and made our way towards the door. "Just wait here, Iz. I need to take a piss." Jake disappeared into the men's room and I leaned against the wall.

I looked around the room, hoping for one last glimpse at a certain Dr. Sexy, but much to my dismay, I couldn't see him anywhere. That was probably for the best. I mean I was already distracted by him and that was after one conversation. Seeing him again wouldn't help my situation.

"Hello again, Bella." Edward emerged from the men's room and stepped in front of me.

"Hi, Edward," I said, smiling like a frickin' lunatic. "We're just about to leave."

"That's a shame. It was nice to know I wasn't the only one baffled by the so-called art in here." He smiled and started to walk away. He got a few steps and then turned back around. "Would you mind if I asked for your number?"

_Home number? Office? Mobile? Pager? Email?_

"I...um...I don't..." I hesitated and Edward held up his hands.

"I just meant so we can discuss the bachelor parties."

"Oh sure, of course." I carried business cards with me as a matter of routine, so I retrieved one from my purse and handed it over. "Here you go."

"Thank you, Bella. I have a busy schedule for a few weeks, but I'll call you as soon as I know when I'll be free."

The tips of our fingers touched as he took the card, and there was no mistaking the shudder that rippled through me.

"Goodbye, Bella. It really was a pleasure to meet you."

"You too, Edward. Goodnight."

Jake emerged a few seconds later. "Ready, babe?"

"Yeah," I said, sighing. "Let's go."

I would like to say that after I left the gallery I never gave Edward another thought. I would like to say that it wasn't a pair of burning green eyes that haunted my mind when Jake and I were in bed together later that night, but honestly, I thought of nothing else.

* * *

**A/N See, our girl is in big big trouble now!**

**I hope you're still with me, and would love to hear what you think so far?**

**See you soon,**

**Katy**

**xxxx**


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N Hi everyone! **

**I own nothing whatsoever, it's all Stephenie Meyer's. Thanks as always to Prettyflour & Twifanmom for their help with this chapter.**

**Chapter 3 - All Systems Go**

The next few weeks seemed to pass by at a pace that I struggled to keep up with. I had to decide on wedding invitations, flowers, food and drink packages, music to walk down the aisle to, cakes, dresses, suits, chairs, vows, rings, hair, and so many other things I felt like I was about to combust.

"Remind me again, why the fuck I ever wanted to get married," I groaned and collapsed into my chair. "Seriously, Kate, I don't remember you having to plan this much... you always look so relaxed."

"Bella, my wedding is in my parents' back-garden, I have a guest list totalling fifty people, and my dress is the same one my mother and grandmother wore when they got married. You, on the other hand, are not having a low-key wedding. You have some fuck-awesome people coming to your ceremony, so you need it to be more than perfect." Kate laughed. "How's the diary coming along?"

I groaned. "That's a bigger pain in the ass than planning the damned wedding. Esme wants to know exactly how I'm feeling and why I'm feeling it. She's rejected three attempts so far, and now I have just two days to get it right before deadline."

"Our of curiosity, how are you feeling exactly?" she asked.

"Nervous, scared, stressed, tense, anxious, _scared_..."

"You said scared already, B, and why are there no positive feelings in there?" Kate asked.

"What are you talking about?" I stared at the blank screen in front of me and willed the words to come out.

"Scared, anxious, nervous, stressed—they're all negative, Bella. Surely, you feel excited or happy, too? I know as scared as I am about getting married, at the same time, I can't wait. You do feel that, right?" She looked at me seriously and I back-tracked quickly.

"Of course I do...happy, yeah. Really happy," I lied. "I really have to get on with this, and I can't do it here."

I packed up my laptop and notes, and informed Esme I was working from home. As soon as I was in, I kicked off my shoes and poured myself a large glass of wine.

"Right, come on, Bella. Focus, let the words flow," I said to myself.

_Diary of a Bride – October 2011_  
_All systems go!_  
_When we were teenagers my friends and I would dream about proposals and wedding ceremonies—seeing them as this perfect event. In reality, I now see they're much different._

"Two fucking hours, and that's all you have? Useless, Bella," I muttered to myself. I looked at my phone and contemplated calling Kate to see if she could help. I was still staring at it, when an unfamiliar number appeared on the display.

I almost didn't answer it, but decided I needed a distraction from the clusterfuck that was becoming my first diary-entry.

"Hello, Bella Swan?"

"Hello, Bella, it's Edward...um Edward Cullen, Garrett's friend."

My stomach flipped and my heart raced as I recognised the caller. He didn't even need to say his name, there was no way I'd forget that voice.

"Edward, hi. How are you?" I asked, surprised by the instant cheer in my own voice.

"I'm very well, thank you. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to call you, but work has been hectic to say the least. How are you?"

"Great, thank you. Work's been a pain in the ass for me too, but apart from that, it's really nice to hear from you.

"I don't suppose you're available tomorrow evening? I finished my rotation this afternoon, and I'm a free man for seventy-two hours. I thought we could meet for coffee and discuss the bachelor parties," Edward suggested.

"I'm really sorry, but I can't do tomorrow. I have plans already." _Don't blow off your fiancée for the sexy doctor, don't do it. _"Can you do tonight?"

"Yes, tonight works for me. Where do you live?" he asked.

"Gramercy Park," I told him.

"Well, I know a great little place not too far from you. It's called Balotelli's, do you know it?"

"Oh my God, I love that place! They serve the best croissants, I swear," I said excitedly and heard him laugh down the phone. "What time?"

"Is seven okay?"

I glanced at the clock—five-thirty. I could shower, change, and prettify myself in that time. Wait! Why the hell am I worrying about how I look? Ah fuck it, he's hot and there's no harm in a little window-shopping.

"Seven is fine. I'll see you then, Edward." I was smiling so hard my face was actually hurting.

_What the hell?_

I let my hair hang loose and decided to wear jeans and a shirt. Balotelli's was a casual place, and at the end of the day, this was not a date. Not a date, not a date. I gave my reflection a quick check in the mirror by the door and set off. It was only a short walk to the quaint little café, and I was there ten minutes early. I didn't expect Edward to be there already, but he was. As soon as he saw me walk inside, he called out, and stood to greet me.

Once again, I was floored by the sudden onset of emotions this man stirred in me. I smiled instinctively; my heart was beating at ninety-miles an hour, and when he returned the smile my legs turned to jelly.

_No, no, no, this can't be happening. Not now._

Proving that gentlemen still exist, he held out my chair and took my jacket. I was blushing like crazy—positive that he could see exactly what I was thinking, and feel just how insanely attracted to him I was. It probably wasn't anything new to him, a guy like that would have women fawning after him everywhere he went.

"So the croissants are good here?" he asked nervously and I realised I'd been staring at him again.

"Oh yeah, amazing actually. Especially the chocolate ones," I said and he waved the waiter over.

"Two chocolate croissants please, and I'll have a coffee. Bella?" he asked me.

"And for me, please," I told the waiter.

"Thank you for meeting me, I've been thinking about this bachelor party and I honestly have no idea what to do. Garrett must forget I've been living under a rock for the past few years." He looked a little embarrassed at his admission.

"Well, I know they are wanting to have them on the same night, and as much as I tried to persuade Kate otherwise, she is insistent on meeting up with you guys at the end of the evening," I said and rolled my eyes. "So, we can just plan them together."

"That would be great. I hope your fiancé won't mind you spending time with me?" he asked and I laughed.

"No, don't worry about him. He travels around a lot, he's in LA for a few days this week," I said, and he smiled. "Besides, he's really not a jealous kind of guy."

We spent hours in that little café talking about everything, except the thing we went there to discuss. Edward told me about how much he loved, yet hated his job, and despite the horrendous hours and relatively poor pay he wouldn't do anything else. I was shocked to learn he and Garrett had met at medical school, before Garrett had decided it wasn't what he wanted and followed a different path completely.

Edward was an only child. His mother, Elizabeth had passed away when he was a baby and his father had raised him. Carlisle Cullen was a surgeon at the same hospital as Edward, and it was clear to see they were exceptionally close.

I told him all about my childhood in Forks, my family, and my job at Eclipse. He seemed genuinely interested, never making me feel like I was talking too much, and when he spoke I hung on his every word.

He made me laugh, and I mean proper belly laugh, with tears rolling down my face, earning us disapproving glances from the other customers in the café.

It took us both by surprise when we were told it was after midnight and the owner wanted to close up.

"Shit, we've got nothing sorted for these bachelor parties," I said, and we both burst out laughing again. "At this rate they're going to end up celebrating their last night of freedom in some seedy bar. The guys at one end and the girls at the other."

"I'll let you know when I'm free again, and we'll crack on with the planning. No distracting each other this time. If that's okay?" he asked nervously.

"Of course it's okay; I've had so much fun, Edward. After the last few weeks, tonight was just what I needed—thank you," I said honestly. "But can we pass on the chocolate croissants next time? I dread to think how many calories I've consumed this evening."

"I don't think you need to worry about that, Bella." He rolled his eyes at me and held open the door.

"I have a fitting in a few weeks, and trust me, a few more of those and my dress is never going to fit me," I said and instantly regretted it. Not once during the evening, had I mentioned Jake, and I certainly hadn't mentioned the fact I was getting married.

"Wedding dress?" Edward frowned slightly, and I nodded once. "When do you get married?"

"March 12th," I replied and looked away.

"Here in the city?" he pressed. "Where?"

"The Plaza."

He whistled and stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Wow. A big wedding, huh?"

"It's a long story and part of the reason I've been so worked up."

"Want to talk about it? I'm a great listener?" he offered, but I declined.

"I should get home. Early start tomorrow." I didn't want to go home, but I didn't trust myself in his company. He was too fucking irresistible.

"Of course, I'm so sorry. Do you want me to call you a cab?"

"No, I'm about five minutes walk that way." I pointed down the road. "Twenty-fifth and third."

I also declined his offer to walk me home for precisely the same reasons. I gave him an awkward half hug, and loved the feel of his body against mine. _Stop it, Jake, your fiancé, remember him?_

"So you'll let me know when you're free?" I checked and cringed at how needy I sounded.

"I'll call you as soon as I know. Goodnight, Bella."

"Bye," I whispered and trudged home.

I was not sleeping any time soon. So I decided to try one more time to get my work done.

_Diary of a Bride – October 2011_

_All systems go!_

_My monthly column will be a little different for the next six months. Rather than having to endure my incessant ramblings about nothing of importance, you are about to come on a journey with me._

_A journey into the unknown for me, though a topic which most women, including myself, have been obsessed with since we were old enough to play make-believe—weddings. I am getting married in March and over the next few months I will share with you every last detail of my wedding plans, life with my fiancé, and then finally, you can see just how it all turned out._

_Weddings. Supposedly they're the happiest day of your life. I'm sure I'll discover that statement is true, but, let me tell you something first. I've discovered in the past few weeks, that while the day itself is the happiest day of your life, the weeks and months leading up to it are something straight out of a horror movie._

_Which dress? Which flowers? What venue? What music? Who to invite? The list is endless, and a person could easily drown in all the stress. In fact, that is precisely what I was doing... until tonight. Tonight, I realized that while March seems like a lifetime away, I know it will be upon me in the blink of an eye. Time is precious, and time with someone who makes your heart race is even more precious. Who was it that said, "Love is divine?" Well they were right, and if we're lucky it comes around once. So regardless of what is going on in your life, embrace the love, cherish it, and above all else—never let go of it. So, that's precisely what I intend to do. _

I watched as Esme read through the introduction and sighed in relief when she didn't purse her lips. In fact she didn't stop reading until she'd read every line. She set the paper down and focused her intense gaze straight at me.

"I like it, Bella. Although, I have to ask what the hell happened yesterday?"

"What do you mean?" I panicked. Had someone seen me out with Edward?

"What you gave me yesterday morning was clinical and so detached it could never have worked, and I wondered if I'd misjudged your ability to do this. Yet, I read this, and it's like something has come over you."

_Not something, Esme, someone. The most incredible someone I think I've ever met._

"I just...nothing really...it's just...I don't know what to tell you, Esme," I admitted and she laughed.

"Well, whatever the hell it is, don't let it out of your sight for another six months."

Kate was sitting at my desk reading a draft of the very article I'd been discussing with Esme. She peered over the top of her glasses and raised her eyebrows questioningly. "_Love is divine_? _Time with someone who makes your heart race is precious_? Who the fuck are you talking about, B? Because you sure as hell don't mean the dog."

"Not now, Kate, please? I stayed up all night writing that—I'm exhausted." I didn't have the energy to argue with her, and I plopped down into her chair.

"Okay, can I ask a maid-of-honor favour?" she asked, and I groaned. "We've decided to get our wedding bands redesigned and then engraved. I've designed Garrett's and he's designed mine. The problem is neither of us want to see them until the wedding day. So I was hoping that when they're ready, you'd collect them for me?"

"That's all? For a second there I thought you were going to ask me to babysit your incontinent great-aunt or something," I said and she laughed. "Of course I'll collect them. Where's the store?"

"A family-run jeweller in Jersey. They're going to call you when they're ready, are you sure you don't mind?"

"Not at all," I said, and she grinned.

"Thanks, B."

~x~

"What do you say to taking a trip to Forks with me?" I asked Jake. "My dad wants to meet you at least once before the wedding, and as I'd not actually told him about you until we were engaged, he's freaking out."

"You never told your dad about me?" Jake feigned hurt. "I'm wounded here, Iz."

"What was I supposed to tell him? That I was having a purely sex-related relationship with a guy from work? In my defense, had I known we were about to get married, I would have made sure to at least tell them your name. My entire family thinks I'm insane," I told him, and he laughed.

"When do you want to go?"

"I was thinking next weekend. I can work on the plane, and I have no wedding shit to take care of."

"I can't do Friday or Saturday, Iz, sorry. But how about, I fly in and spend the day with you on Sunday, and then we can come home together on the redeye? Does that work?" he asked.

"That's great, Jake. Thank you. What's the job this time?" We were lying in bed, and I could see Jake's eyes drooping.

"Honestly, Iz, I can't even remember. I think it's a shoot for another magazine; they're flying us out to Vegas Thursday afternoon." He yawned and then kissed my cheek. "I'm beat, babe, g'night."

He rolled onto his side, facing away from me and within a matter of minutes, he started snoring. I tossed and turned for a while trying to sleep myself, but it was no use—the guy was just too damned loud. I grabbed my pillow and headed for the couch. I pulled the throw around me, and closed my eyes. I was just drifting off when my phone buzzed on the floor.

It was almost two in the morning, who the hell was texting me? My annoyance at the late hour dissipated, and I beamed when I recognised the number.

_Hello Bella, it's Edward. Sorry to text at this hour, but I literally haven't done much else but sleep and work since we met for coffee. The only free days I have for a while are Friday and Saturday of next week... I don't suppose they work for you? Hope you are well._

I typed, deleted, typed, and deleted my response six times. Maybe I should play it cool, and wait for the morning to reply?

_Hi Edward, I'm good thank you. Sorry you've been so busy at work. Friday sounds good to me, same place or do you want to meet somewhere else? Bella._

I almost ended it with a kiss, something I did all the time, but somehow it seemed wrong with Edward. I hit send, and kept my phone tightly in my hand, hoping he'd reply quickly. I was delighted when he did, and that was wrong.

_Same place, same time? I've been dying to get another chocolate croissant. It seems late for you to be awake? I wasn't expecting a reply until the morning. Edward._

I should have turned off my phone, and forced Edward from my mind, so I could try to get at least a little sleep before my alarm went off. But instead, I replied straight away.

_Having trouble sleeping. Are you at work? B._

_Just finished, not the best of shifts & I'm struggling to switch off. E._

_Want to talk about it? I can ring you. B x_

Oh shit, I put the kiss... crap. And I offered to call him... at two in the morning. _What the hell is wrong with me? _But instead of receiving a text, Edward called me.

"Hi, Edward," I whispered down the phone. "Let me just go outside." I scurried to the balcony and sat down on the one chair I managed to squeeze into the tiny space.

"Are you sure this is okay?" he asked.

"I told you I can't sleep. What's wrong?"

"I lost a patient—a young girl. Her boyfriend crashed his car and she wasn't wearing a seatbelt. We tried for a long time to save her, but her injuries were too extensive. It's something I don't seem to be good at dealing with. Even after all these years." His voice sounded so sad, it actually hurt me to hear it.

I did my best to raise his spirits, and after a while, we reverted back to the jovial conversation we had enjoyed in Balotelli's. Once again, time seemed to pass like sand through my fingers, and I was shocked when I realised the sun was starting to rise.

"Edward, I have to get ready for work now. Edward?" I called his name a few more times, and I heard nothing but soft, relaxed breaths emanating down the line and I smiled. "Well, then I guess I'll just wish you sweet dreams."

I kept the line open and could hear Jake was still snoring like a jack hammer in the bedroom, so rather than going back to bed, I lay back down on the couch with the intention of closing my eyes just until my alarm went off. As sad, desperate or pathetic as it was, I held the phone to my ear and let the cute adorable sound of sleeping Edward help me drift off to sleep.

* * *

**A/N Uh oh! Boy is she getting in over her head!**

**Thank you for reading, reviewing & adding to your alerts & faves. After seeing how many people have had their stories pulled from FFN thanks to those muppets intent on causing drama in a place that should be our happy escape from RL, I am also going to start posting this & the rest of my fics on The Writer's Coffee Shop...you know...just in case.**

**I'd love to know what you think so far :D**

**See you soon,**

**Katy**

**xxx**


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N I hadn't planned to update today, but this Monday has been beyond shitty in RL, so here I am hiding in this wonderful world ;)**

**A Little Too Much Too Late now has an amazing banner thanks to EvilNat. The link is on my profile if you want to have a look :D**

**Chapter 4 – When Wrong Feels So Right**

Edward's lips brushed against mine and his hands gripped tightly around my waist, pulling me closer to him. "I want you, Bella, right here, right now," he whispered gruffly.

"I'm yours. Take what you want," I replied and Edward tugged on the hem of my shirt. I nodded and in one swift motion he pulled it up and over my head.

His mouth trailed across my jaw and down my neck. I felt his lips trace lightly over my shoulders, simultaneously pushing the straps of my bra out of his way. It had never been like this before—never, and we hadn't even gotten to the good stuff yet.

I gasped as he moved the lace cups to expose my breasts. My hands ran through his hair, tightening their grip as Edward captured my nipple in his mou-

THUMP, THUMP, THUMP!

"Bella! Bella, what the hell are you doing in there? Open the door!"

I sat up with a start, momentarily confused. I was on the couch. Alone and there was no Edward. I was dreaming_? Mm, interesting._

"BELLA!"

Kate's voice snapped me back to reality, and I stumbled across the room to the door.

"Why the hell are you banging down my door, Kate? Sheesh, I have neighbours you know?"

"Bella, are you high? It's almost eleven," Kate shouted through the door which I then swung open in shock.

"What? No fucking way. How is it eleven?" I left Kate by the door and raced into my bedroom in a panic. "Shit, shit, shit!"

Kate followed me with a coffee in her hand. "Okay, calm down, B," she said.

"Are you kidding me? Calm down? Esme is going to be foaming at the mouth. You know how she is about being late," I shrieked and changed as quickly as I could into a white blouse, and pinstripe skirt.

"When you didn't show up earlier, I told Esme you had an appointment, which was brought forward at late notice. Esme's cool, it was me that started to worry." Kate sat on my bed and asked, "What happened, B, you're never late?"

"I overslept," I said simply.

"No shit, Sherlock. _Why _did you oversleep?" she persisted.

"Jake's snoring kept me awake and then Edward called." I blushed as his name reminded me of the dream I'd had.

"Check out that blush!" Kate narrowed her eyes at me and then smirked. "Why is Garrett's best man calling _you_late at night?"

I shrugged and said, "He texted me to see when we could meet up to discuss _your_party. He said he'd had a bad shift so I offered to call him. He rang me and we chatted for a while. No big deal."

Kate scoffed and continued to look at me—waiting for the full story, which she absolutely wasn't getting.

"Don't look at me like that, Kate. It's nothing."

"Edward's cute, surely you noticed?" she asked.

"Well...yeah, I guess he is."

"And he's a nice guy?"

"Really nice guy," I agreed.

"And he's a doctor."

"Yes, Kate, he's a doctor." I nodded.

"And very single."

I sighed. "But I'm not, Kate. Remember my fiancé, Jake?"

"Oh yeah, how could I forget." She rolled her eyes and added, "Speaking of the dog, where is he and why didn't he wake you up for work?"

"He's working, and I guess he thought I was capable of waking myself. Jeez, what happened to you being nice to him, Kate?" I pulled my hair back into a ponytail and watched her through the mirror.

"I have to be nice even behind his back?" She saw my expression and groaned, "Fine. I'm sorry and I promise no more derogatory Jake remarks—unless he deserves it. But, FYI, I happen to think Edward is great."

I sat beside her on the bed and took the coffee. As I sipped it, I asked her the question that had been in my head since that night in the gallery, "Kate, how come you didn't introduce me to him before?"

"I tried, B. A few times, remember?"

"Yeah, after you and Garrett got engaged. But I mean before then, if you thought he was such a good catch?" I asked.

"We rarely saw him. He was always working or studying. By the time I got to know Edward, you didn't seem interested in meeting him. You like him, don't you?" She asked softly.

"I told you, he's a great guy," I answered, trying to sound casual.

"Not what I meant and you know it."

"Kate, I'm getting married in a few months. What I think about Edward doesn't matter, it can't matter." I shook my head and sighed. "Let's change the subject. You need to tell me where I'm supposed to be right now."

Reluctantly, Kate dropped the talk of Edward and provided me with my newly created alibi, and we left to go to the office. As we rode to work in the cab, my phone buzzed.

_Thank you for last night, Bella. Although, I am sorry for falling asleep on you. I'm looking forward to Friday. Edward x_

I got a kiss? Was it wrong that the simple letter "x" made my heart thump in my chest and brought a huge grin to my face?

_You're welcome. BTW you sound cute when you sleep. See you Friday. Bella x_

I saw Kate watching me, so I put my phone away quickly.

"Who was that?" she asked.

_Lie. _"Jake," I replied.

"Bullshit," she muttered.

_Lie better._

I ignored her, and she said nothing else.

~x~

"Seriously, Edward, we have to stop," I cried and pushed his hand away. "This is so bad."

Edward shrugged. "I disagree. You need to take risks, Bella. After all we only live once."

"It's not you who has to spend hours at the gym trying to burn off all these calories," I continued to argue, and pushed the very tempting croissant back towards him.

"Fine. I'll just eat it then." He opened his mouth and took a huge bite. "Mm, so good," he said with his mouth full.

Before he could stop it, a huge dollop of chocolate ran down his chin and onto his white shirt. "Ah shit."

I burst out laughing for what felt like the two-hundredth time since I'd arrived and watched as he tried to wipe the stain from his shirt. "That's karma," I told him.

"What? That's not karma," he scoffed.

"Sure it is. You taunt me with the delicious food and then your punishment for said taunting is a ruined shirt," I said defiantly and he chuckled.

"Nah, that was just me being a pig," he said, still laughing.

Once again, we had fallen so easily into conversation. Being with Edward was exactly that—easy. I never felt any expectation or pressure to be anyone but myself. And whenever I was with him, gone were all the nagging doubts that I'd been carrying around with me lately.

We had made some progress at least. The date for Garrett and Kate's respective parties had been decided; as had the clubs we would visit before all meeting up at the end of the night. That final meeting place was all we had left to arrange.

"Right, are you done eating?" I asked. "Because we have to sort this out."

"Yes," Edward said, nodding and his mouth full of croissant and chocolate. Had this been Jacob, Seth or any other man I knew, I would have been so unimpressed. Yet whatever he did, Edward came across as fucking adorable. _Boy, I was in trouble._

"I hope your bedside manner is more refined than your table manners seem to be," I teased.

"Depends which bedside you're referring to," he said causally, and I blushed furiously as I thought about the recurring dream I'd been having for the past few days.

"So, moving on," I said, and didn't miss the smirk on Edward's face. "I thought we could meet up at The Avenue over on East 63rd. There's not usually a huge line and with there being two parties, we need somewhere we can guarantee to get in. What do you think?"

"Sounds good to me and I know Garrett likes that place." He nodded. "Do you do that a lot?"

"Huh?" I asked.

"Blush," he answered. "It's really cute."

I saw his hand lift off the table presumably reaching for my cheek, and I stiffened.

_This is wrong; so, so, very wrong. I really need to stop it, but..._

Edward noticed my reaction and pulled his hand back quickly. For the first time since we'd met, an awkward silence fell upon us. He looked both embarrassed and maybe even annoyed—I on the other hand, had no idea what I was feeling and it was confusing the ever loving shit out of me.

"So..."

"I guess..."

We spoke at the same time, and I laughed. "Sorry, you go."

"Please, after you," Edward said, a little too formally.

"Um, actually I need to take off. I'm flying home for a few days tomorrow morning," I told him.

"Of course." He insisted on paying and then walked me from the café. "It was nice seeing you again, Bella."

"It's been fun. At least we managed to get everything sorted out this time," I said. "Do you have any plans for the weekend?"

"Making the most of my time away from the hospital," he said simply.

Whatever the hell had just _not_happened had really shifted things between us. I felt unbelievably self-conscious and uncomfortable, and Edward seemed like a completely different person.

"Okay then, bye, Edward," I said and he nodded.

"Good night, Bella."

I walked away down the street, fighting the urge to run back. After about fifty yards, I couldn't resist any more, and I glanced over my shoulder. Edward hadn't moved, he was looking straight at me—a wistful expression on his face.

If this had been a romance novel or a romcom, rain would begin to fall and I'd run into Edward's arms before experiencing the most passionate kiss of my entire life. But, as I knew only too well, real life is not a romance novel. So, I simply smiled, waved and turned away with a heavy feeling in the very pit of my stomach.

~x~

I got barely any sleep and it wasn't any better when I boarded the flight. The elderly lady beside me was telling me all about her family, and I was ashamed to say I never listened to a word. My head was in bits, awash with so many different things. I thought about Jacob, work, Esme, the promotion, my wedding, and of course, predominantly Edward. He consumed my every thought, and the way I felt about him was starting to scare me. No doubt about it, I was in over my head.

I had waited my whole life to get married; it had been my ultimate dream. Then, when I was finally able to start planning my fairytale wedding, I was presented with the most amazing job opportunity. Esme Platt was offering to mentor me, train me, and persuade the owners of Eclipse to give me the job as editor-in-chief, and in return I simply had to share my wedding day with the readers of the magazine. I couldn't risk my wedding or my career for a doctor I'd only just met.

I passed through security in a daze, still unable to shake my head clear of Edward. Surprisingly, Leah was waiting for me at the airport alone.

"Where are the kids?" I asked as we made our way to the car park.

"I left them with Sam. They've been driving me nuts, B. Sometimes, you just have to get away, you know?"

"Yeah, there's nothing quite like time alone with your thoughts," I said quietly and Leah frowned.

"You okay? I expected you to bounce through the door. But you look...I don't know...down maybe. You are okay, right?"

"I'm fine. Better than fine, actually. I'm really, really happy." I cringed at how unconvincing I sounded. "It's just been a crazy month."

"I can imagine. We're all dying to meet Jake. Dad's even been polishing his gun specifically for this occasion." She laughed and I groaned. "He gets here tomorrow?"

"Yep, he's in Vegas working," I told her.

"So, tell me all about him. I didn't even realise you guys were that serious, then all of a sudden you're engaged. He must be really something to sweep my sister off her feet."

I sighed and did my very best to do my fiancé the justice he deserved. As I told her about him, I was disgusted with myself. I had an amazing guy who wanted to marry me, and I was acting like a miserable witch pining for some guy I barely knew. Jake was my future, and I had to do right by him.

I made the decision to delete Edward's number from my phone. I'd have no reason to speak to him now, besides confirming the final details of the night out. After that, we'd inevitably run into each other at Kate and Garrett's wedding, but Jake would be with me. I needed to stay away from him, and I needed to force him out of my head.

My finger was still hovering over the delete button when we arrived in Forks. _I'll delete it tomorrow...definitely...maybe._

I dealt with the barrage of questions from the rest of my family. Who was Jake? What did he do? Where was he from? How old was he? Then it was Chief Swan's turn to ask the questions. Could he support me? Did he have any illegitimate children? Was he a bigamist? A drug addict? A convicted felon?

I told my dad to stop worrying and assured him that Jake was one of the good guys, and he'd get to see that for himself when he arrived the following morning. I managed to divert the attention onto Alice, when I asked her what kind of dress she wanted to wear. She squealed in delight and for the next hour or so the conversation revolved around her.

A few hours after I arrived, Kate texted as I'd begged her to. Today was the day, the magazine went to print and I would learn if the wedding story was the hit I was hoping it would be.

_Magazine hit the stands today and EVERYONE is talking about your column. That job is in the bag, girl! Kate xx_

I should have been thrilled. I should have been ecstatic, but I felt pointedly deflated.

_Great :D B x_

_Great? Great? That's all you have? Wow, we need to talk when you get home; this is huge, B. Are you okay? K x_

This wasn't a conversation I was having via text and Kate certainly didn't need to hear my melodramatic shit this close to her own wedding.

_I'm fine. Forks has a morbid effect on me, remember? B x_

_I don't buy that for a minute, but don't worry, man's best friend will be there to keep you company soon. You did pack a bone for him right? K x_

I'd not even had chance to start my annoyed reply, when she text me again.

_Stop flipping out. I'm kidding. Say hi to your family and Jake for me and I'll see you when you get back. K x_

~x~

Jake arrived at eleven the next morning. Although he was perfectly charming with my family, he seemed uneasy and not his usual buoyant self. My family obviously failed to notice, and within about five minutes he had them all eating out of the palm of his hand—except for Dad of course. I could see him watching me carefully as Jake spoke. He wasn't rude, he didn't make any snide comments to my fiancé, but I got the impression he knew something wasn't quite right.

"Hey, Iz. There's something I really need to talk to you about," Jake said seriously, as I dumped his bags in my bedroom.

"Sure. Is there something wrong?" I asked, suddenly feeling nervous.

Jake hesitated. "Well...this weekend..."

"Come on you two lovebirds," Sue called out to us. "Charlie is taking us all out for dinner to celebrate."

"Be right down," I answered and turned back to Jake. "What were you going to say?"

He shook his head and put his arm around my shoulder. "Nothing important. We'll talk later."

We went to the only decent place in town to eat, and to my utter humiliation, Leah brought a copy of the magazine with her. After we'd finished our meals, she read out the entire piece and I cringed when she got to the gushy part about how wonderful love is and how it needs to be cherished.

I looked at Jake, and he was watching me with a bizarre expression on his face. I smiled shyly at him and he forced a smile in return. But it never reached his eyes.

"Here's to my big sister who deserves to be happy more than anyone else. And to Jacob, of course, for finally giving Bella the chance to be happy. To Bella and Jacob, and to true love," Leah said proudly, and everyone raised their glasses.

We spent the rest of the afternoon in Forks, before Jake drove us back to Seattle for our late night flight back to New York. I remembered Jake had wanted to talk about something, so I asked him about it in the car.

"Was everything alright earlier? It sounded like you had something important to say." I looked at him, and he kept his eyes on the road for a minute or so, before finally glancing over at me sweetly.

"No, babe. I was just going to ask if you'd mind me inviting a few more people to the wedding. I just thought you might have sent in the numbers already." He took one hand from the wheel and caressed my cheek. "What you wrote...it was really beautiful, Iz."

"It was just words, Jake," I argued feebly but he shook his head.

"No, babe, those were definitely not 'just words'. Hearing that you felt that way, it blew me away." he threaded his fingers through mine and brought our hands to his mouth.

I was such a liar. Everything I'd written in that article was not a reflection of how I felt about Jake, yet I'd happily let everyone—including him—draw that conclusion. I was spewing my guts about a man I didn't even know, a man that despite my best efforts I couldn't seem to go longer than five seconds without thinking about.

If only I'd not gone to that stupid gallery—no—if only I'd listened to Kate weeks earlier and let her introduce us. How different would things have worked out?

* * *

**A/N - Hope you liked it? Thanks for reading and for all of the reviews, alerts, faves etc...I am really humbled :)**

**Thanks to TwifanMom & Prettyflour who beta/preread for me...any mistakes are mine because I can't leave well alone after they've worked their magic!**

**Lastly, this story is up for fic of the week over on The Lemonade Stand. There are some absolutely fantastic stories up this week including three which are owning me right now! You can vote for five, so if you can spare a few minutes to go and vote for your faves :)**

**See you soon!**

**Katy**

**xxx**

**PS. Who else is reading Unrequited? I am teetering on the edge waiting for the next update...I'm truly terrified :(**


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 - Bridalcise**

"Okay, come on, ladies. Give me twenty more and I want those arms fully-extended as you move!"

"Oh fuck, why the hell did I agree to this?" Kate panted as we lunged like we had never lunged before.

"Less talk, more work! Do you want to wobble down that aisle, Blondie?" Angela Weber, AKA Exercise Nazi shouted out.

Kate scowled at me and had I not been gasping for breath, I would have laughed.

We were at New You Gym, on the Upper East Side. The class we were taking was called "Bridalcise" and was unsurprisingly geared toward brides-to-be. It aimed to relieve stress and encourage relaxation, whilst still providing enough of a cardio workout to keep you trim for your upcoming wedding.

After the issue, containing my first diary entry, hit the stands, a large number of companies approached Eclipse in the hope of being represented in my wedding and mentioned in the monthly columns. Clearly, they saw a great opportunity to have their service or product publicised, and I had the luxury of really indulging myself. Esme was spoiled for choice when it came to sponsors, and I quickly realised that although Eclipse had offered to pay for my wedding, their expenses would be covered with ease as a result of the attention we were receiving.

Angela Weber had been one of those companies who presented her service to both myself and Esme. She offered complimentary exercise classes for me in exchange for a description of the class and the gym in the next issue. I had not been too fond of the idea, but Esme on the other hand thought it was a great opportunity and expressed her wish that I agree. I did but insisted that having Kate join me would be beneficial to my motivation and help me describe the class from another perspective. Esme agreed, so here we were.

"I hate you, B. I really, really hate you," Kate hissed after the cardio was over and we were starting our relaxation techniques. "This has been like my own personal hell."

Angela eyed Kate again. "Ssh, this is a calm space. We are looking for peace and tranquillity. Try to picture your stresses and worries as crystals." Kate pulled a face and I giggled, before listening to Angela continue, "Now, let those calm, relaxed feelings wash over those crystals like warm water. It's dissolving those crystals, removing the stress and worry from your mind. Going...going...gone."

"Oh sweet Jesus, B," Kate whispered. "This woman is nuts."

"Ssh, _Blondie,_" I told her. "Trying to dissolve and remove my stress over here." I closed my eyes and concentrated on doing as Angela had instructed. I would certainly welcome anything, which helped with the stress in my life right now.

After fifteen minutes of the relaxation, we were dismissed. Angela came over to us and smiled nervously. "How was that?" she asked. "Did you feel the benefits of the relaxation?"

"The cardio was tough. I haven't worked out like that in years," I said. "But the last fifteen minutes was an absolute God send. I feel so calm now."

Angela visibly relaxed. "That's great. You'll both be back on Friday for the second session?"

Kate tried to object, but I cut her off, "We'll be here for sure, Angela. Thank you so much for this."

"Thank you for coming along. Remember to stretch out again later and keep those muscles supple," she told us and then left the room.

"Oh, I'll remember to really _stretch_ as I reach for the ice cream later." Kate laughed as we made our way through the main area of the gym toward the changing rooms. "Reach and scoop, reach and scoop."

"Your commitment sucks, Kate," I teased. "Don't you want to impress your husband with your sculpted body on your wedding night?"

"Bella, I have a whole range of tricks to impress Garrett and trust me, none of them has him looking at how toned my stomach is." Kate winked and we both burst out laughing.

"Kate? Bella?"

I didn't need to turn around, nor did I need to hear another word to know that voice. The shiver that rippled through my body told me exactly who was calling my name.

"Fuck," I muttered under my breath. I was sweaty, blood red and my hair was plastered in clumps to my face and neck.

"Edward, what the hell are you doing here?" Kate grabbed my arm and spun us both around to face him.

_Life is just so unfair._

As soon as I saw him, I thanked God I was already red-faced, because seeing that man in shorts and a tight t-shirt did things to me that I can't even begin to explain. Hopefully, he wouldn't expect me to talk because I seriously doubted I could say much else other than, "Holy fuck!"

"This is my local gym. Admittedly, I don't get here as often as I like, but I try. I should be asking you two what you're doing here—this place is a long way from Gramercy Park," he said and smirked. "Looks like you've had quite a tough workout."

"Yeah, Angela is a real ball buster," Kate told him. "She's got us taking part in some Bridalcise class."

"It's really intense—that's why we look like shit," I added quickly.

I noticed Edward's eyes run up and down my body and then he said, "I never said you didn't look good. I quite like the hot and sweaty look."

I felt my cheeks burn and hoped Edward attributed it to the workout, but I saw his lip turn up into that crooked smile that told me he'd noticed. _He always noticed_.

"Well if you like the hot and sweaty look, then you're in the right place." I gestured to the other women in the room. "Plenty of sweaty-betties in here."

"You make it sound like I have some sort of sweat-fetish, Bella," he joked. "That would just be weird."

I giggled and said, "Hey, you said you liked the hot and sweaty look."

"Yes, on you," Edward answered and then paused. "I didn't mean...um...I just meant it suited you. Wow, I'm really making a mess of this aren't I?" He rubbed the back of his neck and laughed nervously.

I smiled, unsure how else to react. Could he feel this _thing_ I felt? Or was I just trying to create something out of nothing because I had my own doubts about what was going on in my life?

"Edward, are you working this weekend?" Kate asked him. "My parents are throwing me a birthday dinner and I thought it might be nice if you could meet them before the wedding. It would be great if you could come. There's plenty of room if you want to spend the night."

"This Saturday?" Edward glanced at me.

"You can't miss one of Charlotte's feasts, Edward," I told him. "They're amazing, trust me."

"That sounds like something I have to say yes to. I'll be there," he said, and I felt the smile on my face double in size.

"I'll have Garrett text you the address," Kate said. "Now, I don't mean to be rude, but I'm in desperate need of a shower before we head back to the office. See you on Saturday, Edward." She stepped closer to give him a quick kiss on the cheek and I will admit to being irrationally jealous.

I said goodbye shyly, and followed Kate into the changing rooms. As always seemed to happen, whenever I saw, talked to, or thought of Edward, he completely invaded my head and I drifted off into my own little world, unable to focus on anything else.

"Hello? Earth calling Isabella Swan. Are you with me?" Kate waved her hand back and forth in front of my face.

"Huh?" I snapped back to reality. "Sorry, what did you say?"

Her face softened, and she squeezed my shoulder. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"About what?" I feigned innocence, but she rolled her eyes.

"About what? Please, B, give me some credit. Do you want to talk about a certain doctor who I can see is really getting under your skin?"

"Edward? I told you Kate, he's just a friend," I argued and grabbed my towel from the locker. "And he's not getting under my skin. That doesn't sound like a good thing by the way—like some sort of infection."

"Sure, B, a friend," she said, following me towards the shower cubicles. "I was there you know? Jesus, I could see there was something between the two of you."

"There is absolutely nothing between us, Kate. I'm with Jake, I'm marrying Jake and I'm happy with Jake," I said. "I _love_ Jake."

"Are you trying to convince me or yourself there, B?" Kate said and walked into a cubicle.

I sighed and took the shower next to hers, slamming the door behind me. "Who else is coming this weekend?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

"Besides you, me, Jake, Garrett, and Edward; there's Rachael and her husband, Paul, my parents, Carmen and her slutty friend, Heidi," Kate told me.

Carmen was Kate's younger sister. She was just back from eighteen months travelling around South America with her friend—_the slut_—Heidi. I hadn't had the privilege of meeting Heidi yet, but I knew for a fact it would be interesting. Kate couldn't stand her and from what I'd heard neither could Kate's parents.

"Heidi is invited? I figured you would have banned her from the house," I teased and Kate scoffed.

"I wish. I tried to ask Carmen to come alone, but she started kicking off. Apparently, Heidi was wonderful when Carmen split with the loser ex-boyfriend and I need to start being nicer to her." Kate added, "I felt like telling her Heidi was probably the one he'd been screwing around with behind her back. But, anyway, I didn't want to fight with her so close to the wedding so I took a step back and let it go."

"Wow, I'm impressed," I said. "You're totally going to let rip when the wedding's done aren't you?"

"Fuck yes. I have my put-down speech already prepared." Kate laughed. "Seriously, B, she spreads her legs easier than butter. Keep Jake in your sight at all times; she goes for anything in trousers. I swear she tried to make a play for Dad one time."

"Your dad? Ew." I giggled. "Your dad's great, but I wouldn't want to seduce the guy."

"She's all about the money, B, and she knows how to get what she wants."

"Is it too late to tell you I can't make it on Saturday?" I joked.

"No way. My mom would kill me if she didn't get to meet Jake."

"How is that possible? I fully expected you to have told her all the reasons why you hate him."

"It was tempting, believe me." Kate laughed. "But I decided to let them form their own impression. At the end of the day they just want what I want—for you to be happy. And if that means they like the dog, then I can live with that."

"Such a generous gesture," I quipped.

"But you don't have anything to worry about. You're already happy remember?"

~x~

Even though I knew I was acting completely insane, I went shopping for a new set of workout clothes in preparation for the second session at the gym. Gone were my tatty sleeveless top and yoga pants and instead I wore the most flattering clothes I could find. I also remembered to take a towel and a hairbrush into the room with me so I could at least tidy myself up at the end of the session.

I insisted to Kate this was purely because I wanted to make a good impression on Angela and anyone else who might be looking on. She didn't believe me.

But, in the end it was all for nothing because we didn't run into Edward before or after the Bridalcise class, and I would be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed.

Jake and I drove out to Kate's parents on Saturday at lunchtime. It was nice to have this time to ourselves. Over the past few weeks, the time we got to spend with each other was becoming less and less. Following the job in Vegas, Jake's phone literally had not stopped ringing. The director of that shoot had loved his work, and was quite literally dropping his name at every chance she could. The industry in which he worked was fickle, and I understood he had to make the most of the newfound attention.

"So how's the exercise class going?" he asked as we battled through Manhattan traffic. "It's supposed to relieve stress right?"

"It's great when I'm in that room and back at home with nothing to worry about. But then, as soon as I see an email from Esme or a copy of the magazine on a news stand I'm reminded of why I was so worked up to begin with." I sighed and he took my hand in his and brought it to his lips, kissing it softly.

"It is going to be pretty huge," he said and blew out his cheeks.

"Sounds like you could do with coming along." I laughed and he smiled.

"Nah, I'll be good." He kissed my hand again and then rested it on his lap. "We'll be good. I know we'll be good," he said quietly and I wondered if it was something he'd meant for me to hear.

~x~

Kate's parents owned a beautiful old house in Southampton and it was here, where Kate and Garrett would be married. The gardens were immense and overlooked the beach. Even in January, it would be incredible, and I had to admit it was somewhere I'd have chosen had I been able to.

We arrived just after three in the afternoon, and I saw Garrett's Jeep in the driveway, parked alongside a Volvo I didn't recognise. We parked up behind the Jeep and then walked to the front door and knocked.

It swung open almost immediately and there stood Peter Moore, Kate's father. "There she is," he said and immediately pulled me into a hug. "It's good to see you, Bella."

"You too, Peter," I said and then stepped back grinning. "Please tell me you're not doing the whole _Movember _thing again, are you? I thought Charlotte banned it after last year?"

He ran over the beginnings of a moustache forming above his top lip and laughed. "Ha, well it's all in the name of charity, so she backed down. I told her she should quit waxing that lip of hers and we could see who grew the best one." He winked and I giggled. "For the love of God, don't tell her I said that. So, this must be your fiancé? Jack, right?"

"It's Jake, as you already know, Peter, and I already warned him about you and your so-called sense of humor," I told him and he shook his head.

"Always trying to ruin my fun," he said and then reached out to shake Jake's hand. "Nice to meet you, bud. You'd better take care of this one; she's like family to us."

"Of course," Jake said and smiled nervously.

"Peter, for goodness sake, invite them inside. I want to meet this handsome model I've heard all about," Kate's mom, Charlotte, appeared behind Peter and beckoned us inside. "Come on, you two, everyone's in the kitchen."

"See what I have to put up with, Jake?" Peter asked as we walked through the house towards the kitchen. "So damn bossy, if I were you I'd make some ground rules before you get married because trust me, the moment you say 'I do' you lose all control."

Jake chuckled and threaded his fingers through mine. "I'll remember that."

As we entered the kitchen, sure enough the table was full of people and the one I noticed straight away was Edward. He looked as spectacular as he always did, but I'd come to expect nothing less than that. As everyone turned to say, "Hi," I suddenly felt like all eyes were on me and everyone could see the way I was looking at Edward.

"It's so good to meet you, Jake. I'm so pleased Bella has finally met the man of her dreams," Charlotte gave us both a big hug. "I have two weddings to look forward to now."

Kate's friend from high school, Rachael—another of Kate's bridesmaids, waved and gave a discreet nod in Jake's direction, before giving me a cheeky grin. "It's been too long since we all got together," she said and nudged her husband, Paul. "That's Bella's fiancé, Jake. They are getting married in March at the Plaza. How impressive is that?"

"Um...yeah that sounds great," Paul said. "Congratulations."

"Paul!" Rachael scolded. "That wasn't very enthusiastic." The couple then started to bicker quietly as Paul attempted to defend his lacklustre response.

"Wow, that's a record. Three hours and it's only their third argument," Kate said and laughed. "Thanks for coming, guys. Let me introduce you to everyone, Jake. That is my sister, Carmen and her friend, Heidi." As she mentioned Heidi's name she screwed up her nose and I bit back a giggle. "The couple who are probably going to escape soon for a round of make-up sex is Rachael and Paul. And you know this handsome specimen of course."

"Hey man," Garrett said to Jake with a smirk. "Please excuse my fiancée; she's already on her third glass of wine so she's pretty excitable."

"It is her birthday, she's entitled to be excitable," I defended and Kate harrumphed in agreement.

"Thanks, B. Anyway, so you know my Garrett, and you remember, Edward, right?"

"Sure, from the gallery. Nice to meet you again." Jake nodded in Edward's direction. "At least we don't have to pretend to be impressed with garbage this time."

Edward laughed. "Absolutely, I still can't fathom how anyone liked that."

Kate pulled out chairs for Jake and I to sit on, and I was thankful Edward was not in my line of sight, because I don't think I could have stopped staring. The only drawback was I couldn't help but notice that someone else at the table seemed to have her eye well and truly fixed on him.

I guess Kate was right; Heidi was nothing but a slut who wanted any man she could get her hands on. Dr. Edward Cullen was far too good for someone like her. The only thing she should expect from him would be treatment in the ER for one of her many STD's.

Wow, my jealousy really was becoming uncontrollable. So what if she had her eye on Edward? So what if he decided he wanted to sleep with her? Date her? Marry her? I had no claim on this guy, I was marrying someone else and I needed to stop with this stupid infatuation I had with him. Edward wasn't mine and he never would be.

But just for the record, Heidi was a goddamn dirty motherfucking slut.

As we waited in the kitchen, Charlotte prepared dinner, refusing help from any of us. The conversation tended to revolve around Kate and her wedding, but occasionally it did drift over to my big day, and I always found a way to steer it back to my friend. I told myself it was purely to keep Kate in the limelight as it was her birthday and we were in her parents' home, but that would be a lie. I simply hated talking about anything wedding related in front of Edward.

Jake was perfectly charming and polite, just as he had been when he met my family a few weeks earlier. Kate even gave me a sneaky thumbs-up, which from her was quite an achievement. Edward, on the other hand, was quiet and when he did speak he was formal and cool like he had been in Balotelli's the last time I'd seen him alone.

When dinner was finally served, we all shuffled around to accommodate Peter and Charlotte to the table. I ended up sitting directly opposite Edward and, of course I blushed as I caught his eye when we started eating. Throughout dinner, I did as I knew I would and glanced across at Edward every chance I got. More than once, he caught me looking and when he did, I saw a ghost of a smile play on his face before he looked away. I noticed Kate watching and she smiled sadly at me but said or did nothing else.

"So, Edward, you must have loads of stories to tell about life as a doctor in the ER?" Heidi asked after most of us had finished eating. "Why don't you share some of them?"

"The majority aren't tales to be told whilst people are trying to eat. Besides, I like to maintain the confidence of my patients," Edward said.

"I do hope your patients appreciate how trustworthy you are," she continued and I almost gagged at the seductive tone to her voice. _Slut. _"Someone like you deserves to be appreciated."

Edward looked uncomfortable with the attention and tried to brush her remark off. "I'm just doing my job."

"Well you have to be wound pretty tight dealing with such stressful situations all the time. If ever you need someone to help you unwind, I'd be more than happy to assist," she purred. "I can get you on the guest list to any club in Manhattan."

"Thank you, but to be honest I find there's nothing better to help me _unwind_ than a coffee with a good friend; preferably eating a delicious chocolate croissant or two, from a café in Manhattan," he answered casually, and I beamed. "I'd take that any day. Nightclubs just aren't my scene, Heidi."

"Sounds nice," Heidi mumbled.

"Chocolate croissants _are _amazing," Kate said. "I take it you go to Balotelli's? The ones from there are to die for."

Edward nodded and stared right at me. "They are the best, Kate. I doubt I could ever get enough."

Kate understood exactly what was going on, but everyone else was oblivious. Something was happening between Edward and I. He knew it, I knew it, but what I didn't know was if I was strong enough to stop it.

* * *

**A/N Early update today because I got a big fat chunk of writing done over the weekend :D Thanks to Twifanmom and Prettyflour for working their fairy magic on this chapter!**

**Thanks to all of you who are reading, reviewing etc. As I have so many chapters prepared, I'll happily send a sneaky look at the next one if you'd like to see it. **

**I've been asked to submit a piece to the Fandom4LLS and as I'd eventually post it here when the event is over, I was wondering if you wanted an EPOV for this story (and if so, which chapter so far?), or any ANWTRS readers, would you prefer an outtake from that fic or the sequel?**

**Any ideas please feel free to throw them at me :D**

**Hope you're still enjoying this one. **

**Have a lovely evening.**

**Katy**

**xx**


	7. Chapter 6

**I own nothing...but you already knew that of course!**

**Chapter 6 – My Butterfly Guy**

After dinner was finished, Kate insisted we make a night of it and go to a bar closer to the centre of town. The first place we came across was all but empty and I expected Kate to want to move on, but she opted to stay and ushered the Garrett and Jacob to the bar.

"I love you, B," she said as we waited for our drinks. "You know that, right?"

"Yes, Kate." I giggled. "I love you too. Are you sure staying out drinking is a good idea? You're already drunk."

"It's my birthday." She shrugged. "And I need to have an excuse for my behaviour later tonight."

"Behaviour? Please tell me I don't have to listen to you and Garrett doing the nasty all night?" I groaned.

"Nope. That's not what I meant," she said and winked. "I was there in the gym and again at dinner tonight. I saw it, B. I fucking saw it."

"Saw what?" I asked. "What are you talking about, Kate?"

"_It_, B. I know you better than anyone else and I see everything. These eyes see shit which is invisible to everyone else," she slurred.

"Kate, you're making no sense," I argued weakly and she snorted.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. I get it—you're a good person and you're in a complete mess. So much is going on and you're drowning in it all." Kate nodded once and continued, "I'm going to help you though, because I can see you floundering. I'll call it Project Undrown, B."

"Kate, you're nuts," I said with a smile. "Absolutely nuts."

"Who's nuts?" Garrett asked from behind us.

We turned around and Edward was standing beside Garrett. He handed me a beer and said, "Jake just stepped out to take a call."

"Thanks," I said and looked around the bar. "So, this was a good idea. It's not exactly the most happening of places huh?"

"Mm, it is very quiet," he agreed and we followed Kate over to a booth in the corner of the main room.

"Kate, this place needs livening up," Rachel said and slid into one of the booths beside me. "It was livelier at your parents' place."

"Yeah, but they didn't have Tequila at Mom and Dad's," Carmen shouted and set a tray of shot glasses and a bottle of Tequila on the table. "Scoot over, Bella. Make room for two more."

I shuffled along the bench, forcing me closer to Edward. I could feel my cheeks redden as our legs brushed together. "Sorry," I mumbled and took a long drink of beer.

Rachel and Paul were chatting to Carmen and Heidi on one side, and Kate and Garrett were talking to themselves leaving me and Edward to make conversation.

After a few minutes of silence, Edward said, "Kate's parents are great. I've never met them before today."

"Yeah, they're awesome. They make me feel like part of the family which is great—you know, being so far from home," I told him. "I'm surprised Charlotte didn't try and give you dating advice. She loves playing cupid."

"Oh, she certainly tried," he said.

"Try setting you up with Carmen? Or did she mention some of her friends at the country club had single daughters?" I laughed and Edward shook his head.

"Well she asked if there was anyone special," he said quietly and I thought I saw him blush.

"Is there?" I asked before I could stop myself and Edward smiled.

"Yes, I really think there is," he said, watching me carefully.

The flood of conflicting emotions left me speechless for a minute. The mere thought of Edward with another woman turned my stomach and actually made my chest ache. But, there was something else...a look in his eye, a tone to his voice that gave me that "feeling" again. Hope that maybe he could feel what I was feeling. That I wasn't imagining this crazy connection between us.

"You'd better not tell Charlotte who she is," I told him. "Otherwise she'll make it her mission to get the two of you together."

Edward chuckled, his fingers tearing at the label on his beer. "It's complicated," he mumbled. "Really complicated."

"Complicated? Nothings complicated," I said matter-of-factly. "Complicated is just a word created by egotistical people who wanted to justify their inability to solve a problem."

"Really? That's a brave statement." Edward laughed.

"Brave, but true," I said. "There's always an answer to any situation. We just hide behind complicated if we don't like the path we have to take to get to the solution. Whether it be math, science, or just life itself. Sometimes we have to go down the nasty path to get what we want and making that decision isn't complicated, it's a choice. Simple as that."

"You know what, I think you're onto something." He smiled and took a drink of his beer. "I know for a fact the path to my 'answer' is going to be a tricky one, and if I should take that path, I'll pretty much be going against everything I've grown up to hold value to."

"Like what?" I breathed, leaving forward as he spoke. This man captured every part of me.

"To try and take something that doesn't belong to me," he said. "Simple as that."

"Oh," I breathed.

"Any room for me?" Jake laughed and I looked across the table to see him standing behind Kate.

"I'm sure we can squeeze you in," Kate said nicely. "Everyone move over."

"Can I just point out that this place is all but empty," I grumbled as I was forced even closer to Edward. "There are plenty of empty tables and we're practically sitting on top of each other to stay where we are."

"It makes it a nicer atmosphere, B." Kate rolled her eyes. "When we're all together, everyone can join into the conversation."

Mine and Edward's legs were pressed firmly together, and with each passing second the blush on my face intensified and began to sweep down my neck and chest. Add this to how I acted at dinner earlier, and I was convinced Jake would see what I was thinking. I looked over at him nervously, as he sat down beside Kate, but he just winked and gave me his usual smile. Apparently having a bright red face and chest was the norm for me.

I tried to make an effort to talk to Jake across the table, but it was difficult. Several conversations were going on and he could barely hear me. I gave up, and instead watched on in shock as Kate actually began talking to him. She was laughing and joking with him like they were the oldest of friends. Maybe, she was warming to him after all.

Rachel and Paul were talking about the work they were doing on their home to Carmen and Heidi, a conversation which I had nothing whatsoever to contribute to. Garrett was quizzing Edward about his upcoming bachelor party, and so I decided to concentrate on the almost untouched bottle of tequila. I figured any state of intoxication might give me just a brief moment of respite from the mess inside my head.

_One shot, two shots...this stuff tastes like camel shit, but it's worth a shot._

_Three shots. Maybe this might work. Definitely a haze coming over my brain._

_Four shots, five shots. What am I trying to forget again? _

_Six shots...huh? _

"Hey! Why is my glass empty?" I held it up to my eye and sighed before slamming it down on the table. "The bartender conned you, Carmen. He sold you a half-drunk bottle of Tequila."

"I'm pretty sure it was full when I brought it to the table, Bella," Carmen said with a smirk.

"Well then who the hell drank it all?" I grumbled. "Who has drunk my Tequila?"

"That would be you, Bella." Edward chuckled.

I didn't know what cologne he was wearing, but Jesus it made him smell incredible. If the tequila had helped me to forget the confusion and worry; it certainly had not made Edward any less irresistible, and I was finding it harder and harder to not touch him, kiss him or lick his face right there at the table.

"Damn it," I muttered. "It's not working." I sighed again and stood up. "Another bottle of Tequila, over here, Garçon!"

The bartender looked at me and shouted, "Do I look like a waitress, lady? You want a drink, you come to the bar and get one."

"Wow who pissed on his party," I huffed and Kate giggled. "Fine, I'm going to the bar guys."

I tried to squeeze past Edward, but apparently the alcohol had affected my balance even more than usual, and I wobbled precariously. Before I fell into Edward's lap, I felt a pair of hands on my waist steadying me.

"Careful," Edward said in me ear.

I gulped nervously. He was behind me, pressed up against me...oh fuck.

"B, you're wasted," Kate giggled.

"I need to pee," I announced for some weird reason, and saw Kate stand, holding out her hand to me.

"Me too. Come on, I'll come with you."

Edward's hands were still holding my waist. "Thanks, Edward, I'm good now," I said and started to move away.

"Are you sure?" His breath tickled my neck.

"Yes, yes," I stuttered and missed his touch the second he moved his hands.

"You okay, Babe?" Jake asked. "Kate's right, you look wasted."

"Not nearly wasted enough," I mumbled under my breath, then added so Jake could hear me, "I'm fine, Jake. Just a little tipsy." I gave him my most convincing smile and let Kate tow me to the bathroom.

I sat on the toilet and put my face in my hands, my plan was failing.

"Come on, out with it. Why are you trying to give yourself alcohol poisoning?" Kate asked and I laughed darkly.

"I thought you _saw everything_," I said sarcastically. "On that basis you shouldn't need to even ask me."

"You can talk to me about anything, Bella. I'm you're best friend—that' what I'm here for." Her voice softened. "Is this about Edward?"

I nodded and blurted out, "He's all I can think about, Kate. I can't concentrate on shit because he's always in my head. And I swear, when I'm with him, I can't breathe. I thought if I could get drunk, I might be able to go just a few hours without feeling like this."

"How's that working out for you?" Kate asked.

"Not so good," I said. "Instead of worrying about how I'm feeling—I can's stop picturing him naked...with me...also naked." I tugged on my hair. "I know it's just a lust thing, but still this shit is not healthy."

"Lust? Okay, if you say so," Kate said. "If you're so convinced it's that simple, then give it a few weeks and it'll pass."

I looked up at her and frowned. "You think?"

She smiled wryly and shrugged. "Sure. But, what I think doesn't matter. If you tell me it's lust, then it's lust. I've felt the same way as you before. Butterflies in the pit of your stomach, goosebumps whenever you hear, see, or smell him. It feels good huh?"

_Kate's felt like this? Oh, maybe this situation isn't as hopeless after all. If Kate felt like this once before, she must have gotten past it—she adores Garrett now._

"That makes me feel so much better," I breathed in relief and walked to the counted to wash up. "Butterflies and goosebumps are exactly what I'm feeling."

When we were just about to leave the bathroom, I asked, "Who was he, Kate? Butterfly Guy?"

"Garrett," she said and put her hand on my shoulder. "Sorry, B. I've only ever felt that way with him."

_Situation. Hopeless._

Instead of returning to the table, I insisted on staying at the bar. I pulled out a stool and took a seat. "Do you bring the drinks to this side of the bar, or is this place self-service?" I quipped as the bartender approached. "God forbid I mistake you for a waitress again."

The guy laughed and said, "I don't know, it's a tough call. But I guess I can just about manage to carry the glasses over to you."

"Gee thanks," I said and grinned.

So the bartender who went by the name, Jasper, stayed talking to Kate and I. Well they talked while I devoured more beer and tequila.

Because I was a glutton for punishment, and because I simply couldn't help myself, I glanced back towards the table all the time. Every single time I did, I found Edward looking in my direction. He would give me a quick smile and then look away. Jake's attention was devoted to his phone the entire time and he never once looked my way. Good job really, I suppose.

"So the two of you are both engaged?" Jasper asked and Kate nodded.

"Yep, Garrett and I get married in January here in Southampton. We're having the ceremony in my parents' garden." She beamed as she spoke. "Of course, we've ordered more than enough heaters—I know it will be cold, but I honestly couldn't wait until spring."

"And your alcoholic friend? Is that wedding ceremony going to be featured on Celebrity Rehab?" he joked, but I ignored him, choosing instead to look over at Edward again.

"Bella gets married in March," Kate answered on my behalf. "Do you read Eclipse magazine?"

Jasper shook his head. "I'm a straight guy, so no. Sorry. But my sister does read, so I will confess to looking for pictures of hot models in lingerie." He laughed.

"B and I work for Eclipse," Kate continued. "When she and Jake first got engaged, the magazine offered to pay for her wedding in return for complete access to her wedding and all the planning involved. They even get their wedding pictures printed in an issue. Everyone is talking about it—her diary is beautiful."

She sounded like a proud parent, and I smiled at her appreciatively.

"How did your fiancé take that? I'm not sure I'd like that sort of intrusion," Jasper said and then followed my gaze, which was once again focused on Edward. "Then again, with the way that guy's looking at you, I guess he'd do anything you asked."

"I need air," I mumbled quickly and stopped Kate as she began to follow me. "Can I just have a minute, Kate, please? I'll be back in soon, I promise."

"Sure, B," she said quietly.

I stepped out into the cold air and took a deep breath. After tonight, I had to sever all ties with Edward. I was playing a dangerous game and people would end up getting hurt. Nothing had even happened between us, and I was already losing control.

Barely two minutes later, Jake joined me outside and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. "It's freezing, Iz. Come back inside. If you've had enough we can go back to the house."

Forcing Edward out of my mind, I nestled into Jake's side. "I'm sorry," I whispered, my voice cracking.

"For what, Babe?" he asked softly.

_For leading you and so many other people on. For lying. For falling for someone else._

But I couldn't say that, so I just smiled and said, "For not getting to sit with you tonight."

Jake laughed and hugged me. "Why would you apologize for that?"

"It's supposed to have been a weekend out of the city for us to spend together, and I spend half the night talking to other people."

"Iz, I'm never going to be _that_ guy. The one who expects you at my side all the time. I have my life and you have yours; that is not going to change just because we're getting married. We work because we don't do possessive and jealous. I had a good time, Kate and I talked and I know that Edward guy is cool. Honestly, Iz, it's not even an issue. No big deal."

"No big deal, right," I said and then asked him a really stupid question, "Did you know Garrett is Kate's butterfly guy?"

"Her what?" Jake asked and burst out laughing.

"The one who gives her goosebumps and butterflies in her stomach," I said. "Sweet huh?"

"It's probably just gas,"Jake said, still laughing.

"You don't believe in that? I asked and he frowned. "In love at first sight, sparks and all that kind of stuff?"

"Not really, Iz. Sure I think you can be instantly attracted to someone, but love is more than that. You have to grow to love someone. I think love at first sight and sparks were dreamed up by romance novelists just to sell more books."

"You're such a romantic," I half joked.

"I'm not a complete ass, I do think love is a wonderful thing. My mom and dad were happy every day they were married. But they had to make it work—it's not all butterflies and goosebumps, babe. It's more than that."

"Right, yeah, more than that," I said. "Like what?"

"Um," Jake hesitated. "Respect? Trust? Great sex?" He laughed as he said the last one. "Come on, Iz, let's get back inside. You should know better to talk about the heavy stuff when you're drunk."

"One last question, Jake?" I asked and he nodded. "Are you happy? With me, I mean. Everything happened so fast, you know?"

He held my face in his hands and stared intently at me. "I wouldn't be here if I wasn't. Fast isn't a bad thing, Iz."

"That depends," I smirked. "Sometimes fast is _very_ bad. Well, it is for us women at least."

"I wouldn't know," he said confidently. "I'm neither a woman nor am I fast. As you very well know."

I giggled, liking this interaction, we rarely talked in this way. It reminded me that Jake was a good guy. Sure he would never be my Butterfly Guy, but I knew he'd never make me cry.

* * *

**A/N**

**Thank you so much for reading I really hope you liked it and would love to hear what you think. I want to say sorry to anyone who reviewed and didn't get the teaser for this chapter. My PC has died and although I do have all the prewritten stuff backed up on my laptop / google docs, my laptop is practically an antique and doesn't like FFN, GDOCS or anything web based very much! (Uploading this chapter and writing my a/n has so far taken over half an hour)**

**Thanks to Twifanmom & Prettyflour for betaing and prereading. I did try to get all of their edits and suggestions done, but like I said laptop = major pain in my arse, so any mistakes you may come across are mine!**

**Hubs, boys & moi are off on holiday tomorrow, so no update for at least a week...maybe more depending on my computer situation :( I will be back I promise.**

**See you soon!**

**Katy**

**xxx**


	8. Chapter 7

**A/N**

***Waves* Hi! It's so good to be back...a week away with my kids has been exhausting lol!**

**Prettyflour and Twifanmom, my amazing prereader and beta have waved their magic wand on this chapter, but I'm working from my laptop so any errors you see are all mine & my geriatric piece of technolody :D**

**Hope you like...**

**Chapter 7 – It Just Isn't Enough**

Boy was I drunk. The room was spinning, so I laid on the bed and curled up into a ball as I tried to block the awful sensation out. I was hovering between asleep and awake when I heard the door creak open and footsteps pad softly across the floor to the bed.

The mattress sank as Jake climbed in beside me, and I felt his hand slip across my waist and underneath my shirt. I was just about to tell him there was no way_ that_ was happening when soft lips pressed against my neck.

"_Tell me you want me, Bella. I can't stay away from you any more. I need you, please."_

Suddenly my head was clear and I'd never felt more sober in my life. I rolled over and straddled Edward in one very smooth motion. I stared at him for what felt like an eternity, lost in his eyes; eyes filled with a want and need that I knew matched my own.

"I want you," I whispered and leaned forward to kiss him. "I need you."

His lips were soft and moulded to mine like that was their sole purpose in life, and he tasted divine. I tangled my fingers in his hair, pulling him as close as I possibly could.

Edward's hands unbuttoned the tattered old shirt I wore, pushing it from my shoulders when he was done. "You're beautiful," he murmured and sat up.

I wrapped my legs around his waist and gasped as his tongue flicked against one of my nipples. The chill that ran through my body took my breath away; it had_ never_ felt quite like that. His mouth and tongue were magic, and I wanted them on every part of my body. I could feel his erection pressing between my legs, the material of his pants straining. When I ground my hips against him I moaned.

"God damn, Bella," he croaked and manoeuvred us so I was on my back and he was kneeling in between my legs.

For the first time, it registered that he was shirtless and I marvelled at the sight. If I thought he looked good in the wife-beater at the gym, it was nothing in comparison to how he looked now. Perfectly toned didn't quite cut it. I ran my hands over every inch of his chest, stomach and back; the feel of his smooth skin burned my fingertips. He watched as I explored, a content smile fixed on his face.

"I've been waiting to feel like this all my life," he said.

"Me too," I choked and tears stung my eyes. "I want all of you, always."

"You already do, Bella. You've had all of me since the day we met."

A tear rolled down my face and Edward wiped it away gently with his thumb. Not wanting to waste a second, I fumbled with his pants; he helped me push them down and then flung them onto the floor. The need to touch and taste him was intense, and I tried to sit up. Edward shook his head and pushed me back down onto the bed.

"Tonight is all about you, Bella. I want to show you how it_ could_ be. What it _could _be like every night if you choose me. We would be so fucking good together, please let me show you."

He didn't wait for my answer, instead; he began to kiss down my body. I lifted my hips as he pulled down my underwear, hearing him groan when he realized how wet I was. _For him._

After placing a single kiss on the inside of each thigh, he looked up, watching my reaction as he drew his tongue through my centre in one painfully slow motion. I flopped back down onto the bed and moaned loudly, "Jesus."

His tongue alone made my body react like I'd never thought possible. I writhed, simultaneously wanting more yet finding the sensation almost too much to bear. Edward wrapped one arm around my hips and held me firmly in place. I crashed into the mother of all orgasms with a frighteningly loud scream. I was instinctively trying to moan his name over and over, but my ability to speak coherently failed me and it came out nothing more than a garbled, but wholly satisfied mess.

Edward sat up on his haunches and gave me the smuggest smirk I'd ever seen. With good reason, it didn't take a genius to recognise what he'd just done to me. I watched as he reached over the bed and pulled a foil wrapper from the bedside table. He stroked himself once or twice and then began to put on the condom; his eyes stayed on mine the entire time. The anticipation of what was about to happen was overwhelming. I knew it was wrong, yet it was impossible to say no. I wanted it more than I feared the repercussions.

Silently, he hovered over me. Strands of his hair fell forward and brushed against my face. Slowly dipping his head, his lips found mine and I knew this wasn't just lust. Without breaking the kiss, he settled between my legs and slowly inched his way inside. The sensation of him filling me was incredible, better than I could even comprehend.

"I knew you'd feel like this," he growled. "So fucking good."

At first he pulled back slowly, but it wasn't enough. "Please...harder," I begged and he slammed back into me over and over; harder and harder.

I moaned and he called out my name with each thrust of his hips. I felt my stomach tighten again and I came again, clamping tightly around Edward, and his movements faltered. His head fell onto my shoulder and he panted, "I'm...I'm...fuck." He came with one final push into me and then we lay in contented silence.

How long we lay there, I honestly don't know, but when he moved I missed the feel of him instantly. He kissed my head tenderly and smiled. I watched as he disappeared into the bathroom and more tears began to roll down my face. Not wanting him to see me cry like this, I turned onto my side.

"It's just not enough. It won't ever be enough," I cried to myself.

I heard a sigh behind me and a voice; nothing more than a whisper said, "It has to be enough."

~x~

My eyes opened and I groaned. My head hurt, my stomach churned, and I winced as I felt the tenderness between my legs.

_What the hell happened last night? Oh yeah, Edward happened._

I sat up quickly and looked over my shoulder expecting to see a mop of bronze hair on the pillow but instead there was a still-sleeping Jake.

"Did I dream it?" I asked myself and then dismissed that idea quickly.

Stumbling into the bathroom I assessed my reflection in the mirror. My hair was wild, my lips were slightly swollen, and there was a glow on my face that I'd never noticed before. My appearance told me it wasn't a dream, and the tenderness and aches in my body confirmed_ something_ had happened. But what?

Edward came to my room and he got into bed with me. Did Jake come to bed after Edward had left? Did Jake see something? My head hurt as I tried to make sense of the situation, so I showered, dressed and headed downstairs. It was only seven in the morning, so I was surprised to see Garrett, Kate, and Rachel sitting in the kitchen looking especially tired.

"Morning," I said, and poured myself a mug of coffee. "How come you're up so early?"

Kate narrowed her eyes at me and scoffed. "Well, it's a funny story," she began to say and the others laughed.

"What?" I frowned when she didn't elaborate. "Spit it out."

"B, when you told me Jake was good between the sheets, I didn't realise you meant, scream-the-house-down good. Poor Garrett's going to have an inferiority complex after hearing that," she said and I felt sick.

"You guys heard?" I choked. "You heard us last night?" If they heard, then Jake knew. Jake knew I'd cheated on him right under his nose.

"Last night? Try about an hour ago, Bella," Rachel told me. "You woke us up about half-past five. I had to escape downstairs, and these two were already here. God knows how Paul managed to sleep through it. Once I was up, I knew I'd never get back to sleep."

"So it was just you guys? I mean the others are still in bed..." I trailed off. _Where the hell was Jake when this was going down?_

"Everyone except Edward," Kate said and my stomach flipped. She knew what had happened.

"Where is he?" I asked casually, drinking my coffee.

"He left," Garrett told me,

_He said those things, slept with me, and then left without so much as a goodbye? Edward isn't like that. Is he?_

"Yeah, about halfway through _Scream 5 _he took off. He had to work later anyway," Garrett added.

"Work, my ass," Kate muttered.

"What? Edward was down here...while we were...um...oh..." Then I understood.

It was Jake who I'd slept with, but Edward who I imagined. That was almost as bad as actually cheating. The best sex I'd ever had took place with my mind utterly convinced I was with another man. I was a terrible person.

"I'm going to wake up Jake. I really need to get back to the city," I said. "Sorry guys, I really didn't mean to disturb you."

"Don't worry, Bella," Rachel said cheerfully. "I remember what it was like for Paul and me when we first met."

I smiled and all but ran from the kitchen. "Wait, B, are you alright?" Kate asked and I stopped halfway up the stairs.

"Edward was really down here with you? You saw him?" I clarified, and she nodded slowly.

"Yeah, the poor guy looked horrified." She watched me carefully. "What is it?"

I sank onto a step and sighed. "I thought I'd slept with Edward," I admitted quietly. "It was so real, Kate. I didn't see or hear Jake at all. I was convinced I'd cheated on him, here, in your parents' house."

Kate sat beside me and blew out her cheeks. "Oh."

"Oh?" I said. "I tell you something like that and all you have to say is, 'oh?'"

She smiled. "Sorry, B. I really don't know what else to say. That's quite a revelation."

"You—speechless? I call bullshit," I said. "I've been honest with you, now it's your turn."

"You won't like what I have to say," she warned.

"Tell me anyway. I need to hear it."

"You've fallen for the guy, B. And I'm not talking about lust; I mean you've_ really_ fallen for him. Your diary entries are about him and the way_ he_ makes you feel. You look at him like he's the only man on the face of the planet, and the sad thing is he does the exact same thing." Kate squeezed my hand. "Be honest with yourself, B. You deserve that much."

"I can't even lie about it any more," I said sadly. "But it makes no difference. I'm committed to Jake and this wedding. My entire professional career depends on this story, and Jake's too. I won't tarnish his career, Kate. It's not fair, he's been so great."

"How will it tarnish his career?" Kate asked, incredulously. "The exposure he'll get will be immense. He'll be the guy who was ditched publicly, there will be people clambering over each other trying to get to him."

"Or," I said, "The industry will think it was all one big publicity stunt and won't want to associate with him. What about my promotion? Do I just walk away from that too? I barely know Edward and you don't really know how he feels. My head is in bits, Kate. I honestly have no idea what I'm supposed to do." I blinked back tears and leaned my head on Kate's shoulder. "Tell me what to do, Kate."

"I don't know, I really don't know, B." She wrapped her arm around me and squeezed me tightly. "I'm sorry."

I sighed and stood up. "I'll see you at work tomorrow?"

"Sure, we can talk more then. Whatever you do, B, you know I'm here regardless."

"Thanks, Kate," I said and gave her a hug. "I'm sorry to bring you down on your birthday weekend."

"Don't even go there," she warned, and I smiled. "Love ya."

"Love you, too," I said and then trudged wearily upstairs.

Jake was still asleep and it took me a while to wake him. He opened his eyes and smiled sleepily. "Morning, babe."

"Hey you," I whispered.

"Um, are you okay?" he asked, nervously.

"Sure, why wouldn't I be?" I fiddled with the sheet and looked down.

"Well you seemed upset after we...do you remember we had sex?" He looked concerned. "I thought you might not remember given, how drunk you were."

I blushed. "Yeah, I remember."

"Good, I'd hate to think I took advantage...although, you did sort of attack me." He laughed in relief.

"I did?" I asked. I had no idea what was reality and what I dreamed up. "It's a little blurry."

"You passed out as soon as we got in, so I just let you be. Then, one minute you're fast asleep, and the next you attacked me. I don't know what came over you. Not that I'm complaining, of course."

"I guess it must have been the alcohol," I lied and then tried to change the subject. "Do you mind if we head home now? I need to get some work done before my deadline next week."

"Sure, I'll just take a quick shower." He sat up and stretched. "What time is it anyway?"

"Early," I admitted. "A little after seven."

"That is early. I bet we're the only ones up," he said absently, and I shook my head.

"Actually, a few people have been awake a while. We woke them up," I told him shyly.

He laughed and said, "I can believe it—you were _definitely_ vocal."

I watched as he went into the bathroom and let the shame and guilt overcome me. I'd dreamed Edward coming into my room and telling me he needed me. Yet, my intoxicated brain had mistaken it for reality, and I'd remained immersed in my fantasy. I sleep-fucked my fiancé while my mind was utterly convinced I was with Edward.

I. Was. Fucked.

~x~

_Diary Entry Number 3 – December 2011_

_So, the weeks are really flying by, and__ I admit I am feeling the pressure of taking part in such a public wedding. It certainly isn't how I envisioned__ my wedding to be, but it's a fairytale none-the-less. I have more or less everything organised, so I know I shouldn't worry, but I assume that comes with the territory__. So many things to plan, so many guests to think about, and of course, th__e worry that all eyes are on you. I keep telling myself to just focus on enjoying the day, but I'm__ still waiting for my mind to listen._

_Not only will it be my wedding in a few months, but my best friend and colleague marries the love of her life in seven short weeks. I can't __wait to see her walk down the aisle. I have planned her bachelorette party, and __in return she has planned mine. I dread to think what she has up her sleeve, because Kate has __a wicked sense of humour and an imagination a child would be envious of. I trust she'll not humiliate me__ too much, but either way you'll get to read about it. That will feature in the last issue before the big day!_

_I guess we all have a friend like that. Someone we can confide our deepest, darkest secrets too and know that they will always have our back. That is Kate through and through;__ I feel I have to thank her, because I don't know what I would do without her. She knows me, completely, and__ she knows exactly how I'm feeling. During__ the next few months I suspect I'm going to need her more than ever. _

_On a separate note entirely, this weekend I finally made sense of two sensations I really hated as a child. Two sensations that now, I don't think I'll ever tire of feeling. It may seem random, but to me it all makes perfect sense._

_When I was a kid, I would get butterflies in my stomach in the time leading up to Christmas__, birthdays, or vacations. It was excited anticipation, and__ I hated it. For me, it only prolonged the wait and I found I couldn't eat or sleep while I was feeling that way.__ Also as a kid, I would get goosebumps when I was scared, cold, or nervous which was pretty much all the time. __Those bodily reactions, to me, seemed pointless and irrational, and __not once had I ever associated goosebumps or butterflies as anything positive...until now._

_Now, my stomach feels like it's housing an entire avery of butterflies__ all desperately trying to find an escape. My body is literally covered, head to toe in __those goosebumps whenever I see his face or listen to his voice. I have never once experienced those feelings at the hands of a man,__ and now it has consumed me entirely. It took me a while to realise it, but now I know that I've found my "one" and I think I'll call him my Butterfly Guy. _

* * *

**A/N...again. **

**Thank you so much for reading and all your reviews and alerts...I'm really very sorry I didn't get around to replying this week but I only came home from holiday on Friday and I was lost in pile of laundry as tall as Mount Everest. **

**I will send a teaser for the next chapter to anyone who reviews this chapter, I promise :D**

**I you was thinking about setting up a FBook group for anyone who wants to chat about this story or absolutely anything else...not sure if it's something you'd be interested in or not so just let me know what you think?**

**Anyway, enough shit from me,**

**TTYL**

**Katy**

**xoxo**


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8 – Where The Wind Blows**

I had a plan to stay the hell away from Edward. I had a plan to stop thinking about him. My plan failed miserably. I _did _manage to stay away from him, but I'd be a liar if I said I stopped thinking about him because I _couldn't_ stop thinking about him.

It had been weeks since Kate's, birthday weekend, and aside from a few texts to confirm details for Kate and Garrett's respective parties, Edward and I hadn't really been in touch.

Since the "Butterfly Guy" piece went to print, poor Jake became the obsession for so many readers. I, of course, felt like a complete fraud, and Jake seemed weirdly uncomfortable with the newfound attention. In fact, he wasn't his usual easy-going and happy self. I put it down to the sheer number of work offers he had been receiving ever since he proposed and the stress of the upcoming wedding. He was working more and more, usually moving from one city to another without returning home. I understood he had to make the most of the opportunities being presented, but it left us with less and less time to spend together.

We didn't even spend Thanksgiving in each other's company. I flew home to Forks, and he visited his sister in Hawaii. I ignored my family's concerns about us being apart all the time and insisted our independence was important and it worked for us.

December began to pass by at a freakishly fast pace. I had everything in order for my wedding, so I threw myself into the finer details of Kate's bachelor party. I ordered toys, games, accessories and anything else I could find. I found that the more I kept my mind occupied, the less I dwelled on my own future and the less those feelings of trepidation began to surface.

Esme decided that based on the success the article had already received, the job of Editor-In-Chief was mine to refuse. She began showing me what she did on a daily basis and even handed one or two responsibilities down to me. In January, she wanted _me _to read through the first draft of the issue and make notes as to what I would change. She would go through it afterwards, of course, but basically I had the opportunity to put my own stamp on it.

As I was spending a great deal of time in her company, I grew even closer to the woman I had been in awe of for so many years. She was firm and demanding with those who worked for her because it was her neck on the line if something wasn't up to scratch, but I also knew I could turn to her for advice whenever I needed it. Of course that didn't help my situation with Edward, because now I had another reason to see this wedding through. I couldn't and wouldn't let Esme down—not now, not ever.

"Do you mind if I come along for your fitting this afternoon, Bella?" Esme asked as I prepared to leave her office. "I'd love to see you in the dress; I've only seen sketches from the designer."

I grinned and said, "Of course, Esme. It's not close to finished yet, but it's starting to look incredible."

"I expect nothing less of Rosalie Hale. She's a genius." She smiled and added, "What time's the appointment?"

"Twelve-thirty," I replied. "We were going to take a cab, bu-"

"I'll have the car drive us."

"Thanks, Esme."

By car, Esme didn't mean a regular car that regular people drive every day. She meant the sleek, black limousine that was at her beck and call. We were waiting in the car for Esme to join us and Kate was ecstatic.

"Oh my God, B. This is going to be your ride soon," she squealed. "You're going to have a fucking chauffeur to take you wherever the hell you want to go."

I laughed and shook my head. "Yeah, because that's the only reason why I want the job."

"Hey, I get it. It's a job you've always dreamed of, but come on, B. Just imagine the reaction in Forks when everyone finds out just how goddamn successful Chief Swan's little girl has become living and working in the Big Apple. God, I bet you've made him so proud." Kate beamed at me like she was the one getting the promotion. "I'm so happy for you, B. You deserve this more than anyone. I don't think you could have given more to this company than you have already."

"Thanks, Kate," I said, feeling especially swept away in the excitement.

Times like this made me feel like a cold and shallow person. Some morning's I woke up like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders, grumbling incessantly about meeting Edward one week too fucking late and constantly wondered "What if?" Yet, if I had a productive meeting with Esme, a rare evening out with Jake, or a giddy schoolgirl moment about what I could achieve and I was seemingly happy again.

Rosalie helped change me into the dress carefully. There was still some work to be done on it, but I had a vision of what it would look like finished and so far so good. The embellished lace bodice was sculpted and the extended waistline made the most of my small waist. At first I had been reluctant to choose a Cinderella cut dress—I preferred sleek, but Rosalie asked me to trust her; I was glad I did. While the top half of the dress was intricate and detailed, the bottom was simple and the two complimented each other perfectly. Due to the extended waist line, the dress looked more my style and not as ballgown-ish. The final detail would be a hand-stitched Rose sewn to my let hip—Rosalie Hale's signature on every dress she made.

"B, this is going to be amazing," Kate breathed as I stood in front of the mirror. "You'll look so beautiful."

"I agree, the attention to detail is stunning and it's not even complete yet," Esme said and moved closer to inspect Rosalie's work. "Rosalie darling, it's spectacular."

"Coming from you, Esme, that means a lot," Rosalie said earnestly. "I have to say, this one has been a dream to work for. She basically gave me a free rein to do as I chose and trusted me when I asked her to."

I laughed. "I have no idea about wedding gowns. I assumed I'd be in safe hands if I let you make the decisions."

The dress was probably my most favourite part of this entire process so far. It transformed me from Bella Swan, ordinary girl from Forks, into someone who felt important and worthy of all the attention that was coming at me. Looking at my reflection actually made the charade I was putting on for everyone else seem that much more believable—even to me.

"I'll see you again in another few weeks," Rosalie said as she pinned a few more places on the gown and scribbled notes in her pad. "I'll have the main work complete by then and we can focus on the final measurements and anything else you need to correct. If you can make sure to bring the shoes you'll be wearing on the day I can check the length is right too."

"Sounds like a plan," I said and followed her back into the dressing room so she could help me undress.

When I re-emerged in my boring real world, clothes consisting of a black pencil skirt and white blouse, Esme asked if she could take us to lunch.

"I already agreed to meet Garrett, Esme, I'm sorry," Kate said. "He's been working a lot these past few weeks. His assistant quit in the middle of planning their next exhibition, so he's swamped. You don't mind?"

"Of course I don't, Kate. Just be sure to clear out your desk when you get back to the office. I need staff who understand that Eclipse and I come before everything else," Esme said sternly, and Kate's mouth fell open in shock. Seeing her reaction, caused Esme to laugh and she put her hand on Kate's shoulder softly. "I'm kidding, Kate. Go and see your fiancé. What about you, Bella?"

"Lunch sounds great," I told her.

"I'd say thank you, Esme, but I'm still reeling from your _joke," _Kate said and grinned. "I really thought you were firing me."

"Kate, you should know by now, that I make sure the _best_ people are _my_ people. Neither of you are permitted to ever leave my magazine, I trust and respect you both too much." Esme smiled. "Just be sure no one else knows I have a soft side, there'd be a revolt I'm sure."

Kate hailed a cab to take her to Garrett's gallery and Esme and I got into the car to go to lunch. _Lunch_, which just happened to be in an exclusive restaurant in Edward's neighbourhood and I was once again swamped with images of the fantasy come dream I'd had the last time I saw him. Sex with Jake was now non-existent, even considering it was impossible after _that _night. Luckily, it hadn't caused too much of an issue so far, but Jake was a guy so I knew it would come up at some point. Plus, that side of our relationship had never been lacking before so surely he'd wonder why it was now.

"I have standing reservations here," Esme told me as we were escorted to a table in the VIP section. "I come here at least twice a week."

"I've never been," I admitted. "It's a little out of my league."

"Not for long." She winked. "After the wedding, I'd like you to come with me to all of the parties, dinners and functions I'm invited too. The 'work' side of the job you'll take to in a flash, Bella, but it's the PR aspect that takes some adjusting to."

"Thanks," I murmured. "I still can't believe you're going to leave."

"It's going to be hard, but it's something I have to do." Esme sighed. "I was confident I was making the right decision before I made the offer to you, but now I know I am. Your diary, Bella, has been such an eye-opener to me. I always thought that to focus entirely on your career meant you had to sacrifice your personal life, but I can see that's not necessarily the case. It's about balancing the two worlds, something you appear to be doing with relative ease."

"But why can't you do that and stay at Eclipse?" I asked her.

"Because I've invested too much of myself into that place. If I were to take a step back and not commit as much to the role, I'd feel like I wasn't doing my job properly. I need to make a fresh start, Bella."

I nodded, feeling like someone had punched me in the stomach knocking all the wind out of me. I was making such a damned mess. I had to put it right. Maybe if I talked about it to Esme? Told her what I was really feeling...

"Esme, I really have to tell you something," I said quickly. "It's about my diary and this whole offer."

She watched me carefully and then her gaze shifted to something behind me, and her face lit up. "Excuse me, Bella." She stood up and called out, "Carlisle?"

I spun around in my chair and saw a very handsome older man with blonde hair about to take a seat at another table. He looked familiar, but I was pretty sure we'd never met before. When 'Carlisle' noticed Esme, he too smiled widely and strode straight over to our table.

"My goodness, Esme, wow, it's so good to see you. What has it been, thirty years?" He gave Esme a quick kiss on the cheek and stepped back. "You haven't changed. Not a single bit."

Esme Platt actually blushed and she was beaming from ear to ear. "You always were a charmer, Carlisle. And it's been thirty-four years, I was eighteen the last time I saw you."

"Where has the time gone?" he mused and looked at me. "Sorry to impose on your dinner, your mother and I go back years."

I giggled and Esme shook her head. "No, no, Carlisle. This isn't my daughter. Bella is my protégé. I'm preparing her to fill my shoes at Eclipse. Bella, this is Dr. Carlisle Cullen, we went to school together. Carlisle, this is Isabella Swan, my _career_ daughter."

_Cullen? Cullen? Cullen? _

"Oh, I am sorry," Carlisle said and held out his hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Isabella."

"And you, Dr. Cullen," I said and he laughed.

"Carlisle, please."

"Would you like to join us?" Esme offered and looked to me. "You don't mind, Bella?"

"Of course not," I said and tried to ignore the knots in my stomach as my mind went into overdrive. I racked my brains trying to remember what Edward had called his dad. I knew he was a doctor...but was this the same man?

"Well, actually, I'm meeting my son. He should be here any minute," Carlisle began.

"The offer extends to both of you," Esme said. "But if you'd rather spend time with your son, please go ahead. We can catch up another time."

"No, no," Carlisle said quickly and I smirked. "I'll tell the hostess to show my son over here when he arrives."

_Well, if it is Edward's dad, I'm in big trouble._

"Lovely." Esme looked like a teenager. Her cheeks were flushed, and she was still smiling. There was no mistaking that look and I figured Carlisle might just be her "Butterfly Guy."

"So, tell me all about yourself, Esme. I heard you were doing well for yourself over at Eclipse?" Carlisle looked as smitten as Esme and I watched them curiously. "I was so proud when I heard you became Editor-In-Chief.

"Yes, it's a tough job, and I loved it for so many years. Now, though, it's time to take a step back. We're not getting any younger after all." Her smiled faded and she asked, "How are you, Carlisle? I heard about your wife passing away, I'm so sorry."

_Edward's mom died...he told me she died a long time ago. This really could be his dad. Shit._

Carlisle nodded and said, "Thank you. It was a long time ago, and she left me with a wonderful son and some special memories. It was tough for a while, but we made it through. Are you married, Esme?"

"Oh no," she replied. "I gave far too much to my career and never came close to settling down with anyone. Tell me about your son?"

I braced myself for the confirmation this was in fact Edward's dad when he laughed. "He can tell you himself, he just walked in."

I froze in my seat and watched as Carlisle stood and waved someone over to the table. "This is Edward, my only son. Edward, I'd love for you to meet Esme Platt and..."

"Bella?" Edward asked and I forced myself to look up. He looked as confused as I was embarrassed.

"Edward, hi," I said and smiled nervously, feeling my cheeks redden as I spoke. "How are you?"

"Good thanks, yourself?"

"Yeah good. I'm really good," I replied nervously and looked quickly at Esme and Carlisle who were staring at us curiously. "Esme, this is Garrett's friend, Edward. He's going to be the best man at Kate's wedding."

"Well, what a small world," Esme said and greeted Edward warmly. "I hope you don't mind, but I suggested you and your father join Bella and me for lunch?"

Edward hesitated and I felt him look at me. "No, that sounds lovely. Sorry, I'm late, Dad, I got caught up at work."

"I understand that only too well," Carlisle said and then told Esme, "Edward's a resident at Lennox Hill."

"Like father, like son?" Esme said with a smile.

Edward sat beside me, and I felt that damned surge of energy between us. I realised then how much I'd missed it...missed him. Carlisle and Esme began talking amongst themselves and left Edward and I sitting in silence.

"Tough day at work then?" I asked when all other conversation failed me.

"Yeah, it's been a long week, and I expect it will be the same until after the New Year. Too many parties and binge drinkers." He looked tired. I could see dark shadows under his eyes, and he had more growth on his face than I'd seen before. He still looked incredible; just more rugged and a whole different fantasy began playing out in my head. "How about you?"

"Busy, but I can guess it's tame in comparison to what you've had to deal with," I said and he laughed quietly. "What?"

"I'd rather deal with a puking kid or a drunk any day of the week than have to face Kate and the stresses of her wedding. That woman scares the living bejesus out of me." He took a drink of his water and added, "I think she's great of course, I just intend to avoid her as much as possible until the wedding itself."

"What about the bachelor party?" I asked. "You can't hide from her that night."

"Ah, but I'm relying on you to keep her away from me, Bella," he said. "Please ply her with alcohol and ensure she's far too drunk to talk to me about speeches and remembering the wedding rings."

"Okay, that I can do." I laughed. "And I won't tell her you've been talking bad about her to me. Even if she is my best friend."

"Our secret huh?" he asked and I nodded. "Thanks."

For the majority of lunch, Edward and I talked alone. Esme and Carlisle were immersed in each other, and I think they'd all but forgotten that we were sitting at the table.

"Do you think they'd notice if we disappeared," Edward whispered.

"You can try it, but I'm staying put. I don't want to get into trouble with my boss," I said and he scoffed.

"Coward."

It was almost three when Esme looked over at me. "Bella, why don't you go home. There's nothing that can't wait until Monday, right?"

"Um no, nothing," I said.

"Carlisle and I are going to talk some more, so I'll see you in the office on Monday, okay?" Esme was trying to get rid of me and I tried not to laugh.

"Sure, thanks, Esme." I offered to pay some of the bill but she waved me away.

"Edward, you don't mind if we take a rain check?" Carlisle asked.

"It's fine, Dad. Have fun reconnecting," he said with a wink and Esme Platt actually giggled.

As we left the restaurant, I thought I felt Edward's hand on my back, guiding me through the now busy crowd. I slowed deliberately and sure enough, the pressure increased slightly. I kept my pace slow, trying to milk every second of the connection I could.

"I should hail a cab," I said when we stepped outside and began to raise my arm.

"Do you have to take off?" he asked and put his hand on my arm. "I was hoping we could have a drink or something?"

I looked at his hand and then back at his face and he pulled his arm back. "Sorry, I'm sure you have plans or-"

"No!" I said quickly. "I don't have anywhere else I need to be. What did you have in mind?"

He smiled. "I'm afraid I haven't found anywhere else that sells chocolate croissants quite like Balotelli's, but there's a quirky bar not far from my apartment."

"Sounds good to me," I said happily and we set off walking away from the restaurant. "I can't believe Esme and your dad know each other."

"I know, he's never mentioned her before," he said. "I don't think he likes talking to me about that kind of stuff, even now that I'm an adult. He tried so hard to make sure I knew as much as possible about my mom, he's forgotten he's entitled to move on, you know?"

"You wouldn't mind then, if he did?"

"Not at all. I know he loved her, but it's been years since she died now." He stuffed his hands into his pockets and looked at me. "She's nice though, your boss?"

"At work she's terrifying," I told him. "But it's just her way of making the magazine the best she can. I've always respected her, but these past few months she's been so great with me and everything else that's going on. I've never seen her act like she did with your dad."

"Me either, he was like a horny teenager," he said with a chuckle. "It's a good idea we left when we did, I think they might have been playing footsies under the table."

The bar Edward took me to was in the basement of an apartment building a few blocks from the restaurant. It was small and dark but I liked it instantly. There was a bar in one corner, with tables and chairs dotted around. Aside from a jukebox and a pool table, that was it for decorations.

"What would you like?" he asked as we took a seat at the bar.

"What are you having?" I asked.

"A beer or ten. I'm not back at work for a few days, so I plan on relaxing." He ordered his beer and waited for me.

"Beer's good," I replied. "For now."

"For now?" Edward asked and raised an eyebrow questioningly. "What about later?"

"Let's see where the wind blows shall we?" I winked.

* * *

**A/N I hope you liked it? I'll send over a little teaser for those who review if you want one? _But_, I will post an extended teaser on the facebook page I've set up. So, if you are on Facebook and want to chat about this fic or anything else whatsoever, come and find me. MrsK Eightyone and the group is called MrsK81 Fic. **

**Thank you to Prettyflour and Twifanmom for their help with the chapter, I did play around with it after they'd made their edits so any mistakes are mine.**

**Last thank you to all of you for reading, reviewing, following or alerting etc. I absolutely cannot thank you enough!**

**More soon,**

**Katy**

**xxx**


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9 – I Can't Do This.**

"Bella, I think you may have an alcohol addiction." Edward looked on in amazement as I sank the last of another beer...or was it wine? _Bah, who cares?_

"Hey, it was your idea to bring me here," I argued. "I was going to go home and get some work done."

He laughed and said, "With a glass of wine by any chance?"

I frowned and then saw his smug expression. "Ass."

"I take your non-answer to mean yes?" he asked and I rolled my eyes.

"What can I say, I'm under a lot of stress right now," I said. "A lot of fucking stress."

I felt Edward's hand rest on my shoulder and he said softly, "Hey, I was only messing with you, Bella. I didn't mean to upset you."

I shook my head and sighed. "You didn't. Not really anyway. It's just..." I trailed off and laughed darkly. "Did you ever find yourself in a really fucked up situation? One which you saw no right way out of?"

Edward studied my face carefully and said, "Are we talking work or real life ?"

I laughed again and said, "I'm beginning to wonder if there's any distinguishing between the two anymore. Sorry, forget I said anything, Edward. I am not bringing you down with my melodramatic, woe-is-me attitude. Let's have another drink and toast to alcoholism."

He chuckled, ordered us both another beer and we clinked our glasses together. "I will toast, but not to alcoholism. I am a doctor after all and that would be highly unethical of me."

"Yes, valid point. So what are we toasting to?" I asked. "_Dr._ Cullen."

"To you finding the right way out of a really fucked up situation," he said simply and took a drink on his beer.

"To that," I said robotically. "To that." My phone buzzed on the bar and I noticed Kate was ringing me. "Uh oh, Kate's gonna kick your ass when she finds out you got me drunk without her." I answered it and said, "Hey you."

"Jesus, B, are you drunk?" she asked. "It's not even seven. Where are you?"

"Well, it's not my fault. You see Esme took me to lunch and the-"

"Esme got you drunk?"

"No, let me finish. Jeez. So we're at lunch and who should walk in? One of Esme's old school friends who also happens to be Edward's dad. The oldies were flirting all night and then ditched me and Edward. So, we decided to go for a drink." I smiled at Edward and added, "I'm having a lot of fun. You and Garrett should join us."

"We can't, B, sorry. Maybe we could get together another time though? You haven't sounded this upbeat for ages. Can I just talk to Edward a sec, B?"

"Sure." I held out the phone to Edward. "She wants to talk to you."

He took the phone hesitantly and said, "Kate?"

I watched as he nodded once or twice, laughed and then said, "Don't worry about Bella, Kate. No, she's not as drunk as she was on your birthday. Yes, I'll make sure she gets home safe and tell her to call you as soon as she walks through the door."

Kate was still jabbering away when Edward hung up. "Wow, that girl likes to talk."

"Well she likes you, if she didn't she'd have been down here like lightning to check on me," I told him. "She trusts me in your company."

He smiled and said, "She shouldn't. I'm really a crazed psychopath who wants to steal your vital organs to sell on the black-market." I burst out laughing and Edward grinned. "Hey, people really do that!"

"Then you're not much of a doctor, Edward," I said, still giggling. "And you picked a really shitty donor in me. My liver is reeling from the alcohol abuse, and my brain is quickly turning to mush with all the drama in my life."

"And your heart?" he asked. "What kind of shape is that in?"

"That's even more fucked up than the rest of my body," I said and tried to laugh it off but Edward frowned.

"That's a shame," he said and then forced a smile. "Shit, what a waste of time this has been. I'm never going to be able to trade in _your_ body parts huh?"

"Not a chance. No organ harvesting tonight, Dr. Cullen. Sorry."

"Damn, well then what should we do instead?" he asked playfully and I tried to keep my answer clean.

"I say we drink to failing organs and no harvesting," I said and called the bartender over. "But, we need to toast with a proper drink."

"Another toast?" he asked and I nodded. "I take it back, you're not an alcoholic. The drinking is just a means for you to indulge in your true addiction—toasting."

~x~

Edward and I stayed into the bar until almost eleven. We toasted to every possible subject we could think of, and once again I found myself staring at an empty bottle of Tequila.

"Aw crap, I did it again," I muttered and waved the bottle in his face. "I drank it all."

"Actually, this time _we_ drank it all," he said. "Come on, you look like you've had more than enough, Bella. I promised Kate I'd look after you. Let me get you home."

He held out his hand and helped me from the stool. I wobbled as I tried to walk away, and Edward wrapped his arm around my waist. I leaned happily into his side and let him escort me from the bar. It was cold and wet outside, yet I felt elated and warm.

"I'm just going to sit you on the bench here, while I hail us a cab," he said and I clung onto his shirt tightly. "Bella?"

"I'm cold," I mumbled pathetically. "I left my coat at the office."

"Shit, I didn't even notice. Here, you can take mine." He once again tried to move me from his arms but I wouldn't budge.

"I'm warm right here," I whispered and his arms were around me again instantly.

"Shit," he mumbled and then began to try to wave down a cab.

The streets were busy of course, and people barged into us as they passed us, but I didn't care. I was starting to get colder and colder as Edward tried in vain to hail the cab, but I didn't care about that either. I sighed when I saw a cab draw up alongside the side walk. I didn't want this night to end yet.

"Gramercy Park and then back again?" Edward asked and opened the rear door.

"Hold on," the cabbie shouted. "She's not getting in my cab."

"What?" Edward asked. "Why the hell not?"

"'Cos she's wasted. I 'ain't cleaning her puke out of my cab. We've got a zero tolerance policy now. Sorry, pal."

"Thanks a lot, _Pal_." Edward slammed the door and sighed. "Sorry, Bella. I'll try another one, maybe they'll-"

"It's okay, Edward," I said. "I can walk. I've managed it in far worse states than this."

"No chance, Bella. Tell you what, come back to my place and have a coffee. Once you've sobered up, we'll get a cab then. I only live a few blocks away." He didn't wait for my answer and just started walking us in the other direction.

"I bet you hate me right now," I said. "I'm really sorry, Edward. Maybe I should just call Kate and let her deal with my drunken ass."

"Bella, I've had a really good night and you're still great company regardless. It was weird not talking to you these past few weeks." His hand rubbed up and down my arm to try and warm me up. "I know I should have called...I just...I was busy."

"I know. I've been busy too," I said. "But I missed you."

"I missed you too."

We walked the rest of the way in silence. His arm still wrapped tightly around me, and my body pressed as close to his as I could_. _I was going back to Edward's apartment. Sure _he_ had the intention of sobering me up so he could get me home, but I didn't trust myself. I wanted him more than I had ever wanted anyone, and the alcohol in my system wasn't helping. I needed to know how his lips felt on mine for real; how his skin felt on my fingertips. No more dreams or explicit fantasies I wanted the real thing and I wanted it now.

"Good evening, Dr. Cullen," Edward's doorman greeted us and I smiled. "Ma'am."

"Hello, Tyler," Edward replied politely.

"My apartment's on the tenth floor," he told me as we waited for the elevator. "I try to use the stairs as much as possible, but I thought it best to take the elevator tonight."

"I appreciate that," I said with a smile. "And I appreciate you doing this."

"I just wanted to get you into my apartment," he said and laughed. "Organ harvester, remember?"

I giggled and nudged him playfully. "It's a nice building."

"I only moved in after I got my residency. I figured I might as well reward myself. It's not like I have anything else to spend my money on." I felt him shrug. "Dad wanted to buy me a house out in the suburbs. He always says you need space to escape the city sometimes, but I like to be in amongst it all."

"I grew up in a small town and hated it. I was out of there first chance I got," I told him.

"You wouldn't go back?" he asked as the elevator doors opened and we stepped inside. "To Forks?"

"I doubt it. Even if I do want a quieter life at some point, Forks is just too quiet for me. Maybe I'd go back to Washington, Seattle perhaps." I could hear my words slurring into one another. They sounded crystal clear in my head, but with the way Edward chuckled as I spoke I figured he noticed the slur too.

"The cabbie was right," I said sheepishly. "I can't travel when I'm drunk. I would have thrown up straight away."

"Can I admit something?" he asked and I looked up, nodding. "I'm glad. I really didn't want you to go home."

"So why suggest the cab?" I asked.

"Gentlemanly thing to do," he said. "You are drunk and the best thing for you is to go home to bed. But essentially I'm selfish, so I'm more than happy you're here with me."

"Me too," I admitted. "Edward I..."

Edward's head dipped ever so slightly, and I tilted my chin up closing the gap between our faces. I was going to kiss him. It was wrong, but Jesus it felt right. My heart raced and I held my breath as I waited. Just as his eyes closed the "ding" of the elevator made us both jump and Edward pulled back quickly.

"Sorry," he mumbled and moved his arm from around my waist. "I'm in apartment 10 G." He walked out ahead and I followed him with a sigh, giving the elevator doors a kick as I passed through them.

Edward's apartment was really nice, even if it was the typical guy place. Bare cream walls in the main kitchen and living area with stained floorboards covered in parts by rugs. There was a large black couch in front of the television and a dining table over near the kitchen, which I noticed was littered with medical books and notes.

"Can I just use your bathroom?" I asked.

"Sure, it's actually in my bedroom," he said. "I opted to have the other one taken out to make the kitchen bigger."

"It's a nice space," I said lamely. "I'll be right back."

I did my best not to fall as I staggered into his bedroom. The walls were predominantly cream like the rest of the apartment, but one wall was covered in dark blue wallpaper which I really liked. I kept my eyes as far away from his bed as I could and hurried to the bathroom. Seeing the place I'd love to be at this very moment wasn't going to help with my self-control. Trying to sober up a little, I splashed my face with water and then bent over the basin. I was starting to feel nauseous and there was no way in hell I was throwing up in Edward's apartment. I slid to the floor and pressed my face against the cold tiles. It helped a little and I concentrated on breathing in and out, hoping to keep my stomach settled. My eyes closed as I counted slowly on each breath.

I must have passed out, because I was almost convinced I was dreaming when I felt strong arms scoop me up and carry me out of the bathroom and place me onto a bed. The soft pillow and comforter felt like heaven and I didn't notice another thing.

~x~

Waking up with a stinking hangover was becoming far too recurrent for my liking, and it took me several minutes to open my eyes. When I did, instead of seeing the cream walls of my apartment, I was looking at a dark shade of blue that was completely unfamiliar.

"What the hell?" I croaked and sat up realizing I was still in yesterday's clothes.

I looked around the room, noticed a photo on the wall and suddenly understood.

_I'm still at Edward's? But I'm alone and fully dressed?_

I heard someone moving about on the other side of the closed door and I panicked, racking my brains to remember what had happened after we left the bar. I scurried to the bathroom quickly and groaned when I saw my reflection. My face was pale and I had mascara around my eyes and down one cheek.

"Great," I grumbled and tried to tidy myself up. "This is just great."

When I'd done all that was physically possible without a full bag of make-up and a curling iron, I opened the door and headed towards the noises coming from the kitchen. As I passed the lounge, I noticed a few rumpled blankets on the couch and my heart swelled when I realized Edward had given me his bed and spent the night on the couch.

_Jake has never done that. _

Edward was rifling through the cupboards, muttering to himself as he did. "Not a thing to eat, dammit."

"Morning," I said quietly and he jumped, banging his head on one of the counters.

"Ow, shit," he yelled and I ran over to him.

"Shit, sorry to scare you. Are you okay?" I reached out to him and then pulled my hands back quickly.

He smiled and nodded. "Yeah, you just made me jump. How are you feeling?"

"Like crap," I admitted. "Sorry about last night. You should have woke me and sent me home. It wasn't fair for me to take your bed."

"You were fast asleep, Bella. I found you zonked out on the bathroom floor," he said. "You were in no state to go anywhere. Besides, I've spent many a night on my couch. Usually because I've fallen asleep on it watching television and not because inebriated women have taken mine." He chuckled and added, "Do you want breakfast?"

I grimaced and shook my head. "Not right now. I doubt my stomach could handle it, but thanks. I'll take some coffee if you have any?"

"Good, because I haven't got much in for you to eat. But, coffee I can do." He nodded and then sighed. "Listen, I don't know if you remember what happened last night. But if you do, then I'm sorry."

"What happened? Did we...?" I asked anxiously.

"No, no, no! I would never have done that, you were wasted, Bella," he said quickly. "I meant for what happened in the elevator, when I went to kiss you."

Hearing him say it brought back the memory, and I felt a warm tingle run through my body as I remembered the look in his eye and the rush that I felt as he moved his head down to mine.

"It was stupid. You'd had a lot to drink and I should never have thought about it," he said. "I guess we were both drunk, right?"

My heart sank and I replied, "No worries. Yeah, we were both drunk."

"So, coffee," he said, rubbing the back of his neck. "You need coffee. Take a seat, I'll be right back."

"Thanks." I watched him walk into what I presumed was the kitchen and flopped onto the couch.

Great, now he was being all weird and formal again. My hung over mind couldn't handle this. One minute he was trying to kiss me and putting me to bed like a complete gentleman while he had to take the couch, and the next he dropped me like hot rocks. I was still talking it over in my head when I noticed Edward standing in front of me with a mug of coffee in each hand.

"Here, I didn't know how you take it."

"At this moment, black is good." I smiled. "Thank you, I should be okay in a few minutes. I'll drink this and call a cab."

"Okay, whatever you like," he said coolly and I swore under my breath.

The awkward silence returned and I couldn't look at him. I could sense he was eager for me to leave so I drank the coffee quickly and then handed him the mug. "There, I feel much better. Thanks, Edward. I should get home and call Kate. I'm sure she'll be worried."

"Mm hm," he replied casually without looking in my direction.

"Okay then...bye, I guess," I said shyly and backed towards the door. He still wouldn't turn in my direction and it infuriated me. What were we, eight? "Thanks for last night. I had a nice time even if you didn't," I hissed and slammed the door behind me

I marched to the elevator and jabbed the button over and over again. "Come on you stupid damn thing," I growled and watched as the needle over the floor numbers moved slowly up towards ten.

Finally the doors opened and I stepped inside, inflicting my rage this time on the lobby button. Just as the doors began to close a hand pushed them open roughly and I looked up to see a very angry looking Edward standing there glaring at me.

"Is that what you think?" he asked,his tone equally as furious. "That I didn't have a good time? You're not serious?"

"I don't know, Edward. I mean we laugh and joke like we've been friends all our lives and I feel...shit I don't know..._something_ between us and I dare to think you might feel it too. Then you act all cool and casual like I'm someone you barely tolerate. Shit, Edward what do you expect me to think?" My heart was pounding out of my chest as I shouted at him, but his expression never shifted.

He stepped inside the elevator. "I feel it too," he said gruffly. "Of course I feel it. I have since that night in the gallery and it scares the shit out of me, Bella. You're all I want and you're engaged to someone else. I've never been _that_ man—the one who takes another man's girl. I never thought I would do that, but I can't stay away from you and it's eating away at me."

"I don't want you to stay away," I admitted and Edward closed his eyes.

"But you're engaged to someone else," he whispered. "You're marrying someone else."

I croaked, "Yes."

"Then I can't do this, Bella. I'm sorry." He pressed the button again for the lobby and stepped back through the doors as they closed.

My eyes filled with tears and I wiped at my face furiously before I reached the lobby. I kept my head down as I walked outside and into the busy street. I needed the fresh air to clear my head, so I started the long walk back to my apartment.

* * *

**A/N I am sorry for the long wait. RL has been a nightmare this past week or so. My almost 86 year old Nan who has Alzheimers had a fall and broke her femur. She had to have major surgery and we didn't think she'd come through. But she's fighting fit now and even more feisty and demanding than she was before :D**

**Thanks to Prettyflour for prereading and catching those Britishisms I always forget about! My beta, Twifanmom hasn't had the chance to fix my comma crisis for this chapter so please forgive the mistakes. I will edit the chapter as soon as I can.**

**I'll send over a teaser for the next chapter if you want one - just hit that review button ;)**

**Thank you so much for your amazing reviews - they make my day! If you're a ANWTRS reader then there is a little peek at the first outtake I'll be posting in my Facebook group = MrsK81 Fic. Come and say hi!**

**TTFN**

**Katy**

**xxx**


	11. Chapter 10

**A/N Wow, thank you so much for your reviews last chapter! I know it was a really crappy place to leave you hanging, so here's the next one. Hope you enjoy :D**

**Chapter 10 – Maid Of Honor Duty**

"If I'm interrupting I'll go..." I said into the buzzer.

"No, B, it's fine come on up," Kate said back, and the door opened for me.

I hadn't gone home, I'd stopped for coffee at Balotelli's and picked at a chocolate croissant—thinking about Edward the whole damn time. Now, I couldn't bear to sit alone and think about what had just happened.

Kate was waiting by the elevator when I stepped off and she laughed when she saw me. "Good God, B. What the hell happened to you last night?"

"Hangover from Hell," I said, trying to smile. "I feel like shit and I just made a whole mess with Edward."

"What? Did you guys sleep together?" Kate asked.

"No." I shook my head. "Nothing happened, not really anyway."

"Okay, B. Either something happened or it didn't." She pointed to the couch and disappeared into the kitchen, re-emerging with a cup of coffee. "You can tell me. Edward is Garrett's friend, honey; my loyalties lie purely with you."

"I was drunk, ridiculously drunk, and he was such a gentleman, Kate. He tried to take me home but the taxi driver wouldn't let me in the cab, so he walked me to his place to try and sober me up. I told him I'd missed him these past few weeks and he said the same. I honestly thought he was going to kiss me...I wanted him to kiss me but the doors opened and he stopped." I sighed and shook my head. "Then I passed out on his bathroom floor and he put me to bed. Edward took the couch," I added quickly when I saw Kate raise her eyebrow.

"So he _nearly_ kissed you?" she clarified and I nodded. "And this morning?"

"And this morning he apologised and said he was drunk and stupid. He acted really weird and so I went to leave. But then..." I put the coffee on the floor and covered my face with my hands. "Do you have any aspirin? My head is pounding."

"Yeah, keep talking while I go get you some," Kate told me.

"He followed me and I basically told him that I liked him. He said something along the same lines..."

"Whoa, hold it right there. _He said something along the same lines_, is not enough. What did he say—word for word?" Kate was back with two aspirin in her hand. "Here."

"Thanks," I swallowed the pills and continued, "He said that what he feels scares the shit out of him and that he would never be the kind of guy to steal another man's girl, but he couldn't stay away anymore."

"Wow," Kate whispered. "And what did you say?" I had to smile she was sitting forward on the couch looking like an eager child.

"I told him I didn't want him to stay away," I admitted and Kate squealed. "But then he said, 'You're engaged. You're marrying someone else.'"

"Aw shit," she muttered.

"I said yes, and he told me that he couldn't do it and said sorry." I shook my head and groaned loudly. "I'm making such a mess."

"What are you going to do?" she asked quietly. "About the wedding?"

"What can I do? I can't cancel it, Kate. What about Jake? What about the magazine? And then, Esme was gushing to me yesterday about how I'd inspired her to take hold of her life and that she knew I'd get the job and do well. I can't let all these people down, Kate. Besides, I barely know Edward. Jake is the one who I'm with, the one who proposed and the one who is there when I need him."

"What? He's never here, B," Kate said incredulously.

"That doesn't mean he won't be there for me, Kate. Come on, you know he's got so many job offers since this whole wedding debacle. You can't blame him for making the most of it." I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Fine." She huffed. "Defend the dog. But, what about what you want?"

"I do want Jake, the wedding, and the job," I said. "I really do..."

"And Edward?"

"This conversation seems to happen a lot lately,"I grumbled and Kate laughed.

"Because you keep bringing up the same subject," she said and gave me a hug. "Look, maybe you and me can get away for a few days? I think you need to take some time to really think about what _you_ want, B. Because I honestly don't think you've got a clue. Maybe the weekend after the bachelor party we can go to a spa and spend the weekend getting pampered. No talk of work, weddings or men. Just you and me. What do you say?"

"Can't we go today?" I said and smiled. "It sounds like a great idea. I'll have a look online at hotels later. Hey, where's Garrett?"

Kate smiled wryly. "Having the same conversation we are I think. Edward called about half an hour before you turned up here. Garrett said he was all moody and wanted to go for a run. That's Edward's way of saying he wanted to talk. I figured you might have something to do with it and fully expected you to show up at my door. Why do you think I had so much coffee ready?"

I looked up at her and choked up. "I love you, Kate. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"To be fair, B. If it hadn't been for me, you'd never have met Edward, so I guess I'm to blame for this whole mess," she said. "Sorry."

"But I would," I said quietly. "I would have still met him yesterday at lunch. Esme knows his dad remember?"

"One could say that was fate," she said in a posh voice and I giggled. "Change of subject coming up. So, was Esme really going to get it on with Edward's dad?"

I nodded. "Oh yeah, I'd bet a hundred bucks they're still naked right now. Esme went all girly and giggly on me, Kate. But I can't say I blame her. It's clear where Edward gets his good looks from."

"DILF?" she asked, and we both burst out laughing.

"Absolutely," I agreed. "Thanks, Kate."

"Anytime, B." She squeezed my hand. "Oh, before I forget. The jeweller called the other day. The rings will be ready on Thursday, are you still okay to pick them up for us?"

"Yeah, of course," I told her.

"You would need to pick them up on Thursday though, if that's not going to be a problem. Her kids live in Australia or New Zealand or somewhere across the world, and she's spending a month over there with them. They leave Friday morning."

"No problem at all. Maid of honor duty," I said. "And you don't want to check they're right?"

"No." Kate shook her head. "I'll make sure Garrett tells you what he had inscribed and I'll write mine down. If you could just make sure for me? I really want this to be a surprise."

"That's sweet." I grinned. "Make sure you text me the full address for the jewellers. I'll get Jake to drive me on Thursday afternoon."

~x~

Jake didn't get home until just as I was preparing to leave for work Tuesday morning. He looked exhausted. I told him to sit down while I made him something quick to eat. He told me a little about his weekend and then fell silent. I poked my head around the door and he was fast asleep on the couch. I kissed his cheek and left a note telling him I'd be back around six. While he had spent the weekend working I had spent the weekend moping after another guy._ Nice going, Bella._

I was busy with work Tuesday and Wednesday, but I decided to make a real effort on Thursday. I wanted to prepare a romantic meal for us in the apartment. Kate was out of the office all day working on a story for the next issue. Rather than concentrate on my own work, I looked up recipes online. There wasn't anything to plan for the wedding and I was struggling to write my next diary entry, the fight with Edward killed my mojo and since I hadn't heard a word from him, I just couldn't find the words.

I left a little before four, telling Esme a little fabrication about an appointment with my stylist for the wedding. I bought all the ingredients from the store and set about preparing them as soon as I got home. Jake offered to help, but I refused. I told him to sit down and have a glass of wine.

"I'm working tomorrow, I can't have more than one," he said. "I get so much shit from the make-up artist. It's like she knows I've been drinking. Apparently my skin suffers." He turned up his nose and I laughed.

"Where are you tomorrow?" I asked, trying to show some interest.

"It's here in the city, thank God. It's a run-through really, to make sure my face fits the campaign. If it goes well, it might become a long term contract." He looked happy with himself. "I can't say who with, yet...but it's definitely going to be a huge step."

I knew a few big companies were shopping for new representation. Armani, Ralph Lauren, and Donna Karen. I figured it would be for one of their fragrances. I thought that because their advertisements had been pulled from the next issue of Eclipse and we were waiting on new material before we could go to press.

Dinner was actually nice, I'd surprised myself to say the least. I hadn't touched a drop of alcohol since Friday night, but rather than let the already opened bottle go to waste I finished it off.

Jake tried to get me to come to bed, but I insisted on doing the dishes and tidying the apartment. He offered to help, but I refused. If we went to bed together I assumed he'd want to have sex and I still couldn't get the image of Edward out of my head. I waited until I knew he was asleep and then made my way into the bedroom. I had just lay my head on the pillow when I had a nagging feeling that I'd forgotten to do something.

I got up with a groan and checked the stove was off. I checked the locks and that I had my cell and my wallet. As I was rummaging through my purse I noticed a scrap of paper that Garrett had dropped off at the office on Monday.

_My everything. Always._

"Oh shit, shit, shit!" I cried. "The fucking rings. Fuck." I looked at the clock, it was almost eleven. The store would be closed now and the owner was going on holiday for a fucking month. Kate and Garrett wouldn't have their rings for their wedding because I'd forgotten.

Kate had given me the business card for the jeweller, and I breathed in relief when I saw a cell number at the bottom. Ignoring the late hour, I rang the number and prayed someone would answer.

"Hello?" A voice answered sleepily.

"I am so sorry to call at this time, but my name is Bella Swan and I was supposed to collect the rings for the Riley wedding this afternoon," I rambled. "I know you're going away tomorrow, but is there any chance at all I could collect them before you go? I could be at the store for whatever time you need."

_Please, please, please._

"We leave for the airport at four am." The woman sighed. "I tried calling Ms. Moore earlier but couldn't reach her. Look, I live above the store, so if you can get here before four, I'll give you the rings."

"I'll be there I promise. Thank you so much." I raced into the bedroom and shook Jake. "Jake, wake up."

"What's up, Iz?" he mumbled.

"I need you to drive me to Jersey. I forgot to pick up Kate and Garrett's wedding rings and the jeweller leaves for a month in a few hours. Please, can you get up?" I begged.

"I'm sorry, babe, I can't. I have to be up really early in the morning for that shoot. If I don't get enough sleep I'll look like shit and they probably won't offer me the job. I'm sure if you call Kate or Garrett, they'll drive you." He rolled back over and closed his eyes. "You know I would if I could."

My heart sank and I felt so disappointed. How could he not help me? "Sure, whatever. Sleep well." I whispered and then had an idea. "Can I take your car?"

"You've been drinking, Iz. No one drives my baby under the influence," he said simply, and I walked out of the bedroom without another word.

Jake wouldn't take me, I couldn't drive, and I absolutely couldn't ring Kate. This was the only thing she'd asked me to do and I'd forgotten. I grabbed my purse and coat and raced downstairs. I tried to get a cab, but no one wanted to drive me that far given how hysterically I was acting.

I knew there was one more person who I could call. He had a car. I dialled his number and hoped to God he'd answer.

"Bella? Are you okay?" Edward asked, and I breathed in relief.

"I am so fucking sorry to ring so late, but I need your help, Edward. I fucked up big time and if I don't get to Jersey in the next few hours Kate and Garrett won't have their wedding rings for the ceremony," I told him. "Can I borrow your car?"

I shouldn't be driving, but it wasn't fair to ask if he could drive me.

"Have you been drinking?" he asked.

"Just a few glasses of wine," I said, and he chuckled.

"I guess that was a silly question. Look, Bella, I don't think you should be driving. You sound worked up, and if you get pulled, you'll be in a lot of trouble."

"It was only a few glasses and it's an emergency. I can't get a cab and Jake won't drive me. I promise I'll look after your ca-"

"I'm not letting you drive," he said and my heart sank. "Where are you? I'll come and pick you up."

"Are you sure? I don't want to put you out or anything."

"It's fine, Bella. Are you at home?" he asked. I could hear him moving around as he spoke.

"No, I'm out on the street trying to get a cab."

"I'll pick you up. Stay there."

"Okay," I said. "Thanks, Edward. Thank you so much."

I ran down the street and sighed in relief when I saw people still inside a coffee shop. I bought two cups of coffee and hurried back to my apartment. I'd only been waiting a few minutes when a silver Volvo pulled up. The window went down and Edward leaned across the console.

"Get in, Bella."

I smiled and opened the door. "I figured we could do with a coffee."

Edward's eyes glanced to the cups and he grinned. "You read my mind."

I remembered our last face-to-face conversation and suddenly felt awkward and nervous. I handed him the coffee and watched as he took a drink.

"Look, Edward, about Saturday," I started and he glanced over at me briefly before looking back to the road ahead. "I'm sorry. You probably think I'm a horrible person who has no respect for her fiancé, but I'm really not."

"I know," he said softly. "I can see how conflicted you are. I'm sorry, too."

"You're not that guy, I know." I smiled sadly.

"No, I'm not. But that's not what I'm sorry about." He took another drink and I frowned.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Maybe we can talk about this another time?" he suggested. "Can we meet for a drink over the weekend? Non-alcoholic of course. That's if you don't have plans."

"Nothing I can't reschedule," I said. "It was just some last minute Christmas shopping and I look for any excuse to put that off."

"It's at times like this I'm grateful I don't have a large family," he said. "I buy for my dad, Kate and Garrett and the Secret Santa at work, but that's pretty much it."

"Gah, I have my dad and step-mother, sister and brother-in-law, their two kids, my kid brother and then the people I know here in New York. I try to find most of it on the internet, but I can't avoid the shops for everything."

Even though it took most of the ride to the jewellers we managed to put the awkwardness aside. I asked what he was doing for Christmas and found out he had to work. I told him my family was flying out to spend Christmas in New York with me for the first time in years and I was preparing dinner.

"Will it be your first Christmas with Jake?" he asked.

"Technically yes, but we won't be together. His family lives in Hawaii and he goes out there every year for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I could have gone with him, but it's not fair to Alex and Alice. I don't get to see them much so I make the most of holidays and birthdays." I smiled. "They're worried this year that Santa might not deliver their presents to my apartment."

"Are they all staying with you?" he asked. "How big is your place?"

I laughed. "No. Kate and Garrett are going to Kate's parents' on Christmas Eve. Dad, Sue, and Seth are staying there and I'm letting Leah, Sam and the kids stay in my room. I'll just crash on the couch for a few days. It'll be nice to have them around. What about your dad?"

Edward chuckled. "He is having dinner with Esme. They are going back to the restaurant they met at last week. They've seen each other a few times already. He seems really taken with her."

"That's really cute," I said. "But what are you going to do for dinner when you finish your shift at work?"

"I don't want to go on a date with my dad and Esme," he said. "I'm working twelve hour shifts, so I'll probably just grab a sandwich and sleep. It comes with the job, I'm afraid. Sick people have little consideration for holiday's."

"That sucks for you, though," I said absently. "What time does your shift finish Christmas Day?"

"Around seven, I hope. I'll go and visit Dad the next morning. He understands—he's been there."

I called the lady from the store again just as we pulled into town. She said she'd be waiting with the rings and sure enough, when we arrived outside the shop, the lights were on. I ran inside and saw a woman leaning on the counter.

"Thank you so much," I gushed and she smiled.

"It can be my good Christmas deed," she said and handed me the two boxes. "The inscriptions are correct, but you might want to check for yourself."

I had a look and sure enough, the wording on the rings was just as it should be. "I hope you have a wonderful time with your family."

"Thanks. Wish Ms. Moore and Mr. Riley all the best for the future for me," she said and followed me to the door.

"I will," I told her and got straight back into the car.

"Can I see?" Edward asked. "Garrett told me what he wanted on the ring, but he didn't know what Kate was going to put."

"You won't tell him?" I checked and he shook his head.

"No. I promise."

I handed him the ring and he took it carefully from the box.

_You are my everything. Always._

Edward smiled and said, "It's the same."

I nodded. "Yeah. Kate told me hers ages ago. But when Garrett gave me the pieve of paer with his on it, I almost cried. They're perfect for each other, huh?"

"I never believed that," Edward said quietly. "I never understood what people meant when they said it. I'm beginning to understand a little better now."

I kept my eyes on the rings. I couldn't bear to look at him, because inside I was screaming just how much I was beginning to understand too.

**A/N – Thank you as always to my wonderful prereader Prettyflour and Twifanmom for not killing me despite my never improving comma abuse/neglect :D**

**I'll send over a teaser to all that want one! **

**Thanks again for reading, reviewing, alerting etc...it means so much!**

**TTFN**

**Katy**

**x**


	12. Chapter 11

**A/N - Thanks to Prettyflour for prereading, my beta hasn't waved her magic wand on the chapter yet - all mistakes are mine!**

**Chapter 11 – It's Never Weird When I'm With You**

It was after three when Edward dropped me off at home. I thanked him again and we made plans to meet on Sunday afternoon at our usual place—Balotelli's.

I groaned when my alarm went off at six and slammed my hand down onto the snooze button. Beside me, Jake was still sleeping and I decided to be spiteful and go to the bathroom to take a shower, knowing full well the snooze timer was only set for five minutes.

_Let it wake him up._

Unfortunately my plan failed and Jake had simply turned the snooze off and gone back to sleep. I dressed and had a quick breakfast before I had to leave. Worrying he may have overslept, I popped my head into the bedroom.

"Jake, it's seven fifteen," I shouted.

"Yeah, I have my alarm set for eight, Iz. Don't worry," he replied, barely even awake.

"I thought you had to be up early for this photo shoot?" I asked angrily. "Are you fucking kidding me? You said that's why you couldn't take me to get the rings last night."

"I do, babe, eight is early to me. I need to have my full nine hours to look my best otherwise the shots won't look right. Did you manage to get it sorted without me?" He didn't even bother to open his eyes.

"Yes. I called a _friend,_" I hissed. "I'm going to work."

Kate was already at the office when I arrived and she laughed as I stomped through the door. "Wowsers, someone's in a pleasant mood I see."

"Jake pissed me off and I'm tired," I muttered as I sat down, before resting my head on the desk.

"What did the dog do?" she asked.

"I don't want to talk about it," I told her, not bothering to correct her derogatory remark about Jake. "What do you get a guy to say thanks?"

"Huh?"

"Well, I'd buy you flowers or something I know you like," I said. "I can't get a guy flowers."

"That depends on who you're buying for and why?" She stood up and walked across the office to my desk. "Who are you thanking?"

"Edward," I said, and she cocked her head.

"You talked to him?"

"Well, I needed help with something yesterday...so yeah, I guess we talked." I saw her face light up and I chuckled. "I didn't sleep with him."

"That's a shame," she said with a smirk. "You could sleep with him or suck his dick. I'm sure he'd appreciate that as a way of thanks."

"I was thinking more along the lines of chocolates, Kate. But thanks for the suggestion."

"You said he liked those chocolate croissants from that place near your apartment," Kate said as she wandered back to her desk. "Why don't you get him a box of those?"

"I like that idea," I mused. "I'll go and get some at lunch and take them over to his apartment."

"He's at work," Kate told me.

"He is?"

"Yeah, Garrett wanted him to go out for a beer last night but he couldn't. He told Garrett he had to be at work this morning at five thirty."

_He was at work two hours after he dropped me off? Why didn't he tell me that?_

"What? He never said that," I said in shock. "If I'd known I would never have asked him to help."

Kate looked at me curiously. "Why, when did he help you?"

"Last night," I said. "If I tell you, you're gonna get mad with me."

"Is this about my rings? I noticed the missed call from the store when I got home last night. I tried to call but there was no answer. I figured she was just calling to confirm you'd collected them. What is it, B?"

"Please don't be mad." I looked at her pleadingly and then said, "I fucking forgot, Kate. I was so intent on making things good with Jake, I completely forgot I had to get them. I remembered at eleven last night and the woman said I could go and get them as long as I got there before she left for the airport."

"You did get them though, right?" Kate asked nervously.

"Yes, I got them. But I couldn't get to Jersey. Jake had a photo shoot this morning and he had to go to bed early and I'd been drinking so I couldn't drive. I tried getting a cab, but they all thought I was nuts and refused to take me. I didn't want to call you and admit I'd been a sucky friend, so I called Edward." I groaned, "I asked him if I was putting him out and he said I wasn't. Kate, he drove me all the way to fucking Jersey, and we didn't get back until three. That's why I'm pissed with Jake. He refused to take me because he had an early start but he was still in fucking bed when I left this morning."

"Let me get this straight," Kate said. "You asked your fiancé to do something important for you and he wouldn't because he had to get up early—I'm not even going to ask what time he was dragging his sorry ass out of bed. Instead, you ring Edward, a guy who owes you nothing and who needed to be up at a time I can't even think about and he says yes without hesitation?"

"Yes," I said quietly. "I can't believe he did that."

"I can. It's what you do when someone is important to you. I'd do it for you and vice versa. Same with Garrett." Kate shook her head. "Jeez, I bet the poor guy is exhausted."

I didn't say anything. I just got my head down and concentrated on work. Esme had emailed me a few spreadsheets to work on in preparation for my "new job." I struggled to concentrate and as soon as the clock hit eleven thirty I fled from the office, telling Kate I'd be back in an hour or so. I took a cab straight to Balotelli's and asked him to wait so he could take me back up to Lennox Hill Hospital.

The emergency room at the hospital was relatively quiet, and I looked around for Edward as I approached the main desk. A nurse in scrubs was writing on a chart and smiled at me.

"Hi, can I help you?"

"I'm looking for, Edward...I mean Dr. Cullen," I said, and she nodded.

"He's in the doctor's lounge," she said. "Do you want me to get him?"

"I'm on my lunch break so I don't have much time. Do you mind if I leave these here for him?"

She looked around and grinned. "It's the first door on your right, down that corridor. We're quiet right now. Why don't you just drop it off yourself? It's always nice to see a friendly face when you're stuck in this place."

"I don't want you to get into any trouble," I said, and she laughed.

"If anyone does say anything, just don't mention I told you."

"Thanks," I said, and walked in the direction she'd pointed out.

I noticed a few other doctors and nurses treating patients, but none of them paid me any attention. I knocked once on the door to the doctor's lounge and when no one answered I pushed it open. There, stretched out and fast asleep on the couch in the middle of the room was Edward. He was in a pair of scrubs and he still had his stethoscope around his neck. I stood and watched him for a few minutes, he looked so peaceful and it made my heart melt.

I put the box down on the table by the couch and pulled a pen and paper from my bag.

_Edward,_

_I am so sorry, you should have told me you had to work. I would never have asked if I'd known._

_I got these for you. I just hope they're still there when you wake up._

_I left you asleep, you looked too cute to disturb,_

_See you Sunday,_

_Bella_

_x_

I put the note onto the box and bent forward, pressing my lips softly on his cheek and letting them linger there for a second or two. He didn't even stir and I smiled as I closed the door.

"That didn't take long," the nurse at the desk said as I walked back out.

"He was asleep," I said. "I didn't want to wake him, so I left the box on the table. Can you make sure he gets it?"

"No problem. Still asleep then, huh? He looked tired when he got in this morning." She picked up another chart.

"That's my fault," I began to say and she stopped me.

"I don't need to hear the details. But I figured it was a good kind of tired. He had a smile the size of the grand canyon on his facewhen he walked in. I'll make sure he gets his gift."

"Thanks."

~x~

Kate pounced on me as soon as I got back into the office. "Don't make any plans for the weekend before the wedding," she said excitedly. "I booked us in at the Mohonk Mountain House for two days and one night of pure indulgence. Massages, saunas, body treatments, and anything else we choose."

"Sounds like heaven," I said. "And the weekend before the wedding is a perfect time. Can we do it again before mine?"

"Hell yes. Any excuse to spend a weekend with my best friend. Now, tell me what did you say to Edward?"

"Nothing," I said. "He was fast asleep on the couch at work and I wasn't going to wake him up. I left a note on the box and told him thanks. I'll probably call him later."

"You kissed him, didn't you?" Kate said, typing away on her laptop. "You couldn't resist kissing him while he was asleep."

"What? No...I...how the hell did you know that?"

"Because I'd do the same thing." She smiled. "And because you're lip gloss is smudged. I hope Edward checks his face before he goes out to see patients."

"Crap." I blushed and checked my compact quickly. "He just looked adorable, Kate. I couldn't help myself."

Kate and I were just getting ready to leave work when Jake called. "Just give me a minute, Kate," I said as I answered.

"Iz, I got the job," Jake said down the phone. "They loved the test shots and they're flying me out now to shoot the commercial and stills in the Bahama's. How awesome is that?"

"Congratulations, Jake, I'm so pleased for you," I said honestly. "How long will you be in the Bahama's?"

"Just a few days I think, but it depends on the director. I know we said we'd go shopping together this weekend, but I don't know if I'll be back."

"It's completely fine, Jake. I forgot I had already made plans with Kate, anyway," I said and Kate mouthed, "What the fuck?" at me. "You'll do great, Jake. I can't wait to see the final shots."

"Thanks, Iz, I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

"Sure, Jake. Talk to you tomorrow."

I hung up and Kate asked immediately, "We have plans this weekend?"

"If Jake asks, yes we do," I said. "Edward and I are meeting for lunch on Sunday. I don't want to have to explain him to Jake, not when I can't explain it properly to myself."

"Got it. Where is he going anyway?" she asked.

"Bahama's. He had a shoot this morning and they wanted to make him the face of the campaign. I don't know who for though, he couldn't say." I followed her to the elevator. "I heard three of the big companies are shopping, so I expect it'll be one of those."

"It's Armani," she said. "Esme told me they were pulling their current advertisements and submitting new shots. They're paying top dollar for a double-page spread in next months issue. They mentioned to Esme that it was being filmed over in the Bahama's. Your fiancé is the new face for a fuck-hot campaign, B. This is huge stuff for him. Of course he couldn't have done it without you and this wedding."

"He's earned it," I said. "He's working his ass off right now and it's paying off for him."

"But, had it not been for all this publicity coming his way, some of these top directors wouldn't have even considered him. I don't blame the guy for making the most of it, but I just hope he remembers he has you to thank for it." She shrugged and added, "So if he's going now, what are you going to do tonight?"

"Sleep," I groaned. "I'm so tired."

I left Kate outside work and ambled slowly in no particular direction. I should have gone straight home, but I didn't want to. I took out my phone and stared at it, noticing a message I'd missed earlier.

_Thanks for the croissants, Bella. It was a really nice surprise to wake up to. Don't worry about work, you needed help & I'd do it again in a heartbeat. Edward x_

I had no idea what to put back, but I wanted it to be something that meant he would have to reply. One text or a short conversation wasn't enough. Nothing with this guy was ever enough. I flagged down a cab before I could change my mind and told him Edward's address quickly.

_How was your day at work? Not too bad I hope. B x_

I stood across the road from his building and waited.

_Long. Always long. Glad it's over. You? E x_

So did that mean he was in? And if he was at home did I have the nerve to go and knock on his door? I was still debating with myself when my phone buzzed again.

_Are you going to stand outside all night or do you plan on coming inside at some point?_

I looked up and saw Edward standing across the road. He had his hands in his pockets and underneath his jacket I saw the scrubs. I took a deep breath and crossed the road towards him.

"Hi," I said shyly, and he chuckled. "How did you know I was here?"

"I saw you as walked up the road," he said. "Are you okay? Need any more rides to Jersey?"

I smiled and shook my head. "No, not tonight."

"Do you want to grab something to eat?" he asked and I nodded. "Let me just get changed. Come up for ten minutes?"

"Okay." I followed him inside and into the waiting elevator. "I'm sorry for just showing up. I don't know why I'm here."

"Don't you?" he asked, and smirked. "I do."

"You do?" I blushed, and he laughed.

"You think I've got some croissants left. I don't I'm afraid. I ate the lot on my break after I woke up."

"Damn, there goes my plan," I said, and he laughed again. "You don't believe that any more than I do," I added quietly and he looked at me.

"I know."

"Edward, maybe I should go," I whispered as the doors to his floor opened.

"Do you want to go?" he asked, and I shook my head. "Good, because this time I have no intention of letting you leave."

He held out his hand and I took it. His fingers wrapped around mine and he pulled me after him and into his apartment. Once we were inside he let go and he said, "I'm just going to take a shower and then we can go and get something to eat? What would you prefer to have?"

"Take out," I said. "I'd rather stay here. Just me and you, no interruptions or prying eyes."

"There's a great Chinese place I order from," he suggested and I nodded. "Would you mind ordering it? The menu is stuck to the refrigerator."

"Sure, what do you want?"

"Surprise me. I loved your last surprise," he said with a smirk. "Although I doubt you'd ever be able to top that one."

"Don't count on that," I said and watched as he jogged into the bathroom.

_Bye, bye sexy scrubs._

I called the Chinese and ordered our food while I waited for Edward. Trying not to give too much thought to the fact that Edward was currently naked, wet, and touching himself in the shower.

When he emerged his hair was still damp and he smelled like aftershave and soap. "Do you want a drink? I have beer or soda. No wine I'm afraid," he said and smirked. "Will you cope?"

"Seriously, Edward, I do not have an addiction to alcohol," I argued and he laughed.

"Last night?"

"Last night I'd cooked dinner and had a drink of wine to go with it. Until last night I hadn't had anything since last Friday. Remember, the night _you_ took me to the bar and got me drunk?" I put my hands on my hips and gave him my fiercest look.

"I remember," he said and took a breath. "That was a fun night and then I went and ruined it the following morning."

"You didn't ruin it," I said and he took a step closer. "It was the best night I'd had in ages and you didn't do anything wrong."

"I disagree," he said and took another step. "I did _everything_ wrong. I lied to you."

"How?"

"I told you that I couldn't do this," he whispered and took the last steps quickly, standing close to me and his hands moving up to hold my face. "I really can't stay away any more. I don't want to stay away. I know it's wrong and you're not mine but.."

I pressed my lips to his, cutting him off mid-sentence. His hold on my face tightened and he kissed me back. It wasn't anything like the dreams or the fantasies—it was better. I clung onto his hips and held him as close to me as I could. I had no intention of ending it, and neither did Edward apparently. Unfortunately, his buzzer rang and he pulled away, cursing.

"I guess that'll be the Chinese," he told me and I nodded. "I'll be right back."

I leaned back on the counter and traced my fingers over my lips. I could still taste him and the thrill of what had just happened was indescribable.

"Bella?" he asked and I saw him standing in the kitchen with a weird look on his face. "How much did you order?"

I giggled when I saw the four different bags in his hands. "I didn't know what you liked and I didn't want you to go hungry. We can divvy the different things up...you know like a buffet?"

He chuckled and said, "Sounds good."

I helped him dish it all out and the amount of food on the plates in front of us was insane. "There's no way we'll eat all of this." I said, "Sorry."

"I'll eat what's left after work tomorrow." He shrugged and started carrying the plates over to the table and chairs in the corner of the kitchen.

"You're working tomorrow?" I asked and he nodded. "Yeah, another twelve hour shift starting at five-thirty, followed by three graveyard shifts. Did I tell you how much I love my job?"

"God, Edward, I'm sorry. As soon as we've eaten I'll take off. You need to sleep."

"I'll be fine, Bella. It takes me a few hours to unwind after a shift anyway. Besides, I had a good sleep on the couch at work earlier." He held out a chair at the table and waited for me to sit down. "I don't like to bring him up, but what about Jake? Won't he be wondering where you are?"

"He's working away," I said. "Has been quite a lot recently."

"You don't mind that?" he asked and started eating.

"Honestly, no," I admitted. "It's something he's always done and I got used to it."

"Kate doesn't like him, does she?"

I laughed. "You could say that, yeah."

"I don't like him either," he said and chuckled. "In fact, I think he's a fucking idiot for leaving you behind all the time."

"I'm glad he did," I said. "Because then I wouldn't be here with you."

Edward put his hand over mine and squeezed it gently.

After dinner I helped Edward clean up. We didn't kiss again, but I did feel his lips brush against the back of my neck and my hair as I put the dishes away. Every single touch sent my body into a spin and my mind into overdrive.

I heard him yawn and said, "You need to go to bed, Edward. I don't want to be the reason why you're exhausted again tomorrow."

"Will you stay?" he asked quietly. "I don't expect anything from you. I'd just like you to stay."

It wasn't a question I had expected, but I knew the answer already. "Yes," I said, and he smiled.

Edward loaned me a pair of shorts and a sweater that swamped me and I lay on the bed beside him. "Is this too weird for you?" he asked and picked up my hand, kissing it softly.

"It's not weird at all," I said, and rolled over to nestle into his side. "Is it for you?"

"No." He kissed the top of my head and sighed. "It's never weird when I'm with you, Bella."

**A/N - Phew, finally progress, huh? I know some people won't like the fact that Bella's involving herself with another guy, but please bear with me I have a plan!**

**Thank you to everyone who is reading, reviewing, alerting and favouriting. Seriously it's incredible! **

**If you want to come and say hi on Facebook, there is a group where we can talk about pretty much anything! MrsK81 Fic if you're interested :D**

**A Life With The Royal Staff outtake is also cooked and ready to serve! Should be up this evening :D**

**TTFN**

**Katy**

**xxx**


	13. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12 - A Date**

This was the second time I'd woken up in Edward's bed, but this time I wasn't alone. His arm was wrapped around my waist, his fingers splayed across my stomach and I could feel his warm breath against the back of my neck.

A shrill and irritating alarm began to sound, and I heard Edward groan. "No, it can't be that time," he murmured. "I really don't want to get up." His lips pressed softly against my shoulder, once, twice, three times.

"You have to get up," I said. "You're working remember?"

"I know. But getting up at this time is much harder when I have you here beside me. It really makes me wish I could call the hospital and tell them I'm sick," he muttered, still making no attempt to move.

"I don't want you to go to work either," I admitted.

"Not helping, Bella," he groaned and sat up. "Stay where you are, I'll be back in a few minutes."

I watched him walk into the bathroom and then snuggled back under the covers waiting for him to reappear. When he did I almost squealed, because the man was in nothing but a pair of boxer shorts—_tight_ boxer shorts.

I tried not to blatantly ogle the guy as he dressed, but he had to go and pull on a pair of scrubs and I all but died right there on the bed.

"Do you always wear those?" I whimpered and he chuckled.

"Yeah," he said. "I had to throw so many shirts away when I first started it was ridiculous." He came over and sat on the bed, "I also hear that women tend to like them."

"Oh is that right?" I said casually and he smirked. "They don't do anything for me."

"Really?" he murmured and leaned over me. "Bella, I could see your blush from across the room in the dark."

"That's because you were practically naked," I argued.

"Sorry, I thought you'd fallen back to sleep," he said, his face inches from mine.

"I'm feeling surprisingly awake," I breathed. "And I confess I _do_ love the scrubs."

Edward kissed me and his body settled on top of mine. My fingers ran through his hair and I brought one leg up and around his waist. I couldn't help but moan as I felt his erection pressed up against me. With a sigh, Edward pulled back and rested his head on my shoulder.

"Shit," he grumbled. "Definitely should have called in sick."

"Go to work, Dr. Cullen," I lifted his head and kissed the tip of his nose. "Can I see you later tonight or tomorrow?"

"I already have plans tonight," he said and my heart sank.

"Oh," I said and he chuckled.

"Yeah, you and I are going out on our first date." He looked smug as he spoke.

I grinned and my heart drummed loudly in my chest, but I decided to play it cool. "What made you think I'd want to go on an actual date with you?"

"I have it on _very_ good authority that you wanted to ask me yourself but didn't have the courage." He laughed as I scowled.

"Who told you that?"

"You did, Bella." He kissed me once more and then sat up. "You talk in your sleep—a lot."

I put my face into my hands and groaned. "Crap. What did I say?"

"Something along the lines of 'Coward, it's only dinner. Just ask the guy out to dinner.'"

"That's it?" I checked. "That's not so bad."

"No, you launched into a garbled conversation with yourself about butterflies—that part left me baffled. I'll need you to explain that one later." He smiled and I blushed furiously. "Don't be embarrassed, Bella. I meant it when I said I couldn't stay away. I would have asked you anyway, but it's just nice to know we're on the same page."

I nodded and asked, "Where are we going?"

"I'm good, but not that good, Bella. The sleep talking came about two in the morning, and it's now-shit, I really am going to be late." He stood up quickly, but then bent over and kissed my forehead. "Go back to sleep, or just stay here as long as you like okay? I'll call you later to make arrangements for tonight."

As soon as I knew he was gone, I did a really girly shriek and clapped my hands together. Sleep? Who was he kidding? I was going on a date with Edward, I had kissed Edward and slept beside him all night. How was I supposed to sleep?

I couldn't sit still, so I got up, made Edward's bed and changed out of his clothes and back into mine. It was still only stupid o'clock in the morning, but I was deliriously giddy. I had to fight the urge to skip all the way home. Even though it was dark outside and bitterly cold, I didn't care.

I spent the morning cleaning my apartment from top to bottom. I didn't even complain when I had to tidy up after Jake. His clothes were everywhere and I presumed he'd had to pack in a hurry before his last minute trip to the Bahamas.

I had no expectations for tonight, but just in case I changed all the sheets on my bed. As soon as I'd finished, however, I felt guilty. I was engaged to another man, I really shouldn't be doing this, but on the other hand, I knew there was something about Edward that left me unable and unwilling to resist.

My phone rang and I assumed it was Edward. "Hey you," I breathed happily down the phone.

"B? What's with the sex kitten voice?" Kate laughed. "Are you that happy to hear from me?"

"Sorry, I thought you were...never mind. What's up?" I asked.

"I need to ask you a huge favour. I know you were planning to see Edward tomorrow but I was hoping I could steal you instead? Garrett and I really need your help." She sounded stressed.

"Is everything okay?"

"Not really. Some fucking idiots have vandalised the gallery last night. They smashed the windows and spray painted all over the damned walls."

I gasped."That's awful, Kate."

"We called the police and apparently whoever it was did the same to a few other places in the area last night too." She sighed. "Garrett is making arrangements to have the windows replaced, but we really need to get the walls painted. I was hoping you'd help with that? Garrett has a new display on Tuesday and with the wedding coming up; we just can't afford to pay someone to do it for us. The insurance company will take too long if we ask them-"

"Of course I'll help," I told her. "I can come over tonight if you like?"

"No, we need to wait for the windows to be replaced and then go and buy all the paint. Tomorrow morning though, if you're sure?" she asked.

"Absolutely I'm sure, Kate. You and Garrett are like family to me. Do you need anything else?"

"No we've got everything else covered."

"Shit, what about the work? Was there much damage to that?"

"No." Kate chuckled. "Trash guy moved his stuff last week. It's a shame really, because the graffiti might have made some of that shit look better. Anyway, that subject is making my head hurt I've been thinking and talking about it all morning. What did you do last night?"

_Kissed Edward and then spent the night in his bed. _"Not much," I told her, thoroughly relieved this conversation wasn't taking place face to face.

"And today?" she pressed.

"Housework right now, and then I'll probably just sit down and work on my diary," I said and she laughed.

"B, I know you. There is something going on, you sound all wired up or high. Tell me."

"I'm not on drugs, if that's what you're asking, Kate," I giggled. "I'm just in a good mood. I've got

a lot of stuff coming up that I'm looking forward to. Christmas in the city with my family and then plenty of exciting things are happening in January...remember?"

"Talk to me, B. Please talk to me. I'm really worried about you right now," she begged. "You never keep things from me; don't start now when you need to talk more than ever."

"How do you do that?" I muttered. "I can't hide a damned thing from you."

"Call me a seer." She chuckled. "So what happened?"

"Well...I didn't stay in last night and I...um...have plans for tonight too." I waited for her reaction.

"You have plans with someone else? Someone besides me? I'm jealous, B. You're not allowed other friends," she teased. "So how is Edward?"

"Who said it was with Edward. It...How? I mean...what?" I spluttered.

"If you'd have been out with someone from work you'd have told me straight away without trying to hide it from me and Jake is out of town," she said casually. "Besides, whenever Edward is involved you always go all weird and stuttery."

"It's true. I don't know why that is," I smiled to myself. "I can't help it."

"I know. So, tell me more."

"He's taking me out on our first date tonight. I don't know if given our situation, it could be classed as a date, but we're going out." I sat on the bed and felt the all too familiar feelings of butterflies in my stomach.

"Your first date?" Kate asked. "What about last night? I thought you saw him yesterday."

"Well, I went straight to his place after work." I sighed and said, "I just couldn't help myself. After what he did on Thursday night for me..." I trailed off and replayed the kiss in my head. "I kissed him, Kate."

"You did? Wow, B. I take it Edward didn't object? So, he asked you out last night?" She sounded happy for me.

"No. We were talking this morning before he left for work and-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! _This morning_? As in you spent the night with him?" Kate shouted. "Did you two have sex?"

"Nothing else happened. Apart from the kiss, I mean. I just stayed the night with him. Neither of us are ready for much more to happen yet." I was smiling so hard my face was aching.

"I think it's great, B. I know it's gonna be eating at you, but maybe now you and Edward can figure out exactly what you both want from this. You still have plenty of time to talk to Jake and Esme and get out of this wedding."

"Slow down, Kate. We kissed that's all. Don't forget Edward knows about Jake and the wedding and he hasn't made any mention of doing anything drastic yet. I just want to take things slowly and really see what's going to happen."

"Don't wait too long, B," she warned and then I heard Garrett shouting her in the background. "Honey, I have to go. Have fun tonight, and don't think about anything but you and Edward. Not Jake, the magazine, the wedding or Esme. Okay?"

"Okay, Kate. I'll see you in the morning."

I hadn't been off the phone for more than a minute when it rang again. This time I checked the display and was excited to see Edward's name.

"Hi, Edward!" I said cheerily. "How's work?"

"Hello, Bella. Work is busy and time is really dragging," he said tiredly. "Are we still on for tonight?"

"Definitely," I said quickly.

"Good. Are you back at your apartment?"

"Yeah, I had a few things to take care of."

"In that case, I'll pick you up at around eight, if that's okay?"

"Perfect," I said. "I'm really looking forward to it, Edward." I remembered Kate's call and told him, "Garrett's gallery was vandalised last night. Kate asked if I could help them repaint the walls tomorrow. I know we had arranged to meet, but I need to help them. I don't suppose you'd want to come along?"

"I'll call Garrett later and tell him I'll be there. I can drive you in the morning if you like?"

Any excuse for some extra time with him so I agreed enthusiastically, "That'd be wonderful, Edward. Thanks. So, I'll see you at eight?"

"On the dot," he told me.

~x~

Usually when I was going out, I left getting ready as late as I could and always ended up racing around at the very last minute, but with Edward, it was different. I started hours before; taking my time showering, shaving, moisturising and buffing every inch of my body.

A Manhattan beauty store and salon had sent in samples of a hair treatment, which was supposed to leave your hair glossy, sleek and completely manageable. So I left that to work and painted my fingers and toes.

The treatment was amazing and I made a note to myself to mention it in the next issue. My hair was unbelievably shiny, smelled fantastic and left me feeling like I'd been in a shampoo commercial.

I put on a little make up and then stood in front of my closet panicking. I still didn't know where I was going and couldn't choose an outfit. A dress would be good for a nice dinner but too much for the movies. Jeans were good for the movies but too casual for dinner at a nice restaurant.

_Shit! What do I wear, Kate. Help!_

_**Where are you going? K x**_

_I don't know yet. B x_

_**Don't stress, B. What about those R&R jeans? They do great things to your ass & you have that blue, backless top with the high neck. K x**_

_Backless top...won't that be a bit much if it's just a movie? B x_

_**Not at all. Just make sure to let him help you remove your jacket & listen carefully to his reaction ;) Trust me, B, I'm a fashion genius remember? DO IT! K x**_

The jeans were great and did do truly awesome things to my ass, and the top I had to admit I loved when I put it on. The chunky collar fastened around my neck and then nothing but a string of diamontes hung down my back.

I took a deep breath and put on my jacket and shoes. I was completely ready to go and it was only seven-fifteen. I paced, I tried watching television, I even tried to discreetly look through the window to see if he was coming, but nothing made the clock tick any faster.

I was on my thirteenth lap of the apartment when my buzzer rang. It was seven-forty nine. Edward was early. "Hello?"

"It's me, Bella. Do you want me to come up?"

"No. I'm ready, I'll be right down."

I gave myself one final touch up in the mirror and then all but skipped downstairs to the front door. I lost all my confidence when I saw Edward standing there. He made me feel like a teenage girl out on a very first date.

"Hey," I whispered nervously and he smiled widely.

"You look beautiful, Bella."

"Thanks," I said and blushed. "You look great, too." And he did. I could see a black shirt underneath his open jacket and he was wearing a pair of dark blue jeans. His hair was just as it always was, perfectly messy in an effortless way. I often wondered if he did it deliberately or if he just let it fall where it wanted.

"I made reservations at La Bella Italia for eight-thirty. I think that should give us enough time to get to the movie theatre for the ten-thirty showing." He walked beside me closely, but not so close that we were actually touching. Jake may have been away, but there were plenty of other people who could see us.

"What are we going to see?" I asked.

"It's called _Face Punch_," he said and pulled a face. "Honestly, I have no idea what it's about, but it was the only thing starting around that time. You didn't have anything specific in mind?"

"No," I said. "I haven't been to the movies in so long; I'm out of touch with what's even showing."

"I'm so happy to know I'm not the only one."

I saw the hostess at the restaurant pay particularly close attention to Edward as she seated us. But try as she might, he barely gave her a glance. I did as Kate said and let Edward help me from my jacket and heard his breath catch in his chest as he did.

"Um...wow...great top," he whispered and I giggled to myself.

Dinner was lovely and incredibly romantic. We laughed and talked about a whole assortment of nothing. It didn't have to be heavy and deep with Edward, and yet with all the silly seemingly pointless conversations I felt like I was getting to know him better than anyone else.

The movie was terrible. Some low-budget, badly made, violent concoction with no plot I could figure out, but I didn't care. I spent most of the ninety-five minutes watching Edward from the corner of my eye. I watched as his hand twitched, wondering if he was thinking about holding my hand. I watched as he crossed and uncrossed his long legs and fidgeted in his seat. Then, one of the few times I was actually looking at the screen, I missed Edward's hand moving over and taking hold of mine. He laced our fingers together and his thumb drew circles around the back of my hand.

I grinned at him and he smirked, moving our joined hands across the armrest and placing them on his leg. I calculated in my head that based on the length of his thigh, I was approximately five inches away from another part of his body I had a great interest in. As soon as that thought entered my mind it wouldn't leave and I grew very uncomfortable thinking about it.

There was a collective cheer when the credits began to roll at the end of the movie and the audience all moved as fast as they could to escape the auditorium. Edward and I remained seated, choosing instead to let the crowds leave. Our hands were still on his leg and I loved how it looked and felt.

We were the last ones to make our way outside and Edward only released my hand as we left the building. I walked as close as I physically could to him; letting our arms brush against each other.

"So, do you want to come up?" I asked. Despite the intentional slow pace, we had arrived at my apartment far too quickly.

"I'm walking you to your door, Bella, and then I'm going home," he said. As soon as we were inside the building he took my hand again and kissed it softly. "I'm doing things as if this really was an ordinary first date."

"Edward," I began, "A coffee in the girl's apartment is perfectly ordinary."

"If I come inside, Bella, I don't think I'll be able to go home," he said. "I know it seems old-fashioned, but I don't want to rush things with you. Our situation is far from simple and I want us both to be sure of what's happening and be one hundred percent certain we're doing the right thing."

I nodded and reached up to place a hand on the back of his neck and pulled his head down to mine, kissing him gently. Edward rested his hands on my hips and his tongue traced my lips. My other hand slid upwards to play with his hair and he moaned softly before breaking our kiss.

"I really have to go," he said, his voice sounded rough. "If you keep kissing me like that I might never leave." He pressed his lips to my forehead and wrapped his arms around my shoulder. "I'll pick you up tomorrow morning?"

I nodded and sighed as he released me from the hug and stepped back. "You failed by the way," I whispered and he cocked his head. "You said you wanted to do things like it was an ordinary first date. Well you failed miserably, because nothing about this weekend with you has been ordinary. Not a single thing, Edward."

He smiled his glorious, crooked smile and then he chuckled. "Add that line to the kiss and I'm definitely going to end up staying."

It took us almost another ten minutes to actually say goodnight. I watched as he walked back to the elevator and then closed the door to my apartment. I leaned back against it and sighed.

"Wow," I breathed and didn't move a muscle for a while. Reliving what was without a doubt the best date I'd ever had. Nothing over the top and definitely no hot and heavy make out sessions, but it was perfect.

I drifted to my bed and changed quickly before climbing into bed. I texted Edward a quick thank you and goodnight again before closing my eyes and trying to sleep. I didn't expect to, but I was still so elated from our date I couldn't feel guilty, confused or anything else and it was such a relief. I decided to milk the moment for all it was worth and drifted off faster than I had done in months.

* * *

**A/N Thanks for reading, reviewing, alerting etc. I'll be posting a teaser for the next chapter in the facebook group MrsK81 Fic. Just let me know your name on FB and I'll be happy to add you.**

**Thanks to Prettyflour and Twifanmom for prereading/beta'ing :D**

**See you soon!**

**Katy**

**xxx**


	14. Chapter 13

**A/N Thanks to Prettyflour for prereading and Twifanmom for beta'ing!  
**

**Chapter 13 - Edward Is Not My Man.**

"God, B, look at the state of you. I think you've got more paint on your hair and face than on the walls," Kate said and I burst out laughing.

"Blame _Dr. Cullen._ It's a good thing he made it through medical school, because he sure wouldn't make his living painting and decorating," I said, and inclined my head at Edward who was chuckling.

Edward looked worse than me. There were splatters of white paint all over his clothes and it looked like he had white highlights through his hair. "I never said I could paint," he argued. "Garrett knows only too well how bad my painting skills are."

"I'm surprised you agreed to come along, Edward," Garrett said with a smirk as he carried on painting across the room.

"Anything for a friend in need," Edward called out, and Garrett scoffed.

"Yeah, but if a certain friend of my fiancée wasn't here, I would bet my commission from the next exhibit that you would have been more likely to offer to pay for someone to paint for me rather than come and do it yourself." Garrett didn't look my way but he said, "And I would bet an entire years worth of commission that Bella is blushing like mad at this very minute. Kate, am I right?"

"Of course, baby." She laughed and I rolled my eyes.

Edward was actually looking a little embarrassed and he smiled shyly at me. "It's true. I hate painting with a passion, but it certainly has a different appeal when you're added to the equation."

"I think that's just because you like flicking the paint all over me." I gestured to my clothes and face and he laughed.

"You happen to look cute as hell like that." He reached over with his brush and dabbed it on the tip of my nose.

I tried to swat his hand away. "Cut it out, Edward. I'm going to be in the shower for ages trying to get this out."

He raised one eyebrow and whispered, "I could always help wash it off, if you like?"

My face reddened and I giggled nervously. "Perv." Kate was watching our exchange with an amused look on her face and I muttered to her, "Shouldn't you be getting on with your wall, Kate?"

"Oh, you two are much more entertaining," she said. "It's like watching a mating ritual on Animal Planet."

"And the Silver Back rolls over to reveal the size of his manhood in an attempt to secure the females attention. Only when she is satisfied will she allow him to mate." Garrett was laughing as he mimicked a narrator. "The other males look on, hopeful that they will get their chance if his actions fail."

"You're an ass," Edward said, but he was smiling as he spoke. "I think you should go out and get us all lunch. We are providing you with free labor after all."

"I second that," I agreed. "Feed your workforce, Garrett. We'll work more efficiently with sustenance inside us."

"I could eat," Kate mused. "In fact I'm not picking up my brush again until I've had something."

"Okay, okay," Garrett said. "I sense a revolt here. Come on then, Kate. We'll go grab lunch but you two keep painting." He pointed to Edward and me.

"Yes, Sir," I said sarcastically and saluted him. "Right away, Sir."

I did try to concentrate on the wall but I kept peeking at Edward from the corner of my eye and noticed he was doing the same. His brush was going over the same spot constantly and so was mine. Kate and Garrett had been gone all of five minutes when he threw his brush onto the tarpaulin covering the floor and strode over to me.

I didn't have time to say a word before he pushed me against the wall and kissed me. I still had the brush in my hands and it caught in his hair as I threw my arms around his neck. His hands were planted firmly against the wall, on either side of my head and his body was pressed against mine. It was nothing like any of our other kisses. It was intense and, to me, it was the only way to vent the need and want I'd felt for Edward these past few months. I dropped my brush and ran my hands down his back, sliding my hands under his shirt and running my fingers up and down his soft, smooth skin.

"Damn, I wish we were alone," he growled.

"We are," I panted and then groaned when he pulled away slightly. "I want you, Edward."

"Bella, don't say that..." he breathed. "Please."

"It's true," I said and kissed him again.

This time I could sense he wasn't as caught up in the moment, but I took as much from him as I could. My hands, still underneath his shirt, grazed lightly around his stomach and my fingertips dipped below the waistband of his pants. I felt his body tense and start to pull back so I moved my hands quickly.

"I think we should stop," he whispered and rested his forehead on mine. "I can't keep kissing you like this and keep it clean." He chuckled.

I nodded and then giggled when I saw his hair. "The side of your head is completely covered in white paint, Edward."

"And I had you pressed up against a wall covered in wet paint, Bella." He turned me around and laughed. "Oops, Kate and Garrett are certainly going to know something was going on."

He kissed my forehead once more and bent down to pick up my brush. "I think we should get back to painting."

"What we just did was more enjoyable," I said.

"Definitely more enjoyable," he agreed and reluctantly we both started painting again.

~x~

I spent the entire day and early evening on Sunday with Edward, Kate and Garrett repainting the gallery. It was the most fun I'd had in ages and I really had a glimpse into what it could be like with Edward as a permanent feature in my life. Kate and Garrett obviously liked him, and there was no weirdness between Kate and Edward like there was with Jake.

We'd shared another amazing kiss when he'd dropped me off at home, but nothing more. As much as I wanted to, I still needed to get my head around this whole "cheating" thing. I'd never dreamed I would be that girl—the one with a seemingly perfect life who was risking it all for another man, but here I was.

I knew if I had the courage to end it right now, it would make the feelings of guilt a lot easier to cope with, but if I actually ended up taking things any further with Edward there would be no going back. I was thankful that I had a few days over Christmas to spend with my family. I wouldn't be seeing Edward and Jake would be in Hawaii so I had the perfect opportunity to get my head in order.

I was made to feel even more remorseful when Jake came home on Monday. He came straight to work to see me armed with a huge bunch of flowers and apologised profusely for how much time we'd been spending apart over the past few weeks and months. He assured me that he was making more time for "us" and over the next few days he had taken me out to dinner and shopping to Tiffany's to choose anything I wanted for my gift. He spared absolutely no expense and bought me a beautiful bracelet that I liked. I did think the gift was beautiful and really appreciated the gesture, but like most girls I would have preferred a surprise on Christmas morning. Something that he had picked out himself. Maybe this was another way of fate pointing out that we really didn't know each other, or maybe I was just looking for excuses to somehow justify my behaviour of late.

As he was preparing to leave for Hawaii the morning before Christmas Eve, he actually kissed me with a little more passion than he had done in weeks, but still neither of us made any attempt to take it further.

"I should go," he said, pulling away from me. "I'll miss you, Iz."

"Me too, Jake," I said. "Wish your family Happy Christmas from me."

"You know you could come with me?" Jake offered. "You still haven't met them—I know they'd love to meet you."

"I can't wait to meet them either," I said. "But I'm not cancelling on my family...we'll make sure to spend the holidays together next year."

He nodded in agreement. "Next year...right," he murmured and I thought I saw a flicker of something on his face but he masked it quickly and gave me another quick kiss.

After his cab had picked him up I headed to work for the final time before we closed for the holidays.

"Your family lands at ten tomorrow, right?" Kate asked me later that morning.

I was staring at my laptop, pretending to write my column, but in reality I was thinking about Edward. Although we hadn't seen each other, we had exchanged text messages and spoken on the phone a few times. I could lose myself entirely whenever he was on my mind and I liked how that made me feel. In those few minutes I was free of guilt, stress, worry, fear and all I felt was undiluted happiness. Of course the very second I was brought back to reality I was instantly flooded with all of those feelings and then some.

"Come on, B, you've been away with the fairies all morning," Kate huffed when I failed to answer her question. "Are you listening to me?"

"Yes I'm listening to you, and yes to your question," I grumbled. "The Swan clan are descending upon New York at around ten tomorrow morning. I have to try and persuade Sue to sit back while _I_ prepare dinner and I also have to try and resist drinking an entire bottle of wine just to drown out the sounds of two hyperactive kids on Christmas morning."

"I don't envy you," she said and laughed. "I'm more than happy to let my darling mom do all the hard work. She told me I needed to take these last few weeks before the wedding to relax and I fully intend to heed her advice."

"I won't be offering again," I said. "You should see the size of the turkey, Kate. I don't even know if it'll fit into the stove."

"So, how's Edward?" she asked randomly and I gave her a dirty look. "What? I'm just asking."

"No, you're fishing," I said. "If I had anything else to tell you about I would. It's been a busy week and I haven't seen him since Sunday. I think it'll probably be after the New Year before I see him again anyway. I'll be with my family until Tuesday night and then Jake is home Wednesday."

"What are you guys doing for New Years?" she asked and I groaned.

"Jake's got us tickets for Marquee, so I guess we'll be there for the night. What about you?"

"We were thinking of throwing a party at the gallery for close friends and family. I was going to invite you guys, but if you already have plans it's cool."

"That sounds like much more fun," I said. "Let me persuade Jake."

"You think he'll give up free tickets at Marquee to come to our shabby gallery," she said sarcastically. "It's not exactly fitting with his lifestyle right now, B."

"Well, he said he wanted to make more of an effort for 'us' so he could surprise you." I hesitated and asked as casually as I could, "Is Edward going to be there?"

"Garrett said he was working, but we'll ask him anyway. Will that be weird?" Her tone turned sympathetic. "I'll understand if you'd rather keep the two men as far from each other as you can."

"I doubt Jake would notice. He didn't at your birthday and he's definitely not the jealous type. Anyway, I think I can resist Edward for one night." I grimaced as I said it and Kate smiled.

"Edward's a gentleman. He knows this is a decision you have to come to alone and I have complete confidence he'll just wait patiently for you to make that decision." She added, "Just don't rub Jake in the guy's face if he does come to the party."

"How exactly would I rub Jake in his face? We won't be doing any sexy dancing or dry humping against the walls. Besides a quick kiss here and there, Kate, I haven't been near Jake since your birthday," I admitted and she looked shocked.

"Nothing? Nothing at all?" she asked and I shook my head.

"Nope. Right now our sex life is drier than the Sahara Desert, not that I'm complaining; I just can't...not since I pictured Edward. It just doesn't feel right."

"Wow, I feel for you, B. Sexual tension isn't something you need to be adding to your long list of shit right now," she mumbled and I shot her a glare.

"Not really helping."

"Sorry. Shall I change the subject?" she asked sheepishly.

"Please."

She chuckled and said, "Garrett wants to drive to Mom and Dad's tonight, so I'll give you my keys when we leave work, okay?"

"Thanks, Kate. I owe you big time for this," I told her. "I don't think I'd survive a weekend with all those people in my apartment."

As it was our last working day before the holidays there was a party being held on the top floor of our office building. Although partners were technically invited, with Jake being on his way to Hawaii, Kate told Garrett to stay at home. She and I were going to stay for as long as was socially acceptable and then creep away when the others were all too drunk to notice we were gone. We did it every year and tonight was going to be no exception.

Several girls from other departments came over to me gushing about Jake, asking where he was and if he was planning on coming into the office at any point in the near future.

"He's like the perfect guy," a girl named Bree said dreamily and I heard Kate groan. "You're so lucky, Isabella. I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off those abs."

"Um...yeah, he does work out a lot," I replied trying not to giggle at Kate's exasperated expression. "He has to keep in shape for work."

"That's more than keeping in shape," she continued. "I've seen the marketing campaign for Armani and he looks steaming hot. I can't wait to see him up on the billboard in Times Square."

"Such a proud moment for us all," Kate said, and rolled her eyes. "Tone down the fan-girling, Bree. If Jake were my fiancé, you'd make me feel really uncomfortable panting after him right in front of me like you are."

"I'm not making you feel uncomfortable, Isabella, right?" she asked. "I didn't mean to."

"I know he's handsome, but to me he's just Jake, Bree," I told her. "There's more to him than his looks."

Bree looked at me like I was talking pig Latin and wandered off despondently. Kate shook her head and said, "It's a good thing Jake loves the attention, B. Because having girls like that fawning all over my man would drive me insane with jealousy."

"It doesn't bother me," I admitted quietly. "I'm not the jealous type."

"Please," she scoffed. "You went all green-eyed monster at dinner when Heidi was flirting with Edward."

"That was different," I said and before Kate could say anything we had new company.

"Here you are!" Esme approached us and asked, "Are those handsome men of yours here with you?"

"No, this is strictly girl time," Kate told Esme. "I hear you brought a date, Esme?"

"Oh yes," she said and pointed over her shoulder. "Carlisle is just getting us another drink. Haven't you met him, Kate?"

"No, I haven't had the pleasure yet. His son, I do know and love to death, so I'm sure I'll feel the same about Carlisle." Kate smirked and winked at me.

"Let me introduce you then," Esme said and waved Carlisle over. All the women in the room were giving him the eye discreetly as he walked over.

"Definitely, DILF," Kate whispered in my ear and I giggled.

"Carlisle, this is Kate Moore she is another of my wonderful reporters and she is Bella's closest friend and confidante. You remember Bella?"

Carlisle smiled and held out his hand to Kate. "Very nice to meet you, Kate. Garrett has been a great friend to Edward for years. It's nice to see he's found someone special." Kate grinned and Carlisle looked in my direction. "Yes, of course I remember Bella. It's nice to see you again."

"You too," I said.

We chatted politely for a few minutes before Esme wanted to introduce her new man to someone else and Kate and I were left to mingle with the other guests.

"Jeez, now I know why Edward is so damned handsome, B. If his father is anything to go on, that guy is definitely going to age well. It's good I love Garrett as much as I do, or I might be re-evaluating my options," Kate teased. "No wonder you're having such a hard time staying away from the guy."

"Kate," I whined. "Quit perving after him."

"Edward or his dad?" She laughed and I rolled my eyes. "Don't get jealous, I would never try and steal Esme's man, or yours for that matter."

"Edward is not _my man_," I said sternly and she smiled softly at me.

"We'll see."

* * *

**Thanks for reading, reviewing, alerting :D I tried to respond to all of the reviews last time, but I apologise if I did miss you, my laptop and PC have both crashed and I've only just got my replacement toy lol! **

**I will be posting a teaser for the next chapter in the Facebook group - MrsK81 Fic. Just let me know if you'd like to be added!**

**Now I have a laptop to work from rather than my phone, I hope to continue posting every other Monday so I'll see you in a fortnight!**

**TTFN**

**Katy**

**xxxxx**


	15. Chapter 14

**So Happy Christmas...in October lol ;)**

**Chapter**** 14 – ****No ****Going ****Back**

"Aunt, B!" Alice cried and launched herself into my arms. "I missed you."

"I missed you too, kiddo," I said and wrapped my arms around her. "I'm so excited you're spending Christmas here with me."

"Santa will still come, right?" she asked nervously. "I made Mom send him a letter, an email, and a text message to let him know we'd be in New York this year."

"Then he'll definitely know where to deliver your presents," I said and added, "But, I know what we can do. How about we all go and see Santa to make sure?"

"Santa is here?" she asked, her eyes widening. "I can see him?"

I nodded and Alex scoffed. "What a load of crap."

"Alex!" Leah shouted.

"What? It isn't the _real_ Santa. How can it be?" he argued. "Everyone knows the real Santa lives in the North Pole."

I set Alice on her feet and put an arm around Alex's shoulders. "Sure he's not the _real_ Santa. But why do you think there are Santa's all over the place at this time of year?" He shrugged and I added, "Because someone has to keep an eye on all those kids to make sure they're being good."

"But I thought that the Elves had special video cameras that watched us all the time?" Alice asked and Leah nodded quickly behind her back. "Mommy told me that's how they know if we've been good or bad."

"Well sure, there are cameras that watch you at home and school, but the real Santa needs all the help he can get. The Santas you see in the department stores and on the streets are secret spies. They watch you too."

"So they'll know that Alex said the c-r-a-p word?" Alice asked and I nodded. "So he won't get any presents?"

Alex looked up at me frantically. "I won't?"

"If you can be super good and do as your mom and dad tell you, then I'm sure Santa will forget about that bad word. Why don't we go inside with your bags, and then we'll go see him?"

"Nice save, Bella," Sam told me and Leah gave me a hug.

"It's so good to see you," she whispered. "This is going to be so exciting for the kids. New York at Christmas is going to be like magic for them—for us all really."

I greeted the rest of my family, staying nestled into my dad's side as we all went up to my apartment. "We'll take your bags to Kate and Garrett's tonight, if that's okay?"

"Plenty of time to worry about that," Dad said. "How are you, honey? I worry about you out here all alone with the wedding coming up and that big promotion on the table."

"I'm great, Dad. I've been learning some of Esme's daily tasks already. I even get to oversee the edits of next months issue, I told him. "You don't need to worry about me. I'm not alone. Jake only left yesterday and I'm always seeing Kate and Garrett, especially with their wedding is so close."

"I wanted to talk to you about that. Why the hell has your fiancé gone home again? It's important to be with family at times like this."

"He is with his family, Dad. Jake is close to them and it wasn't fair for me to ask him to stay. Besides, I don't think we'd be able to squeeze another person into my apartment." I laughed, but Dad didn't.

"Mm, I would have liked him to make more of an effort. Christmas here, New Years in Hawaii," he grumbled. "Marriage is all about compromise."

"They are young and independent, Charlie. Besides, why on earth would she want to spend New Years in Hawaii?" Sue asked. "I'd take this city any day. They can vacation in Hawaii any time they like. Anyway, it'll be lovely to spend one last Christmas with your crazy family, won't it, Bella?"

"Absolutely," I agreed and meant it wholeheartedly.

~x~

We took Alex and Alice to see Santa and then skating at Rockefeller Centre. They were mesmerised by the giant tree, literally staring at it open-mouthed for ten minutes. Sue, Leah, and I shopped with the kids on Fifth Avenue while the men hung out in a bar to wait for us.

It was after seven when we finally made it back to my apartment. Dad, Sue, and Seth stayed with us for another hour or so, and then took a cab to Kate's. They were coming back very early the next morning to see Alex and Alice open their gifts.

Sam took the kids into the bedroom to settle them for the night, but only after we left a glass of milk and a cookie for Santa out on the balcony. Leah helped me prepare the vegetables ready to cook the next morning and I could feel her watching me as I peeled and chopped.

"What?" I asked, almost slicing the tip of my finger off.

"You look different...happier than you did in Forks the last time I saw you," she said and smiled. "It suits you."

"I was happy when I came home and I'm still happy now. It's just been stressful, Leah, that's all."

"No, it was more than that. Dad won't admit just how much, but he's been _really_ worried about you. If it was up to him he'd call you every day, but Sue keeps trying to tell him you're fine and you'll call if you need anything. He's convinced something's wrong and you've gotten in over your head with all this wedding stuff. "

I set the knife down and said, "Why does he think that?"

Leah shrugged. "Call it a father's intuition, B. I liked Jake, he seemed sweet and charming, but Dad said something was off with both of you. I think reading your article has helped him some."

"What? Dad reads my column?" I asked in shock and she laughed.

"Yeah, ever since that day we went out to dinner and I read it to everyone he has Sue buy it. The stuff you've been writing, B, it's beautiful. I guess he just didn't see you and Jake as being that way together, you know?" She put her hand on my shoulder. "He's happy for you—just concerned."

"I get it." I sighed. "I hadn't even mentioned Jake to you guys and then all of a sudden we're engaged and planning this crazy wedding. But I am happy, Leah. I know to others looking in, Jake and I don't have a conventional relationship. But it works for us."

"Then that's all that matters. I'll talk to Dad," she said and then groaned. "Are we nearly done? I need to sit down; my feet are killing me. I haven't walked that much in years."

"Just about," I told her and forced a smile as I thought about what she'd just said.

My dad never had a great deal to say, but damn he never missed a trick.

~x~

For the record, kids at Christmas are exhausting. I was woken up at five by Alex and Alice's shrieks of excitement that Santa had been here. I spent the morning playing with them and their huge pile of gifts and trying to prepare dinner. By the time it came to eat, everyone looked like they were ready to go back to bed.

"I know you're tired, Sis, but you do know how to count, right?" Seth asked me as I began to set out the plates before I served dinner. "There are eight of us, not nine."

"I know. I have a friend who's working today, so I'm plating up some dinner to take over when they get home." I'd decided last night, that no one should have to spend Christmas alone eating a sandwich so I was taking Edward some dinner as soon as he finished work. It had nothing to do with the fact I had missed seeing him in person. Nothing to do with that at all.

"That's a lovely idea, Bella. There is definitely enough turkey to feed us all for a week." Sue came over to help me serve. "Who's your friend?"

"It's a friend of Kate and Garrett's," I said simply and quickly changed the subject.

Dinner was great, but I was itching to deliver Edward his. I was secretly sighing in relief when Dad and Sue said they were going back to the apartment with Seth. We'd all been up early and everyone seemed to share the sentiment of settling down for the night.

Leah and Sam took the kids to bed to watch a DVD together, and I left the apartment just after eight and took a cab straight to Edward's. I rang his buzzer and grinned when he answered.

"Hi, Edward, it's me, Bella," I said.

"Bella? What are you doing here?" he began to ask and then laughed. "Never mind, come on up."

Edward was waiting by the elevator when the doors opened and his eyes zeroed in on the plate in my hands. "What's that?"

"There's no way I was letting you eat nothing but a crappy sandwich for dinner today. So I saved you some of ours. I know it won't taste as good reheated-"

"It's perfect," he said and smiled. I followed him into his apartment and he took the plate from me, putting it down on the counter. "Merry Christmas, Bella," he murmured into my hair.

"Merry Christmas," I said and wrapped my arms around his waist.

"I didn't expect to see you until after the New Year," he said. "The thought was driving me crazy, it's irrational how much I've missed you."

"I feel the same," I said and looked up. "You look tired."

"Tough day, but it's improving rapidly."

"Let me just warm this up for you," I said and reached to pick up the plate, but Edward grabbed my wrist.

"Later," he said roughly and kissed me like I'd never been kissed before.

I knew that we were about to take a step that neither of us could take back. I would have liked to say that somewhere in the back of my mind I knew this was wrong, but in that very moment I was exactly where I wanted to be and I simply wasn't prepared to walk away.

"Tell me you feel the same, Bella," Edward murmured against my lips and it took me back to that dream at Kate's parents' house. "Tell me you want this."

"I want you, Edward," I whispered and he walked us to the bedroom, our lips never parting.

Keeping our bodies pressed together at every feasible point, Edward backed me to his bed, kicking the door shut behind him. His hands ran up my arms and shoulders to hold my neck, his fingers caressing my skin igniting every nerve in my body. I slid my arms around and unbuttoned his shirt pushing it off his shoulders and traced my fingers over his chest and stomach. I wanted to see him, so I pulled back from our kiss to watch where I touched. He gasped when a single finger dipped below the waistband of his pants.

Before I could delve any lower my arms were raised above my head and my top was being thrown to the floor. Edward kissed me again and his hands cupped my breasts, his thumbs rubbing my nipples through the fabric of my bra. I moaned loudly when he dropped his head to kiss my neck, his teeth nibbling on my skin.

As he moved lower down my body, I felt him fiddling with the clasp on my bra and I giggled as he growled in frustration. "Surely they can make these fucking things easier to open."

"Here, let me," I whispered and my hands trembled as I opened it.

Edward pushed the straps down my arms and I held my breath as the rest fell to the floor. "I need to see all of you," he said, his voice cracking as he spoke. "Don't move."

My heart was racing and I could barely stand as he began kissing down my body again. His mouth closed around one nipple, sucking and biting gently. Everything he did affected me like never before and yet it still wasn't enough. Hands on my waist, he sank to his knees and his mouth followed a trail down the centre of my chest and stomach, his tongue lightly tracing against my skin. He managed to open the button on my pants without any difficulty and I tensed as he slowly pulled them down my legs, leaving on only my underwear. I held onto his shoulders and stepped out of my jeans and watched as his eyes ran up and down my body hungrily.

"You're so fucking beautiful," he said, and then resumed kissing every inch of skin he could get to.

His hands were running over my ass, massaging and rubbing and it felt so damn good. I could feel how wet my underwear were already and the guy hadn't _really_ touched me. I was thankful that the backs of my knees were pressed against the bed, because I didn't trust my legs to support me. I tangled my fingers in Edward's hair, trying to pull his head up, but he ignored me and chuckled.

"Patience, Bella, we have all night. You're not leaving here until I say so."

One of his hands drifted up the inside of my thigh and brushed between my legs on top of my underwear. I gasped as he slipped a single finger underneath the fabric and moaned as he realised just how turned on I was.

"Lift your leg, Bella," he said, placing a kiss on my thigh. He guided my foot to the bed and kept one hand on my waist to help steady me.

Two fingers from his other hand hooked onto my panties and moved them to one side. I saw him looking at me with hungry, desperate eyes and then ran his flattened tongue slowly through my centre. I had to grab his shoulders to keep myself upright and my fingertips dug into his skin.

"God, Edward," I moaned as he licked, lapped, sucked and nibbled at me; driving me wild with a sensation I'd never come close to experiencing. "Oh my God."

When he stopped and moved his head I immediately objected, "Please don't stop."

He chuckled and whispered, "Lay down."

I did as he asked and all but collapsed onto the bed, he peeled my underwear down my legs and threw them across the room. Without another word he buried his face between my legs and I arched my back as he brought me closer and closer to my climax. Just when I thought it couldn't get any better he pushed two fingers inside me and I screamed out.

"Edward, shit. That's...oh my God," I panted and my legs clamped around his face as I was hit with the most almighty of orgasms.

He waited for me to settle again and then tried to kiss his way back up my body, but my skin was far too sensitive and I squirmed with every touch. I heard him chuckle but he held me in place on the bed and continued.

Edward reached kissed my forehead softly and then stood up. I sat up quickly and grabbed his hand before he could step away. I positioned him between my legs on the bed, leaving my face planted right in front of his very impressive erection, which was almost bursting through his pants. I reached forward and was shocked to see my hands shaking as I tried to remove the last of his clothes.

Edward noticed it too. "Hey, are you okay?" he asked softly. "We can stop if you-"

"I don't want to stop. Not at all," I told him and his hands covered mine, pushing his pants down his legs.

When his dick sprang free I instinctively licked my lips and leaned forward. I heard Edward groan and make a move to step back but I held his hips and pulled him closer. He cursed as I flattened my tongue against his shaft and slowly licked upwards. I brought one hand forward and gripped him tightly as I took him into my mouth.

"Fuck," he breathed and his hands found their way into my hair.

His hold tightened and he began to move my head back and forth encouraging me to take him deeper. I swallowed around him and grazed my teeth gently against his skin and when I looked up I saw his eyes staring intently at mine.

"Shit, Bella, stop," he panted and moved out of my hold. "You seriously have to stop. I won't last if you keep doing it and I need to..."

I shuffled up the bed and Edward climbed over me, resting in between my legs so I could feel his dick pressed up against me. Keeping his eyes on mine he whispered, "Do you have any idea how much I've thought about this? About you?"

"Edward, please," I begged and slowly he inched his way inside me.

His gaze still focused entirely on me he froze. "Damn, I forgot the condom," he said and I felt him start to pull back. "I'm clean, but I can get one from the dresser if you'd rather?"

"I'm on the pill," I said and then added quickly, "And I'm clean too...I've never _not_ used protection...even with..."

He nodded and kissed me fiercely, pushing inside simultaneously and by God it felt incredible. My eyes rolled to the back of my head as I felt him stretch and fill me in such a good way. I wrapped my legs tightly around his waist and rocked my hips.

"This feels better than I ever thought it could," he groaned and began to thrust into me.

It was slow and gentle first of all, both of us happy to savour every moment, but as our bodies took over it became more intense and he slammed into me over and over, literally making me see stars it felt _that_ fucking good. I held his face in my hands and kissed him fervently, moaning into his mouth as I climaxed again. Edward's movements began to falter soon after and he said my name as he came.

I trailed my fingers up and down his back, barely touching his skin as we caught our breaths. The enormity of what had just happened hit me and my eyes filled with tears. It had never been anything even remotely close to that with anyone before. If I thought it was good with Jake I had been wrong on such a big fucking scale. What I'd shared with Edward already felt like more than anything I could explain in words.

"Am I squashing you?" he asked quietly.

"I could stay right here all night," I admitted and wiped one hand over my face to hide just how emotional I was feeling.

"Best Christmas ever," he said and laughed. "No Santa could ever bring a gift to better that one."

"Definitely not," I agreed.

"I'm so glad you came over," he whispered. "I hadn't stopped thinking about you all day, I was considering sneaking in through your window tonight just to see your face."

"You'd have given my sister and brother-in-law in a huge surprise," I said. "They're in my room with the kids—I'm on the couch."

"So it really is a good thing you came here then. I may have ended up getting my ass kicked."

I heard Edward's stomach grumble. "Do you want me to reheat that dinner for you?" I asked and his face lit up. "Let me just go to the bathroom and I'll get it ready for you."

I snatched up his shirt and cleaned up quickly. When I re-emerged Edward was pulling on his boxers and he followed me out into the kitchen.

"Will your family wonder where you are?" he asked as I unwrapped the plate full of food. "I'd love it if you stayed again."

"They probably fell asleep hours ago," I said and he laughed. "Alex and Alice were crazy today and wore us all out. They knew I was bringing the dinner over to a friend anyway."

Edward raised an eyebrow. "A friend?"

"I only said 'friend' to avoid all the questions they'd fire at me if I told them the truth. Trust me, Edward, I would have loved to tell them all about you and say I was bringing the sexiest doctor on the planet a plate of food in a wicked attempt to try and seduce him," I said and he laughed. "But, I think my dad would have been here first to shoot you in the balls."

"On that note, I think telling them I was a friend was a much safer option," he agreed. "You have no idea how good that food smells after eating a shitty Turkey and Cranberry sandwich for lunch. I even had to leave it halfway through after an emergency came in. Sometimes I wish I had a regular nine to five job."

"Maybe in the future?" I said and he shrugged. "What time are you going to your dad's tomorrow?" I asked and set the plate down in front of him at the table.

"Not until lunch. I can drop you off at home on my way?" he said with a mouthful and I nodded.

"That sounds good to me."

After he'd eaten, we spent the rest of the night talking and acting like any normal couple. There was no mention of my job, my fiancé or my wedding. Edward's eyes started to droop around midnight and I took his hand, leading him to the bedroom.

"Go to sleep, Edward," I told him. "You're exhausted."

He nodded but then said, "Wait I have something for you." He sat me on the bed and I watched as he fished around in his closet.

"You didn't need to get me anything," I said. "I didn't buy you a gift."

"I know, but I saw this and thought of you," he said "Anyway you brought me that amazing dinner."

I opened the rectangular shaped box and inside was a piece of mahogany stained wood, fitted with a shiny brass plate. The wood had been sculpted into a scroll-like shape and the detail was incredible. On it read, _"Isabella M. Swan. Editor-In-Chief."_

"I know it's a little premature, but Dad told me Esme adores you and is confident you'll be sitting in her seat quicker than you think or expect. I know it's not much-"

"Edward, I love it," I gushed. "It's beautiful. I can't believe you got me something like this."

I threw myself at him and kissed him. "Thank you. Really, Edward, it's the best gift I've been given in a long time."

I set the gift down on the bedside table and we climbed into bed together. Edward's arm wrapped tightly around me and he was asleep in a matter of minutes. I watched him for a while, running my fingers over his eyes, nose, and lips. The man really was pure perfection for me. He knew me, he understood me, and I was so madly in love with him it scared me.

I squeezed my eyes shut, and tried not to think about the decisions I would have to make in the upcoming weeks. One thing I knew without a doubt—there was no way I could let Edward go.

* * *

**A/N**** Thank you to my wonderful prereader, Prettyflour, and beta Twifanmom :D**

**I know this step forward might not be to everyone's taste, but it was always part of my plan! Thanks for reading and reviewing, I love hearing what you think!**

**I have a few recs today... **

**Boundaries Undefined by Mylisssa. Really great High School fic :D **

**Cocktails At Eclipse by Twilightladies. It's such a twisty, creepy, but hot read!**

**Teaser for the next chapter will be posted in the FB Group MrsK81 Fic. Come say hi!**

**See you soon,**

**Katy**

**xxx**


	16. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15 – A Perfect New Year**

Edward dropped me off at home around ten the next morning. I'd been reluctant to say goodbye; I knew it would be after the New Year before I got to really spend time with him again. Unfortunately for me, Dad, Sue, and Seth had already made their way to my apartment from Kate's and I walked in to five pairs of questioning eyes.

"Where did you spend the night?" Dad asked.

"The couch was killing my back, so I stayed at a friends," I said casually and saw Leah watching me closely..

"What's that?" she asked while eyeing the gift in my hand.

"A gift," I replied simply.

"From the friend?" she pushed and I nodded. "Can I see?"

"Um, sure," I said, handing her the plaque. "I know the promotion isn't set in stone yet, but-"

"What a lovely gift," Sue mused as she looked at it with Leah. "Such a sweet and thoughtful idea. Look at it, Charlie."

I saw Dad smile quickly as he read the inscription and then he frowned again. "Who's the friend? The one who you made Christmas dinner for?"

"Yep, that's the one." I felt my cheeks redden and I started busying myself in the kitchen.

"What does she do for a living? This looks pricey, Bells," he said and I cringed.

"Actually," I said nervously, "_He_ is a doctor. Edward is Garrett's best man, and Esme Platt, my Editor-In-Chief, is dating his father."

Sue and Leah looked surprised but Dad didn't flinch. "Well the man's got good taste," he said and poured himself a coffee, putting one hand on mine which was resting on the kitchen counter. "Good thing you're engaged, Bells, or I'd be wanting to meet this doctor. You'd better not tell Jake you spent the night in another man's apartment."

"Why not? It's not like anything happened, right Bella?" Sue said. "It's always better to get things out in the open. If you keep it to yourself it _always_ comes back to bite you on the ass."

I should have heeded her advice because boy was she right.

~x~

I had managed to persuade Jake to give up the invitations to Marquee and we were going to the party at Garrett's gallery for New Years. I'd hoped Edward would be going, but he'd fallen for another long shift at work.

I was disappointed about Edward, but I was determined to have fun. Even if Jake and I weren't the same couple we had once been behind closed doors, he was still good company. He was fun to be around and with some other friends around me I couldn't wait to celebrate. So when I woke up with the stomach flu in the early hours of New Year's Eve morning I was gutted. I was rooted to the bathroom for most of the morning and stumbled to bed a little before noon. As soon as I'd started throwing up, I told Jake he would have to let Kate know I wouldn't be at the party. I insisted Jake go out without me and although he tried to object, I sensed he was dying to leave the apartment. I got a text from him later saying he'd crash at his old place for the night to give me time to recover.

I sent Kate a text message apologizing for my absence and then tried to sleep it off. Several hours later I heard someone moving about in the apartment and called out, "Jake? What are you doing back? I thought you were stopping out for the night."

"It's not Jake," I heard Edward's voice shout. "I'm just a doctor on a house call. Kate told me you were sick and alone. That's not a good combination, Bella. I got the spare key from your building manager. You don't mind do you?"

"Edward?" I tried to sit up, but as soon as I did I felt another wave of nausea and I darted into the bathroom as fast as I could.

I heard him approach me as I was knelt over the toilet and tried to wave him away but he caught my hand in one of his and rubbed my back with his other.

"Go away," I croaked when I was done. "You really shouldn't have to see this."

"Bella," he chuckled. "I'm a doctor, I've seen much, much worse. It's a nice change to have someone actually not throw up on me. How long have you been sick?"

I stood up to wash my face and rinse my mouth. "Since about two in the morning. I feel awful."

"That's more than twelve hours. You should start feeling better soon. Come on, back to bed." He put his arm around my waist. "I'll stay with you. Just shout up if you need anything, okay?"

"You have to work," I mumbled weakly. "Please don't feel obliged to stay. I'll be fine, Edward, really."

"I've arranged for someone to cover my shift, Bella. You did a good deed for me on Christmas, so just look at it as me repaying the favor." He tucked the sheets around me and brushed a few rogue strands of hair from my face.

"My good deed was much better," I grumbled and he laughed.

I fell back to sleep again, and it was dark when I woke up feeling almost completely recovered. I picked up my phone from the side of the bed and squinted to see the time. It was almost eleven and I saw I had several missed calls from Jake, Kate, and even Edward. I smiled to myself, remembering a fuzzy dream that he had been here looking after me.

_If only it was true..._

"How do you feel?"

The voice made me jump and then I noticed Edward standing in the doorway. "I thought you being here was a dream," I said and he laughed. "I feel lots better, thank you."

"Here, have a drink of water." He sat beside me on the bed and passed me a glass. "You need to keep drinking, even if you don't feel up to eating anything yet."

"Yes, Doctor," I said and he smirked. "I need to take a shower."

"Good idea," he said and helped me to my feet.

I expected him to leave me in the bathroom but he didn't. Instead, he helped me out of my clothes and then began to remove his own.

"What are you doing?" I asked anxiously.

"Taking a shower with you. As your doctor, I doubt you have the strength to support yourself. It's in the interest of your health that I assist you." He winked, and I smiled. "No funny business, I promise."

"That's a shame," I said, and he scowled.

"Bella, you're sick."

"_Was_ sick. I'm all better now," I protested.

"Maybe I should get dressed and let you shower alone," he said with a sigh, and rubbed the back of his neck.

"No!" I yelped. "Sorry, I promise I'll be good. Shower with me, Edward, please?"

"You'd better behave, Bella," he relented, and ordered me to stand still in the shower, holding onto the wall so he could wash me. I watched in fascination as he squeezed the soap onto the wash cloth and lathered it up. Starting with my neck and shoulders he washed me. His eyes were intense as he slowly worked his way over the rest of my body. I bit my lip and tried to keep my promise about being good, but Jesus it was hard. So was he, incidentally, and that didn't help my restraint.

He did place one or two kisses on my stomach as he knelt down to wash my legs and feet. "Turn around," he said softly and I did as he asked.

Just as painfully slowly, he worked his way back up and then he started to shampoo my hair. My heart was racing and it was all I could do to keep my hands to myself as his fingertips massaged my scalp. When he was done with that, he rinsed me and we just stood under the hot stream of water, my back pressed against his chest and his chin resting on my shoulder.

I knew he was fighting to keep it innocent, and I decided to try my luck one final time. "Please, Edward," I whispered. I reached around behind me and wrapped my hand around his dick and began to drag my hand up and down. "I feel completely fine now. Can't we have a little fun in here?"

"Bella, you should rest," he said, his voice cracking.

"Please, Edward," I begged shamelessly. "I need you."

I heard him sigh, and then his hands held tightly onto my waist. "Put your hands against the wall," he commanded, his voice was thick and more domineering than I'd ever heard. "This is strictly against doctor's orders, but I can't and won't say no to you anymore."

He pushed into me in one movement and I felt him even deeper in this position. In the background I heard the end of the countdown followed by cheers erupting from the streets outside and I knew it was midnight. But, the celebrations were drowned out by the sounds of water pouring onto us, our intense moans, and the slapping of our skin as we connected over and over again.

After we'd finished in the shower, I let Edward carry me to bed. He made me drink some more water and then curled up beside me. I don't think he intended to spend the entire night, but he was still beside me when I woke up the following morning.

My stomach growled loudly, and I heard him chuckle. His eyes peeked open and he said, "I take it you want breakfast?"

"I guess I do," I said.

"Shit, what about Jake?" he asked nervously and jumped out of bed.

"He spent the night at his place and won't be back for a while yet. He doesn't do sick people very well." I shrugged. "I usually hate having people fuss over me when I'm sick, but with you I quite enjoyed it."

"He still has his own apartment? Even though you guys are getting..." He trailed off before he said the "M" word and my heart sank at the reminder.

"His lease isn't up for another few months. I don't know what we'll do afterwards." I picked at the duvet and then looked at him excitedly. "I wonder if Balotelli's is open?"

"Let's take a walk and find out," he said and helped me to my feet. "But, you should eat something plain, Bella. Your stomach will need time to recover."

"No chocolate croissants?" I pouted and he laughed. "That's not fair."

"I won't have any either," he offered.

"Too right you won't. As my doctor you should be setting an example."

~x~

_Hey, babe. Hope you're feeling better now. I missed you last night & I'll be home around two. Do you need me to bring anything? Jake._

I sighed and looked at the time. Almost one, meaning I had an hour left with Edward, and as was always the case, it just wasn't enough.

_**I'm fine now. Hope you enjoyed yourself. See you soon. B x**_

"I should get going," I said quietly, and he nodded.

"Me too. Dad's expecting me." He reached over the table and squeezed my hand. "It doesn't seem to matter how long I'm with you...I never want to leave."

"I was just thinking the same," I whispered. "Thank you, Edward. For everything you did last night and for today. Even with the stomach flu, it was probably the best New Year's I've had."

"Me too, Bella. Me too." He kissed my hand and stood up. "Come on, I'll walk you home."

We walked close to each other, our arms brushing and I wanted to reach over and take his hand, but I couldn't, and I really shouldn't, so I didn't.

Edward stopped at my building and asked, "When can I see you again?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "I'd love to see you every fucking day, but I'm helping Kate and Garrett with last minute plans for the wedding, and there's the bachelor parties coming up as you know. Plus, work is going to be crazy this month. I get to do most of the editing and oversee the production of the next issue. Can I call you when I get back to work and sort out my schedule?" I put my hand over my face and groaned, "Shit, that sounds like such a lame ass thing to say."

Edward chuckled and peeled my hand away. "It sounds like a perfectly normal response for someone who is busy, Bella. I'm spending a few days with Dad and then I'm back at work pretty much all the time until the wedding. Call me and we'll sort something out."

"Even if it's just grabbing lunch or breakfast?" I asked and he nodded.

"Bella, I'll take whatever I can get. Just because we've spent the night together, doesn't mean that has to happen every time I see you." He looked sincere, but then he chuckled.

"What?" I asked.

"I just heard that back in my head," he said. "Now I'm the lame-ass."

"Nothing about you is lame, Edward," I told him and then hesitated. "Okay, maybe your painting skills are pretty lame."

We both laughed and then I sighed. "I really should go in. Jake knows I'm better, but-"

"But you wouldn't want to have to explain this," Edward finished sadly.

"No, that's not it, not at all," I started but then I heard Jake's voice and my stomach lurched.

"Iz?" he called out and I saw him start jogging towards the apartment, his eyes landing on Edward. "Hey man, Edward, right?"

Edward glanced nervously at me and then composed himself. "Yeah, nice to see you again."

"You okay, babe?" Jake asked and stepped close to me. "You look better."

"I am, thanks." I pointed to Edward and said, "Edward was just-"

I'd fully intended on telling Jake, Edward was being a good friend, making sure I was okay and not making an excuse for his presence. But Edward interrupted, "I'm out of town for a few days, and I needed to make sure there was nothing left to arrange for Garrett's bachelor party. It's in a few weeks."

Jake seemed satisfied. "Bachelor parties are the highlight of any wedding. They definitely need good planning," he joked and I frowned at him. "What? Come on, Iz. Everyone knows weddings are pretty fucking boring. For the guys at least."

"I'm going inside," I muttered. "Thank you, Edward. I'll call you and confirm as soon as I can."

Edward nodded and I saw one side of his mouth turn up into a smile. "Sounds good. Like I said, whatever you can muster up, I'll take. Goodbye, Bella, Jake."

"See you later, man." Jake disappeared inside the building and I watched Edward walk away.

I told myself it was just so I could wave if he looked back, but who was I kidding? I was completely staring at his ass in those pants. He looked back and waved, knowing exactly what I was doing and what I'd been staring at. I waved and pretended to turn away. Unable to resist, I stepped back out and continued to watch him. After only a second or two, he looked back again. I could see the smirk on his face and I grinned.

Jake was in the shower when I got upstairs and I started to change the sheets. I was still putting on the fresh ones when Jake re-emerged in just a towel.

"Didn't you just change those the other day?" he asked and I blushed.

"Yeah, well I've been sick. I was in bed all day yesterday," I said without looking up. "How was last night?"

"Okay. I'd have preferred you to be there," he whispered from behind me and his arms slipped around my waist. "I felt bad leaving you at home. I tried to get a cab home about eleven, so we could at least see in the new year together...but it was impossible. I'm sorry, babe. You aren't angry, right? You seem a little off."

I stiffened automatically in his arms. Had he been able to get a cab, he would have arrived home while Edward and I were in the shower. I felt frustrated rather than guilty. If he had come home then right now everything would be out in the open. He'd know there was someone else and probably call the whole thing off. I'd finally have an out. But, then I'd have to admit to being unfaithful and dishonest. I'd lose the chance of a promotion, probably even my job. I had no doubt my ruthless employers would have me blacklisted with as many editorials as they could for all the sponsorship and advertising they'd lose.

And then there was Esme. She had been wonderful, trusting, and like a mother to me. I had been presented with an amazing opportunity and to throw that away would cause irreparable damage to our relationship.

"Babe?"

"Huh?"

"Are you? Mad at me?" Jake asked and I patted his hand which was splayed across my stomach.

"No. Don't be silly. I was sick, Jake. No point in you staying here and catching it. I'm just going to call, Kate. She's been texting to make sure I'm okay. Shall we watch a movie or something?" I offered and he smiled.

"Sounds good. I'll just get dressed and then pick one while you call Kate."

I called Kate and told her I was feeling much better. Then listened to her recant the tales of the party Garrett had thrown at his gallery last night. It sounded like I'd missed a good party and I apologized to her.

"You can't apologize for being sick, B," she said. "You are sure it was the flu? You aren't pregnant are you?"

"Kate!" I hissed. "No, I am most definitely not, Jesus."

"What? It's a perfectly acceptable question to ask and if you were, it would certainly complicate things," she said and I groaned. "Did you and Edward...you know...use anything?"

I was just about to tell her to shut up, when I froze. "I was sick..." I trailed off.

"I was only half-serious," Kate said. "And you only slept with Edward last week, B. You wouldn't get sick already if you were pregnant."

"No. I know I was sick because of the flu, Kate, but it was only an hour or two after I'd taken my pill the night before," I whispered.

"I think you're covered, B. You aren't sleeping with Jake, right? And it's been a week since you slept with Edward. Even the most virile of swimmers don't live for that long." Kate paused. "Do they?"

"I don't think so," I said. "But what about last night?"

"What about last night?" she asked quickly. "I thought Jake went out alone? Did you two finally sleep together?"

"No," I croaked.

"Then what are you...oh...Edward...last night?"

"He came over to make sure I was okay." I sank onto the bed.

"I thought you were sick?"

"I was, at first. But he didn't leave. He stayed with me all night, and when I was feeling better I said I needed a shower...and...and...he...we...shit," I whispered and felt my hands start to shake.

"I'm going to take Garrett's car and I'll drive you to the emergency clinic. I'm sure you're fine, but we'll get you the morning after pill, just in case. Don't worry, B, please," she said softly.

"Thanks, Kate," I croaked out. "I'll be outside."

I took another few minutes to compose myself and then went to talk to Jake.

He was just heating up some food in the microwave and he looked confused when he saw my put on my jacket. "You going out?"

"Yeah, Kate's having a little crisis and needs to talk. You don't mind do you?"

He smiled and walked over to me, placing his hands on my shoulders. "Babe, you know you don't have to ask permission. I was looking forward to finally spending some time with you, but if Kate needs a friend, it's fine. We'll watch the movie tonight. No big deal."

"Thanks, Jake," I whispered and saw him lean forward to kiss me. I quickly tried to dodge out of his hold and apologised, "Sorry, I just don't want you to catch anything. You need to stay well for the rest of the advertising push you're doing."

"I think we've both been putting work first for long enough, Iz." He held me firmly in place and kissed me. My stomach knotted and I _tried_ to kiss him back, but it felt all sorts of wrong and I pulled back just as his hands released my shoulders and dropped to my ass. "What's wrong?"

"Later, I promise," I lied. "I'm much better, but I still feel a little icky. Will you be here when I get back?"

He nodded and kissed my forehead quickly before letting me leave. "Tell Kate I said hi," he shouted as I closed the door.

I sat on the steps outside my apartment building and waited for Kate. Should I mention this to Edward? Would he even want to know?

Something told me Edward was the kind of guy who _would_ want to know. He _would _want to be the one to be there to make sure I was okay. Truthfully though, I wasn't okay not by a long way, and it had nothing to do with going to get the morning after pill, and absolutely everything to do with being totally and irrevocably in love with Edward Cullen.

~x~

"And you'll need to take extra precautions for at least a week. Do you need me to provide you with any condoms?" the nurse asked and I blushed.

"No, thank you," I said. "That's not necessary."

"Well, remember to take a pregnancy test if your period is late—this form of contraception is more effective the closer to intercourse you take it, but even then it isn't a guarantee." She handed me a few pamphlets about sexual health and I cringed.

"Thank you," I said again and stood up to leave. I felt like I needed to justify my presence here. I didn't want her to think I was some irresponsible idiot who slept around. "I can't believe I'm here. I'm twenty-nine for crying out loud. I was stupid. How could I forget to use something, I mean I've written articles about this." I smiled at her and she patted my shoulder.

"Sweetheart, we've all been in that situation. It's easy to get swept up in the moment by our butterfly guys." She returned my smile and I felt sick again. "Stick to the times on this card and like I said, keep _it_ covered for a week." She winked.

"You read Eclipse?" I asked quietly and she shook her head.

"Not ordinarily, but I picked up my daughters copy at home and I've been hooked on your column. Good luck with the wedding, I can't wait to read what you have to write about that day. I admit you've had me in tears in some issues, so I'm sure you won't disappoint on the day we're all looking forward to."

And just like that, I had another reason, another group of people to let down if I walked away now.

* * *

**Thanks for reading, reviewing, and alerting this! It makes my day I swear :D**

**Also huge thanks to Prettyflour & Twifanmom, my ever patient prereader/beta. **

**I'll post the teaser for the next update on the FB page, MrsK81 fic, so why not come say hi!**

**See you soon,**

**Katy**

**xxx**


	17. Chapter 16

**A/N I own nothing. Thanks to Prettyflour and Twifanmom for helping with this fic :D**

**Chapter 16 – Don't Forget That**

"Are we good?" Kate asked as I went back into the waiting room.

"Should be," I replied and followed her out to the car. "Do I tell Edward?"

Kate paused and thought about it for a minute. "If it was me, I'd tell Garrett."

"With us, it's a little more..."

"If you say complicated I'll slap you," she warned and I frowned. "Oh, I heard your rant about that word to Edward. He told Garrett, and Garrett told me."

"But it _is_ complicated," I whined. "For the first time in my life, I really don't know what to do."

"I don't buy that, B," Kate said softly. "You know exactly what you _want_ to do, but if you choose to do that, you could hurt a lot of people and lose something you've worked hard all your professional life to achieve. But, times ticking by, B, you have to make a decision or someone else will make it for you and it might not be the one you want."

"I hate your logic," I grumbled, and she laughed.

"I think the weekend we go away to relax will be the perfect chance for you to really put things right in your head."

Jake still wanted to watch a movie when I finally got home. He was sweet all night—massaging my neck, playing with my hair, and cuddling me all the time. I tried to be equally as affectionate, but the events of the past week wouldn't allow it. As much as I didn't want to hurt Jake, I just couldn't be with him like that after Edward, and I sensed for the first time in ages that was Jake's intention. I excused myself to shower and when I went back to the couch I just lay against his side and pretended to fall asleep before I had to blatantly reject him again.

Before the end of the movie, I had fallen asleep for real. But, unlike Edward who carried me to bed when I fell asleep on his bathroom floor, Jake left me on the couch at the end of the movie and went to bed himself. I stayed where I was for the night, and woke up stiff and irritable.

_Don't make comparisons, Edward is the exception here. How many men are as sweet as him?_

It was only six, but I got dressed quietly and had a quick breakfast before heading into work, leaving Jake asleep in bed. It was the first day back after the holidays and I was the only one there from my department. I quickly immersed myself into my own tasks before I made a start on Esme's usual jobs.

A grumpy looking Kate arrived a little before nine and I laughed at her expression. "Someone's happy," I said to her and she shot me a dirty look.

"It's too early and too cold to be cheerful," she muttered. "The first day back after a holiday is always a killer."

"Usually I'd agree with you," I told her. "But today I'm feeling much chirpier."

"Yeah, so I see. Has that anything to do with the fact that for the next month, technically you're my boss?"

I nodded seriously and said, "It certainly has. You'd better buck your ideas up, bitch, or I'll fire your skinny ass."

Kate laughed and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, whatever you say, B."

"That attitude is precisely why I'll be firing you," I teased.

"Serious questions now," she started, "How are you feeling and was everything okay with Jake yesterday? He didn't notice you popping the pills or anything?"

"No. We watched a movie and I fell asleep on the couch. I feel okay, but I guess we'll see in a few weeks," I said simply. "Jake was weird and really affectionate yesterday. I think he wanted to...you know?"

"Ew. Was he humping your leg like a real dog?" she said and laughed as I gave her a dirty look. "Sorry, B, but that was too good to pass on. You know, Jake getting his frisk on again won't make your problem any simpler. At least if he behaves cold or assholeish you have a justification for you and Edward."

"There's no justification for cheating, Kate," I sighed. "But, it's irrelevant, because I just can't go _there_ with him anymore."

The phone on my desk rang and I picked it up as soon as Esme's name flashed across the display.

"Good morning, Esme," I said cheerfully. "Happy New Year."

"Hello, Isabella," she answered. "How are you?"

"I'm good, thanks. Just getting my schedule cleared so we can make a start," I began to say.

"About that. I'm still at Carlisle's house and I don't think I'll be back to the city until tonight. Can we make a start tomorrow morning?" I heard a muffled laugh and Esme telling whomever it was to be quiet. "Sorry, Bella."

"No, no, tomorrow is fine," I said trying not to giggle as Carlisle, no doubt, continued to try and distract Esme. "Have fun, Esme."

"I am sorry, Bella. Carlisle and I are a little sleep deprived-"

"You _really _don't have to explain, Esme," I began to argue.

"Goodness, Bella. It's not what you're thinking." She scoffed. "Carlisle's son, Edward, came over for dinner last night and now he's sick. He sounded so dreadful I couldn't sleep for worry, so we stayed up to make sure he was okay."

"Edward got sick?" I asked and groaned. "How is he now?"

"Asleep," Esme said. "Carlisle thinks it's something he's picked up at work. The perils of working in a hospital, I suppose."

"Yeah, it's probably just a twenty-four hour thing," I said quietly. "I hear there's something going around."

"I'm sure he'll be better soon enough, but I'd rather stay here to make sure he has everything he needs. Anyway, I expect I'll be back in the city tonight, so we can make a start tomorrow. Goodbye, Bella."

"Bye, Esme."

I hung up and banged my head against the desk. "I feel like shit now."

"You've infected Edward. Poor guy, he does a good deed and look what happens." Kate said. "Then again, he did have sex with someone else's fiancée when she was sick—some people would say that was karma."

"Are any of _those_ people in _this_ office?" I asked haughtily and she laughed.

"No, definitely not. You know who I'm rooting for in this fucked up situation."

"Good." I pulled out my phone and sent Edward a message straight away.

_Edward, I am so, so, so, sorry. Esme told me you're sick & I feel terrible. If there's anything you need please just let me know & I'll do it. I hope you feel better soon. B xxxx_

"So that means you're not my boss today?" Kate asked randomly.

"Nope, not today." I'd been looking forward to finally taking charge for an issue.

"And our actual boss isn't here either?"

"Nope."

"Get your things and let's go," she said and scooped up her bag.

"Go? Go where?" I asked.

"This is the perfect day to take advantage of our flexitime schedule. You can say you have an appointment to do with the wedding and I'm still deciding what to run with this month, so I can say I'm researching prospective subjects." She waited by the door and when I didn't move she said, "Look, if you stay here, you're just going to be pining after poor, sick Edward all day. You won't get anything productive done at all and then you'll start stressing because what you have done isn't up to your usual mark of perfection. You can't get on with Esme's work because she isn't here, and if you go home Jake is going to be there waiting to pounce. By the process of elimination, wandering the streets of Manhattan with me is your only alternative."

"When you put it like that, I suppose you're absolutely right," I said and smiled. "But, for the record I wouldn't have been pining after Edward. I was fully intending on taking a cab to Long Island to see him."

"Oh, and Esme wouldn't have found that strange at all," she said sarcastically. "You turning up to tend to poor, sick Edward."

"I could have sneaked into his room through a window or something."

"And broken your leg, arm, back, and neck in the process." Kate was having far too much fun teasing me. "You've sent Edward a message. He will wake up, see the text from you and instantly feel better. He'll call you, you'll talk for a while and then you'll feel better because he feels better. Now, can we go shopping for a new dress for my party or not?"

"No, not for your party anyway...I have a surprise for you," I told her. "You'll freak out when you see what you're wearing."

"What do you mean? You've already bought my dress?" she asked.

"Kind of," I said. "It's a surprise."

Another free gift from a potential sponsor of the wedding was a tailored dress of my choice for any occasion. As Kate adored everything this woman produced, I'd contacted the designer, and persuaded her to let me pass on the gift to Kate. So, at the fittings for Kate's bridesmaid dress, I'd passed on her measurements to Tanya Denali, and she was personally making a dress she could wear for her bachelorette party.

I was still going to provide Tanya with publicity and a feature in my diary, so she was happy and I knew Kate would be elated.

"I hate surprises," she muttered.

"Trust me, you'll adore this one." I smiled smugly and she sighed. "Please, Kate. It's less than two weeks to your party, you can wait that long surely? Have some patience, and you'll be glad you did."

"So if I can't go shopping for a dress, can we go shopping for one for you?"

"I suppose so, yeah. There's a little boutique near Edward's place, I've passed it a few times and it has some really cute stuff in the window. Wanna have a look there?" I asked and was surprised at the excitement in my voice.

"Let's get a cab."

After trying on almost every dress in the store, I found a charcoal-coloured, metallic dress. It had thin spaghetti straps and as it was January and cold, I paired it with a fitted black blazer. It was shorter than I liked to wear usually, but what the hell, it was Kate's bachelorette party.

"Now that looks cute," Kate agreed when I stepped out of the dressing room. "I saw a pair of shoes in the costume department at work that will look perfect with that outfit. I'll sign them out for you tomorrow morning. No one's going to miss them; they were used in last month's issue."

"So, shall we go and get lunch?" Kate asked. "Unless there's anything else you need to get?"

"A cab to Long Island is at the top of my list, but I doubt you'll agree," I said sulkily, and heard my phone chime.

_Hi, Bella. I'm much better now, thank you. Don't feel bad, I've picked up worse at the hospital. Dad's just bringing me back home. Talk to you later, Edward xx_

"So, how's Edward?" Kate prompted. "I can tell it's from him—your smile is bordering on creepy."

I laughed. "He's better, thank God. Carlisle is just bringing him home." Linking my arm through hers, I tugged her forward. "So, where are we going for lunch?"

~x~

"I know I said I wanted you to run with this issue, Bella, and that's still the case." Esme was looking out of her window. "I think your suggestions and notes about the other features are sound, and I think your advertising placement is good, but, are you sure you're happy with _your_ diary entry?"

"Is there something wrong with it?" I asked. We had just run through the draft of the issue so far and my entry hadn't even been on my mind as a point to discuss.

Esme turned and sat back at her desk and began to read my article.

_Wow, we're talking weeks now...weeks until everything comes together and I say, "I do." Those two innocuous words that cause more people to choke and stutter than any others. _

"_Would you like a coffee, Madam?" _

"_I do."_

_See, that's fine._

"_Do you want to go out for something to eat?"_

"_I do."_

_Yep, no problem there either._

"_Do you take this man to be your husband..."_

_Now that changes everything._

_Why, if you've booked a wedding, if you've committed yourself to someone in every way feasibly possible, would those two words even matter? Is it the finality, knowing that no longer are you making decisions that impact only you? Is it just because you are saying those words in front of everyone who you love and respect? Or is it because,finally you realise that a ring, a piece of paper, or even a fairy-tale wedding make no difference. A wedding comes with no guarantee, no assurance that finally you get to have a fairy-tale ending. _

_Anyone can have the big wedding in an amazing location, but not everyone can follow through on those commitments they made to each other. A wedding is the fun part. A marriage on the other hand, takes hard work, patience,and compromise._

"It's good, everything you've submitted has always been good, but it's nothing like the rest of entries, Bella. Have you been struggling with the extra workload?" Esme studied my face.

"Um...no, I usually write that at home. It helps me unwind and take new perspective. I don't understand..."

"Bella, the last few months have been like reading a fairy-tale. You've gushed about love, butterfly guys, and made it seem like you were completely doubt-free about getting married. Reading this, however, it's like you're trying to talk yourself into it. Is there something on your mind?"

_Not something, someone..._

"No, I just wanted to be realistic about my expectations. I thought having a balance to the fluffy side of my diary was a good thing." I had struggled with this entry. I was still struggling.

"Listen, I agree that you need to go into this with realistic expectations, but without sounding shallow, Bella, our readers don't want that. They want to read about that all-consuming love and devotion that the majority probably don't have in their lives. They want to enjoy this ride with you, and talking about hard work, dedication, and compromise isn't exactly fitting with all of that. Maybe, in the future, this would be a perfect piece to reflect back on, but not for the build up. Those last few weeks before we get married, surely that is the time we truly believe we have the perfect man, the perfect relationship, the perfect life?" She drew a line through my segment and pushed the file back to me. "Take some time and come up with something different for this month. There's a queue of restaurants offering complimentary meals in exchange for a mention in your column. Why don't you and Jake have a date night and write about that?"

"I'll rewrite the article, Esme, but, I can't do a piece on the date night. It's Kate's bachelorette party on Saturday, Jake's away next week, and then Kate and I are going to a spa the weekend before her wedding, so I just don't have the time. Maybe next month we can run with that idea?"

The truth is Jake and I were crumbling. We could go out for a meal, enjoy a drink, but it had to be with friends, always with friends. We didn't argue, but neither did we talk about anything significant. His work, my work, suit-fittings, bachelor parties and that was about it. I was relieved I had Esme's responsibilities to take care of, because I couldn't bear to be at home alone with him anymore.

"Bella, you're starting to worry me, are you sure there isn't anything you want to talk to me about?" Esme asked softly, but I shook my head.

"No, Esme, really I'm fine. I've just got a lot on my plate. Nothing I can't handle though, don't worry." I thought I sounded convincing, but apparently not.

"I can be here as your boss and your friend, Bella. Remember that." Esme reached across the desk and squeezed my hand. "Whatever it is that's eating away at you, please talk to someone about it."

_How's this? I don't love Jake and I want nothing more than to walk away from the wedding, but I'm in too deep to back out now. I'm in love with the most incredible man, who just happens to be your boyfriend's son. I slept with said incredible man, and now I'm waiting to find out if the morning after pill worked, because we had unprotected sex on New Years Eve after he came to my apartment to look after me while I was sick. What are your thoughts?_

"Are you happy with everything else?" I asked, changing the subject. "There isn't anything you'd change on the features, or rearrange the cover layout?"

Esme sighed, but gave me a wry smile. "The rest of the draft is great so far, Bella. There's just the final decision on which cover shot to run with and one or two ad placements to discuss. We should be getting the stills for the new Armani campaign. I hear they're _really_ good. I suspect even more work will come Jacob's way when the campaign takes off. The only advice I'd have is to be cautious where you place the advertisements in this month's issue."

"I gave the Tanya Denali interview to Kate, and as her all American production is such a high profile subject at the moment, I considered having the Armani ad immediately after that article. I know they pay the higher rate for ad placement, but I didn't want to put it near my column despite its popularity right now. That seemed too predictable—unprofessional even?"

Esme nodded. "I like that. Were you thinking of running with the Denali interview as the lead story on the cover?"

"Yes. There's a photo shoot on Friday for her new line, I'll pick one of the stills as the cover-shot. I've seen the clothes—they're amazing."

"As soon as you have that outlined, let me have a look and then you'll only have your column to worry about." Esme drummed her fingers on the desk. "Clear your schedule for next Tuesday afternoon. I have an informal chat with Markus about each month's issue, and he wants you to come along for this one. Just another perk to my job I suppose." She rolled her eyes.

"I still can't believe you'll be leaving," I said sadly. "It just won't be the same without you."

"I was confident I was making the right decision when I first discussed it with you, but now I've found Carlisle again, I've started losing interest in the job more and more. I know our relationship is new and people will think I'm crazy, but I've never been this happy before, Bella. Life's too short to waste, and investing all my time working, obsessing over articles, fashion, and negotiating advertising placements just doesn't give me that satisfaction anymore."

"It won't make me miss you any less," I said, "But, I'm happy that you're happy. You deserve it, Esme."

"So do you, Bella. Don't forget that."

* * *

**A/N Thanks for reading, reviewing, alerting, and pimping :D All mistakes you see are mine, my beta has not had chance to get the chapter finished yet, but I will replace the content as soon as she fixes my mistakes ;)**

**Last night I made a start on the very last chapter...so as soon as that is done I am going to _try_ to post more frequently. We have another 10 chapters to go, and it would be quite nice to get it finished for Christmas.**

**I will be posting the teaser for the next chapter in the Facebook group MrsK81 Fic. It would be lovely if you came and said hi!**

**Thanks again!**

**TTFN**

**Katy**

**xxxx**


	18. Chapter 17

**Thanks to Twifanmom & Prettyflour for prereading/beta-ing. Thanks to you for reading :)**

**Chapter 17 – Bachelor Parties!**

"Come in!" Kate squealed into the intercom before buzzing me in. "I'm so fucking excited, B. It's my bachelorette party."

I laughed to myself as I walked up to her apartment. It had been such a hectic few weeks, but tonight I was finally going to have an opportunity to forget about everything and enjoy myself.

I'd started working with Esme, getting a warts 'n' all insight into what she did. Now, after just a small glimpse, I appreciated just how stressful the job was and the prospect of taking over seemed more and more daunting with each passing day.

"So, we have until, what, eleven?" Kate asked. "Then we meet the boys, right?"

"Yep, are you sure that's what you want? Because if you've changed your mind, we can keep it boy free and head somewhere different?" I said. "I'll just let Edward know we won't be meeting up with them."

_Please say you don't want to be boy free, Kate._

"No way. I am looking forward to going out with my girls, but this is mine _and_ Garrett's night to celebrate. I don't see it as a last night of freedom, it's the start of something else. Besides, I'm always horny when I drink and unless you plan on helping me with that later, B, I sort of need my fiancé." She winked. "Carmen is on her way here with Heidi. Can you believe she's actually coming? I thought the dirty looks and derogatory remarks might convey how much I hate her fucking guts."

"She's probably just here for Carmen. There'll be loads of people she doesn't know too well," I offered, but Kate scoffed.

"Mom was there when Carmen told her about tonight, Heidi said she'd probably be working and wouldn't be coming. The minute she realised we were meeting up with Garrett and his friends she was all over it." Kate shook her head. "I tried telling Carmen to un-invite her, but Mom said the same as you, that the slut was only going so Carmen knew someone."

"And that's not the case?" I asked.

"Nope. I saw her when we went home for my birthday. She's got her sights set on a handsome doctor, B. One who is already very much spoken for," she said, and I felt the stirrings of jealousy in the pit of my stomach. "Look at you, B, all irate and shit. Why you're worrying I don't know, because that guy can't keep his eyes off you."

I was looking forward to seeing Edward more than I should have been. I'd been insanely busy with work and he was pulling long shifts at the hospital. We spoke and texted each other every day more or less, but it wasn't the same. I missed him, plain and simple.

Jake and I were exactly the same. Both working, both making little time for the other, yet whenever we were together he was sweet and affectionate—although he hadn't instigated anything remotely sexual since New Years Day and of course neither had I. I often wondered if Edward hadn't come along if things might have been different. Would I still be under the illusion that I could make things work with Jake?

I'd typed more emails to Esme than I could count. Explained everything; baring my soul about Jake, the wedding, and of course Edward. I poured my heart out to her, telling her I felt I was letting everyone down if I walked away, but by staying I was slowly ripping myself apart.

Of course I didn't send them, I clicked delete and then continued forward with this fucked up situation. Pretending to be happy, pretending to know what I was doing, and apparently I was convincing everyone. Everyone except Kate and of course, my father.

I could tell from the phone calls I was getting almost every night that he knew something was wrong. He never said anything directly, but he didn't have to. He was worried and nothing I said seemed to appease him.

"I love that dress, B," Kate said, holding out a glass of wine in my direction. "You look cute."

"And you'll look hot when you get dressed." I pointed to the garment bag I'd brought with me. "Your dress, my lady, now go and put it on."

She looked at me, her blue eyes twinkling with excitement and then practically sprinted to her bedroom. I laughed to myself as I heard her swear when she opened the bag. Her head poked around the door and she cried, "Holy fucking hell, B. You got Tanya Denali to make _me_ a fucking dress?"

I nodded. "She offered to design something for the wedding, but I thought you'd appreciate the gesture more than me...so I asked her to do it for you instead. I've got to mention her in the next issue and your picture will be there for everyone to see, but I figured you wouldn't mind."

"Are you kidding? I'd do fucking anything to wear a custom dress from her. I fucking love you, B." She slammed the door and continued squealing to herself. When she emerged from the bedroom she was beaming from ear to ear. "Well?" she asked.

The dress was so fitting for Kate it was scary. It was dark blue and made from soft leather with a quilted pattern embedded through it. There were black leather strips running along the seams and across her chest. It fit her slender frame perfectly, emphasising her petite waist and the length drew attention to her extremely long legs.

"I told you to trust me," I said. "It's probably a good thing we're meeting up with Garrett you know. I doubt he'd want to miss you in that."

"I swear she's got magical powers," she murmured and then sighed. "Thanks, B. This is an amazing gift."

"Anything for you, hon." I smiled. "Go get your shoes on—there's a pair in the bag that I borrowed from work. Then we need to start celebrating."

The buzzer to her apartment rang as she disappeared into the bedroom again. "That'll be Carmen and Super Slut. Let them in would you?"

"Sure," I muttered. "Can I hit Super Slut with something?"

"Like a house brick? I like that idea," she called out.

I tried my best to be nice and with Carmen it was easy, Heidi, however, it wasn't. It would have been easier had she looked like a slut...but unfortunately she looked pretty...really fucking pretty. In fact, there was no telling she was a dirty little slut at all.

"So what time are we meeting those boys?" she asked almost as soon as the pleasantries were over.

"About eleven," I replied coolly. "But we have plenty of party time until then. We can drink ourselves silly and then dance like idiots."

"Amen to that," Carmen agreed.

~x~

I made it my mission to get Heidi as drunk as possible, so drunk she'd end up at home—alone—before we ever met up with Edward. I instigated drinking games, dares, and celebratory shots but the only ones who ended up completely off their faces were Kate and I. Heidi, on the other hand looked as sober as she had at the start of the evening.

"I know! Why don't we head to The Avenue right now?" Carmen piped up as we left one bar. Kate and I were leaning on each other for support, her flashing tiara had fallen sideways and she had a creepy looking smile on her face. "We're only a block away and they always open the stage for bachelorette parties—that would be so much fun."

"Hell yeah," Kate slurred. "Carmen, you're a fucking genius...I'm so fucking proud of you."

Carmen rolled her eyes, and we made the short walk to the club. At first the doormen weren't happy about the state of Kate and I and almost refused us entry. Much to my chagrin, Super Slut turned on the charm and with a bat of her super long eyelashes and pout of her shiny plump lips she persuaded them to turn a blind eye to just how inebriated we were and they let us inside.

"Do you have no shame?" I mumbled, not really intending Heidi to hear me.

"What? Flirting to get what I want?" she asked and shook her head. "It got you into the club didn't it? Besides, I need to practice my skills...I have a hot doctor I plan on seducing and last time he was pretty hard work."

My fists clenched, and I almost growled at her. _Keep your hands off._

"You've got no chance, Sl...Heidi," Kate laughed. "That guy is totally spoken for."

"Not after tonight," Heidi said, and winked. "All is fair in love and war, and if she isn't here to watch over him then she's an idiot. If that man were mine, he'd never be out of my sight."

"Good thing he isn't then." I stomped off to the bar, and ordered a round of drinks. "Fucking slut," I muttered. "Dirty, fucking slut."

"Thanks," the barmaid said.

I looked up in horror and shook my head. "Oh God, no. I wasn't talking about you...I'm sure you're not a slut at all...and if you are...well I'm sure you're not dirty...tell me to shut up, please." I slapped my forehead and she laughed.

"Nothing worse than a dirty slut," she said and handed me my change.

"Thanks," I said, and turned to wave someone over to help carry our drinks.

"Heidi's got us a table right at the front, and we can get up and dance on stage as soon as the ones up there now are finished," Carmen told me. "It's a good thing we brought her, huh?"

She walked towards the table and I stuck my tongue out petulantly. "Probably flashed them her tits to get it. Stupid dirty slut."

I heard the barmaid laugh as I wobbled over to sit down, muttering to myself the entire way. I put on my best game face before anyone saw me sulking. The music was great, the company...for the most part...was equally great and I needed to make sure my best friend had the night of her life.

"We can go up in two's," Kate shouted. "It's totally you and me rocking it together, B, don't you think?"

"Too right," I agreed and we clinked glasses.

While we waited for our turn, we stood up and danced by our table. The drinks kept flowing and I was eagerly awaiting the arrival of the guys. There was no way Heidi was getting close to my Dr. Edward. That man was fucking mine.

"So, who's up next?" The DJ's voice over the microphone echoed in the club and before I could tell Kate to get moving, Slut usurped me, by dragging Carmen up onto the stage.

"What a bitch," I huffed as they danced around on the stage. "It's your wedding, you should be up first. She's just practising the moves she's going to be using on Edward in the bedroom tonight."

Kate laughed. "You're clueless, B. She could walk around this club stark-fucking naked and Edward wouldn't see shit. I told you, he's only got eyes for you."

"Not when she's all sexy and shit. All night I've been trying to get her drunk so she would just fuck right off, and instead she looks as perfect as she did earlier and I look like something from a horror movie." I folded my arms across my chest. "Slut."

"We're up next, B." Kate patted my hand. "Let's show 'em how it's done, B."

I knocked back the last of my drink and followed Kate up on stage.

"Now it's the bride-to-be and her maid of honor! Come on up ladies and show us what you got," the DJ shouted and I heard the crowd applause.

_Seriously, what in God's name am I doing?_

I was just about to high tail it from the stage when the song began. The alcohol in my system took control and gave me a boost of confidence. I ignored the fact there was a room full of people watching Kate and I at that very moment and concentrated purely on having fun.

Thankfully, for our benefit at least, the song was more upbeat than sultry. We twirled around the pole and danced together, laughing as we inevitably fell on our asses. I tried to do sexy and seductive, but failed miserably. Not that I cared, Kate and I were having far too much fun and that was the whole point of the evening.

I expected a chorus of boos to erupt when the song finished, but instead everyone cheered and whistled. We took a dramatic bow and blew everyone a kiss before wobbling off stage.

"That was so much fun," Kate squealed. "I bet we looked like complete fucktards, but I don't care! I fucking loved it."

"So did I," I agreed. "And who cares what we looked like? Besides the girls we're here with, no one else knows us."

"That's not entirely accurate, Bella."

A whisper in my ear sent shivers down my spine and a flush of warmth across my face. I turned my head around slightly and grinned when I saw Edward standing beside me. "Edward!" I beamed and almost threw my arms around his neck...only stopping when I saw Heidi stalking her way over to us.

"Hello again, Dr. Cullen," she said. "Have you been here long?"

"Long enough," he replied politely, smirking at me. "I see your tradition of drinking your way into trouble is still going strong, Bella?"

"I'm not always drunk when I happen to run into you," I replied. "In fact I can remember more than one occasion where I have been completely sober..."

"There have been a few, I'll give you that. Anyway, I suppose tonight is about celebrating, so I will excuse your drunken behaviour, and perhaps even join you." He winked. "I've been looking after Garrett all night, but now it's my turn to let loose a little."

"I can help you with that." Heidi was still lingering, licking her lips and batting her eyelids at Edward.

"I can help you fuck right off," I muttered under my breath, but Edward heard and he flashed me a cocky smile.

"What was that, Bella?" Heidi asked, stepping closer and placing her hand on Edward's shoulder.

I tried not to react to the _touching _and looked at her with my most innocent expression, before saying, "I was just thinking out loud how thirsty I am."

Still with her hand on Edward's arm, she agreed, "Mm, I'm parched too, shall we go and get a drink, _Dr. Cullen_? I can get you alone for a few minutes so we can chat."

I glared at her hand, completely unable to control my temper. I was just about to mention_ the touching _when Edward shook his shoulder and moved closer to me.

"You go, I have a round on its way to the table already," Edward said to Heidi, turning back to look at me as she all but stomped away. "It's okay if we crash your table, right?"

"Of course. I don't think many of the girls are going to be sitting down anyway." I almost missed what he said, I was too busy waving at Super Slut as soon as her back was to me. He was watching me, smiling and obviously amused with my crazy jealous reaction to Heidi.

"So cute," he whispered, and discreetly ran his finger over my cheek. "But, there's no need at all to be jealous."

"She's a slut." I shrugged. "You should have seen her dancing up on stage earlier. Double-slut with cherries on top."

He laughed and followed my line of sight to the stage where Carmen had gone back up to dance, this time with Rachael. "Will you be dancing again?"

I shook my head. "I don't think so. I've already made a fool of myself once already. I'll leave the sexy dancing to Heidi...I think she was hoping to use that to impress you; she's made it her mission to seduce you."

"Not a pleasant thought." He screwed up his nose. "All the alcohol in the world isn't going to make that happen. Not when you're in the same room...it's so hard to keep my hands off you, Bella."

"I _am_ very drunk," I whispered in his ear. "Maybe, you could land the unfortunate job of making sure I get home safe?"

"My apartment is closer," he said, "So it's much more practical to get you back there...if you don't mind that is?"

"Nope, I don't mind at all." I winked and snatched up a drink from the tray as soon as the waitress brought it over. "Cheers!"

~x~

"Jesus, how the hell does she weigh so much, man? She's tiny."

"Just shut up, Garrett, and help me get her out of the car."

"Yeah man, quick before she pukes in my cab."

"Hey, Mr. Cab driver, I paid you an extra sixty bucks to accept the fare didn't I?"

"Shall I help, baby?"

"No! You keep your ass in the car, Kate, it took us long enough to get you in. We got this."

"I'm not that bad, Garrett."

"Not that bad? Jesus fucking Christ, Kate, the pair of you were asleep in the club. Okay, Edward, you can manage her up to your apartment, right?"

"Yeah, thanks, Garrett."

"Love you, B. Give her a kiss goodnight for me, Edward."

"Oh, he'll be doing much more than that."

"Shut up, Garrett."

"Oooh, defensive."

"I think it's time you two left. Thanks for the help, Garrett."

"No worries, Eddie. It was a good night...now we can celebrate the end of it together, right, Kate?"

"Um...I think I'm gonna be sick, baby."

"Shit, drive man, drive!"

I heard Edward's cute chuckle as clear as I heard the rest of the exchange outside the cab, but I didn't open my eyes. The likelihood of vomiting was increased if I got a clear visual at just how much the world was spinning.

"Bella, we're home..."

"Home?" I murmured. "That sounds nice."

"No, I meant at my place...sorry...I didn't know if you had your key or if Jake was around...I can call him if you-"

"No. I like it here...let's go to bed." I tried to look up at him, but the fact there were three concerned looking Edward's staring down at me freaked me out and I shut my eyes quickly. "Shit...there are three of you."

He chuckled again, and picked me up. "Come on, love, you need a drink of water and then you need to sleep."

_Love? That sounds...perfect._

"I'd quite like to hear you say that again," I mumbled.

"I'm getting you a drink of water and then you're going to sleep," he said, evidently confused.

"Not that, dammit," I huffed. "The other part."

"The other part? Bella, you've lost me." He kissed my forehead and sighed. "Even in this state, you know you're the most adorable woman I've ever seen in my life."

"You're the most adorable three headed man who saved me from my drunken self," I told him. "You know...if you want to take advantage of me, then that is more than okay with me."

"I don't think so, Bella." He set me down on the bed, handing me a glass of water and then removing my jacket and shoes. "Do you want a shirt of mine to sleep in?"

"Can I wear that one?" I opened my eyes again and was happy to see one glorious Edward looking right back at me.

He cocked an eyebrow. "You want to wear a shirt I've had on all night?"

"Mm hm, it'll smell like you." I took another sip on the water and handed it back to him. "No one else smells quite like you do."

"Okay," he said. "I'll take that as a compliment."

I stood, albeit unsteadily, to try and remove my dress, but I couldn't do it. "Help?" I pouted.

Edward's hands gripped the hem of the dress and slowly peeled it up and over my head. I wasn't so drunk I didn't hear his breath catch in his chest when he noticed I wasn't wearing a bra.

"Are you still saying no to taking advantage?" I asked, and he rubbed the back of his neck.

"I'm saying no to taking advantage," he said weakly. "You have no idea how hard that is to do...when you're here...looking like that...but it wouldn't be the right thing. I want you to remember everything when we're together, Bella."

"It's impossible to forget you, Edward." I sighed and let him help me into a shirt...not the shirt he wore but another which smelled just as good.

"Do you need me to let Jake know where you are?" he asked and I scowled.

"No need. He's in...um...I can't remember where he is, but he's not in New York."

"He's an idiot." Edward waited for me to finish the rest of the water and then he helped me into bed, crawling in beside me. "How do you feel?"

"Perfect," I whispered and rolled over, burying my face into his chest.

_I love you. I want to call off the wedding for you. I love you._

* * *

**A/N Thank you all for your reviews! I flove reading them :D Chapter 27 will be the final chapter for this fic...so hopefully from here on in I can post weekly as that chapter is all but finished.**

**I'll be posting the teaser for the next one in the FB group, MrsK81 Fic...if you want to come and say hi, it'd be great to see you there.**

**Have a great Sunday, and I should see you next Sunday!**

**TTFN**

**Katy**

**xxx**


	19. Chapter 18

**Thanks to Prettyflour & Twifanmom fro prereading & beta'ing. I own nothing...in case you didn't already know ;)**

**Chapter 18 – You're More Than That**

The week after the bachelor parties and just two days before my weekend away with Kate, I was about to close out my first issue of Eclipse. To celebrate , Kate and Garrett were going to throw me a dinner party at their apartment. There would be several of my friends there, including Edward, and I was going with Jake, which would be awkward, but it didn't stop me from looking forward to Edward's company.

I wanted the first issue I oversaw to be perfect. Unfortunately, it hadn't all been plain sailing, and the night before the deadline I was faced with a catastrophe. Just I was leaving the office, a member from our legal team notified me that there was a major problem with one of the stories we were running; a feature about successful business reinvesting profits into local areas. One of the company's we highlighted were being indited for money laundering offences. They were the most prominent subject of the article and were represented in a positive light by the reporter who wrote the piece. Our legal team was concerned with the repercussions of associating with the company, in light of the allegations and the entire story was to be pulled from this month's edition.

I could have called Esme and asked for her help, but I wanted to prove myself. So I decided to find the article to replace it, correct the cover, and then run everything by Esme when I was done. It would take me hours and there was no way I could make dinner, so with regret, I called Kate.

"I'm so sorry," I said. "I feel awful."

"Hey, I understand, B, don't worry. We'll just go ahead with dinner and you can stop by when you're done. I'll reheat something for you, or drop it by the office if you want me to. It doesn't matter what time you finish, you need to eat, B," she told me. "Trust this to happen to you the first time you are in charge, but if anyone can sort it—you can. If you need any help, let me know, okay?"

I spent the next four hours trawling through discarded ideas and half-finished reports trying desperately to find the right piece. It was almost ten-thirty when I was happy. I'd found a feature I liked, reorganised the cover and then emailed the ideas over to Esme. Now I was just waiting for her verdict.

The internal telephone rang and I picked it up, wondering who the hell it could be. I was the only one still here.

"Ms. Swan, it's Security. There is a Dr. Cullen here to see you. I explained to him that the offices are closed, but he said you were expecting him?"

"Yes...um...send him up." I smoothed out my clothes and tidied up my hair before walking to meet Edward at the elevator.

_What the hell is he doing here?_

My stomach was doing back flips as the doors opened, and then I saw him, and it was my heart's turn to join the party. He looked as cute as hell, dressed for the dinner at Kate's no doubt. I noticed a picnic basket in his hands.

"Edward? What are you doing here?" I asked and walked him over to my desk.

"Kate explained you were having trouble with work, so when you didn't show for dinner, I offered to bring you something to eat. Am I interrupting?" He looked around the office nervously, but I shook my head.

"No, I'm almost finished. I just need Esme's approval and then I'll be leaving." I watched as he unpacked the contents of the basket onto the desk. "You didn't need to trail down here."

"You can't miss your own dinner, Bella. Anyway, you know I like any excuse to see you." He smiled shyly. "The food looked delicious."

"Looked? You mean you didn't eat any?" I asked.

"No, I figured you could do with some company while you ate, so here I am." He laughed and indicated for me to take a seat.

"Thank you, Edward. This is so sweet," I said. "Kate's desk is that one directly opposite, just grab her chair."

He wheeled Kate's chair over and sat beside me, pouring us both a glass of wine. There wasn't a great deal of room, the food was almost cold, but it was perfect.

"Um...did Jake go to dinner?" I asked, not wanting to bring him up, but I needed to know if he'd been there when Edward volunteered to deliver the food to me.

Edward frowned and said, "Well, yeah...he and Kate had...um...words."

"Oh no, why?" I asked.

"When we realised you weren't going to be coming, he said he was going home. Kate told him to, and I quote, 'Get his ass over to Eclipse, B's had a shitty fucking day and needs someone to help her relax.' She'd already got the food and drink in the basket and he said he would bring it over, but couldn't stay with you because he had to fly out early tomorrow and needed to get home to pack." He looked at me and grimaced. "That's when it got ugly. Kate started lecturing him about never being around and said he didn't deserve you. She was right by the way...he doesn't."

I groaned. "It's kind of my fault...after the diary launched, he got all this publicity and exposure. People were climbing over each other to get him to model for them; Kate knows this. She also knows that his working away doesn't bother me. What did Jake say?"

"That you were both career oriented, and he was just trying to do the right thing by you. When he went to leave with the basket she told him to forget it and she'd bring it over." Edward put his hand on mine. "I thought he would have called to explain."

"If he has he wouldn't have got through—my cell is switched off, and with no one to answer external calls on reception, only internal calls come through to the office. I'll just talk to him tonight." I sighed and shook my head. "I hate that they can't just get along."

"Kate's just looking out for you, Bella. It doesn't help that she's more direct and to the point than anyone else I know. She calls people out on their bullshit," Edward said with a mouthful of food.

"Oh, that she does," I said. "Anyway, I don't want to think about that, I just want to enjoy my dinner."

The food was nice, the wine was just how I liked it, but the best part was the company. Edward managed to help me relax and stop worrying about work. We laughed and joked more in that first hour than I had done all week.

The alert from my laptop notifying me of a new email interrupted us. "Oh shit, it's from Esme." I took a deep breath before I opened it. "Let's see if my troubleshooting actually worked."

As I read and Esme's thoughts on what I'd done became clear, relief washed through me. She didn't like my alterations...she loved them. Her email was full of praise for the entire months worth of work and how much I'd impressed her in such a short space of time.

Without even thinking twice about it, I squealed with excitement, and launched myself into Edward's arms. Unfortunately, the force sent the chair off balance and we toppled backwards.

"Shit, I'm sorry!" I cried and tried to move, but instead Edward chuckled and his arms tightened around my waist, holding me on top of him.

"Congratulations, Bella. I guess we'll see your name on her door soon, huh?" His face was inches from mine.

"Your gift," I leaned forward and kissed him, "Will be there, too."

I didn't make any attempt to move, instead choosing to continue kissing him. I tangled my fingers into his hair, holding his face close to mine. I felt his hands drift lower, settling on my hips, tugging at my blouse to untuck it from my skirt and then letting his fingers slip underneath the fabric before gently caressing my skin.

"We should stop," he murmured.

"Why?" I breathed.

"I can list a few reasons, Bella," he said. "But the only one I'm concerned with right now is the fact there's bound to be video cameras in the building. I don't particularly like the idea of starring in my own porn movie...maybe if we filmed it in the privacy of our own apartment..."

"Dream on." I opened my eyes and saw a huge smirk on his face. "But you're right, we should stop. Let me just get my things and then we can leave."

I packed up my laptop and files, and helped Edward clear up the plates, before following him into the elevator. As we rode down to the ground floor, I would glance over and find him looking at me. When Edward all but threw the basket onto the floor it made me jump, but he had me pressed up against the wall and his lips on mine within a matter of seconds.

His body was flush with mine and I could feel how hard he was. It made me whimper and I wanted him to fuck me right there, but our moment was interrupted by the chime of the elevator as it stopped.

Edward stepped back, still keeping his eyes on me. "How do you do that?" he said.

"Do what?"

"Affect me the way you do? It's like I lose all control whenever I'm with you...I always want more."

"I think you'll find the feeling is mutual, Edward. You don't even want to know where my mind was in that elevator." I patted his cheek and walked out ahead of him. "I just need to let security know we're leaving."

Edward waited by the door for me, even holding it open as I approached. "I'll get you a cab."

_Me...singular...not us?_

"Right...it wouldn't make sense to share I guess," I said with a sigh.

"Right." He looked at me sadly. "I know I've already crossed the line with you, Bella, but I can't do it...not like this."

"I get it, Edward. I hate what I'm doing but I just can't stay away-"

"Listen to me," He dropped the basket again, and held my face in his hands. "If Jake wasn't waiting for you at home, and I could spend _all_ night with you then trust me I wouldn't be putting you into a cab alone. It's just to me, Bella, you're more than a fuck against the wall in an elevator or on the floor in your office. When I do get to be with you, I want all of you."

_You have all of me, all the time._

I nodded and heard the cabbie shout at us to get a move on. "Thank you, Edward, for tonight, it was amazing." I gave him a kiss on the cheek and reluctantly climbed into the cab, watching him as the car pulled away from the side walk.

Jake was still packing his bag when I got home. I had hoped he would be asleep so I didn't have to face him, or hear about his fight with Kate.

"Hey, babe," he called out. "Tough day?"

"Yeah," I said, and flopped down onto the couch. "But I managed to get everything sorted."

"I knew you would," he said, and stopped packing to come and join me. "Have you heard from Kate?"

"Yeah, I heard about your fight." I sighed. "Look, I don't want to talk about it, Jake. I've had a long day and I'm tired. I'm just going to grab a shower and go to bed. What time do you leave tomorrow?"

"The car service is collecting me at five-thirty." He smiled. "I'll be back for Saturday, but you leave for your weekend away with Kate early, right?"

"Yeah." I shook my head. "We're like ships passing in the night."

"I know, Iz, but once the wedding is out of the way, we'll have more time to ourselves. You won't be doing your job _and_ Esme's, and the Armani job is going to be complete in a month." He knelt in front of me and placed his hands on my knees. "Why don't you fly out with me tomorrow?"

"What?"

"Seriously, Iz, come with me. Your issue went to print and I know you usually research your next story in those first few days after deadline. Tell Esme you need a day off and come with me. I can get you a flight back so you don't miss your weekend with Kate, but it's going to give us some time together...just us. What do you say?"

"Jake, it sounds like a good idea but it's just too short notice. I want to be there when the first copy comes back from the printers and I need to work on the diary for next month. With the Spa weekend and then Kate's wedding, I'm just not going to have time to get it all done. I'm sorry, Jake. Maybe another time?" I put my hands on top of his and smiled apologetically.

"Okay, not this weekend, but we will get some time to ourselves before the wedding. We need it, Iz. Let me find out where I'll be in a week or two and then I'll make the arrangements, okay?" He looked so hopeful, so optimistic that I couldn't say no.

"Sure, Jake. Get the dates to me as soon as you can and I'll clear it with Esme." The words stuck in my throat.

"Great," he said, grinning. "We just need to make time for each other, Iz."

"Time for each other...right." I nodded. "I'll let you finish packing, Jake. I need to take a shower."

"Okay, babe."

I spent ages in the bathroom hoping to find Jake asleep when I came out. I peeked my head around the bathroom door after doing as much to my body and hair as I could, and sighed in relief when I saw him lying on the bed, facing away from me.

I climbed in beside him as stealthily as I could, but before my head hit the pillow he rolled over and kissed me.

"You've been ages in there," he whispered, kissing me again.

"Sorry...I...um...needed to relax," I stammered. "Work took it out of me...I'm exhausted."

"I can help relax you."

My mouth went dry and my body stiffened.

_Can't do it. Can't do it._

"Not tonight...I um...got my period," I said quickly. "Sorry."

"Again? Jesus, Iz, are you okay?"

"I had to change pills...the doctor said it could affect my menstrual cycle..." I cringed as I lied. Apparently I'd used that excuse before.

"Whoa, Iz, _so_ do not need to hear the details," he said, and I heard him laugh. "So maybe we can't have sex, but we can have some fun can't we?"

His hand crept towards my breast and I snatched it up in mine. "I'm sorry, Jake. I've got really bad stomach cramps...I think I'm going to go and get a hot water bottle."

"I can get it-"

"No, you sleep, Jake. You have an early flight, I'll come back to bed soon, I promise."

"If you need me, just shout," he whispered and kissed my cheek. "Maybe you should go back to the doctor and tell him..."

"I will." I climbed out of bed and trudged over to the couch, preparing to spend another night curled up on it alone.

~x~

"I could stay right here all night," Kate mumbled. "It feels like heaven."

We were sitting in a hot tub, with a glass of champagne ending a day of pure indulgence. We had been scrubbed, soaked, massaged, and pampered in every way possible. To say I had forgotten the stresses in my life wouldn't be accurate, but I had lost all will to care at that moment in time.

"Can't we just stay here and never go back to Manhattan?" I said. "Forget work, forget the wedding...everything."

"Unlike you, B, I _am_ looking forward to my wedding. We said when we booked this trip that you would use it to put things into perspective and decide what you really want, B." She looked at me and waited for my answer. "Because it's the perfect time to make your mind up without any outside influence."

"I know." I nodded my head. "And I already decided...I just need to follow it through."

"You seem very sure about that." She eyed me accusingly. "Are you bullshitting me, B?"

"No," I said. "I think I've known what I really want for a long time now, but I am not saying or doing anything about it until after your wedding."

"Why?" she asked.

"Because, I don't want your day to be overshadowed by anything to do with me. We have the same friends, your family are like my family, and Jake and Edward are both going to be there. Whatever I decide to do will affect your wedding, Kate, and I won't let that happen."

"You're calling it off aren't you?" Her voice was a tone higher and I smiled.

"Don't sound so excited," I told her and she gasped.

"You really are?"

"I could go through with the wedding and try to make things work with Jake—he isn't such a bad guy, despite what you think of him. I'd get the job that I've wanted for as long as I remember, and I wouldn't destroy my relationship with Esme. But I'd have to walk away from Edward, and I honestly don't think I can do that, Kate. The way I feel when I'm with him...it's like you said, he's my butterfly guy." I sighed. "I haven't spoken to him about it yet, and I won't until after your wedding. That still leaves me with six weeks to talk to Esme and Jake and tell them the truth."

"Wow, B, I never thought you'd do it."

I had laid awake all night on the couch after lying to Jake about getting my period. I hated who I was becoming; I hated lying to him, to Esme, and to myself. I knew, unequivocally that had Edward not come into my life I would be moving ahead full throttle with the wedding. But he _had_ come into my life and now that the had, there was no way I was going to lose him.

"And what if it means you don't get the promotion? You know that's a possibility?" Kate pressed.

"Yeah, I know," I said sadly. "But he's worth that risk."

**Thanks for reading, reviewing, alerting etc...I flove you all so much :)**

**A teaser for the next chapter will be posted in the FB page, MrsK81 Fic so you're welcome to come and join us in there!**

**Hopefully, more next weekend. **

**TTFN  
Katy**

**xxx**


	20. Chapter 19

**Thanks to Prettyflour for prereading and Twifanmom for beta'ing. I own nothing :)**

**Chapter 19 - I Want To Be Yours Always**

The day before Kate's wedding, I finished work at lunch time. Kate had taken the entire day off and I was heading over to her parent's house as soon as I'd gotten my things together. When I arrived home, I noticed Jake packing his clothes and my bag was out on the bed already.

_That's pretty sweet for him..._****

**"**Hey, Iz," he called out. "You might wanna check I'm packing the right things here."****

**"**Okay, I'll be right in," I answered.****

**"**Before I forget, where's your passport?" he asked when I joined him in the bedroom.****

**"**My passport? I keep it in the lock box in the closet...why?" I frowned.****

**"**You need a passport to leave the country, babe," he said and laughed. "And last time I checked France was not part of the US."****

**"**France?"****

**"**Yeah, babe, remember? I promised you some time away and Paris is the perfect place. We can have some real 'us' time over there." He whistled to himself and continued packing his clothes. "I'll be working for the first day we're there, but then I'm all yours."****

**"**So we leave right after the wedding? Will we have time to come home first?"****

Jake stopped whistling abruptly and looked at me in confusion. "The wedding is this weekend?"****

I sighed. "Yeah, Jake. We're supposed to be going to Kate's parents' place in an hour or so. We have the rehearsal dinner tonight and then the ceremony tomorrow. Please tell me you haven't forgotten?"****

**"**Ah shit, Iz, I thought that was next weekend. The flight leaves at ten tonight, and I won't get back until Sunday at the earliest." He stopped packing and walked over to me. "I'm sorry, I guess I just lost track of time."****

**"**Are you kidding me, Jake? You can't just _not_go to the wedding. This is my best friends wedding and I'm her Maid-Of-Honor. I can't miss this and neither can you." I glared at him, but he just shook his head.****

**"**I can't miss _Paris_, babe. I signed a contract and this promo tour was part of my obligations. I have to go, I'm sorry." He did look apologetic, but I was seething.****

**"**Thanks a lot, Jake. That's just fucking perfect." I began stuffing clothes into my bag. "I can't believe you're not coming."****

**"**Please, Iz, don't be like that," Jake said, and then sighed. "Let's not fight before I have to leave."****

**"**I don't have time for this right now. I need to sort out a rental otherwise I won't get there on time. Have a great trip, Jake. I hear France is great." I folded the dresses for this evening and tomorrow, carefully over my arm, and then yanked my bag off the bed, storming from the apartment.****

I heard Jake shout out to me again, but I ignored him. _How could he forget? _It's all I'd been talking about recently. Did he really not listen to a word I ever said?****

I managed to hire a car and began the drive over to Southampton. As I drove, I calmed down, and I began to look at the situation from a different perspective. Instead of worrying about how to explain the absence of my fiancé, I started to imagine an entire weekend spent in Edward's company. I knew that I'd have to keep my hands to myself while we were in view of other people, but I could sit and talk to him without having to maintain the pretence of being with Jake.****

Did that make me a bad person? Yeah, probably, but whenever Edward was involved, I was far too captivated with him to stop myself.****

When I pulled into the driveway to Peter and Charlotte's house, my stomach flipped. Edward's Volvo was there already, and I all but ran inside in my desperation to see him.****

**"**Bella!" Kate squealed. "Oh my fucking God, my wedding is tomorrow. Can you believe it?"****

I grinned and gave her a big hug. "It's so exciting."****

She pulled back and looked over my shoulder. "Where's the dog?"****

**"**I'm sorry, Kate, but Jake's not coming. He had to work." I saw her began to say something and stopped her immediately. "I don't want to talk about him. I thought you'd be glad he wasn't here anyway."****

**"**When you put it like that," she said with a sympathetic smile, and linked her arm in mine. "Come on, you need to meet Garrett's family. Watch out for his brother, James, he likes to think he's a bit of a ladies man."****

**"**Great," I grumbled. "Just what I need right now."****

**"**Don't worry, B, Edward's here." She laughed. "I doubt he'll be far from your side this weekend, especially now that the dog isn't around."****

I was introduced to Garrett's parents and a few other members of his family who all seemed really nice and friendly. As soon as Kate pointed out James, he smiled flirtatiously and kissed my hand.****

**"**Well, well, well. Garrett never mentioned his fiancée had such a beautiful friend. Isabella...such a perfect name. I'm James, Garrett's older and better-looking brother." He winked and looked at me expectantly.****

**"**Hi, James," I replied politely, and tried to pull my hand back.****

**"**Maybe I can get a dance with you at the reception tomorrow?" he asked.****

Before I could respond, a voice behind me said, "Bella's already spoken for. You'll have to find yourself another unsuspecting woman to seduce, James."****

**"**But he's not here, is he?" James smirked.****

**"**Trust me, James. As far as Bella is concerned, she's off limits."****

I turned around and smiled at Edward. My stomach doing its usual somersaults, and my cheeks reddening. The way he spoke...to me it was like he was staking his claim. I knew he meant Jake, but for a few minutes I liked to believe he was claiming me as his own.****

**"**Hey, Edward," I said. "How are you?"****

**"**Better now," he murmured, too quietly for anyone else to hear. "Why are you here alone?"****

**"**Jake's working," I told him. "All weekend apparently."****

**"**Oh." He tried to look sympathetic, but I saw the twinkle in his eye. "Sorry."****

**"**You don't look sorry," I said accusingly, smiling at him as I spoke.****

**"**You're right, I'm not. He's an ass for not dropping everything for you, but his loss—my gain." He stepped away slightly, not wanting to draw any attention to our conversation.****

**"**Bella, sweetheart, I've taken your clothes up to Kate's room," Charlotte said, appearing in the doorway. "I hope Jake doesn't mind taking the couch. We're a bit pushed for room. Tomorrow you and he can have Kate's room. She'll be off on her honeymoon with her _husband_." She smiled and I heard Kate squeal.****

**"**Jake's not coming, he had to work, Charlotte," I told her, already sick of having to explain his absence.****

**"**Oh, that's a shame. Edward, you make sure you look after my Bella. We can't let James hound her all weekend," she told Edward firmly. "You have my permission to remain at her side at all times."****

I heard Kate laugh, and I blushed furiously. Edward, on the other hand, remained cool. "You know, I think that sounds like a great idea. In fact, one of the guests tomorrow has been rather persistent lately and being with Bella might just dissuade her from making another move."****

**"**What has Super Slut been up to now?" Kate interrupted, ignoring her sister's protests. "I thought she'd taken the hint at my bachelorette party?"****

**"**She's paid one or two visits to work." It was Edward's turn to blush.****

**"**She what?" I said angrily, before I even thought to stop myself.****

**"**See, Carmen. I told you she was a dirty little hussy. She's been bugging poor Edward while he's at work." Kate turned to her sister. "Can't you invite someone else as your plus-one, and tell her not to come."****

**"**Kate," Carmen warned. "She's not that bad. Besides, she probably just thinks Edward's playing hard to get. I'll talk to her, Edward, I promise."****

**"**Thank you," he said.****

**"**So, Carmen, tell me about yourself?" James put his arm around Carmen's shoulders and walked her to the other side of the room.****

Kate and Charlotte mingled with the other people in the room, leaving Edward and I alone again. "She came to work to see you?"****

Edward nodded. "Yeah. The first time, she said she'd taken a fall and wanted someone to check her ankle. The second, she said it was her back...both times she insisted on waiting until I was free. The nurses at the hospital haven't let me live it down yet. They were convinced I was just trying to sneak some private time with my girlfriend." He chuckled, but I huffed. "You look cute as hell when you're jealous."****

**"**No...I...it's just that...well, it reflects badly on you, doesn't it?" I tried to argue, poorly, I should add. "I mean, what happened if your boss found out about it? He might believe you were trying to dodge work to get it on with your girlfriend."****

Edward stepped as close to me as he could, without raising suspicion. "If my _boss_believed any of it, he'd probably commend me. Besides, he's on a sweet-talking mission right now. He's involved in a foundation called Doctors Without Borders that sends doctors from the US and Europe over to countries in Africa like Somalia, Ethiopia, and Niger. They treat people and help educate others so they can learn to help themselves. He wants me to volunteer for six months or so. Apparently, it will look good on my resume."****

**"**You're not going, right?" I asked nervously, my heart beginning to race at the mere thought of him somewhere dangerous. "I mean, you have a job here, and it could be really dangerous, Edward. You hear all these stories about people being kidnapped and murdered."****

_Don't leave._****

**"**I'm not going anywhere, Bella," he said quickly. "I admit it was something I was considering...until recently anyway. Dad did it about five years ago and said it was the most rewarding experience of his life."****

**"**Where did he go?" I asked.****

**"**He went to Uganda for about seven months."****

**"**Wow," I murmured. "That's incredible. Does your dad want you to go?"****

He laughed and shook his head. "As a father, absolutely not. He likes to remind me about the dangers and risks all the time. As a doctor, however, he agrees it's a once in a lifetime experience. It's something that really makes a difference to people's lives."****

**"**So you were seriously considering it?" I asked, and he nodded.****

**"**Yeah, but like I said, not so much anymore. Things change, the reasons for staying in New York changed."****

**"**For the record, I much prefer the idea of you staying in New York," I told him, and he laughed. "I doubt you'll find chocolate croissants like the ones from Baloteli's anywhere but here."****

**"**Very good point." He sighed, and whispered, "I would love to kiss you right now."****

I nodded. "Maybe we can steal a few minutes alone after dinner?"****

**"**I'll scale the wall outside your room if I have to." He laughed again. "We should mix with the others, I wouldn't want anyone to get the wrong impression about us."****

**"**What impression would that be? That you and I are having some sort of illicit affair?" I raised my eyebrows. "How could they possibly think that?"

~x~

****Kate had to practically tear me away from Edward so we could go and change for the rehearsal dinner at Red Bar Brassiere in Southampton. It was to be kept relatively informal, much like the rest of Kate and Garrett's wedding, but she had insisted that we raid the wardrobe at Eclipse for some amazing dresses to wear nonetheless.****

**"**I love that so much," I told Kate. Her dress was long, black, and sleek, with a plunging neckline, fringed with sequins. "You look gorgeous."****

**"**It's not too much for dinner?" she asked, and I shook my head.****

**"**Not at all. You're the bride, Kate, remember. Brides should always steal the show." I grinned and she laughed.****

**"**I really am going to be a bride...wow. Can you believe this time tomorrow, I'll be Mrs. Kate Riley?" She took a deep breath. "Shit, I feel really fucking nervous, B."****

**"**You and Garrett are the most perfect couple I know, Kate. You're made for each other and tomorrow will be the most amazing day of your life. Let yourself enjoy it." I squeezed her hand. "I'm so happy for you."****

**"**I wish you'd take your own advice, B," she said softly.****

**"**I told you I was putting everything right, Kate, and I am. But this weekend is all about you, and I am not doing anything that will jeopardize that," I told her. "Shall we get going or what? You can't miss your own rehearsal dinner."****

She burst out laughing. "I'll admit you look hot in your bra and panties, B, and I'm sure Edward would love it too, but perhaps you should get dressed first."****

**"**Yeah, that might be a good idea, huh?" I giggled and put on my dress.****

I had chosen a knee-length, two-tone, silk dress. The bottom half was black, and the top half was white, with two embellished patterns on each side.****

**"**That's much better," Kate said. "Now, all the guys in the room aren't going to be disappearing to the bathroom every five minutes after perving at you in your skimpy underwear. Edward's going to enjoy that tonight."****

**"**Not tonight he won't," I said. "After dinner, you and I are having a drink and giving each other a pedicure."****

**"**Not a chance," Kate scoffed. "It's my last night as a single woman, and I plan on spending it screwing my fiancé."****

**"**Kate Moore, I won't allow it. The bride cannot spend the night before the wedding with the groom. What will your mom say?" I scolded.****

**"**I don't care what I'm _supposed_ to do. Garrett and I haven't spent a night apart since we got engaged, and I don't intend on starting now. As for Mom, well, she won't know, because he can sneak out of my room early in the morning. You, B, can occupy the best man all night."****

**"**I'm going to go to hell," I muttered.****

**"**You were already going there, B." Kate winked. "No harm in enjoying yourself while you break all the rules."

~x~

****Edward volunteered to drive Kate, Garrett, and I to the restaurant, and Kate's parents rode with Garrett's parents. Rachael, the other bridesmaid wasn't able to make the dinner tonight, but she was arriving at the house early the next morning. Unfortunately, that left poor Carmen to endure the company of James...which she seemed to be enjoying for some strange reason. ****

The food was lovely, the atmosphere was relaxed and happy, and the person sitting to my left just happened to be the icing on the cake of a great night. As the evening had progressed, Edward's hand found its way onto my knee beneath the table, squeezing it gently as he regaled the others with some hilarious stories about Garrett. I even let my hand drift on top of his, feeling it flip over and his fingers thread through mine. It seemed like hours and hours before either of us made any attempt to move.****

**"**Well, I hate to break up a good night," Garrett said, and stood up. "But we need to let my bride get her beauty sleep for tomorrow, right, Kate?"****

I laughed quietly as she nodded. Even if she hadn't told me what the plan was for tonight, I'd know instantly what was going on. They looked like a pair of horny teenagers.****

**"**Of course," Charlotte said. "We'll settle the bill, you four head home."****

**"**Kate, you don't mind if I steal your sister for another hour?" James asked. "I'd like to have a drink with her alone."****

Carmen nodded discreetly to her sister who shook her head. "Just get her home safe. I'm going straight to bed anyway. Thanks for coming tonight, everybody. I'll see you tomorrow!" She squealed as she spoke and everyone laughed.****

Edward released my hand and we both stood. I felt him close behind me as we wished the others goodnight, and made our way through the restaurant.****

**"**You can keep B entertained, Edward, right?" Kate asked when Edward stopped the car.****

**"**Tomorrow?" he asked in confusion.****

**"**No, tonight. Didn't Garrett tell you? We're spending the night together, so I need you to look after, B. You don't mind her crashing in your room do you?"****

**"**Of course not." Edward nodded, and looked at me. "Is that okay with you?"****

**"**Whatever the bride wants," I said.****

Kate and Garrett practically sprinted upstairs, leaving Edward and I standing awkwardly in the hallway.****

**"**Why is this weird?" I asked, feeling nervous.****

Edward rubbed the back of his neck and said, "Come on, let's go and chat upstairs. We can't stay down here for long. The others will be back soon, and if they see us, they'll know exactly what the bride and groom are up to." He grabbed my hand, and pulled me along behind him.****

We made our way to one of the smaller guest rooms. It had two single beds separated by a vanity table, and not much room for anything else. Garrett and Edward's morning suits were hanging on the back of the door ready for tomorrow. Charlotte had given the larger suites to Garrett's family. Obviously, she was expecting me to share with Kate, and Garrett was supposed to be rooming with Edward. The two rooms were on different sides of the house, so her plan to keep the bride and groom apart until the wedding would have worked if her daughter hadn't been a horny little witch.****

**"**Are you nervous?" I asked him, sitting on one of the beds. "About tomorrow, I mean."****

**"**The speeches?" I nodded and he continued, "Nah. It's only a few people and I know most of them really well. Garrett and I have been friends for years, so it's not a big deal."****

**"**Esme told me she was bringing your dad as her date," I said. "Does he know...about us?"****

Edward sat beside me, and held both of my hands. "He knows there's someone. I just haven't told him all the details. I didn't think it was fair to put him in the middle now he's dating Esme. It's not because I want to keep us a secret, I just thought it was for the best given our situation."****

**"**I wanted to talk to you about that," I whispered.****

**"**What do you mean?" he asked.****

**"**I've been thinking about everything that's going on in my life right now, Edward. I want to talk to you, but I don't think this weekend is the best time. I was hoping we could meet for coffee next week?" I bit my lip nervously. "Is that okay?"****

**"**Yeah of course, but I'm working all week. I could meet you for lunch at Balotelli's on Friday. I finish work at eleven, so I could be there for twelve?" he offered.****

**"**That works for me. I'll take an extended lunch break," I said. "Thank you."****

**"**Anytime, Bella. Maybe until we talk...we should just take our foot off the gas so to speak. I swear being with you blows my mind, but it doesn't make what we're doing right."****

**"**I understand, Edward," I reassured him and stood up. "I just need to change out of this dress...um, could you turn around?"****

Edward burst out laughing."No way. I've seen you in a lot less than that, and I happen to like it. I think I'll stay right here."****

**"**I thought we were taking our foot off the gas?" I scowled. "Perving at me undressing doesn't seem to fit with that idea."****

**"**No harm in admiring the view," he said smugly. "But if you're uncomfortable taking your clothes off in front of me, you can always step outside. I'm sure the others won't mind."****

**"**Asshole," I muttered, and then smirked, feeling a sudden burst of confidence. I did have the Victoria's Secret underwear hiding under my dress after all. ****

Keeping my eyes on him, I unzipped the dress, and slowly began to peel it from my body. I watched his eyes widen as I revealed the low cut, white lace bra which left very little to the imagination, and it was impossible to miss his very loud gulp as I pushed the dress to the floor revealing the matching panties.****

**"**Still think I should have undressed outside?" I asked.****

**"**No," he murmured. "I think there'd be a houseful of males for me to try and resuscitate if they saw you like that. Jesus, Bella, you...shit." He jumped off the bed and stalked over to me, his eyes intense and hungry.****

**"**I thought you said-"****

**"**I was a fucking idiot," he whispered. "There's no way I can keep my hands off you. You looked amazing in the dress...seriously, every man in the restaurant was staring at you, but like this...you're the seven deadly sins all rolled into one."****

**"**So we're putting our feet back on the gas?" I teased.****

**"**For this weekend, yes." He dropped to his knees and kissed my stomach. "Can I ask one more thing of you?"****

**"**Anything," I told him, and felt his fingers wrap around my ring.****

**"**Take this off...this weekend you're mine."****

_I want to be yours always..._****

I let him pull the ring off, watching as he put it down on the vanity table. He rested his hands on my hips, the tips of his fingers dipping underneath my panties, and he resumed kissing my stomach. I could hear him murmuring something as he drifted lower, but I couldn't tell what he was saying. I was about to ask him when he stopped and rested his head against me.****

**"**Bella, do you have any idea how much I've fa-"****

We both jumped as someone knocked loudly on the bedroom door. "Garrett, Edward? Come on, get your asses downstairs and we can have a drink."****

**"**Shit, James," I hissed, and Edward jumped up quickly.****

**"**I'll get rid of him," he whispered.****

I hid behind the door and held my breath as Edward opened it slightly. "Garrett's asleep, James. He was freaking out about tomorrow, so I gave him something to relax him."****

**"**Well, you can have one with me instead," he insisted. "I'm not taking no for an answer. Either you come out, or I'm coming in."****

**"**You step one foot inside this room and I'll remove your legs, James. It's late and I'm tired. You should get some sleep, we've got an early start tomorrow," Edward said firmly.****

**"**What is with everyone? Kate and the hot bridesmaid took off early, Carmen wanted to go to bed, alone, and now you two aren't interested in having some fun." He sighed. "Are you sure? Kate's dad has some of the best whisky in the bar downstairs."****

**"**Positive." Edward slammed the door and locked it.****

He waited until he heard James walk away, and then turned to me. "I really despise that guy. I'm sure he was adopted, he's nothing like the rest of Garrett's family."****

**"**I'm glad you're here, that's for sure. I don't think I could survive tomorrow with him hitting on me." I grimaced, and Edward chuckled.****

**"**And I can look smugly at him all day tomorrow, remembering exactly what I did to you tonight." He dipped his head and kissed me. "But, we have to lay down a few ground rules first."****

**"**Rules?" I frowned. "What kind of rules?"****

**"**First of all, I want you to keep this on," he murmured. One of his fingers tracing the edge of the fabric of my bra and then slipping underneath it. "I'll happily work around it."****

**"**Okay, so underwear must remain on," I said, breathlessly, as he pushed the lace out of the way exposing my breast. "That sounds reasonable."****

**"**Second of all...you have to promise to wear it again tomorrow," he said, slowly circling his finger around my nipple.****

**"**That's not going to happen," I told him. "But how about I wear something else...I have another set just as nice in my bag for under my bridesmaid dress."****

**"**Fine," he said. "I like that alternative. And the last rule I have..."****

I moaned as one of his hands trailed slowly down my side and inside my panties. "Edward..."****

**"**Lastly, you have to be quiet, Bella. I don't want any other interruptions." His fingers were making it awfully difficult to remain focused.****

**"**Quiet...sure...I can do quiet..." I breathed.****

He kissed me again, and lay me down onto the bed, before removing his clothes. I watched greedily, as he stepped out of his boxers. I reached out to him, but he smirked and shook his head. Instead, he grabbed my ankles, and pulled me to the bottom of the bed.****

**"**Maybe these could come off...in the interest of accessibility," he said, pulling down my panties. "I don't think I thought the whole, 'underwear on' thing through clearly."****

**"**On. Off. I don't care," I panted, clawing at him, trying to pull him back down on me.****

I wrapped my legs around his ass, pressing my mouth to his to try and remain quiet as he pushed into me. I held onto him as tight as I could, not wanting an inch of space between us. I rocked my hips with him, feeling each thrust deeper and deeper. Edward's hold on me grew tighter and tighter, and my nails dug into his back. Wave after wave of pleasure hit me and when I came, Edward swore.****

**"**Shit, Bella, I can feel that...I can feel you..." he panted, and his thrusts faltered. "Fuck."****

I opened my eyes and watched as Edward came. "You're beautiful like that," I whispered, and he chuckled breathlessly.****

**"**Beautiful?" he asked. "Bella, trust me, if you could see things from my perspective, then you'd know what beautiful really is."

**A/N Thanks for reading, reviewing, alerting, etc...love you guys! The next chapter follows on for Kate's wedding and I hope to post next week.**

**A few recs this week, and feel free to hit me with plenty of others—I'm trying to read, read, read and avoid all the spoilers about BD2 until I can get to see it. **

**Teaser will be up on the FB page tomorrow if you want come and say hi! MrsK81 Fic.**

**I've been reading a lot this weekend to distract me (I don't get to see BD2 for another week or so grrr) and these are some of my faves...**

_Corporate Affairs by Chocaholic123 _

_Just My Baby Daddy by Lolo84_

_Sixteen Years by Evilnat_

_Black Velvet Kings by Midnight Train_

**See you next week,**

**Katy AKA BD2 virgin :(**

**xxxx**


	21. Chapter 20

**To all of you in the US, I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving :)**

**Thank you to Prettyflour, Twifanmom & Mary Kitty Masen for their help! **

**Kate's wedding, part 2...**

**Chapter 20 - Drowning**

"Good morning, Bella," Garrett whispered as we passed each other on the way back to our rooms early the next morning.

"Morning, Garrett. I hope you didn't keep her up all night," I accused, and he smirked.

"Not _all_ night. But I'd guess she got about as much sleep as you did. I hope my best man is decent when I go inside the room. I have no desire to see his naked ass or anything else."

I blushed, of course. "He's decent," I mumbled. "See you in a few hours."

I'd left Edward asleep, having spent the better part of the night watching him. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him, how I wasn't ever letting him go, but now wasn't the time. I _thought_ I knew how he felt, there was something in the way he looked at me, held me, and I felt it too. But, if I was wrong, if I poured out my heart to him and he didn't feel the same then I'd ruin Kate's day, because there was no way I could bear to be around him.

Besides, it didn't matter if it was today, tomorrow, or next week. I was walking away from everything for him, I just needed to talk things through with Jake and Esme. I wanted to be honest. I wanted to stop pretending, I couldn't do it anymore.

"Well, shit, B, look at you," Kate giggled as I walked into the room. "You've got the 'just been fucked' look down perfectly. Who would have thought Dr. Cullen had it in him." She was sitting on the bed, freshly showered with a towel on her hair.

"Kate," I moaned. "Don't start teasing me, please. Can we just concentrate on making you look absolutely perfect before you marry the man of your dreams?"

She smiled. "First, Mom wants us downstairs for a breakfast. No men allowed."

"Do I have time to take a shower?" I asked, and she nodded.

~x~

The wedding breakfast was on a much larger scale than I expected. In total there were ten women at the table waiting for Kate and I to join them. In addition to those present at the rehearsal dinner last night, there was Kate's other bridesmaid, Rachael, two of Garrett's aunts, and my stomach churned when I saw Heidi sitting next to Esme Platt.

"Esme!" Kate cried. "I didn't think you'd be able to make it to breakfast."

"Why would I miss this?" She smiled. "Carlisle and I decided to make an extended break of it. We're staying out here until next weekend."

_That means I can't talk to Esme for a week..._

"Thanks for coming," Kate told everyone else. She even gave Super Slut a smile.

I was sitting between Heidi and one of Garrett's aunts and I grumbled to myself at just how under dressed I was. Heidi looked as immaculate as she had done for the bachelorette party. Kate hadn't realized her mother was making such a big deal out of it, and we both had wet hair, sweatpants, and I was wearing a white sleeveless top without a bra.

"Hi, Bella," she said, looking down her nose at my disheveled appearance.

"Hello, Heidi," I answered coolly, and then looked at Charlotte. "I'm sorry, Charlotte, I look like a slob. I didn't think it was _that_ kind of breakfast."

"Don't worry, Bella." Charlotte laughed and waved her hand at me dismissively. "It wasn't supposed to be formal. It just happens we have some very stylish women here today."

The food was delicious. The caterers who were covering the wedding served a buffet-style breakfast platter, but instead of coffee we had Mimosas. I saw Heidi pick at the food, barely eating a thing, but watching everyone else enviously, so I made sure to tell her how good everything tasted.

"Imagine all those calories," she said to me.

"Oh, I'm sure, B, can work them off tonight," Kate said. "I hear Edward is a wonderful _dancer_."

I felt my cheeks redden and was thankful I had a mouthful of food so I couldn't embarrass myself trying to talk my way out of it.

"Edward?" Esme asked, puzzled. "What about Jacob?"

"He's in France," I answered eventually. "He was contracted to work and couldn't make it."

"Oh dear," Esme said. "That's the downside to a job like that I suppose."

"I told Edward he had to look after her," Charlotte told Esme. "Garrett's brother, James, seemed to have an _interest_ in Bella and Edward is such a lovely boy."

"Boy?" Kate scoffed. "Mom, he's thirty in a few months. I think you'd be okay to call him a man."

"Yes, and I'd be prepared to bet he's all man, too," Heidi purred. "And single...but not for long if I have anything to do with it."

I took a big gulp of my drink, and tried not to say or do anything rash. Like ram the glass down her fucking throat.

"He's not single," Esme told Heidi. "I'm good friends with his father, and he's been seeing someone. They spent Christmas and New Year together."

"She's a lucky girl," Charlotte agreed. "He told me there was someone special at Kate's birthday a few months back. It's nice that he's found someone."

The talk revolved around Edward and his new "girlfriend" for a few minutes, and I was too embarrassed to say a word. Kate did try to steer the conversation away from him, but Heidi was having none of it. She wanted to know all about this girl and to say she was disgruntled was an understatement.

We were still talking about him when I heard voices approaching the kitchen. I recognized Edward's immediately, and he and James walked into the kitchen together, jumping in shock when they saw us sitting around the table.

Edward looked adorable—like he'd just woken up, and his hair was in all sorts of disarray. He was barefoot, wearing a pair of jeans and a white t-shirt. When his eyes landed on me, for a few seconds it was like we were the only people in the room. Then his gaze dropped slightly, and I saw a smirk tug on the corners of his lips. Yeah, the pervert was catching an eyeful of my now hardened nipples through my white top.

"Oh, sorry. We didn't mean to interrupt," Edward said quietly. "We just came to get Garrett a cup of coffee and some toast. I didn't want him to run into Kate. We'll come back."

"Don't be silly. Take some of this food up to him, we've almost finished. We were just talking about you, Edward." Charlotte told him. "We were speculating about your new girlfriend, and wondering why you didn't bring her."

I saw Edward blush just slightly, and James frowned at him. "You didn't say you had a girlfriend, man."

"It's new, so...yeah...um...we're just taking things slowly, you know," he spluttered.

"Maybe you'll feel more comfortable taking her to Bella's wedding," Charlotte said, and I felt sick. "How long now, Bella? About five or six weeks?"

I nodded, but couldn't speak.

Edward's face tightened, and he shoved his hands in his pockets. "I'll leave you ladies to it."

He turned and walked out of the kitchen without another word. James followed him reluctantly, and I looked down sadly at the table. I could feel Kate's eyes burning into me, and was grateful when she said, "Well, this has been lovely, Mom. But, B and I need to go and start getting ready. Carmen, bring Rachael up to my room in about an hour. Can we take some of that to drink upstairs?" She pointed to a half-empty bottle of champagne and a pitcher of orange juice.

"Yes, of course. Let me get you a tray of food for the boys. Would you take it to them, Bella?" Charlotte asked.

"Sure," I said.

I followed Kate upstairs. She stopped halfway up and said, "Go talk to him, B. We've got plenty of time."

"He'll be with Garrett and James. I can't talk to him in front of James, and it would look too suspicious if I asked to speak to him alone. I'll just give them the food and be right back." I walked to the other side of the house and knocked on the bedroom door. Edward opened it, his eyes still tight and his expression hard. "Charlotte sent this up."

He took the tray from me, and I began to walk away. "Bella?" I turned and saw him close the door behind him. "Wait a sec."

He pulled something from his pocket and held it out to me. It was my ring. "I didn't realize I'd forgotten it," I said. "Thanks...I guess."

"No problem." We stood awkwardly out in the hall, neither talking, but neither making the move to walk away.

"I should go," I said finally. "I'll see you later."

He nodded, and just as I turned he said quietly, "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Even though I know you're engaged, whenever someone mentions your wedding it's hard to hear. I mean, in a few weeks you'll be...we'll be... it just brings it home...you know?" He sighed.

"I know," I said. "Listen, Edward, I think I should tell you-"

"Come on, Ed, there's gonna be no food left if you don't hurry up." James opened the door. "Hey, there, Hot Bridesmaid."

"Yeah, I'll be right in. I'm just running through some details with Bella," Edward said.

"No, go and eat your breakfast. I need to help Kate. We can go through it later...if that's okay?"

"Later," he replied and walked back inside the bedroom.

I put on a brave face and refused to put a downer on Kate's day. I smiled as soon as I walked into Kate's room and said, "Now let's get you ready."

"Everything okay?" she asked carefully, and I nodded.

"Of course it is. Edward and I are cool, and now it's time to enjoy my best friend's big day. Carmen is coming in to do your hair and make up soon, so we need to get your nails done."

I mixed us both a glass of Mimosa and threw my down in one gulp, before making myself another. I put on some music, and soon enough we were both laughing and joking. Carmen did my hair first, pulling it back into a twist and pinning it. She put a single Freesia into my hair too, one which matched the flowers Kate had chosen for the wedding.

I did my own make-up as Carmen perfected her sister. Kate didn't need much, she was beautiful without it, but by the time Carmen had finished she looked stunning. Her eyes twinkled and the smile on her face made me tear up. I loved seeing her this happy.

"Let Bella, Rachael, and I get dressed and then we can help you, Kate," Carmen told her. "Drink this, and relax for a minute."

Our dresses were a deep red, floor length satin design. They were very plain and simple, but as the color was so bold there was no need for for anything else. Given the time of year, we had wraps to match, but Kate had insisted she didn't want anything herself.

"They look fabulous," Kate trilled excitedly.

"They feel great, Kate," Rachael said, and I agreed enthusiastically.

"Come on then," I held my hand out and pulled Kate up from the bed. "Your turn."

Kate was wearing a dress that both her mother and grandmother had worn before her. The ivory looked so classic, and the material was soft and billowed as she moved. The only embellishments were the pearls which had been hand-stitched onto bodice. I almost cried again when Carmen carefully fitted the veil in place. I wiped my face quickly, but it was too late.

"Don't you dare cry, B," Kate warned. "If you cry, I'll cry."

"But look at you," I argued. "You look perfect, Kate."

"Are you girls ready. It's almost time." We heard Charlotte shouting through the door and told her to come inside. As soon as she saw her daughter, she too began sniffling. "Kate, sweetheart, you're so beautiful. We need to get downstairs and have some photographs taken. I can't believe it, my baby girl is getting married."

We helped Kate with her dress as we followed Charlotte downstairs. All the guests were in the marquee ready to start.

"Is it cold?" Kate asked nervously. "I hope the heaters are enough to keep everyone warm."

"Not cold at all, Kate," Charlotte reassured her. "Don't worry about a thing. You just enjoy your wedding."

We had several photographs taken with Kate's parents and then watched as the photographer took a few of Kate with her father, and then on her own. As soon as he was done, Charlotte walked outside to tell everyone Kate was ready, and I gave her a quick hug before following Carmen and Rachael outside.

We walked into the marquee and I smiled at how intimate and pretty the entire scene was. The guests were all seated around tables swathed in white fabric, and deep green runners ran along the center. The glasses were frosted, and the lights on the tables were old-fashioned lanterns. The minister was standing at the far end of the marquee, with a makeshift aisle running through the middle. Although the seating arrangement was rather informal, each of the guests had a perfect view of the ceremony.

I saw Garrett next to the minister, he kept looking back towards the entrance, nervously waiting for Kate to make her appearance. Edward was beside him, looking more handsome than I could ever remember. Maybe it was the suit, or the fact he'd made a gallant attempt to calm his hair, or perhaps it was just the way he was looking at me.

As it had this morning, the second I saw him, everything else ceased to exist. I couldn't tear my eyes from his, and all the way to the end of the aisle I watched him. We took our position at the other side of the minister and then everyone turned back to watch Kate as a piano composition of_ Here Comes The Bride _began to play..

I glanced across at Garrett and saw him break out into a beaming smile when he saw her. He relaxed in an instant and I saw Edward whisper something in his ear, to which he nodded. As soon as she was close enough, he reached out and took her hand.

The look they exchanged was the sweetest thing I'd ever seen. There wasn't a hint of reservation or worry about what they were doing. This was exactly what a wedding should be.

~x~

The ceremony itself was short, and their vows honest and heartfelt. I'd been unable to resist looking over at Edward and each time I found him looking at me. When Garrett gave his new wife a kiss, everyone cheered and clapped as they walked back down the aisle to the main table. Edward held out his arm to me, and I took it with a giggle.

"Such a gentleman," I said.

"Of course," he replied.

"That was such a lovely ceremony," I mused. "I've never seen anyone look as beautiful as Kate does today."

"I have," he said simply and I glanced up at him. "You look stunning, Bella, I swear you took my breath away."

The guests were upon us all before I could say anything else. Edward kept me as close to him as he could until we took our seats. The main table wasn't large enough for all the wedding party to sit together. So when Kate was arranging the seating plan, I offered to sit with the other guests, and Edward, happened to be sitting with me. Esme, Carlisle, Carmen, Heidi, and James were at the same table as us. There was also an empty place that should have been Jake's seat. I tried not to think about him, but seeing his name on the place card was like a constant reminder, making sure I couldn't forget what a mess I was making.

I could tell Edward was nervous about making his speech despite what he'd said last night. He kept knocking back glasses of wine as he waited. When it was his turn to stand up, I saw him sway slightly, and rest his hand on the chair to keep his balance. Thankfully, the alcohol didn't affect his ability to talk, and he gave a sweet and funny speech before toasting to the bride and groom. As soon as he sat back down, he sighed in relief and drank another glass quickly.

After we ate, Kate and Garrett took their place on the small dance floor for their first dance. Towards the end of the second song, James pushed away from the table and held his hand out to me.

"Um...I'd rather not," I began to say, but Edward was on his feet in a flash.

"She's dancing with me," he said icily, and reached down to take my hand. "Like I said yesterday, consider Bella off limits. She belongs to someone else."

"Belongs to someone else maybe, " I heard James say. "But he's not here."

"I mean it, James, stay away from her," he practically growled at him, and I cringed as I noticed the faces of those at the table.

Edward towed me along behind him. "Edward," I hissed. "Stop it."

"Why?" He looked angry, angrier than I'd ever seen him. "Don't you want to dance with me?"

"Of course I do, but you don't need to drag me away from James. I could have told him no without the need for a scene."

He slipped one hand around my waist, and held my hand in his other. It was a perfectly normal dancing position, but I felt like everyone could see and feel the tension oozing from him and figure out what was going on.

"He pissed me off," he mumbled. "He hasn't stopped staring at you. I don't like him looking at you like that...like you're something to eat. It made me angry, really fucking angry, Bella."

"Don't let him get to you."

"You get jealous of Heidi, why is it not okay for me to feel that way about James?" he asked intensely.

"Edward, I didn't react like that. Besides, all the guy did was ask me to dance," I protested.

"It's like he expects you to jump into bed with him. I mean, you're engaged, and he's still pursuing you..." he trailed off.

"He can pursue all he likes, it's not going to happen. You know that's not me," I said.

"Isn't it?" he sniped quickly, and it felt like I'd been punched. "Shit, I didn't mean-"

I pulled out of his arms and said, "I need some air."

I left him standing there and walked outside, ignoring the freezing cold and walked to the far end of the huge garden. After just a few minutes, the only warmth I felt were the tears running down my face.

They were tears of anger, not sadness. I wasn't angry with Edward, how could I be? He was drunk, but more importantly, he was right. I _was_ thatgirl. I felt ashamed, scared, and heartbroken all rolled into one.

"Bella?" Kate's father called out to me, walking towards me slowly. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," I replied wiping my eyes. "I just needed some air."

"Mm hm," he replied and thrust a jacket at me. "If we're going to talk, you need to put this on."

"I'm fine, Peter, really," I tried to argue but he just laughed.

"No you're not. Come on, Bella, talk to me. You know you can tell me anything, and I can see something's eating away at you."

"Jeez, what is it with middle-aged men and their powers of perception," I joked. "First I have my dad worrying, now you. What makes you think I'm not okay?"

"Because you're out here, alone, when there's a truck full of free wine that needs drinking." I narrowed my eyes at him, and he chuckled. "Sorry, that was a cheap shot. Kate's worried about you, too. She hasn't said anything, but I can tell."

I sighed and leaned against him. "I feel like I'm drowning," I admitted, tearing up again. "I waited so long for everything to come together, and when it finally does..."

"When it finally does, a handsome doctor walks into your life and screws it all up?" he asked, putting his arm around my shoulder.

"How did you...?"

"I watch people, Bella. I've seen you with that fiancé of yours, and I've seen you with Edward. It's all in the eyes. My mother always used to say, 'the eye cannot lie,' and she was right. Don't worry, Charlotte hasn't noticed, she's been away with the fairies this weekend."

"The eye cannot lie, huh?" I repeated and he nodded. "I like that. Doesn't really help me of course, but still, I like it."

"My mother was a smart woman," he agreed.

"Peter, I'm going to call off the wedding," I blurted out.

"Damn. I was looking forward to a party at the Plaza," he said and then laughed. "Just kidding. So you're calling it off? I can see why you'd be overwhelmed with that. Walking away from a wedding is hard enough, but you've got a lot riding on this."

"I'm scared about hurting people...whatever I do I'll hurt people."

"Bella. We only get one shot at this life, you need to be brutally selfish. Do what makes _you _happy, do what _you_ want. If these people you're worried about hurting really love _you,_ then the only thing they'll want for you is happiness."

"Happiness," I said. "Right."

"I know this promotion is a huge thing, a great opportunity, Bella, but remember we work to live, we don't live to work."

"Dad are you out here? Mom's been looking for you," Kate called out. "B? What's wrong?"

"Just having a chat with my _other_ daughter," Peter told her. "What does your mother want? I hope she isn't wanting to sneak away for some loving. I haven't taken my Viagra yet."

"Jesus, Dad." Kate grimaced. "She just wants to dance I think. I hope to God that's all she wants."

I giggled. "I'm fine now, Kate. Sorry for skipping out on you."

"Is this anything to do with Edward throwing back wine and whiskey like the world's about to end?" she asked, but I shook my head.

"No," I said. "I just needed some air. Come on, let's go and dance before you take off."

Kate and Garrett were going on their honeymoon straight after the reception. They had reservations at an inn in Vermont and Garrett was attempting to teach his new wife how to ski.

As soon as I walked back into the marquee, I saw Edward sitting at the table with Carlisle and Esme. He was staring into the bottom of a glass, trying hard to appear interested in whatever Esme had to say. I stayed away from him, and spent the next hour or so dancing with Kate, Charlotte, Carmen, Rachael, and Heidi. It was almost midnight when Kate and Garrett finally left, the car had been traditionally kitted out; _Just Married_ sprayed across the rear window, and several pairs of shoes had been tied to the back.

I watched as they disappeared down the drive and went back inside the marquee to get my purse. I could see Edward was now slumped over the table, with Carlisle and Esme trying in vain to get him to his feet.

"Is he okay?" I asked.

"He's a little worse for wear." Esme sighed. "He doesn't seem to want to listen or let us help him into the house."

"I'll go and get him some coffee. If that doesn't sober him up, Peter can help me get him into the house." I smiled. "You two should get back to the hotel. He'll be fine. If he throws up, it might be better if he's out here rather than in the house."

"I hate to leave him here like this, but he is being particularly stubborn tonight. Nothing I say seems to get through, and he almost took Esme's head off when she tried to help." Carlisle shook his head. "It's not like him at all. Esme seems to think it's woman-related."

"Isn't it always?" I joked and Carlisle managed a smile. "Seriously, you guys go and I can always call you if I need to. No point in ruining your night."

Reluctantly, Esme and Carlisle left, and I crouched beside him. "Edward, I'm just going to get you a coffee. We've got to get you sobered up."

"No coffee," he mumbled. "Need to sleep."

"Well then you have to stand up. The beds are all upstairs, Edward, and I can't carry you." I took his hand and tried to pull him to his feet, but he barely moved. "Jesus, Edward. I'll be right back."

I found Peter and Charlotte wishing some of the guests goodnight. "Peter, I don't suppose you could help me get Edward to bed? He's out of it."

"Sure thing." He followed me into the marquee and chuckled when he saw Edward. "Come on, son. Let's get you upstairs."

Somehow, Peter maneuvered Edward to his feet, and took the brunt of his weight as he walked him into the house. Charlotte was hovering behind us, and he told her, "Better grab him a bucket and a glass of water, Charlotte. The boy's been into my finest whiskey for most of the night."

"Oh dear," Charlotte said, and scurried away.

Peter dropped Edward onto the bed as softly as he could, and then patted my shoulder. "He'll be there for a while, trust me."

Charlotte put the glass on the vanity table, and the bucket on the floor beside the bed. As we began to walk from the room, Edward grasped at my hand. "Don't go, Bella. Please don't go."

"I'll be downstairs as soon as he falls asleep," I told Peter, and he nodded. "Thanks for helping me."

"Anytime, Bella." He closed the door behind him, and I sat down on the bed beside Edward with a sigh.

I could hear Edward mumbling something, but he was completely incoherent, and I didn't have a clue what it was. I lay down beside him, stroking my fingers through his hair and holding the bucket for him when all the alcohol made a reappearance.

It was a while before he settled enough to fall asleep, but still I stayed. The only time I moved from his side was to rinse the bucket and bring him water. I managed to sleep for a few hours, waking up early with Edward still fast asleep.

I crept back to Kate's room and changed out of my dress. The house was silent, but outside I could hear the marquee being dismantled. I went down to the kitchen and made myself a coffee. With the cup in my hands I leaned against one of the French doors and watched the clean-up process outside.

Inevitably, my mind drifted to Edward, and I didn't hear him come into the kitchen and stand close beside me.

"Hey," he whispered, making me jump. "Sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you."

"How are you feeling?" I asked, and he grimaced.

"Like shit," he replied simply.

"You look like shit," I told him honestly. His face was deathly pale, and his eyes were dark and heavy. "Do you want coffee?"

He shook his head. "Bella, I don't remember much about last night, but I know I did something to upset you. Whatever I did, I'm really sorry."

"Edward, you did absolutely nothing wrong." I smiled.

"Then why did I send you fifteen messages last night apologizing?" he asked.

"You did? My phone is upstairs switched off, I haven't checked it since yesterday," I said.

"Tell me, Bella," he pleaded.

"Really, Edward, you just had too much to drink," I told him. "But you do need to call your dad. He was worried about you when he left last night."

"I'll call him," he said. "Are you staying here today?"

"I'm going to see if Charlotte needs any help cleaning up, and then I'll head back to the city. What about you?"

"I'm working later, unfortunately. So, I have to get going. We're still on for lunch on Friday, right?"

I nodded. "Yes, definitely."

"I'll probably speak to you before then." He looked lost. I could tell he knew I wasn't telling him the whole story, but he had no idea what he'd done. "Thanks, for last night, Bella. I do remember you looking after me."

"I figured I owed you," I said, elbowing him softly. "Just don't make a habit of it."

He laughed. "I don't plan on it."

We chatted for a few more minutes, and as soon as Peter and Charlotte woke up, he apologized to them and left a little before nine. There was nothing to clean up, so I had a slow drive back to the city.

When I finally checked my messages, there were indeed, fifteen messages from Edward, and another five voice mails, which I decided not to mention the next time I saw him. There was also one from Jake, telling me he was going to be in France until Saturday. After attending the launch party in Paris, he'd been invited to spend some time with a group of friends in the south of the country. He asked me to fly over, giving me the address, nearest airport and even the number for the house he was staying at. I called him back to tell him I couldn't make it, thanking his friends for the kind offer.

I lay down on the bed planning my week. I would be honest and upfront with Edward on Friday, explain everything to Jake on Saturday,and then tell Esme on Monday.

_And then update your resume on Tuesday, because you'll be out of a job quicker than a hooker gets her clothes off._

**A/N Thanks for reading, reviewing, alerting...you rock my socks off :) I'm sorry for missing review replies this week...I read and loved each one so thank you V much. **

** More next week and the teaser will be up in the FB group if you want to have a look. MrsK81 Fic.**

**TTFN**

**Katy AKA No longer a BD2 virgin ;)**

**xxx **

"While you're drinking that and talking some more, how about I conjure up another little treat?"


	22. Chapter 21

**Thanks to Prettyflour & Mary Kitty Masen for prereading :) My amazing beta hasn't worked her magic wand over this yet so any errors you see are all mine!**

**Chapter 21 - A High Price To Pay**

"Esme, I hope you can forgive me for this, but I just cannot go through with the wedding. The opportunity you've given me is something I am incredibly thankful for, but I can't keep up the lie anymore.

When I first accepted Jake's marriage proposal and your offer to cover the wedding, I felt sure I could do it. I thought that I could make things work with Jake and earn the promotion I'd always wanted.

Then I met _him_, this perfect man who makes me feel alive and more in love than I ever thought possible. He's the motivation behind my diary entries, he's my butterfly guy, and it's because of him that I just can't stay with Jake and continue with the wedding. I realise now what is important and I am not willing to sacrifice that for a job. What do you think?"

I waited for a response and I frowned at the cold, expressionless face. I flopped down onto my bed muttering to myself, "Yeah, I hated it too." I knocked my "audience," my faithful teddy bear onto the floor and groaned.

It had been five days since Kate's wedding, five days of planning, rehearsing, changing, and rehearsing again, my speech to Esme. I'd got Jake's perfectly figured out, but Esme was proving a challenge. I hated the idea of letting her down, or making her faith in me seem unfounded.

Maybe when I talked to Edward on Friday, maybe when I told him what I was planning to do, he would know how to approach Esme. Perhaps we could do it together?

I had one more day to go before seeing him. I was excited, nervous, and relieved to be finally putting everything out there and moving forward. Since Sunday, I'd tried to call Edward several times to confirm our plans, but he'd been so busy at work I'd not gotten the chance to speak to him. So, I sent him a few text messages and was still waiting for his response.

_Can't remember the last time I went as long without speaking to him.._

By Friday morning, I still hadn't heard anything from him but left work to go to Balotelli's at eleven-thirty as we'd arranged. I was there early, and ordered him his usual coffee and chocolate croissant. As I waited, I fiddled with my purse, rearranged the table so I had room to hold his hands, and checked my hair and lipstick at least eight times.

Twelve o'clock came and went, as did twelve-thirty. I tried calling him again, but as it had all week his phone diverted straight to voice mail.

"Edward, hey, it's Bella...again. I'm here at Balotelli's and you're not...obviously...um...so yeah, call me back. I'll wait for a little longer in case you've got caught up at work. Bye."

I gave him much more than a "little longer" and at two-twenty I resigned myself to the fact he wasn't coming and headed back to work. I spent the rest of the afternoon calling, texting, and emailing him wondering where the hell he was and starting to worry that something had happened.

Kate and Garrett were still on their honeymoon, and Jake wasn't due back from France until Sunday night, so I had the weekend to myself, and I did nothing except desperately try to contact Edward. More phone calls and text messages went unanswered and on the four occasions I called at his apartment I was told by his doorman that Dr. Cullen wasn't home.

By Saturday evening, I was frantic and as he wasn't at home, I stopped by the hospital and tried my luck there. The same nurse I saw when I brought him the croissants before Christmas was at the main desk and unlike last time when she was friendly and happy, she gave me the filthiest look when I approached her.

"Can I help you?" she asked coolly.

"I wanted to see Dr. Cullen," I said quietly and she shook her head infinitesimally. "Is he working today?"

She nodded once and said, "Yes, but as you can see we have patients waiting."

"I can wait," I told her. "Would you mind just telling him I'm here whenever he can talk."

"Of course. I'm sure he'll be thrilled to see _you_," she retorted sarcastically, and walked towards the doctors lounge.

I sat down in the corner of the waiting room, and browsed through the magazines available. My stomach lurched as I saw an edition of Eclipse, the one which came to print in the New Year after my first night with Edward. I flicked through the pages to my diary, and read through my entry once again.

_It's like nothing else, spending time with someone who makes everything else seem so unimportant and trivial. The real life worries cease to exist, and for those brief moments nothing else matters. Just one look, one brush of his finger on your face and you know nothing will ever compare to this. How can it be that you can come alive at a simple touch or kiss? _

I quickly closed the magazine before I got any further and hid it underneath the others. Reading it back like that, to me it was painfully obvious I was not talking about Jake. Anyone who knew us as a couple would know that wasn't how we acted around each other.

"Bella?" Edward's voice brought an instant smile to my face and I looked up happily. "What are you doing here?"

He looked tired, really tired; the dark circles around his eyes were more visible than I'd seen and he was in desperate need of a shave. Even his hair was flat, and his scrubs crumpled, but the worst part was the absence of the smile that he always had for me.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay, Edward. I've tried calling and calling you all week, and you never called me back. I was worried when you missed our lunch date on Friday. Is everything alright?" I stepped closer to him, but he took a step back., folding his arms across his chest.

"Oh right, yeah, we were supposed to have lunch," he said. "Sorry, I guess I forgot. It's been a busy week and I haven't even had the time to check my phone. As you can see though, I'm perfectly fine. You really didn't need to come all the way down here to check up on me." His voice was cold...clinical, and his face almost expressionless, still without the trace of a smile.

"Um...that's good then," I stammered. "Do you have time for a break now? Or maybe I could stop by later? Like I said last week, there's something I really need to talk to you about." I saw him start to object, so I actually pleaded with him. "Please, Edward, this is important."

He sighed and looked at his watch. "I'm due a break in fifteen minutes or so. It'll have to be quick though, Bella, I've got patients to see."

"I'll wait, Edward. Thank you," I told him, and smiled up at him. He nodded curtly and then walked away.

I was scared, anxious, and thoroughly confused. Edward had never acted so aloof around me, even before anything happened between us. It was a stark contrast to the Edward I'd been with at Kate's wedding, and the more I tried to make sense of it, the more worried I became.

I sat back down and waited. It was almost an hour later when Edward came back out to me again. "Sorry, I got tied up." He stuffed his hands in his pockets and inclined his head towards the door. "We should talk outside."

I followed him out onto the street and then he turned to face me, still keeping a distance between us. He looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to start. His face was harsh, impatient even, and for a few minutes I couldn't find the courage to say a word.

"Bella? You wanted to talk," he said, just as cold and detached as he had been inside. "I really do have better things to do than stand around out here with you."

I felt like I'd been punched in my chest and I looked to him in utter confusion. His words stung, and I had absolutely no idea what to say to him. "Edward, are you sure you're okay?" I asked, my voice shaking as I spoke. "You seem...different. Is this about Kate's wedding?"

"Yeah, sure, because all of our problems came to light because of _Kate's_ wedding." He laughed darkly and shook his head. "Nothing's wrong, Bella. I'm just busy. Was there something you wanted to talk about?"

"Yes, it was about...us...our situation," I began, "I can't do it, Edward...I can't keep it up anymore-"

"Thank God. I'm glad you said it first, I didn't know how to tell you," he interrupted, relief evident in his voice,

"Tell me what?" I asked, staring at him intensely.

"That it's about time we cooled things off, Bella. We both knew this was never going anywhere, and after the wedding last weekend, I just realised we were at the end of the road so to speak. We could have been caught out at Kate's house and it was really reckless of us both." He nodded his head as he spoke and then took yet another step away from me. "No hard feelings...right?"

"No hard feelings?" I looked at him in disbelief. "What do you mean, Edward? I don't understand what you're...I thought we..."

"Thought what? That we could keep seeing each other after the wedding? I made a mistake to get involved with you in the first place, Bella. Jake deserves better than that and so do you and I. It's not as though I was ever going to fall in love with you, or ask you to leave him." He laughed and I could barely breathe. "We had fun, but now it's time to stop pretending. I promise no one will ever find out about us, if you were worried about that."

My chest was screaming, holding back tears and probably hysterical sobs was near-on impossible. Edward, still completely emotionless, stood there waiting for me to say something, but I couldn't speak. How could I have got it all wrong? Everything I'd felt, everything we shared couldn't have been one-sided...could it?

"So, we're cool?" he asked me.

"What?" I croaked. "Cool?"

"I figured that you'd be okay with this, given your situation. In fact, I bet one of the other doctors fifty bucks everything would be fine." He was so casual, so un-Edward, and I was floundering. "He reckoned you'd create a scene, tell me you were ready to leave your fiancé. I told him that was crazy...that you loved Jake and you and I were just having some fun. Why would you leave your Butterfly Guy after all, huh?"

The coolness in his demeanour was replaced momentarily with what I could only describe as pure venom. I felt my legs begin to shake at the realisation he'd read the magazine.

"What?" I asked again. "You read the magazine...my diary?"

"One of the nurses mentioned it, so I figured I'd take a look. I have to say, you're really something, Bella." He looked down and shook his head and laughed once, before muttering sarcastically, "I see why Esme thinks so highly of you."

"Edward, you don't understand...the diary..." I tried to explain, but we were interrupted.

"Dr. Cullen, we need you in Trauma One, stat," A nurse shouted out from the door to Edward.

"I have to go," he told me, and started back inside.

"Edward, wait, please...can I see you again...I," I called and he stopped and looked back at me.

"I don't think that's a good idea, Bella. I've got something big coming up and I just don't have the time before I start that. It's for the best, I mean it was fun while it lasted, but as a long term thing...you're just not good for me. I need something...someone...different, and hopefully I can find that. Someone who makes me come alive at their mere touch—that's what you wrote if I remember correctly. I hope you have a great wedding and get the promotion, you deserve it."

I watched him disappear inside without another glance in my direction, and I felt in complete agony, but completely numb at the same time. I'd spent all week worrying about telling Esme, telling Jake, and telling everyone else what I was feeling. One thing I'd been sure of was Edward, but I had been more wrong than I could ever imagine.

I walked back to my apartment slowly, my feet dragging in one final attempt to take me back to Edward, one final attempt to tell him it was never about Jake and that every word and feeling belonged to him; he was my Butterfly Guy. But, in all honesty what was the point? Everything I felt for him wasn't reciprocated. He'd come right out and said I simply wasn't good enough for him. He didn't want me, he'd never really wanted me like I'd wanted him.

When I finally made it home, I showered and went straight to bed. I wanted to call Kate and pour my heart out to her, but this was her last day to escape from the real world with Garrett. She would be back at work on Monday and I'd talk to her then. There wasn't really anyone else I could call, no one had any idea what a mess I'd gotten myself into, so how the hell could I explain it?

That night, and the following day I barely moved from the bedroom all day. I just cried silent tears, curled up in a ball on the edge of the bed. Jake came home a little before three in the morning, and assuming I was asleep he climbed quietly into bed beside me. I snuck out of the apartment early the next morning still feeling more lost and alone than I knew how to deal with.

One thing I had decided during the sleepless nights was despite the fact I'd lost the reason for walking away, I still fully intended to tell Esme I was done. Losing Edward didn't make me anymore likely to salvage a relationship with Jake. I gave up trying to think about the best way to tell her and decided to be honest and upfront the very second she walked in the door.

I was making coffee in the small kitchen on our floor when I heard Esme's office door close. I grabbed two cups and headed straight after her. She was sitting in her chair looking out through the window when I poked my head around the door.

"Esme, could I talk to you, please?" I asked quietly and she turned around to face me.

"Of course, come on in." She pulled her chair up to her desk and indicated for me to sit down. "What can I do for you, sweetheart?"

I looked at her before I spoke. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her usually pristine clothes were rumpled. I'd never seen her like this before, not once in all the years I'd worked for her.

"Esme, is everything okay?" I asked, and she shook her head.

"Not really, no," she whispered, and her eyes filled with tears. "It's silly really. I mean Edward's not even my son, but still seeing him leave like that...and seeing how worried Carlisle is...it just breaks my heart."

At the mere mention of Edward's name I started to panic. _ Leave? Carlisle worried?_

"Edward left? What? Where did he go?" I asked, not even trying to disguise the hysteria in my voice.

"It was all very sudden. He stopped by yesterday lunchtime and told us he'd decided to take a leave of absence from the hospital, and accepted a position with Doctors Without Borders in Somalia. He flew out to their European base this morning."

"He what? I only saw him on Saturday, Esme, and he never said anything about it. Last week he said it wasn't something he was even considering anymore." I felt sick to the pit of my stomach, as I remembered what he'd said on Saturday outside the hospital.

"_I've got something big coming up and I just don't have the time before I start that."_

"Carlisle said he'd been giving it serious thought over the past year. He even had all the necessary documents and visa in place, but then something changed his mind. I think it was that girl he met, and secretly, Carlisle was relieved. I don't know why the sudden shift, but everything was still up to date and he asked them for their first available position which they were more than happy to give him." She sighed and wiped her face. "You hear such awful things, I hope to God he stays safe. I don't think either of us will stop worrying until he comes home."

"How long?" I asked, gripping the edge of the desk so hard my fingers were screaming.

"At least nine months, but perhaps a year." Esme shook her head. "I suppose, it's just whenever he wants to come home, but he said he hoped to stay out there as long as possible. My head really isn't in the right place to think about work, not that I do anything anymore. I'm going to head home and check on Carlisle, Bella. You don't mind holding the forte, do you? We'll talk tomorrow I promise."

I shook my head, but otherwise didn't move. Esme left me sitting in her office in a stunned and terrified silence. Edward had taken himself to the other side of the world in an attempt to get away from me. Not ordinarily a religious person by any means, I suddenly found I was praying to God to keep him safe.

"B? Are you in there?" Kate shouted. "I just saw Esme leave in tears. What's going on?"

"In here, Kate," I tried shouting, but my voice was shaking so badly. I stood up and walked to the door, just as Kate opened it.

"Jesus, B, what the hell happened?" She grabbed my shoulders and waited for me to tell her. "You're really scaring me, B."

"He's gone." I started to cry. "Edward's gone."

"Gone? What the fuck do you mean, gone?" she asked.

"He's going to Somalia to work for an aid charity," I told her. "He flew out this morning."

I saw her shoulders slump and she let out a long breath. "Shit, B, I thought you meant...never mind. Sit down, let me get you some coffee, and you can explain this to me, because I'm completely lost."

I sat at my desk, tears rolling down my face and ignoring the sidewards glances from the other people floating around the office. Kate held out a cup of coffee to me and sat on the edge of my desk. "Talk to me, please. Why the fuck has Edward gone to Somalia?"

"We had a date on Friday, and I was going to tell him that I loved him, Kate. I was going to tell him I was calling off the wedding and that I wanted to be with him, but he never showed up. I tried calling and calling him but he never picked up, so I went to the hospital to talk to him and make sure he was okay." I wiped the tears from my face, but more just kept coming. "He was so cold, Kate, just so weird, and when I tried to talk he just told me that we were finished."

"What? Why would he say that? He's fucking nuts about you, B. Jesus, the way he was looking at you at the wedding...even Mom noticed." Kate shook her head in disbelief.

"He said we were just a bit of fun, and that I wasn't good for him. He even bet another doctor fifty bucks that I'd be cool when he ended it with me. He said he never expected me to leave Jake and he'd even been reading my entries for crying out loud. I was still going to tell Esme I couldn't go through with the wedding, but then she told me he'd took a position with an aid charity in Somalia, and flew out to Europe this morning." I put my head in my hands, and felt Kate's place her hand on my back softly.

"Jesus, B. I don't know what the hell to say to you...I mean, what the fuck is that man thinking." She sighed and squatted down beside my chair. "He probably thought he was doing the right thing...the gentlemanly thing. He can't mean it, he just can't."

I shook my head and said, "You didn't see him, Kate. You weren't there when he said it. He was so cold, so aloof, he meant it, I just didn't realize it until then. Has he not told Garrett? He'll be there for almost a year."

"No, they were supposed to go for a drink later. They arranged it before the wedding, Garrett's going to throw a fit. I can't believe it, B, I don't know what to say to you." She threw her arms around me and squeezed me tightly. "I'm so sorry, I'm so, so, sorry. What are you going to do now?"

"Can I stay with you tonight?" I whispered. "I am going to talk to Jake and explain, but not like this. It isn't fair to let him see me like this over someone else. I'll sit him down tomorrow and tell him it's over."

"Sure, B. Stay as long as you need." She stood and held out her hand. "Take your things and sit in Esme's office for the day. She won't mind, and it'll keep you out of their prying eyes." She indicated to some of our colleagues who were watching with wild curiosity on their faces.

"Come with me?" I asked, and she nodded. "You need to tell me all about your honeymoon, anyway."

~x~

I spent the rest of the day doing absolutely nothing except researching Somalia, Doctors Without Borders, and even the price of airline tickets to the country's capital. My mind was spinning and my stomach in knots. A few people came to me with ideas for the next issue, but I couldn't even function enough to read through their notes and give them any constructive feedback.

At five o'clock on the dot, I was headed for the elevator with Kate when Markus, one of the CEO's of Eclipse appeared in the office.

"Ms. Swan, I was hoping to catch you before you left. May I have a word?"

Despite the fact it was a question, I knew he wasn't really asking me. "Of course," I told him nervously.

"I'll wait here, B," Kate whispered, and I nodded.

I followed him to a conference room on our floor, and he sat down opposite me. "How long until the wedding?" he asked.

"Five weeks," I said automatically. There was no way he was finding out before Esme. I owed her too much to let her find out from someone else.

"It has come around quickly. Well, Ms. Swan, I just wanted to let you know that your work on the last two issues has been stellar and I see you doing great things for the magazine. In fact, I'm so confident in your ability to take over from Esme, and she shares my confidence, I should add, that I see no problem in accelerating the process. I'll have the legal team draw up your contract for the position this week, and you can start immediately after your wedding." He smiled. "I think you deserve these last few weeks before your big day to relax a little. I wouldn't want anything untoward to happen during the ceremony because we'd overwhelmed you."

I looked at him in disbelief. "I thought I was being integrated slowly?" I said, and he shook his head.

"Esme thinks the magazine would benefit from your fresh take and she has expressed her desire to leave sooner rather than later. I have her assurances that although she won't be around officially, unofficially she'll be there whenever you need her help. Of course, she and I both agree you will thrive with a free rein. I know this is a lot to take in, Ms. Swan, and that is why I thought it best to approach you one to one. Go and take some time to digest the offer, and we can run through the details in a week or so." He stood and I did the same, albeit rather unsteadily. "I'm looking forward to this new start, as should you. Chances like this don't present themselves very often, and to have the backing of someone like Esme Platt speaks volumes for your professionalism and talent."

As soon as he left the room, I slid down the wall and onto the floor. This was too much to process, too much to handle. Kate was in the room within seconds and she sat down beside me.

"What was that all about?" she asked. "Markus never shows his face around here unless we've fucked up big time."

"I've fucked up big time," I said.

"Why? What did you do?"

"I lost Edward." I sighed, before adding, "Just when I thought I had it all figured out, I lost him. So, I tried to re-evaluate and decide what to do instead, but now I'm even more fucked than before. Markus just told me they're offering me Esme's job now, and if I accept I'll start as soon as I'm done with the wedding." I looked at Kate, and had to laugh. Her eyes were wide and her mouth was hanging open.

"Holy, fucking, hell," she said, barely more than a whisper. "Isabella Swan, my fucking Editor in Chief. B, that's incredible...wonderful...awesome. Jesus, I'm so proud of you." She hugged me tightly and then pulled back. "Why aren't you smiling?"

"Because it comes at a cost, Kate," I said sadly. "Any chance I have of making things right with Edward is gone for good if I carry on with the wedding."

She thought about that for a minute and then said. "I can't tell you what to do, B, and you know I love Edward to death, but he's not here. I don't want to sound blunt or hypocritical given how I was before, but he had the chance to fight for you, and he didn't. He let you walk away, he chose to fly to Africa for a year without sitting down and telling you about it. Jake, for all his faults is here and he is the one who asked you to marry him. Make this decision for you, B. Think about your future, be completely selfish, because you spend far too much time thinking about the consequences for others. I want you to be happy, B, whatever that involves."

The job of a lifetime was within my grasp, but the price for that job would be Edward...could I risk losing him for a job? Or did I risk losing the job for a man who most likely didn't want me anyway?

****runs away & hides****

**So...thanks for reading and reviewing and I beg you to trust me lol**

**Will try to post twice a week now and hit complete before Father Christmas comes to visit!**

**There will also be a teaser up in the FB group MrsK81 Fic if you want to have a look/**

**Bye for now,**

**Katy**

**xxx**


	23. Chapter 22

**Luckily I was safe from pitchforks after the last update...wonder if the same will apply again? ;)**

**Thanks to Prettyflour & Mary Kitty Masen for prereading, but I am posting before my beta—Twifanmom has had chance to work her magic.**

**Chapter 22 – Moving Forward**

"So, how's my baby girl doing?" Dad asked, pulling me into a tight hug. "I didn't expect to see you until the big day."

I'd taken a few personal days and made an impromptu visit to Forks. I needed to escape the city, the magazine, Jake, and I most definitely needed to escape the gaping hole Edward had left in my life.

"I'm fine, Dad. I just needed a break from all the crazy, you know?" I sighed and nestled into his side as we walked to the car.

"You live a hectic life that's for sure," he said. "But you're okay, right?"

"Of course I am. I have news," I told him, and he frowned. "No, I'm not pregnant." I rolled my eyes at his reaction. "I was officially offered the promotion last week. I start pretty much straight after the wedding."

His face broke out into a beaming smile. "Damn, Bells, that's just great. You've really made something of yourself, I'm so proud of you, sweetheart, so proud. I hope they made you a good offer?"

"They did." I nodded.

The offer was _great._ The money was fantastic, and there was also a profit-related bonus. The other "perks" such as a driver, very generous expense account, etc, I couldn't count on one hand. After our informal chat, Markus invited me along to a more formal meeting the following week, and the contract was presented to me officially.

I'd signed it, feigned enthusiasm when people at work congratulated me, and even let Jake drag me out for drinks to celebrate. On the outside I behaved perfectly, after all I had everything I'd wanted, right? On the inside, however, I was broken. Edward was all I thought about, and I tried constantly to contact him, but every voice mail, text message, and email went unanswered.

His absence affected so many people, I doubt he even realised the impact his absence would have. Esme had admitted she was worried to death and barely sleeping at night. Carlisle, too, was finding it difficult to continue with his daily routine while worrying about his only son on the other side of the world.

There were still three weeks to go before the wedding, yet Esme had already begun to clear out her office. There was no trepidation or worry that she was walking away from a huge part of her life. Instead, she was making plans to sell her apartment and move in with Carlisle, and then in the summer, they had booked a long vacation in Europe. She was ready to move forward and despite her worries for Edward, I'd never seen her look so content.

"So, everything sorted for the wedding?" Dad asked, snapping me back to reality.

"Yep, all sorted." I smiled. "It's come around fast, huh?"

"It sure has," he said, and chuckled. "I'm getting nervous. When I gave Leah away, there were twenty people and I knew the lot of them. Your day is gonna be a whole lot different."

"Aw, don't be nervous, Dad. You'll be the most handsome man there. Sue's going to have her hands full fighting those city women away." I giggled and he shook his head. "Honestly though, Dad, I don't think I could do it without you there."

He reached across the console and squeezed my hand. "Bells, one thing I've learned about you is that you can do anything you want. You're a tough cookie."

"I get that from you," I said.

"Of course you do. It's a Swan family trait." He smiled. "How long do I get to keep you here for this time?"

"I fly back on Monday morning." I sighed, and looked out of the window. "I wish I could stay longer."

The very things about Forks that had been almost suffocating the last time I'd been here, now seemed to be exactly what I needed. The greenness, the quiet, the cold, the rain, all of it enveloped me like a warm, strong pair of arms, and it felt almost like I was shielded from everything I had to face in the real world.

I closed my eyes and let myself imagine a scene in fifteen, twenty years from now. I saw myself in a house just like Dad and Sue's, with a dog running around the yard being chased by two young children. I was no longer the career woman with the big bucks job in the city, and instead I made a modest living writing articles for the local paper, fitting my work around my family.

I could picture everything with such clarity that it almost seemed real; the colour of the drapes, the smell emanating from the kitchen as I prepared lunch, and the faces of children. Yet, the one thing missing from this scenario was Jake. I tried to picture him happy in a place like this and knew instantly he could never be. I also tried to ignore the fact that the children I imagined had eyes a shade of green I'd only ever seen once before.

~x~

Instead of counting down the hours until I could return to New York, I spent the entire weekend dreading going back. I took Alex and Alice out for the day on Saturday to give Leah and Sam some time together. Sunday, Dad decided to take us out for dinner, and I spent the entire evening thanking people for their congratulations and well wishes for the wedding.

"You know they're only hankering after an invitation," Dad grumbled as one of my old English teachers, Mr. Bertie, walked away. "That man said you were a dreamer and would never make it in the city."

"Well we knew better, didn't we?" Sue said. "So pay no attention to him. I'm so excited, Bella, you must be fit to burst now it's getting so close?"

"Yeah, I guess," I replied. "It's a little overwhelming to be honest. I feel like all eyes are on me everywhere I go. The girls at work want to talk about it all the time, I have to write about it all the time, and then I see huge billboards advertising Eclipse and that's another reminder. I think that's why I came here, to escape it all."

Leah smiled sympathetically. "I was thinking of coming into the city a few days before everyone else. Mom said she'd help Sam with the kids, and we can have some time to chill out. What do you think?"

"I'd love that," I answered quickly. "That would be wonderful, Leah, thank you."

"Mommy, I didn't know there was a country called Semolina," Alex said absently. "I thought it was a dessert."

"I'm pretty sure it's not a country, Alex," Leah said. "Why are you asking that?"

"I was playing on Aunt B's laptop this morning and there was loads of stuff on it about Semolina, and it was definitely a country," he said and looked to me expectantly. "Tell them, Aunt B."

The rest of the table turned their heads in my direction and frowned. I blushed, of course, and said, "He means _Somalia."_

"Oh right," Dad said and ruffled Alex's hair. "You do make me laugh, kid."

"Why are you looking up Somalia?" Sue asked. "I wouldn't have thought that would have been a subject you touched on at Eclipse."

"No, it's personal," I admitted. "A friend took a job over there with Doctor's Without Borders. I'm just worried, it's a volatile place."

"The same friend who you saw at Christmas?" Dad asked absently, but I noticed the curious look on his face. "The doctor?"

"Yeah, he left a few weeks back." I fiddled with my napkin, and couldn't look him in the eye. "He'll probably be out there for a year. Esme and his dad are worried sick," I added.

"I bet they are." Dad nodded. "But I'm sure there as proud as hell too, I'm sure. No one wants there children getting hurt, but it's the tough things we do, the hard decisions that we have to face, that make us the people we are."

I could feel him staring at me, and it was like those words carried a hidden meaning that only I was supposed to understand.

"Whoa, Dad, what's with the emotional BS?" Seth quipped. "Poor, B, comes home and we hit her with the heavy stuff. No wonder she stays away for so long." He winked at me, and laughed.

"I love you, Seth," I said with a smile, and he grimaced. "I'm serious, I love all you guys, so much. You have no idea how bad I've missed you these past few months."

"Bella, honey, we miss you too. And pay no attention to Seth," Sue shook her head as my brother pretended to gag. "Because he loves you just as much as the rest of us do. I know it's hard being so far away, but we're all so proud of you, and everything you've made happen for yourself. No one deserves it more, Bella, don't ever forget that."

Leah squeezed my hand across the table, and whispered, "Are you okay? I've not seen you like this before."

"Sometimes, you just realise what's important." I sighed. "What _really _matters."

~x~

I put on a brave face when it was time to leave, but Dad wasn't having any of it. "I wish you'd tell me what's wrong." He sighed as I gave him one final hug at the airport. "I know you keep telling me you're fine, but I know you're not. I know you too well. Talk to me, Bells, let me help."

I shook my head and felt my eyes sting with tears. "It's just a stressful time, Dad," I argued feebly. "I'm sure I'll be fine as soon as thing settle down. I love you, Dad."

"I love you, too, Bells, always. Just remember I'm always here, whenever you need me. Don't keep everything bottled up, it's good to let it out." He kissed my forehead.

"I will, I promise," I said, before walking inside.

~x~

_Two weeks later..._

"This looks wonderful, Bella," Esme murmured, as she looked through my final draft of the next issue. "There's not a thing I'd change. Although I have to ask about the change in your column. I think it's great, but it's so different."

"To be honest, Esme, I was feeling pretty overwhelmed with the wedding, the column, and then this promotion. Whatever I tried to write for the diary seemed forced and out of context with the rest, so I thought I needed to change it up."

After everything that had happened, there was no way I could gush about my feelings or the wedding. I wanted to scream out loud how much I was dying inside, how much I wanted to walk away from everything and search every square mile of Somalia just to find Edward. Thinking that probably wouldn't go down well with Esme or the readers, I'd talked to other people who were newly married, planning a wedding, or simply dreaming about getting married. I'd asked them to tell me their stories, their experiences, and their feelings. There were excerpts about the nerves, excitement and everything else associated with those final weeks before a bride's big day. I'd included tales about romantic and original proposals, unique venues and wedding themes, and also some funny stories about bachelor party disasters.

It seemed to please Esme, and I didn't have to try and explain my sudden incapabilities of writing about my butterfly guy. Well, when I say _pleased Esme..._

"As much as I love it for this issue, I think you have to revert back to a diary entry for the next issue, Bella. The readers will want to experience everything with you before you get married. You're getting double your usual space plus the photos we print. I think it might be wise to break it down into two parts. Perhaps in the first segment you could talk about the build up to the ceremony itself. What you do, how you're feeling etc, and then we can have a few shots of you and your bridesmaids getting ready. The second entry then could cover the reception and how you feel once you're kicking back and enjoying yourself." I knew Esme, and I knew the difference between a voluntary suggestion and a compulsory one. This was the latter of the two. "This is the climax to the entire series, so it has to be perfect. There's no point building up top something if it's going to fall flat on its face at the final hurdle."

"Right," I said. "Sure...I can do that."

"Any problems with the wedding itself?" she asked. "No last minute changes that I need to be aware of?"

_Changing a groom, perhaps?_

"No, everything's been confirmed about a million times." I smiled. "Just waiting for the day itself now."

"I'm very excited. It's been a wonderful distraction from worrying about Edward."

"Have you heard from him?" I asked. "Is he okay?"

She nodded. " He's been in Somalia about fifteen days now. We've only heard from him twice, but he seems to be enjoying the new challenge. He didn't mention anything to Carlisle, he probably didn't want to worry us, but we heard about an attack on another base about fifty miles away, so they've tightened security where Edward is."

"What kind of attack?" My throat went dry. "Was anyone hurt?"

"Thankfully, no. Someone tried to throw some sort of explosive through a window of another hospital. It's scary, but Edward is adamant he is safe." Esme paused and I saw her frowning at me. "Bella, are you okay? You've gone as white as a ghost?"

"Have I? That's strange, I feel fine. I should get this upstairs so we can get to print." I picked up the draft from her desk, and walked out of her office unsteadily.

The reality of where Edward was hit home a little more each day. I constantly trawled the internet for any information I could find on Somalia. It was the first thing I checked when I woke up, and the last thing I looked at before I went to sleep.

If our internet history was monitored at work, my browsing wouldn't make much sense for a journalist at a fashion publication. The only things I'd researched were Doctor's Without Borders and Somalia in the weeks since Edward had left.

_God I missed him._

"Jesus, Kate. Have you read this? Since 2007, there have been seven aid workers killed, and two kidnapped in Somalia. Doesn't he realise how dangerous it is? What if something happens to him?" I slammed my hands down on my desk and took a deep breath. I was driving myself crazy worrying about Edward, and I was driving Kate crazy too.

"B, please, you have to stop this now. You're going to make yourself ill if you don't. I know it's hard, I know you're missing him, but there's nothing you can do now. Garrett had an email from his yesterday and he said he was fine. There had been no trouble where he was, none at all, and they're surrounded by security." Kate put her hand on my shoulder. "He's going to be fine."

"Did Garrett say anything...you know...about me?" I asked, and then cringed at how selfish and desperate I sounded. "Sorry, I know I shouldn't even be asking that, but-"

Kate hesitated and then said quietly, "No. Sorry, B, he doesn't want to get involved, not while Edward's out there. He doesn't think he needs any distractions, you know?"

"I understand. I shouldn't even be asking anyway. I decided to carry on and do whatever I could to make sure I got this job, I need to stop dwelling on the past and focus on my future. I need to focus on Jake."

As soon as I had made the decision to carry on with the wedding and the promotion, I'd tried as hard as I could to make things right with Jake. We made more time for each other as much as we could, and talked more than we had in months. Sex was still an issue I couldn't broach. I'd come up with a crazy idea about abstaining until the wedding, and although I knew Jake didn't understand my motives, he agreed to go along with it.

Kate was wonderful, and despite her previous reservations about him, she stopped berating Jake and tried to help me move forward. I think we both knew I was still utterly lost on Edward, but she also knew not to talk about him unless I brought it up first. It still hurt like hell to think about him, and the pain actually kept me awake at night.

I avoided Balotelli's, refused to venture anywhere near his apartment or the hospital where he used to work, and I was certain it would be a long time before I could ever go back to Kate's parents' house. Those memories I kept hidden away, not ready to revisit them now...or ever.

**EPOV**

What was I really doing here? I'd asked myself that question so many times in these past few weeks, but I still didn't have an answer. I tried to convince myself it was all about the greater good. I was helping those who really needed it. I was doing what I'd trained so hard to so, and I was doing it to make a difference to other peoples lives. People who appreciated it, and didn't complain about the waiting time, who didn't question the medication you prescribed, and people, who without that help would not likely survive the most basic of illnesses.

Yes I was here for those reasons, and seven months ago I had been in the process of finalising the details, but then there was Bella.

From that night in Garrett's gallery, I was consumed by her. The more time I talked to her, the more time I _needed_ to talk to her. She was so beautiful, funny, smart, strong and yet vulnerable all rolled into one. I fell for her so damn quickly it scared the hell out of me, and I couldn't stay away. Even the fact she was engaged to another man failed to stop me, because I genuinely thought we had something.

Garrett warned me, he reminded me constantly that Bella had so much more going on than I could imagine, but I never paid him any attention. I had no reason to doubt her...us, because whatever the hell we had was like nothing I'd ever felt before, and I assumed we could come through anything.

Everyone around me noticed how much I changed. I whistled and sang as I worked, I didn't complain if I landed the patients no one else wanted to see, and I never went anywhere without a huge grin on my face. That was all Bella, she brought out the best in me and I loved it.

Dad knew straight away that there was a woman involved, but I kept the details from him. Esme had always spoken about her like a proud parent, and she told me she was the one likely to take over her position at Eclipse. Bearing this in mind, I knew Bella was in a difficult position and did everything I could to make it easier for her.

I loved her and would wait as long as necessary for her.

The weekend of Kate and Garrett's wedding she said she wanted to talk to me about something important, and naively I dared to think this was the moment we would lay our cards out on the table and make the decision to be together openly. Unfortunately, expecting her to walk away from her fiancé and her wedding was something that I discovered would never happen.

I arrived at work with a stinking hangover the day after the wedding, and heard two of the nurses talking about Eclipse and how much they were enjoying the wedding diary a reporter called Bella was writing. I asked them about it straight away, because the chances of there being two reporters called Bella who were preparing to get married seemed unlikely.

Despite always knowing who Bella worked for, I never took the time to pick up one of the magazines to actually read any of her work. In hindsight that would have been the smart thing to do.

They gushed to me about her diary, the details she'd revealed and then thrust some old issues at me. Reading those entries, reading _her_ words and hearing her voice as I did, hit me like a freight train. She talked about that once in a life time love, how someone could make her come alive with just a touch, and for a minute I hoped she was talking about me. But this was not about me, this was a diary about her wedding, about her incredible fiancé, and how he made her feel. I felt sick to my stomach and slammed the door to the doctors lounge so hard, one of the glass panels cracked.

I'd taken a few minutes to myself out on the street when one of the nurses, Angela, came to join me. "They're all wondering why you reacted like that," she said quietly. "I'm the only one who saw her come and visit you a few months ago. I haven't said anything, Edward, but you know how they speculate. You might want to think up an excuse."

"I guess saying I was fooling around with the woman who wrote the words they were fawning over isn't a good one?" I asked sarcastically.

"You might want to avoid that," she said. "I take it she never mentioned her fiancé?"

"I knew she was engaged, but I never saw that kind of connection between them, Angela. Honest to God, I thought what we had was enough for her to leave him...I was so fucking wrong. If I thought for a second she was that in love with the guy, I would have left her alone. I've been such an idiot." I sighed and tugged at my hair in frustration. "She's been all I can think about for months."

"Talk to her." She rested her hand on my shoulder. "They're only words on paper, Edward. Unless you ask her for the truth how will you know how she really feels?"

I stood up and laughed. "They're not just words, Angela. It was like reading my own damn thoughts and feelings. I can't talk to her about it, I don't even think I can face her again."

I couldn't bear to see her, talk to her, but my God she was still all I could think about. For the next few days I avoided her calls, ignored her messages, and hoped to God she'd take the hint. Instead of going to meet her as planned on Friday, I went to see my friend and boss, Dr. William Gerandy, and made one of the most important and rash decisions of my life.

The look on his face when I asked if my visa and insurance details were still valid for working out of the country was priceless. I told him I wanted to volunteer for one term, maybe more, and said I was ready to leave immediately. I knew they were screaming for doctors, and within twenty-four hours, he had a position for me in a team of workers who were destined for Somalia.

I needed to leave, I had to get away from New York and everything else that reminded me of Bella, and I needed to do it before I changed my mind and my resolve crumbled. If I saw her, if I heard her voice I don't think I'd have the strength to leave.

I kept my departure a secret from everyone until the very last minute, and it was on what would be my last shift, that Bella came to see me.

"She's here," Angela told me. "In the waiting area, and I don't think she's going to leave until she sees you. I told her you're busy, but-"

"I'll talk to her," I said bluntly. "Just give me a minute."

That was the moment I became a liar. That was the moment I became a complete asshole rather than be honest with her. That was also the moment I knew I would probably love this woman for the rest of my life. Instead of fighting for her and telling her I wanted to be the one she wrote about, to be the one she was marrying, instead of refusing to let her go, I pushed her away.

Now, here I was on the other side of the world, and she was still the only thing I could think about.

**A/N Thanks for reading and reviewing the last chapter, and for sticking with me! I am trying to get around to replying to the reviews...I loved reading your thoughts!**

**The next update will probably come Thursday/Friday...and I will post a little teaser in the FB group if you want to come and have a look just give me a shout and I'll add you in there.**

**TTF**

**Katy**

**xxx**


	24. Chapter 23

**A/N I own nothing! Thanks to Prettyflour & Mary Kitty Masen for Prereading...because I've been posting more frequently, I haven't given my beta chance to look over the chapters, so please forgive any errors they're all mine!**

**So...we're back to the prologue :0**

**Chapter 23 – The Day Is Here**

**_Diary of a Bride_  
_March 2012_  
_Entry Title – The Day Is Here_**

_My name is Isabella Swan, and for those of you who have not been following my diary until now, you probably aren't aware that in a few short hours I will be standing before my family, friends, and colleagues as I marry my fiancé. I have dreamed about, planned, rehearsed, and pictured this very day for most of my life, as I'm sure most of us girls do._

_I am, and always have been a hopeless romantic. I honestly believed that there was one person out there meant for me, and it was only a matter of time before he walked into my life. Every time I met someone, I would wait for those "sparks" that romance novels tell us we feel the second our eyes connect and pray that this time, I'd found him._

_Whenever I went out on dates, I couldn't help but let my imagination fast-forward to the day I was presented with an engagement ring, or the day we would be married, or my husband and I were accompanying our child to his first day at school. Unfortunately, while I was busy planning our future, the guy I was with, was usually busy planning how to make a quick escape._

_I clung to the hope for another seven years that Mr. Right would find me, that we were destined to meet at some point. I dated of course, but none of the guys made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end, never made me feel the aforementioned "sparks" so I remained single. This suited me fine because I wasn't settling for second-best and I most definitely wasn't prepared to sacrifice true-love._

_Now, as I stand in the lavish suite at the Plaza Hotel, in my custom-designed wedding dress, with not a hair out of place, and flawless make-up, I should be ecstatic. I am finally here—finally about to become a bride._

_I am in love, hopelessly, and crazy in love with the most amazing man I've ever met—my Butterfly Guy. He is the only man to give me goose-bumps, the only man who has ever made me feel like I was flying after we shared our first kiss. I simply can't imagine my life without him. Period._

_So, what's the problem I hear you ask?_

_There is just one tiny flaw in my otherwise perfect day. The man who I love with every ounce of my soul, has no idea that I feel this way. He has no idea that I have fallen so pathetically hard for him, and he has absolutely no idea that when I'm around him I can barely breathe. The man I've been waiting all my life to meet, is not the man I am about to marry, and I don't know what the hell to do to fix this mess._

_Actually, I do know, but I suppose it would depend on your perspective if you think that is the right thing to do. I owe it to so many people to be honest. My friends, my family, my colleagues,you—the readers, and of course my fiancé. I have tried so hard to do the right thing by everyone else, I have tried so hard not to let anyone else down, and it is for that reason I've let things get so far out of hand. In trying not hurt others, I hurt the one person who mattered more than the rest._

_Whatever happens, whether you approve or not, I want to thank you for taking this journey with me, you have made this more than a diary about a wedding. I feel like I've had the chance to really see me, and learn who I really am—good points and bad. _

_And, to my real butterfly guy, I love you. I wish there was some way to let you know just how much I love you. You were my inspiration from that first day in Balotelli's, and nothing has changed. Every single word I wrote belongs to you, and not telling you that will be the biggest regret of my life. I let you walk away, and I'm quite literally lost without you. But you know, despite the pain I've felt in these weeks since you left, I wouldn't change a minute of what we shared. I never felt more alive...more like me, than the times we were together. I know there is nothing I can do to make up for how I behaved, all I hope for now is that you're happy. You deserve someone who tells you every single day just how amazing you are, someone who puts **you** first, and someone who isn't afraid to take a chance for you._

_I know it's going to be a tough ride, but I have the opportunity to try and be happy again, and I hope you can understand why I have to try. Surely, everyone deserves happiness in life? Even me._

_In a few minutes, my father will knock at my door and escort me to my wedding. In a few minutes I will have to decide what I should do. Do I take a chance and fight for something I might have lost already? Or do I let everyone else believe the lie and get married?_

_What to do? Well, I guess in a few minutes we'll know. _

I hovered my mouse over the send key, for the first time in longer than I could remember I knew I was doing the right thing. I knew what I was going to do, deep down I'd known all along.

"B? What the hell are you doing?" Kate stood staring at me with a look of disbelief on her face. "You're working? It's your wedding day, I'm sure even the Editor-In-Chief deserves a day off on the day she gets married. Turn that fucking laptop off and let's have a toast. Leah's gone to bring Charlie and Alice, and then it will be time to go."

The morning had almost seemed as happy and exciting as Kate's wedding. I had a lovely breakfast with my family, watching on happily as they enjoyed a world which was a million miles from what they were used to.

After breakfast, Kate, Leah, Sue, and I had enjoyed one or two glasses of champagne while our hair, make up, and nails were done. I rehearsed what I was going to say to Jake over and over, because I wanted to get it just right. Then, back in our suite, Rosalie Hale came to oversee as I put on my dress, and she made one or two last minute alterations to ensure it looked perfect. When we were all dressed the photographer arrived to take one or two shots of us before the wedding, just like Esme suggested.

So far, everything was going exactly as I planned. The flowers were perfect, the cake stunning, and the room in which the service would take place was beautiful. My three bridesmaids looked amazing, and I felt like I princess in my dress. I had the ultimate fairytale wedding within my grasp, but whether it be in the Plaza or City Hall, it didn't matter, because it was the destination that really mattered, not the road you travelled to get there. I just hoped I had the courage to follow the second half of my plan through. Would the entry I'd spent the majority of last night writing actually make it to print? Who knows, but as I checked the names of the two recipients set to receive my email, I knew it was something they had to read regardless. I wasn't always good at _saying_ how I felt, so I had decided to let my words on paper say it for me.

I clicked send quickly, and switched off the laptop as I was told. "All finished." I smiled. "Could you do me a favour?"

"That depends on what it is," Kate said suspiciously.

"Tell me honestly, what do you think of me right now?" I perched on the edge of the table and waited for her to answer.

"You won't believe me," she said. "You'll think I'm telling you what you want to hear."

"Try me." I gestured for her to continue.

"I admit I never thought you'd go through with it, and even though you won't expect me to say it, I really fucking admire you, B. You know what you want and you're making it happen. I know I couldn't do what you're about to do. I couldn't marry someone when the man who I'm crazy about is half way around the world, and I can't imagine how hard it is for you, but sometimes life isn't always black and white. I just wish you were about to say I do to Edward instead of the dog." She grinned, and then added, "Kidding, kidding. I love you, and I'm here for you every step of the way."

"I love you, too, Kate. I don't regret any of it...what happened with Edward. I know I should, but I just can't. I just wish he understood how it really was for me, and maybe one day he'll know _he_ was my butterfly guy. I know it won't be today, tomorrow, or even this year, but hopefully he'll find out. _That's _the only thing I regret." I walked over to her and gave her a big hug.

"Are you girls ready?" My dad shouted from the other side of the door. "There's a woman looking at me and tapping her watch out here."

"Yep, I'm ready." I took a deep breath. "Let's do this."

Kate opened the door, and my dad stepped inside, closely followed by Leah and a very excited looking Alice. As I predicted, Chief Swan looked more handsome than ever in his morning , even if it was obvious he was nervous as hell.

"Bells, you look just...perfect, sweetheart. Jacob's a lucky man, and if he ever treats you anything less than a queen, I'll be having a stern word in his ear."

"Jake really is one of the good guys, Dad," I told him. "You don't have to worry about a thing."

"I'll always worry, I've told you that before," he said.

I didn't feel nervous or anxious as I walked downstairs. To think I'd spent months worrying about this, dreading everything about the day, now there wasn't a trace of fear. I held onto my dad's arm tightly, letting him take the lead, and I listened as he told me about how how nervous he was.

The doors to the room were closed, and we came to a stop a few feet from the entrance. I could hear music playing, and a hum of casual chatter from the guests inside. I thought about Jake, and how me might be feeling as he waited for me. I also hoped Seth wasn't being an ass with Alex, I could totally see my brother getting my nephew to get on the floor and look up women's skirts. I must have laughed to myself, because Dad asked me what was funny.

"I was just hoping Seth behaves," I said with a smile. "You know he gets with Alex."

"He'll behave," Dad muttered. "I told him I'd put him in handcuffs he did anything stupid. Don't worry, Bells, everything's going to be just perfect."

"We're just running a few minutes behind schedule, but it's nothing to worry about. The guests are all in place, and your groom is ready and waiting. I'll have the music start and your bridesmaids can make their way down the aisle ahead of you. Then, as soon as they're in place, you can make your entrance. Remember what we said at the rehearsal last night, Mr. Swan, slow and steady pace. The song is timed perfectly for the length of the aisle so no rushing." The very bossy planner, skimmed down a check list she had on her cellphone and then nodded. "That's everything I think, so now it's just your time to go and marry your butterfly guy."

She looked at me and winked. I smiled back at her, the first time I'd really smiled in such a long time. Of course I was doing the right thing, it might not be the choice everyone would make in my situation, but for me it was the only thing I could do. The only thing I wanted to do.

I peered around the door and watched as the bridesmaids walked down the aisle first. I looked on in envy as I saw the way Sam and Garrett watched their respective wives with pure and undiluted adoration.

_I want that..._

I saw Alex beam at his mommy and saw Leah blow him a kiss as she passed him.

_One day I'll have that too..._

I noticed Jake waiting in his place, his brother and best man, Paul, at his side. His brother and the rest of his family I'd met only two nights earlier at our rehearsal dinner. Just like Jake, they were friendly, easy going, and just like my family, completely overwhelmed by the enormity of this wedding. I studied Jake for a minute. He was facing forwards, fidgeting with his hands and his weight shifting from foot to foot. Even from here, I could see he was tense, probably nervous, but he had no reason to be. We would be fine. I would make things right for the both of us.

_I owe him that much._

"Right, as soon as the second piece of music starts, you can begin leading her down the aisle, Mr. Swan." The wedding planner stepped back, and right on cue, the song changed and Dad stepped forward.

"Ready to say those words, honey?" he whispered, and then joked.

"I am." I laughed to myself and nodded. "Those words, Dad, will be the beginning of the rest of my life."

I was still smiling, and I tried my best to look at everyone in the room. There were so many people, it was almost surreal. Some I knew and was happy they were here, then there were others I couldn't even name; acquaintances of Markus and Aro, colleagues from departments I'd barely visited in all my years at Eclipse, sponsors of the wedding invited out of courtesy, and in all honesty it was sad. Was this really what a wedding was about? The answer was no, of course, but it was too late to worry about that now.

_Does it even matter? _

Kate's parents were sitting near to the front, and Peter flashed me a supportive, but sympathetic smile. He'd been one of only two people who knew about Edward and how I felt about him. I'd told him I was walking away from this wedding, and yet here I was. Looking in his direction, I shook my head slightly, and my smile grew even wider. "I'll be fine," I mouthed, and a look of confusion flittered across his face.

_I know I'll be fine._

I tried to look at Esme, but couldn't catch her eye—in fact, she was looking everywhere but at me. I smiled at Carlisle, and he returned it warmly. I ignored the stab of pain as he inevitably reminded me of someone who most definitely wasn't here.

_I'll always love you, Edward._

Finally, as we reached the end of the aisle, I found myself staring into the eyes of Jake. I'd meant what I'd said to Dad, he really was one of the good guys. Sure, he had his faults, but despite a rocky road to this point, he was here now. A girl could do a lot worse than Jacob Black, and I would be sure he knew that, he deserved to know that.

"Look after her," Dad whispered as he reached over to place my hand in Jake's.

"I will, Sir," he replied earnestly, and then whispered to me. "You look beautiful, Iz."

"Thanks, Jake," I said, "Thank you for all of this."

As the minister began to speak, I let a few images flash through my mind. Meeting Jake at a photo shoot seemed like a lifetime ago. The casual relationship we enjoyed right up until the he night he proposed. There was the meeting with Esme in her office, her offer of the promotion in return for complete access to my wedding. I felt my stomach flip as I remembered meeting Edward in the gallery, the subsequent nights we had spent in Balotelli's, and of course our Christmas and New Year spent together. I thought back to the arguments with Jake in those final few weeks, Kate's beautiful wedding, and then the heartbreaking moment with Edward outside the hospital. It hurt all over again as I replayed the chat with Esme when I found out he'd left for Somalia. I recalled sitting down with Markus and being offered the job officially, and then we had this moment right here. Standing in front of so many people ready to declare myself, I should have been apprehensive, anxious, worried. But I felt nothing but exhilaration.

If I'd made this decision from the very start, I could have avoided all the hurt I'd caused. Clarity, it seemed, was coming to me at the most inopportune time, but still I was thankful to have it at all.

"Ladies and gentlemen, family and friends, we are gathered here today to witness and celebrate the joining of Jacob and Isabella in marriage. With love and commitment, they have decided to live their lives together as husband and wife."

I glanced at Jake, he was staring straight ahead. His eyes fixed on the minister, and I could see his jaw was tense, and his hands clenched at his sides. He must have sensed my gaze, because he saw me looking and forced a smile.

I looked forward again, and tried to concentrate on the words the minister was saying.

"May you always need one another, not to fill an emptiness, but to help each other know your fullness. May you want one another, but not out of lack. May you embrace one another, but not encircle one another. May you succeed in all important ways with each other, and not fail in the little graces. May you have happiness, and may you find it in making one another happy. May you have love, and may you find it in loving one another."

I stifled a smile, even the ministers words seemed to echo everything I'd been trying to do...but not any more. Like I said to Dad, it was almost time to say those words that would set me free, those two words that really would be the beginning of the rest of my life.

The first entry to my diary all those months ago, was as clear as day in my mind. _Time is precious, and time with someone who makes your heart race is even more precious. Who was it that said, "Love is divine?" Well they were right, and if we're lucky it comes around once. So regardless of what is going on in your life, embrace the love, cherish it, and above all else—never let go_.

Never let go. Time to listen to my own advice.

"Jacob and Isabella, the time has come to forget all the stress of planning this day and simply enjoy your friends and family who have gathered to spend this day with you. This group of loved ones will, likely, never be together in the same place again. Through quiet reflection and nostalgia, think about how each person has touched your life and why they are here with you today. Are you ready to let them share this moment, are you ready to share it with one another and begin your new life together?"

"I am," Jacob answered earnestly.

The minister looked at me, and I took a breath. I opened my mouth to speak and heard the collective gasps as two words echoed around the room.

"Please wait!"

* * *

**A/N – So, who was it? Hope you liked the chapter and I apologise profusely for the awful cliffy but it had to be done! Next chapter will post at the weekend, hopefully you'll still be with me!**

**Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, I am trying to get around to review replies but I'm making slow progress at the moment! Do know I love reading what you think and love that you've stuck it out so far!**

**A Little Too Much Too Late is also up for fic of the week over on The Lemonade Stand. There really are some other wonderful stories up this week, maybe you could spare a minute to check out the others and cast your vote for your top five?**

**Black Velvet Kings by Midnight Train is also up and that is a fic that owns me at the moment!**

**Happy Thursday **

**Katy**

**xxxx**


	25. Chapter 24

**So who said it?**

**Chapter 24 – Why Are We Here?**

_The minister looked at me and I took a breath. I opened my mouth to speak, and heard the collective gasps as two words echoed around the room._

"_Please wait!"_

As the words tumbled from my mouth, Jacob turned around and looked at me in utter bewilderment. "Iz, what are you doing?"

"Bells?" I heard Dad ask, and he stepped up to my side. "What's wrong, honey?"

"Please can you just give me a minute?" I said to the minister, my voice shaking. "There's something I have to say to Jake."

He nodded, his mouth open and his eyes wide. I took a breath and turned to face Jacob who was glancing around the room nervously. I reached out and took his hand, holding it tightly in mine.

"Why are we here, Jake?" I asked. "Why are you marrying me?"

Jake frowned and didn't answer straight away. "What is this, Iz? I don't understand. What are you doing?"

"I'm doing what I should have done months ago. Please, Jake, tell me the truth. Do you love me? I mean do you really _love_ me?" I asked, completely ignoring the row upon row of guests all staring at us in stunned silence.

"This is nuts, Iz. I don't think this is the time for this conversation." He rubbed his face and sighed.

"Better to have it now than _after_ we're married, don't you think?" I said. "Look, Jake. Why are we here? We had fun together, but even I can admit that this time last year I never even considered marrying you, and I'm sure you felt the same. Please, I need to know why you're marrying me."

Jake hesitated again, and I could read it all over his face. I had been right all along, Jacob Black was one of the good guys. He didn't love me...not really, but yet here he was marrying me anyway. There was nothing to gain from it, not now, he'd already had the exposure and the offers as a result of the publicity. He could have ended it before now and still kept his notoriety, but he hadn't. He was trying to do the right thing...but for who?

"You don't love me," I stated simply, and he hung his head. "Do you?"

There was not a sound in the room as everyone listened to our conversation and waited for his answer. This is why I had to do this now...like this. I needed everyone to know the truth about me...about Jake and why I had to put an end to it.

Jake's hand squeezed mine, and his thumb ran circles on my skin. "I'm sorry, Iz, I tried...I really tried. You're amazing, really amazing and so beautiful and talented. When I proposed, I really thought we could make it work. I thought what he had would be enough to get us through. I thought there was something wrong with me. A guy like me _should_ fall in love with someone like you." He looked up, and his eyes were full of regret. "I realised early on, I was wrong, but it was too late. I came to Forks and wanted to call everything off, but then your sister read your article...and it was so beautiful, Iz. Knowing that you felt that way about me, I couldn't hurt you like that. I wouldn't humiliate you, not in front of all those people." He held my face in his hands. "I figured we could just get married and then deal with it all later. I'd do that for you, I'll still do that for you, Iz, I really would."

I burst out laughing, and leaned forward to kiss his cheek. "I don't want you to do that. We've made such a mess as it is, Jake, and I've lied to you, too. It was never you...none of it was ever about you. I am so ashamed of myself for lying, but every word I wrote was about someone else. I'm the one who should be sorry, I've acted like a coward, and I need to put things right."

I expected Jake to be angry, hurt, embarrassed. I expected to see anything but the amused expression on his face. He let out a chuckle too and shook his head. "It's the doctor, Garrett's best man, right?"

"Yes." I nodded. "I tried to stay away, I just couldn't...he...he was..."

"Your butterfly guy?" He smiled.

"Yes." I ran one hand down his face. "I'm sorry, Jake. I'd never felt anything like that before and I honestly didn't know what to do. I never wanted to hurt you or anybody else, but I just couldn't stay away."

"I understand, Iz, I really do understand and I owe you an explanation," he said quietly. "The night you started talking about butterfly guys, I thought you were crazy. I had no idea what you were talking about, but when I was in France, I met someone, and it was like everything you said in your diary. I finally got what you meant, and that's why I didn't want to hurt you. If you felt about me, the way I felt about Nessie, then I wanted to do things right by you. I told her everything, she knows all about our situation. I told her I had to make sure you were okay and the funny thing is, she understood."

"Because you're her butterfly guy," I said happily, and he nodded.

"Jesus, what a damned mess we've made."

We both started laughing, and still our guests sat in silence.

"Let's make it right?" I suggested, and he agreed.

We looked to the minister who looked shell shocked and I said, "I'm sorry, but we won't be getting married after all."

"Goodness...um...of course." He stepped back and loosened his collar. "That's never actually happened at one of my weddings before."

Before we could say anything else, the wedding planner raced to our side, and stepped between Jake and I. "What is going on? You aren't serious? I don't understand why you've chosen to do this now. Are you sure you don't want to talk about it some more?"

"No thank you," I said. "We should have never let it get to this point, but it's too late to change that now. We don't want to carry on, and perhaps you could make the announcement?"

"Me?" she squeaked, and Jake and I nodded. With a breath, she turned to face the guests and shouted, "Ladies and gentleman, following a brief...um...discussion, the bride and groom have decided not to proceed with the ceremony at this time. Please follow my assistant into the ballroom, and complimentary drinks shall be served while we sort everything out. Thank you very much for your cooperation and understanding."

I didn't know if the audience had heard everything we'd said to each other, but they did as they were asked and made their way out of the room. I didn't miss the look on Markus' face. He looked at me in disappointment and shook his head, before walking away.

"That can't be good," I said to myself. "I guess I'll be out of a job within the hour."

"Bells, are you sure about this?" Dad asked carefully and touched my arm. Leah, Kate, and Sue were standing behind him, looking at me nervously. "This is a big decision to make. Are you sure you don't need more time?"

"I'm sure and Jake's sure. I've wasted too much time already and I just can't do it any more...any of it, Dad. I'm sorry it had to happen like this, I'm sorry if I've embarrassed you-"

"We'll have none of that. Bells, it takes a brave person to be honest at a time like this. You haven't embarrassed me, honey. I'm more proud of you right now than ever before." He gave me a hug. "This was why you've been acting so strange?"

"Yes. I just didn't know how to put things right," I admitted. "There were so many different people expecting so many different things from me, and I had no idea how to fix it."

"Wow," Leah whispered. "I never saw this coming. I really need to meet this doctor, B, he must be really something to walk away from all of this."

"He really is," I told her. "But that part's a little complicated."

She pushed past Dad, and gave me a hug. "Then _un_complicate it."

"I'm working on it." After Leah moved away, I looked around the room and said, "Now what do we do?"

"If you don't mind, I'm going to talk to my family," Jake said, and I nodded. "They had no idea."

"Thank you, Jake," I put my arms around him and kissed his cheek. "For everything."

"I should be thanking you, Iz. I wouldn't have had the balls to speak up when you did." He reached over and shook my dad's hand. "I'm sorry about all of this, Sir."

"Nothing to apologise for. I admire what you were trying to do." Dad nodded, and Jacob jogged over to his parents who were still sitting down looking completely confused.

My family, Kate, Garrett, and I watched as the guests were filtered out of the room, and pretty soon we were the only people left inside. I noticed Esme and Carlisle walking towards me. I couldn't work out her expression, but as she neared, I saw the tears in her eyes and she had her phone clutched in her hand. They stopped in front of me, and Esme closed her eyes, shaking her head once.

"I'm so sorry, Esme. I didn't want to let anyone down...especially you, but I just couldn't do it, I had to make it right, and this was the only way I could think of. The only way I could tell everyone who needed to know the truth." I stepped closer to her, and she shook her head again. "I thought if I left it to speculation, Jake would somehow end up being the asshole who broke my heart, or that it was always just a huge publicity stunt."

"I heard the email notification just as we arrived in here, and I almost didn't read it, Carlisle said I should ignore it...but I didn't." She showed me her phone, and sure enough my diary entry was open on her screen. "I had no idea."

"I'm sorry,"I whispered.

Her expression shifted, and suddenly she looked fierce and more like the Esme I knew. I braced myself for her response.

"All I have to say, Isabella Swan, is if you hadn't opened your mouth at that very moment, I most certainly would have. I was just about to scream at you to stop. How could I read that diary and let you get married anyway? All these months, all those entries I read...they were beautiful, they were such an inspiration to me. How could I miss that you were really talking about _Edward_?" She smiled at me and wiped her eyes. "The way he watched you at Kate's wedding...goodness when I think about it, he never stopped watching you, it was so obvious, but I didn't really pay attention. And then, when I told you about Somalia...you looked like you'd had your heart ripped out, but still I never noticed. The pressure you were under...feeling that way about someone, feeling tied to Jacob because of the magazine, the promotion...me. I've failed you, Bella, and I'm the one who should be apologizing."

She hugged me, said sorry a few more times, and then stepped back. "Is this why Edward left?" she asked, and I nodded sadly.

"He read the diary and thought I was talking about Jake. But it doesn't matter anyway," I said quietly.

"Why doesn't it matter?" She cocked her head. "Tell him the truth, tell him you wrote those things about you."

"It wouldn't matter because he doesn't feel the same. He doesn't love me like I love him. He told me that we wanted different things. It didn't make a difference to me, I still couldn't go through with it...despite losing him, I know I made the right choice today."

"Bullshit," I head Garrett mutter. "Doesn't feel the same? I can't believe he managed to convince you of that. Bella, he's crazy about you and I mean absolutely crazy about you. Why else do you think he took off to Somalia?"

"He was going anyway?" I argued. "He told me he had all the paperwork and visa in place at your wedding. Something happened and he decided to stay."

"You happened, Bella," Carlisle said with a smile. "Soon after he met you he told Dr. Gerandy he'd changed his mind. I knew he was planning to go, I'd told him so many stories about what it was like when I went. I didn't want him to go, but I knew I couldn't change his mind. When he told me he'd met someone who made him want to stay, I was thrilled. I wanted to thank her personally, but I didn't realize who it was of course. He certainly got himself into a difficult situation. Somalia was his way of putting things right, I suppose."

"We'll get you set up on Skype or something, and you can tell him everything, B. When he realises you've called off your wedding because of him, when he knows he's the one for you, he'll come home. I know he will." Kate looked confident and I began to hope once again.

"That might not be necessary," Esme said, a blush forming on her cheeks.

We all turned around to look at her curiously. "What do you mean, Esme?"

"I hope you're not suggesting my daughter should go to him? There's no way my baby girl is going after him, not to Somalia." Dad glared at Esme, but she shook her head.

"No, that's not what I meant." She paused, glancing nervously at Carlisle. "I can't stop worrying about him. I haven't slept at all since he left, and the stories you read about aid workers getting abducted and even killed...it frightened me to death. I know it was wrong, and he'll probably hate me for it, but I had to do something."

"Esme, what are you talking about?" Carlisle asked.

"I may have worked for a fashion publication, but I made sure to establish important contacts with so many different people and places. After we heard about the attack at the other hospital, I contacted a friend at the foundation and made them an offer." She was smiling as she spoke. "I promised to fund places for five personnel for a full year if he'd pull some strings and get Edward home."

"You did what?" Carlisle looked shocked. "Oh my, I don't think Edward is going to like that."

"I'm sorry, Carlisle. I could see it was killing you with worry, and I know he's not my son, but I couldn't bear the thought of anything happening to him."

Instead of looking angry, Carlisle smiled and put his arm tightly around he shoulder. "I could kiss you, I'd have done anything to get him home. We can deal with Edward when he gets back."

Esme sighed in relief, and looked back at me. "It might take some time. He was still there on Wednesday evening, and he never mentioned anything. I don't think they've come up with a reason to get him out of the country yet, but I know they were trying to sort something...I told them the faster the better."

"But he's coming home?" I breathed, and she nodded. "He's really coming home?"

"Everything is going to be just fine, B. We'll find out when he's coming home and you can tell him face to face." Kate clapped her hands. "It's about time both of you had the opportunity to be honest about how you really feel."

Edward was going to be back here soon enough, and if the others were to be believed, he really did feel something for me. I dared to hope for just a fraction of a second, that I hadn't lost him for good, but given everything that had happened, it was a lot for my mind to process.

"Um...look, I hope you don't mind, but I need to have some time...to myself. It's a lot to take in, and I've got a lot of stuff to figure out in my head. If it's okay, I'm going to go and get changed, and then go out for a walk in the park or something. Can I call you guys later?" I appreciated the support I was getting from everyone, but I had to take some time to breathe.

"You take all the time you need, Bells," my dad said, and put his arm around my shoulder. "Whenever you're ready to talk you come and find us."

"I'll help you get changed," Kate offered. "Then you can go wherever you like."

"Thanks, Kate. What are you guys going to do?"

"Free drinks next door," Seth quipped. "Just because you're not having the reception, there's no need to let it all go to waste. We might as well make the most of it."

"Yes, absolutely. Everyone should enjoy the reception. We're still celebrating, just not what we thought we would be." Sue laughed. "Everything's going to be fine, Bella. Don't worry about us, focus on you. We'll be happy if you're happy."

I gave everyone a hug, thanking them for being there for me. When it came to Esme, I told her about Markus' reaction as he left the room.

"You might be back there next week," I said, almost laughing. "I think I'll be the shortest serving Editor-In-Chief in their history."

"You pay no attention to Markus. He listens to me, and if you still want that job I promise you, it's yours." Esme sounded convinced, but amazingly, I wasn't.

"I really don't know if I do, Esme," I admitted. "A wise man once said to me, we work to live, not live to work. I can't follow in your footsteps without investing every part of me into the job, Esme, and everything that has happened today, has made me want to invest all of me into _me."_

"Well whatever you decide, you let me know, sweetheart. I'm right behind you." She kissed my cheek.

Kate marched me quickly to the elevator and we giggled at the looks the other hotel guests gave us. As soon as the doors closed, she burst out laughing. "Oh my fucking God, B. I almost shit a brick when you asked the minister to stop. I couldn't believe it!"

"I knew last night what I was going to do, and I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. I just didn't know if I'd have the nerve to actually do it." I blushed and said, "I bet I looked like a complete idiot."

"Not at all. The more you got it out in the open, I swear we could see the relief pouring off you. Even Jake looked like a different man. I take everything I said about him back, B. When he admitted he was doing it all for you because he didn't want to hurt you, I have to give him credit for that. Now, you both get the chance to be happy for real."

I tried to smile. "I'm halfway there. I just have to wait for Edward to come home, and hope it's not too late. I emailed him too...the last article I wrote. I don't know if he'll read it, but I had to try."

"He'll read it. It might not be until he comes home, but he will read it we'll make sure of that," she said, and then gave me a pair of jeans and a turtle neck sweater to wear. "It's still cold, so don't walk around in the park for too long, B. Your jacket is really thin. Maybe you should go and get a coffee?"

I smiled. "Sounds like a good idea. I know just the place."

I gave her a cuddle, and then headed back to the lobby and out of the hotel. Now I wasn't all geared up in my wedding dress, no one paid me a second glance. I couldn't even begin to explain the relief, the feeling that I'd finally put things right. I had an extra spring in my step as I made my way across town to that little coffee shop that changed my life.

I ordered myself a hot drink, found an empty table, and sat down with my back to the door. I gazed out and watched people walking past.. One or two noticed me, but no one had any understanding of what had just happened. Some of them could be readers who simply hadn't recognized me. Some of them could be people who thought the magazine was a pile of shit and had no idea who I was and what I had been part of.

As the minutes ticked by, I thought about the promotion and wondered if I'd blown that. The more I thought about it, the more I realised I actually didn't care. I didn't want to live Esme Platt's life. I didn't want to wake up twenty years down the line and have no one to share my success with. Esme was fortunate that she found Carlisle again, I might not be that lucky.

My career could wait, everything could wait except for Edward. As soon as he was home, I would tell him how I felt. If that didn't work, or he wouldn't listen then I would keep on telling him until he understood . I'd lost him once, I wouldn't do it again.

I heard the door open, and the door bell chime just as I had several times before, but this time I had the urge to turn around. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end, and my skin tingled.

_Don't be ridiculous. No one can get back from Africa that fast._

I shook my head and laughed to myself. Was I that desperate to see him I was creating fantasy reactions to nothing?

"For you, Ms. Swan." The owner smiled and set a plate on the table in front of me. On it sat two chocolate croissants.

"I'm sorry there must be a mistake," I told him quickly. "I know I usually have these, but I didn't actually order anything this time."

"No mistake, Ms. Swan, they're compliments of the gentleman at the counter," he said, and walked away.

At first I couldn't move. No one knew the significance of a croissant but Edward Cullen, but it couldn't be him, could it? I kept my eyes focused on the wall, too afraid to look, because I _wanted_ it to be him so badly. My heart was pounding in my chest, and it felt like there were a million butterflies inside my stomach.

Edward was here, I knew it, because no one's presence ever made me feel like this.

I turned my head slowly towards the counter and I was crying even before I saw him.

**A/N – I know some people thought it was Edward, some thought Esme, even Jake's mystery woman (or man lol) interrupting, but I didn't want anybody else to force Bella's hand. I wanted it to be Bella who ultimately decided what she wanted and not settle for Jake because Edward left or go to Edward because she found out Jake was cheating...hope that makes sense?**

**Thanks to you guys for reading, reviewing and being relatively nice to me after that god awful cliffy last chapter...I know this one's not much better but at least she didn't marry the dog ;)**

**Thanks to Prettyflour and Kitty for prereading...because I'm posting so frequently I'm just not giving my wonderful beta Twifanmom chance to work her magic so forgive any errors you see. I will go back and edit the chapters as soon as I get them back of course!**

**Two chapters left including the epi now...so I'll see you soon for the next one.**

**TTFN**

**Katy**

**xxx**


	26. Chapter 25

**Here's the last regular chapter…just the epi left!**

**Thanks to Prettyflour and Kitty for prereading, I posted before my beta worked on the chapter.****  
**

**Chapter 25 – You're Here**

**EPOV**

My phone rang for what was probably the hundredth time in the space of an hour. I looked at the display and ignored it, knowing who it was. No one else knew I was back in New York but Garrett, I didn't want anybody else to know for now and I'd given him strict orders to keep it to himself. Although, why Garrett would be calling me I had no idea. I assumed he was probably pocket dialling me, because right now he would be sitting in the Plaza watching the most incredible woman I'd ever met marry someone else.

My flight landed early this morning and it had been Garrett who I'd called. He'd driven out to collect me while Kate spent time with Bella before her fairy-tale wedding.

"You're back," he'd said when I got into the car. "Do I need to ask why? Or do I just take you straight to the Plaza now?"

"You can take me home," I told him curtly. "I will not be going to the Plaza, Garrett."

"You do know she gets married today, right?" I saw him glance at me from the corner of his eye as he drove.

"Yes."

"So, you're not back to stop her wedding?" He frowned.

I sighed. "I don't want to stop her wedding."

"Why?"

"Jesus, Garrett, if she wanted to be with me she had plenty of time to call it off. I can take the hint, man."

"If you just let her explain you might understand a little better."

"No need, she's marrying someone else. What more is there to understand?" I sighed. "Can we not talk about this?"

"You're an asshole sometimes," he muttered. "A delusional asshole."

"Please, Garrett." I ran my hand through my hair and groaned. "I can't deal with this right now."

"Fine, but if you're not here to break up a wedding, why are you back? Does your dad know you're home?"

"No my father does not know and I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell him just yet—I'm seriously pissed right now. His new girlfriend, Esme Platt, is the only reason I'm back here," I told him angrily. "I was told there was a problem with my visa, which I knew was a load of shit. So, I called William from the base and he admitted she paid them off to send me home as soon as they could. They're a charity at the end of the day, so the offer of five funded positions was too valuable to turn down. "

"They've been worried sick, we all have," Garrett said quietly.

I looked out of the window and rested my head on the glass. I hated being back, I hated the city, for the first time in my life I hated it and it was because the entire place reminded me of_ her._ As if on cue, we passed a giant billboard, and I saw an advertisement for Eclipse with Bella's imminent wedding the main focus. I laughed darkly, there was no escaping her, not here, not anywhere.

"I'm going back out there as soon as I get this sorted out," I said and saw Garrett shake his head. "I'm serious, Garrett, as soon as I can."

I thanked him for the ride when we got back to my apartment and he found the need to tell me again what time the wedding was, what suite Bella was in, and in which room the service would be taking place in...just in case.

I dumped my bags and took a long, hot, much-needed shower. As I stood there, I thought back to the short space of time I'd spent in Africa. I'd helped people who really needed it and it had been a eye-opening experience to say the least, but it hadn't made a difference to how I felt. All I could see when I closed my eyes was her face.

As the hours ticked by slowly, I considered it. I thought about nothing else. So many times I stood up, intending to go and find Bella. I wanted to tell her I had lied to her outside the hospital and that I did love her. I wanted to beg her to walk away from the man she was about to marry and choose a life with me. I never got farther than the door before sitting back down.

Why should I have to fight for her? What was wrong with expecting her to fight for me instead?

_Because she thinks you're in Somalia, idiot._

At noon I realised I was too late and now was the time, and I imagined her walking down the aisle with her father. I saw her smile at the man waiting for her and it hurt like hell because it wouldn't be me. It would_ never_ be me. My phone rang for the first time ten minutes later and then continued to ring and ring for the next hour.

Each time it rang off it would start again, but eventually Garrett got the hint and it stopped. I received a message telling me I had voice mail and with a sigh I picked up the phone and listened to it.

"Fucking hell, Edward. Generally when someone calls you it's because they would like to talk to you. If someone calls you over and over, it's safe to assume they_ need_ to fucking talk to you. Check your email and then might I suggest getting your stubborn ass over to that coffee shop you love so much."

I hadn't checked them for weeks, so naturally my inbox was full. I had no idea what I was looking for, until I saw it. There was one which had been sent by Bella, addressed to both Esme and myself, and I opened it with baited breath.

_I am in love, hopelessly, and crazy in love with the most amazing man I've ever met—my Butterfly Guy. He is the only man to give me goose-bumps, the only man who has ever made me feel like I was flying after we shared our first kiss. I simply can't imagine my life without him. Period._

I nearly closed the email when I read the first few lines, but something pressed me to continue and then I understood.

_And, to my real butterfly guy, I love you. I wish there was some way to let you know just how much I love you. You were my inspiration from that first day in Balotelli's, and nothing has changed. Every single word I wrote belongs to you, and not telling you that will be the biggest regret of my life. I let you walk away, and I'm quite literally lost without you. But you know, despite the pain I've felt in these weeks since you left, I wouldn't change a minute of what we shared. I never felt more alive...more like me, than the times we were together. I know there is nothing I can do to make up for how I behaved, all I hope for now is that you're happy. You deserve someone who tells you every single day just how amazing you are, someone who puts__** you**__ first, and someone who isn't afraid to take a chance for you._

I read her words and I realised it had always been about me...about us. As soon as I read the last word, I was on my feet and out of the door, calling Garrett as I rode down the elevator.

"Finally you call me back," he yelled. "Tell me you checked your voice mail and read your email?"

"I read it," I said. "You knew and didn't tell me?"

"How could you_ not_ get it? I tried to tell you this morning, Edward, and you told me to shut up. I would have told you before, but you took off to goddamned Africa, remember?" he continued to shout.

"She didn't marry him?"

"No," he said, and then laughed. "She definitely did_ not_ marry him, Edward, but you need to talk to her about it."

"She's at Balotelli's," Kate interrupted. "She fought for you, Edward, and now it's your turn."

"I'm on my way," I said, smiling. "Thanks, guys."

I didn't bother with my car. I didn't have time to find somewhere to park, so I had the doorman hail me a cab and for the first time in my life, I told him to "step on it." He didn't of course, but it was worth a shot.

I saw her straight away. Her back was to me, and she was sitting at a table gazing out of the window. I watched her for a few seconds, not sure what I was going to say. When I walked inside, she didn't flinch, she didn't look around, so I went to the counter and placed my order.

I waited nervously as the owner took the croissants over, and waited for her to realise. At first she didn't move, and I was just about to go to her, when she turned her head slowly. I forgot about everyone else in the room as soon as her eyes met mine.

**BPOV**

_Edward was here, I knew it, because no one's presence ever made me feel like this._

_I turned my head slowly towards the counter and I was crying even before I saw him. _

"Edward?" I croaked, and a shy smile formed on his face.

He was waiting by the counter, his hands stuffed in his pockets. I could tell he was nervous, not sure what to do now.

"Hey," he said, and took slow steps towards me.

"You're here?" I wiped my eyes, watching him nod. "You're really here."

"And so are you," he said simply, his smile growing.

"I'm here."

"What happened?" he asked quietly, taking a seat opposite me. I saw him look at my hands, gripping the cup of coffee, before looking back up at my face. "Shouldn't you be married now?"

"Technically I suppose I should be, yes." I smiled. "But I'm not. It should never have gotten that far, Edward. I got caught up in it all. Before I met you, I was really lonely, I wanted to have the perfect life, and when Jake proposed I thought that was my chance. I knew it wasn't right, the next morning I knew I was making a mistake, but then Esme made me the offer and before I knew it I'd lost control."

He didn't react, but his face had none of the harshness I'd seen outside the hospital. His eyes were warm, soft, his eyes were all Edward.

"Then I met you." I reached for one of his hands, resting my fingers softly on top of his. "It was crazy, how quickly I fell for you, Edward. I can't even begin to explain how you made me feel."

"You already did," he whispered. "You've been trying to tell me for months, Bella. Maybe if I'd been reading the diary all along I could have seen it from a different perspective. Maybe if I'd really thought about it, sat you down and talked about it instead of running away, I would have realised. Everything you wrote, I felt it too, Bella. How could I not?"

I felt more tears run down my face, and as I moved my hand to wipe them, Edward stopped me. He brought his hand up and held my chin gently, wiping away the tears with his own thumb instead.

"I lied to you, Bella. I told you the cruellest of lies outside the hospital. I thought I was giving you the perfect out. I didn't want to be the other man any more but I couldn't ask you to choose, because I thought you loved Jake and I couldn't bear to think about you choosing him and not me." He ran his thumb across my lower lip, watching as he did.

"I would have chosen you." I knew that was the absolute truth. I may have been too cowardly to make the decision until now, but had he asked me, I knew for a fact I would have chosen him every single time. "It's been you for so long, Edward, you've been all I can think about since that day in Garrett's gallery. I know I made such a mess, but I hope you can forgive me, I love you, Edward."

It was the first time I'd told him and it felt so good to say it. His eyes flashed to mine and a huge smile broke out on his face. It warmed every inch of my body to see, to know I did that, to know that those three words I'd said made him happy.

"I should have said that ages ago," I said, grinning. "I love you."

He stood up, and for a split second I thought he might leave, but he didn't. He placed both hands on the table and leaned forward. "I love you," he whispered. "I've never loved anyone like I love you, Bella Swan."

I beamed, unable to quite believe this was actually happening. I ran a hand up his arm, gently stroked up his face and ran my fingers through his hair. "I love you," I said again.

Before I'd finished talking his lips pressed against mine. If it was sparks and butterflies before, this time it was fireworks. Everything else ceased to exist in that moment but Edward.

Far too quickly, he pulled away and sat back down. I pouted and he chuckled. "If I don't stop now, I dread to think what would happen on this table. Besides, what's the rush? I've got the rest of my life left to kiss you, Bella."

I was crying again, or perhaps I just stopped noticing it when Edward kissed me? He reached across the table and held both of my hands tightly in his.

"Do you have any idea how good it is to know there will be no more stolen moments, no need to constantly look over our shoulders and try to hide how much I love you from other people?" he whispered. "I can walk down the street holding your hand because I know you're mine."

"I'm yours," I agreed. "I've always been yours."

"Can I ask what happened? How did you end everything?" he asked me nervously.

"I asked the minister to stop," I said simply. "I knew why Jake was going through with it, I knew neither of us_ really_ wanted to get married, so I stopped the wedding. My boss wasn't happy, so I'm probably going to be out of a job come Monday morning, but I really don't care."

"What about your promotion?" he asked. "I thought you wanted it?"

"I did," I said. "But I wanted you more. Like I said, I'd choose you every single time. Esme told me she fixed it for you to come home...are you angry?"

"I was," he said. "Now I've never been more thankful for anyone interfering in my entire life."

"And you're not going back?" I clarified. "Once it's cleared up, you aren't going back?"

"Why would I go anywhere?" He kissed my forehead. "Everything I need is right here."

We stayed in Balotelli's for another half an hour or so. Talking about what he'd seen in Somalia, talking about what I planned to do about work. It was close to three when we stepped out onto the street. We'd barely taken more than three paces when Edward twirled me around and kissed me. It was more intense than the one inside but still not intense enough.

"I'm going to be doing that a lot," he said smugly, as we started walking again. "A hell of a lot."

"That's fine with me." I smiled.

We ambled around the city hand in hand, eventually finding ourselves outside Edward's building. I nestled into his side as we went upstairs and into his apartment. It felt strange to be back here, knowing Edward too, had been away for so long.

"I missed this place," I murmured. "It was awful knowing you weren't here. I couldn't even walk past your building after I heard about Somalia."

He kissed the top of my head. "Stay here with me as long as you like. I'd rather be here than at your apartment...there has never been a naked Jake in my bed."

I heard him chuckle and blurted out, "I haven't done anything with Jake for months, Edward." As soon as I said it, I blushed. "Sorry, I guess that wasn't something I needed to share, huh?"

"Actually, Bella, you'd be surprised how much I had to force myself to_ not_ think about that. It made me feel sick thinking about you and him together. The weekend we stayed at Peter and Charlotte's was probably the worst night of my life." He hesitated and then smiled wryly before adding, "Until then at least."

"That was the last time," I said quietly. Thinking of that night and the vividness of the dream, I blushed. Edward noticed and he looked at me curiously. "After that I couldn't bear to go near him."

"Do I even want to know why you're blushing?" he asked cautiously, and my cheeks reddened even more. "Bella?"

"I thought we'd...you know...had sex that night. As in you and me," I whispered and he frowned. "I honestly thought you'd crept into my room, Edward. It was so real, it felt like it really happened. I woke up with Jake next to me and had no idea what was going on. When Kate told me you'd left while I was still...well, I realised I'd imagined it all and..."

I trailed off and shook my head. This was not exactly the conversation I'd planned on having with him at this particular moment in time. Probably not ever.

"And what?" he pressed.

"Edward, can we talk about something else, please," I whined, and he shook his head defiantly.

"What were you going to say? Please, Bella, I want to know." He rested his head on mine, and I sighed.

"Dream sex with you was the best sex I'd ever had," I blurted out. "Until then any way."

"Interesting," he said, and his hands wandered lazily up to my face, holding it close to his. "Very interesting."

"I felt terrible that you heard, that I was acting so badly and so unlike me." I bit my lip and looked at him. "But honestly, Edward. I replayed that over and over in my head every day until we spent Christmas together. I'm sorry."

Edward chuckled. "Bella, none of that matters now. You're here with me for real and you most definitely aren't getting married to another man. No more dreaming required."

He kissed me, and this time he didn't hold back any part of him. His tongue traced against my lips, before teasing its way into my mouth. I held onto him as tightly as I could, pulling him closer to me.

"I love you," I breathed against his lips, and slid my hands underneath his t-shirt, my fingertips grazing against his skin. "I won't lose you again."

"You couldn't, Bella."

I opened my eyes and found him staring at me. His eyes were burning just like they had so many times before and for a moment I couldn't believe my stupidity. No one had ever looked at me like Edward did, yet I'd believed every word he'd said outside the hospital.

"If I'd told you I loved you instead of letting you walk away," I whispered. "If I'd actually said what I'd come to say what would you have done?"

"I would have kissed you a lot like this," he said and kissed me again, sending me weak at the knees. "And then I would have told you I loved you, and taken you home in that instant to show you how much I love you."

I giggled. "You were at work if I remember correctly."

"Mm, that would have been very inconvenient," he whispered, kissing me once more. "I suppose in that case I would have had to rush you into the hospital under the pretence of you being sick and in need of very urgent care." His kisses dropped to my jaw and neck.

"What about the nurses and other doctors?" My voice was trembling. "Wouldn't they have tried to help?"

"That wouldn't do. I would have to think of something that would require complete isolation..."

"I like the sound of that," I said, and tugged at the hem of his shirt, trying to pull it up.

Edward's hands snared mine and he stopped me. "Bella, we don't have to..."

"We don't_ have_ to...but I_ want_ to." I stood on my toes and kissed him. "I want to really be with you, Edward without worrying about anything else. Let me show you what it can be like."

I sensed his hesitation, and pulled him towards the bedroom. Kissing him as soon as he closed the door. Whatever doubts he had were soon forgotten. We took our time, because there really was no rush, and slowly removed each others clothes. I ran my hands over every inch of his body, not quite able to believe this was actually happening.

I kissed him, following the trail of my hands with my lips. I heard every breath, every groan and felt each muscle tense as my tongue teased him. I slid my hands around his back letting them rest on his ass as I drifted lower; my mouth on his chest, his stomach, his hips.

"What are you doing to me?" he whispered, barely audible. "I don't think I can stand much more."

"Tough," I taunted. "Because I have a lot more left to give, Edward."

"Jesus," he croaked.

I smirked to myself and placed once tender kiss on the tip of his dick hearing him groan again. Flicking and swirling my tongue around the head first, his hands grabbed my head and his fingers tangled themselves into my hair.

As soon as I wrapped my lips tightly around his shaft and took him fully into my mouth I could feel his legs start to shake. I grazed my teeth against his skin as I moved back and forth, loving the effect it had on him.

"Bella, you have to stop...I'm going to come if you carry on," he panted, but I ignored his plea and took him deeper still before he came with one final cry, "Fuck."

I let him pull me to my feet, smiling smugly at his expression. Those incredible green eyes were heavy, but had lost none of the intensity and I knew the best was yet to come. He kissed me once and then pointed to the bed.

"Lay down," he commanded.

I nodded once and did as he asked. I watched as his eyes trailed over my body, studying every visible part and there were no feelings of embarrassment or shyness as he did. My heart raced and my skin tingled and he hadn't even touched me.

"I love you," he murmured, stooping over to kiss me, and then he laughed. "I don't think I'll ever tire of saying that to you."

"I'll never tire of hearing it," I told him honestly.

He kissed his way down my body, whispering it over and over again. I arched my back and gasped loudly when he drew one solitary finger between my legs.

"Oh God," I moaned, and clawed at the sheets.

I opened my eyes briefly and noticed him watching me. He nudged my legs further apart and settled between them, his face right where I was so desperate to feel him. He licked through my centre in one firm stroke and it felt so fucking good.

"Jesus. More, Edward, please don't stop." I was far too wound up to care how desperate I sounded and Edward happily complied.

He quickened the motion of his tongue and flicked it back and forth over my clit. The moans became louder and louder as I felt my orgasm build inside me. I writhed on the bed and Edward held me in place, knowing exactly what he was doing to me. When I came, I felt it ripple over me from my toes to the very tips of my fingertips. It was almost as though my skin was ablaze and for a fleeting second I had absolutely no control over my body at all.

"Wow," I said as I tried to catch my breath, but before I knew it, Edward was hovering over me caging me in with his hands on either side of my head.

"More to come, love," he whispered. "Much, much, more."

I kissed him, holding his face in mine and pushed him over on to his back before climbing on top of him. I was still unwilling to take my lips from his, and he didn't seem to object. His hands settled on my hips, and slowly I lowered myself down onto him, moaning at the feeling. I started to rock back and forth, but Edward stopped me. He sat up, and wrapped my legs around his waist, holding me close against him.

We moved together, my hands in his hair, keeping him as close as physically possible. It was intense and incredible, it was exactly how it should feel. I whispered his name over and over as I came, feeling him falter and then still shortly after.

"I think," I said with a giggle, "had that happened in the hospital, the other patients would have been very jealous of your diagnosis and treatment of my 'condition' Dr. Cullen."

He smirked and kissed the tip of my nose. "Let them be jealous. That treatment is most definitely reserved for you Ms. Swan."

"I should think so." I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck and hugged him. "There's one thing we have left to do, and it's very risky."

"Oh?" he asked, sounding worried.

"Yep, you have to meet Chief Swan and the rest of my family. They all know I spent Christmas Day night with you...and now Dad probably realises it wasn't as platonic a relationship as I let him believe," I told him. "He's very protective_ and_ he owns a gun...legally."

Edward shrugged. "And I carry a license to administer sedatives. If he gets too frightening, I'll give him a shot of benzo and we'll run like hell."

"Sounds like a plan." I smiled, feeling more blissfully happy and content than I had ever felt in my life. This time yesterday I was utterly lost and now it seemed I had everything I wanted. Could it get better than this?

I knew it could and I knew it would, because I had Edward.

**A/N Hope you liked it! Thanks for all your reviews and alerts, sorry for being a big fat review fail again…no excuses, but I do love reading each of them! I am trying to catch up **

**TTFN**

**Katy**

**xxxx**


	27. Epilogue

**I own nothing...but you knew that already!**

**Thanks to Prettyflour and Kitty for prereading. Again, posted before Twifanmom can work her magic so all mistakes belong to yours truly!**

**Chapter 26 - Epilogue**

**BPOV**

"_Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. I take great pleasure in welcoming you all here today, a day this man and woman celebrate their love and commitment to each other by undertaking the vows of marriage."_

I smiled and looked across at Edward to find him smiling straight back at me. The way I felt when he looked at me like that hadn't changed. Every kiss, every touch was as incredible as it had been from the very beginning. Life was better than I ever hoped it could be. The past seven months had been truly amazing and I was so excited to find out what the future held for us.

The first few days after I walked away from the wedding and job of a life time were challenging to say the least, but I faced it all head on without hesitation because I had Edward at my side. He managed to charm the socks off everyone in my family, even my was dad eating out of the palm of his hand by the end of our lunch date the day after the wedding. And then, when I had to endure the wrath of Markus a few days later he waited at my old desk without me having to ask.

There had been a huge buzz about the fact the wedding had never taken place, and despite Markus' insisting it was a bad idea, a smart and experienced woman assured him honesty in this case would indeed be the best policy and the same diary entry I'd emailed to Esme and Edward made it to print just a week later.

Esme Platt took charge for one last issue and worked on the segment herself. She included several photos of Jake and I before and after the revelations and the difference was staggering. The weight on both our shoulders had been immense and the relief on our faces was evident for the world to see.

A surprising addition to the article was my _second_ wedding day diary entry. The one which she had originally asked me to write after the service to sum up how I felt about the entire day. Despite Markus still being royally pissed at me and claiming I'd never write another word for Eclipse, Esme persuaded him to let the piece run it's course.

One night, with Edward sleeping beside me I wrote my final piece. The end to what had been the most staggering six months of my life.

_**Diary Of A Bride...Part 2**_

_**The aftermath.**_

_**So...that, as they say, is that! **_

_**It's hard to imagine that I spent all those months planning and worrying about a wedding that never took place. My entire life I'd waited for that very day...almost thirty years of waiting to get married and all it took was a chance encounter with someone to turn everything on its head.**_

_**Can you believe I spent six months of planning and ultimately having no idea how to fix a mess I created all by myself? Six months of worrying about everything else except what was really important. When I finally thought about it, when I finally took hold of what I wanted the decision was simple. The only thing I ever truly needed was the courage to be honest with myself. It may not have been the fairy-tale wedding you expected, but I got my happily ever after.**_

_**I once told someone that complicated was a cowards way of saying he couldn't figure out the answer to a solution. I argued that the answer is always there, but if the road to get there is tricky we hide behind the word "complicated." Yet, I didn't listen to myself. I didn't heed my own advice, because **my** answer was there from the very beginning. **He** was there from that first day and I was too blind to see how to make it right. **_

_**I almost lost my real Butterfly Guy because of my own stupidity and reluctance to admit the truth. I almost subjected someone else to a wedding he wanted no part of because I allowed him and everyone else to believe the lie. Luckily, I got another chance to make things right with everyone including the guy who really mattered and I won't risk what we have again.**_

_**If this entire experience proved anything, it's that absolutely anything can happen at any given time. You really don't know what is just around the corner or what challenges are**__**coming your way so make the most of every second. Don't leave things to chance, and most definitely do not make assumptions.**_

_**It's a bitter sweet moment for me as I write this as a closing piece to the entire wedding series, and also as one final goodbye. For those of you who have faithfully read my column over the years, thank you. **_

_**I've truly loved every minute of my time here at Eclipse. I love the people, the research, the opportunities, and I don't regret a moment. I've had so much fun, experienced some amazing things, and learned so much about the world, but it's time to move on. Things change and more importantly, people change and I'm going to have a lot of fun finding out about this new me. The very things I thought mattered the most and spent years trying to achieve suddenly became less important to me and I need to take some time to re-evaluate and gain perspective again. What the future holds I really don't know, but with my Butterfly Guy at my side I know I can face anything.**_

_**Arrivederci!**_

There were a select few who understandably thought it was all a huge publicity stunt from the very beginning and even some of those who believed the truth didn't appreciate the messy ending, but it didn't matter because those who disapproved were in a minority. I had _so_ many letters and emails of support from people thanking me for holding on to what I wanted. They reminded me that real life was messy and much to my chagrin—they insisted life _was_ complicated.

The magazine had huge sales for March—the biggest for years, and I was summoned one final time to Markus' office. Despite the entry being a goodbye, despite the fact he was disappointed in how the wedding turned out; I was once again offered the position of Editor-In-Chief of Eclipse.

There was no need for me to think about it, nothing to consider. I'd never enjoyed my job more than when I was simply researching and reporting on whatever the story was. The few months spent living Esme Platt's life had opened my eyes to exactly what the job entailed. I knew I _could_ do it, but the truth was I didn't _want_ to do it any more.

I'd politely declined his offer, and walked back to my old office with a smile on my face. Would I miss it? Absolutely! But it was the right thing to do. I cleared my desk and gave a tearful Kate a hug before I left Eclipse for the last time.

As soon as word hit the street that I was out of work, I received job offers—wonderful job offers, but I needed to take some time and figure out what I wanted to do now. Edward was still on leave of absence from the hospital and he suggested we take a break from the city and all the craziness. We flew to Forks to spend time with my family and Edward to my surprise, fell in love with Washington.

I assumed two weeks spent with my crazy family would be more than enough time to change his mind and beg to go back to New York, but he never did. He loved the tranquillity, the scenery, the weather, and even the close-knit community, which was a far cry from New York and drove me insane, he found endearing. I woke alone one night a few days before we were due to return to the city and found him researching local hospitals and vacant positions.

When we did finally return home, still I was continuously inundated with job offers, but even with Esme's guidance I had no idea what I wanted to do. I always found myself thinking back to that daydream I'd had just before the wedding; a husband, two children, a dog, and me working from home. The idea of working for a local publication and not a huge corporation seemed more and more appealing as the days passed.

Unfortunately, bills had to be paid, and reluctantly I met with the owner of a relatively new magazine called _A Fresh Take_. They thought I could help them establish themselves into the market and I was offered a similar position to that at Eclipse with a _very_ generous salary. I took the job, I couldn't afford not to, but shamefully my heart just wasn't in it.

I had a few weeks before I was due to start, so I spent as much as I could with Edward. I knew once I was back at work, my free time would be a rarity. He too, was planning his return to work, but I could also see he was as reluctant as I was.

"I can't believe I'm saying this," he murmured one night as we lay in bed. "But, I really don't want to be here any more."

I placed a kiss on his chest. "Here?"

"The city, working shitty hours in the hospital, when I could be at home with you." He tipped my head up so he could look at me. "And I know you feel the same. Why are we doing it, Bella?"

"There's this thing, Edward, and it's called money. People tend to need it to pay bills and buy food." I smirked. "And the last time I checked, you need to _work_ to earn money, especially if you live in this city."

"What if we didn't live in _this_ city?" he pressed and I frowned.

"Do you want to move?" I asked, sitting up. "What's brought this on?"

"I've lived here all of my life, Bella, and I've loved it, but now I want something different. When I spent those few weeks in Somalia it gave me a whole new take on things. I really loved seeing families and trying to help them...learning about them and actually having the time to actually get to know them. It's not like that here, it's never been like that here. I don't want to see a constant stream of nameless faces, treating them as quickly as I can to cut back on waiting times and then never getting the chance to find out what happened to them afterwards because of the new stream of people needing help." He looked so passionate...so intense and my stomach lurched because for a split second I thought his intention was going back to Africa.

He smiled at me, reaching out and holding my hand. "I've got something...someone...important waiting at home for me now, and the long, crazy shift patterns make it impossible to plan anything with you, Bella."

"I get that," I told him. "Kate's dad said to me we should work to live, not live to work—he was right."

"Exactly," he gushed. "And what about the future? When the time comes, I want to be at home for Christmas to see our kids open their presents, eat dinner with my family and relax with my...wife...when we finally get some time to ourselves. We both know as a doctor in the ER that's rarely going to happen."

"Okay, so you want to look for a new job?"

He smiled sheepishly. "I have been already."

"Oh...did you find something?" I asked, watching his face break out into a beaming smile.

"Actually I did and they offered me the position this afternoon."

"Edward that's great!" I enthused, kissing and hugging him. "Tell me about it?"

He looked pensive again, and hesitated before he said, "Well, that's the thing, Bella. It's not in New York."

"Where? Like Long Island?"

He shook his head. "I didn't mean the city New York, I meant the state. If you want to stay here, then I'd turn it down in a flash, but what if we had a chance to start anew, away from this place?" He gazed at me, waiting for my reaction.

"When you say it's out of state...how far are we talking exactly?" I asked cautiously. "Does this have anything to do with our trip back to Washington?"

"As a matter of fact it does." He grinned and nodded. "I may have emailed my details to a doctor out there, yes. He knows my father, and he called me the other day. Apparently, he's looking for some help with his family practice in Port Angeles. His wife wants him to cut back his hours, and he offered me the job."

"Wow," I breathed. "That would be quite some move."

Edward's expression became deathly serious and he held my face between his hands. "I won't even consider it without you. And, if you decide you don't want to go then I will never hold it against you, Bella. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't interested, but you're more important to me." He dipped his head and kissed me softly. "I love you, my life is with you...wherever that might be."

"After all these years, I'd be moving back to Washington?" I mused, and thought about what we'd be leaving behind if we made that move. Then I thought about my family, and how good it would be to be so close to them again. "But what about your dad? What about Garrett?"

"Dad has Esme, and Garrett has Kate. Besides, we can visit them whenever we like. Bella, the only thing here in the city I can't live without is you."

Once again I was presented with an image in my head of two children chasing a dog around a back yard. It was a pretty house, in a quiet street not a twelfth floor apartment with noisy neighbours. The backdrop was a thick green forest and not huge skyscrapers casting a shadow every way you turned. I could see myself living that life, and my thoughts mirrored Edward's. The only thing I needed was him. I was about to start a job that I didn't want, so why was I hesitating?

"Can we really do this?"

"Why not?" He sounded so confident, so sure it was the right thing to do. How could I doubt him? "If we hate it, if we miss the city then there's nothing stopping us coming back here, Bella. But right now, we have a chance to try something different. I know you don't want to take that job, I'm dreading going back to the hospital, so what have we got to lose?"

"Are you sure you can put up with my family being so close?" I asked and he laughed. "I love them, but I know they're not the easiest to deal with."

"It's not like they're going to be living next door, Bella." He kissed me. "Tell me what you're thinking...honestly?"

_I'm thinking, yes! I can do this..we can do this._

"I'm thinking...I have one condition," I whispered with a smirk, and pushed him down onto the bed.

"What condition?" he murmured as I kissed him softly. "Anything you want, it's yours."

"I want a dog."

~x~

I revoked the job offer the very next morning, Edward told the hospital he wouldn't be returning at all and we started planning the move. We had Sue and Leah drive around and check the houses in Port Angeles available at short notice, and Dad was delighted at the prospect of having me home again. Despite the fact it was all happening so fast, I knew it was right.

We found a house to rent for the first few weeks until we had settled in and had time to look at more permanent places to live. Things were moving quickly but I had no doubts whatsoever. We spent our last night in the city with Kate, Garrett, Esme and Carlisle. There was no big send off, no fuss, just a quiet dinner and it was probably a good thing. I spent most of the night hugging my best friend and crying.

I'd miss her...so fucking much, she had been my rock during the times I was lost, and to think I wouldn't get to see her every day was awful. But, as much as I would miss Kate, Garrett, and of course Esme, I was just as excited, if not even more so, to be going "home" and starting over with Edward.

~x~

"_Do you take this man to be your wedded husband? Will you love, honor, comfort, and cherish him from this day forward, forsaking all others, keeping only unto him for as long as you both shall live?"_

"I do."

No worries or hesitation. Just love and certainty that this was right. It was not at all like the last wedding I'd been to. I giggled to myself, and saw Edward's brow in confusion.

"What?" he mouthed, but I just shook my head.

Life was indeed good. Edward loved the new "intimacy" of working at a family practice. He got to know his patients; they were no longer nameless faces being rushed through one after the other. Besides the occasional call out to someone's home, gone were the long days and nights without sleep.

I found a job with a local newspaper. There were three regular journalists including myself, and the editor. It wasn't glamorous, the pay wasn't great, but I loved it all the same. I wrote stories about school performances, town fund raisers, and I even wrote obituaries from time to time.

Alastair, my editor, couldn't believe I traded the opportunities I had in New York for the Port Angeles Tribune, but I'd never been happier. I got to do what I loved without pressure and at the end of the day I got to go home to Edward.

"_I now declare you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."_

Edward's arm slipped around my waist and he whispered, "I'm not sure I like this part."

"Why?" I giggled at his pained expression.

"Because it's my _dad_ and there are certain things children just shouldn't see." He grimaced as Esme threw her arms around her new husband's neck and they shared their first kiss. "I think I'll close my eyes. Tell me when they've stopped sucking face."

"Edward," I said with a groan. "It's sweet. Look how happy they are."

Esme was truly radiant, I had never seen hew look so blissfully content. The looks they shared throughout the ceremony were so sweet. Carlisle looked nervous right up to the point Esme appeared and then he relaxed. As she walked towards him, he looked at her like she was the only woman in the world.

The wedding was a quiet ceremony at City Hall followed by a small party for those closest to the couple. We got to spend time with Kate and Garrett and what was now her very noticeable baby bump. Edward and I were going to be the baby's godparents and it gave us another reason to make frequent visits back to the city. I missed Kate, but now I'd experienced life with Edward in Washington I wouldn't trade it for the world.

~x~

"Wow, I forgot how much I loved these," I said with a mouthful of food.

Edward and I came back to Balotelli's before returning home after Carlisle and Esme's wedding. The chocolate croissants were still as delicious as ever, and I made it my mission to eat as many as I possibly could before we left.

"We seriously need to get the owner to relocate to Washington," Edward said with a grin.

I took another huge bite and nodded vigorously, making Edward laugh. "Bella Swan, do you have any idea how much I love you?"

I tried to smile without looking like a pig, making him laugh even more. He took a deep breath, and smiled nervously with a soft look in his eyes. I watched as he reached across the table, taking hold of my hands.

"Marry me?"

My mouth was stuffed full of food, I probably had chocolate smeared across my face, and I hadn't even bothered to put on a trace of make up this morning, yet this felt more perfect than any other moment...ever. On his pinky finger I saw a ring...a diamond ring. My heart was pounding and I could barely breathe. I couldn't tear my eyes away as he slid it from his finger and onto mine.

_This time _there wasn't a trace of doubt, no nagging feeling that I was making a mistake. _This time_ I felt so excited I'd burst. _This time_ I couldn't wait...not for a wedding, but for a marriage. I didn't care if we had a flamboyant wedding with a designer dress or a quickie wedding in Vegas because all that mattered was the man standing there with me.

With a huge smile and tears filling me eyes I answered, "Yes."

I was going to marry Edward, I was going to marry my Butterfly Guy.

**A/N So that's that! **

**I do hope you liked this and appreciate you sticking with me during those frustrating chapters...I love you guys so much!**

**I hope to see you soon...I'm working on the next Somehow I Found You update and I have something new, which I hope to start posting in the New Year.**

**Bye for now,**

**Katy**

**xxx**


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